The character of her little possessions gave the poor place a distinction which enchanted Ethel Maud Mary.
Beth fetched up the water overnight for her bath in the morning, and made coffee for her breakfast on the little oil-stove. She lived princ.i.p.ally on bread and b.u.t.ter, eggs, sardines, salad, and slices of various meats bought at a cook-shop and carried home in a paper.
Sometimes, when she felt she could afford it, she had a hot meal at an eating-house for the good of her health; but she scarcely required it, for she never felt stronger in her life, and so long as she could get good coffee for her breakfast and tea for her evening meal, she missed none of the other things to which she had been accustomed. She made delicious coffee in a tin coffee-pot, and brewed the best tea she had ever drunk in brown earthenware, which Ethel Maud Mary considered the best thing going for tea. She used to join Beth in a cup up in the attic, but she never came empty-handed. Dull wet days, likely to be depressing, were the ones on which her yellow head appeared oftenest at the top of the attic stairs.
"Miss Maclure, may I come in?" she would say, after knocking.
And Beth would answer, rising from her work with a smile of welcome, "Yes, by all means. I"m delighted to see you. You take the big chair and I"ll make the tea. I"m dying for a cup."
Then Ethel Maud Mary would uncover something she held in her hand, which would prove to be cakes, or hot b.u.t.tered toast and watercresses, or a bag of shrimps and some thin bread and b.u.t.ter; and Beth, sparkling at the kindness, would exclaim, "I never was so spoilt in my life!" to which Ethel Maud Mary would rejoin, "There"ll not be much to boast about between two of us."
Beth was busy with another book by this time, but found the work more of a task and less of a pleasure than it used to be. Ethel Maud Mary still took it for granted that she was a journalist, and showed no interest in her work beyond hoping that she got her pay regularly, and would soon be making more. Beth wondered sometimes when the little book which had been accepted in the summer would appear, and what she would get for it, if anything, and she thought of inquiring, but she put it off. Her new work took all her time and strength, and wearied her, so that nothing else seem to signify.
Besides Ethel Maud Mary and Gwendolen, the only person she had to talk to was Arthur Milbank Brock, the young American, her neighbour in the next attic. She met him coming upstairs with his hat in his hand soon after her instalment, and was even more attracted by his face than she had been when she first saw him in the street.
"You"ve settled in by this time, I hope," he said.
"Yes, and very comfortably too, thanks to you," Beth answered.
"Ah, Ethel Maud Mary"s a good sort," he replied, "golden hair, blue eyes, and all. She has the looks of a lady"s novel and the heart of a holy mother. Her grammar and spelling are defective, but her sense is sound. I wouldn"t give much for her opinion of a work of art, but I"d take her advice in a difficulty if it came anywhere within range of her experience. She knows this world well, but picks her steps through it in such a way that I guess she"ll reach the threshold of the next with nice clean shoes."
He stepped aside for Beth to pa.s.s when he had spoken, and stood a moment watching her thoughtfully as she descended. "And may you too,"
he said to himself as he turned to go up, then, perceiving that the hope implied a doubt, he began to wonder whence it came.
As Beth went out, she reflected on his face, on a certain gravity which heightened its refinement. It was a young face, but worn, as by some past trial or present care, and with an habitually sober expression which contrasted notably with the cheery humour of his speech, adding point to it, as is frequently the case with his countrymen. He wore his thick brown hair rather longer than is usual, but was clean shaven. His features were delicate and regular, his eyes deep and dark, his head large and finely formed. In figure he was tall and slim, and in his whole appearance there was something almost ethereal, as of a young poet or philosopher still moving among his fellow-men, yet knowing himself to be prematurely smitten, set apart, and consecrated to death, by some insidious slow disease from which there is no escape. This was Beth"s first notion of him, but she always hoped it was fanciful. She thought about him a good deal in the solitary walks which were her princ.i.p.al recreation. When she was tired of working or wanted to think, she used to go out and wander alone. At first she was afraid to venture far, for she had always been a.s.sured that she had no head for topography, and would never be able to find her way; and so long as she went about under escort, with some one to save her the necessity of observing, she never knew where she was.
Now, however, that she had to look after herself, she found no difficulty after her first timidity wore off; and this little experience taught her why it is that the intelligence of women seems childishly defective as regards many of the details of the business of life. They have the faculty, but when they are not allowed to act for themselves, it remains imperfectly developed or is altogether atrophied for want of exercise.
It was in these days of peace that the ugly downward droop of the corners of Beth"s mouth, which had always spoilt the expression of her face, entirely disappeared, and her firm-set lips softened into keeping with the kindliness of her beautiful grey eyes; but she still wanted much loving to bring out the natural tenderness which had been so often and so cruelly nipped back in its growth. Beth had been born to be a woman, but circ.u.mstances had been forcing her to become a career. Strangely enough, some of the scenes she saw during her rambles in London helped to soften her. While she was under her husband"s influence, she saw the evil only, and was filled with bitterness. London meant for her in those days the dirt and squalor of the poor, the depravity of the rich, the fiendish triumph of the l.u.s.t of man, and the horrible degradation of her own s.e.x; but now that her mind was recovering its tone, and she could see with her own eyes, she discovered the good at war with the evil, the courage and kindliness of the poor, signs of the growth of better feeling in the selfish and greedy rich, the mighty power of purity at war with the license of man, and the n.o.ble att.i.tude of women wherever injustice was rife, the weak oppressed, and the wronged remained unrighted; then her heart expanded with pity, and instead of the torment of unavailing hate, she began to revive in the glow of strengthening gleams of hope. It was in those days too that she learnt to appreciate the wonder and beauty of the most wonderful and beautiful city ever seen; and her eyes grew deep from long looking and earnest meditating upon it. She occasionally experienced the sickening sensation of being followed about by one of those specimens of mankind so significantly called "sly dogs" by their fellow-men. They made themselves particularly objectionable in Kensington Gardens and Hyde Park; but she found that an appeal to a policeman or a Park-keeper, or to any decent workman, was enough to stop the nuisance. Genuine respect for women, which is an antidote to the moral rottenness that promotes the decay of nations, and portends the indefinite prolongation of the life of a race, is of slow growth, but it is steadily increasing among the English-speaking peoples.
During her rambles, Beth composed long letters to her friends, but somehow none of them were ever written. She had managed to send a few hurried lines of explanation to Mrs. Kilroy in the midst of her packing before she left Slane. As she had not known where she would be, she had asked Angelica to address her letters to Slane to be forwarded; but no reply had come as yet, and Beth was just a little sore and puzzled about it. However, she knew that, what with her public and private duties, Angelica was overwhelmed with work, and might well have overlooked the fact that she had not answered Beth"s letter, so Beth determined to write again. Time pa.s.sed, however, and she got into such a groove of daily duties that anything outside the regular routine required a special effort which she always postponed, and letters were quite outside the regular routine. After the first no one wrote to her except the old lawyer who sent her half-yearly dividend; and she had written to no one. She had dropped altogether out of her own world, yet, because of her work and of her power to interest herself in every one about her, and to appreciate the goodness of her humblest friends, her life was full, and she had not known a moment"s discontent. Little things were great pleasures now.
To be able to get on the top of an omnibus at Piccadilly Circus when the sun was setting, and ride to Hammersmith Broadway, engrossed in watching the wonderful narrow cloudscape above the streets, changing from moment to moment in form and colour; the mystery of the hazy distances, the impression of the great buildings and tall irregular blocks of houses appearing all ma.s.sed together among the trees from different points of view, and taking on fine architectural effects, now transformed into huge grey palaces, large and distinct, now looming in the mist, sketchily, with uncertain outlines, and all the fascination of the fabrics, innocent of detail, that confront the dreamer in enchanted woods, or lure him to the edge of fairy lakes with twinkling lights all multiplied by their own reflection in the water. Beth had rolled in that direction in luxurious carriages often, and never joyed in the scene, her mind being set on other things--things prosaic, such as what she should wear, or whether she was late, sc.r.a.ps of society gossip, conversations which had satiated without satisfying her, and remained in her mind to be items of weariness if not of actual irritation. She had noticed in those days how very seldom she saw a happy face in a carriage, unless it was a very young face, full of expectation. Even the very coachmen and footmen in the Park looked enervated, as the long lines of carriages pa.s.sed in wearisome procession. And in everything there had been that excess which leaves no room for healthy desire. At first, the shop windows, set out with tasteless profusion, no article in the heterogeneous ma.s.ses telling, however beautiful, each being eclipsed by the other in the horrible glut, had interested her, and she had looked at everything. But she soon sickened at the sight. The vast quant.i.ties of things, crowded together, robbed her of all pleasure of choice, and made her feel as if she had eaten too much. Occasionally she would see two or three things of beauty displayed with art in a large window; but everywhere else excessive quant.i.ty produced indifference, disgust, or satiety, according to the mood of the moment. And even in the days of her poverty and obscurity, when her faculties were sharpened into proper appreciation by privation, those congested windows teeming with jewels, with wearing apparel, with all things immoderately, set up a sort of mental dyspepsia that was distressing, and she was glad to turn away to relieve the consequent brain-f.a.g. But by degrees she became accustomed to the tasteless profusion. It did not please her any better, but at all events it did not afflict her by always obtruding itself upon her attention. She saw it, not in detail, but as a part of the picture; and she found in the new view of London and of London life from the top of omnibuses more of the unexpected, of delight, of beauty for the eyes and of matter for the mind, of humour, pathos, poetry, of tragedy and comedy, suggestive glimpses caught in pa.s.sing and vividly recollected, than she could have conceived possible when she rolled along with society on carriage cushions, soothed by the stultifying ease into temporary sensuous apathy.
Winter set in suddenly and with terrible severity that year. London became a city of snow, cruelly cold, but beautiful, all its ugliness disguised by the white mantle, all its angles softened, all its charms enhanced. Commonplace squares, parks, gardens, and dirty streets were transformed into fairyland by the delicate disposition of snow in festoons on door-post and railing, ledge and lintel, from roof to cellar. The trees especially, all frosted with shining filigree, were a wonder to look upon; and Beth would wander about the alleys in Kensington Gardens, and gaze at the glory of the white world under the sombre grey of the murky clouds, piled up in awesome magnificence, until she ached with yearning for some word of human speech, some way to express it, to make it manifest.
She returned one afternoon somewhat wet and weary from one of her rambles. The little window of her attic was half snowed up, and the gloom under the sloping roof struck a chill to her heart as she entered; but when she had lighted the lamp (a new investment that helped up the temperature besides giving light), and set her little oil-stove going with the kettle on it, her surroundings took on an air of homely comfort that was grateful. As she busied herself preparing the tea, she noticed that her neighbour in the next attic was coughing a good deal, and then it occurred to her that she had not seen him about lately, and she wondered if he could be ill. The thought of a young man of small means, ill alone in a London lodging, probably without a bell in the room, and certainly with no one anxious to answer it if he should ring, though not cheering, is stimulating to the energy of the benevolent, and Beth went downstairs to ask as soon as the notion occurred to her.
"Mr. Brock? there now!" Gwendolen exclaimed in dismay. "If I didn"t forget altogether! I"ve so much to see to, and the missus ill in bed with bronchitis, and Miss Ethel run off her feet, and not too fit "erself with that cold as "ud be called influenza if it wasn"t for frightening the lodgers. Whatever it is, it"s going through the "ouse, and Mr. Brock seems to have got it bad. "E ast me when I went wiv "is shyving-water this morning to tike "im some coals and mike "im some tea, an" I never thought no more about it--I clean forgot."
"This morning!" Beth cried. "Why that was at eight o"clock, and now it is four!"
"I"ll get "em at once," Gwendolen said with contrition. But the girl herself looked worn to death. She had been on her feet since early morning, and had no prospect of a rest till she dropped on her bed late at night, too exhausted to undress.
"Never mind," Beth said. "Give me the coals, and I"ll carry them up, and see to the rest. I have nothing else to do."
"Bless you," Gwendolen muttered.
Beth found Mr. Brock in bed, with bright eyes, and burning spots of colour on each cheek. A lamp was burning beside him. When he saw who it was, he raised his eyebrows; but smiled at the same time, as if he were both surprised and pleased. The room struck cold to Beth.
"What! no fire?" she exclaimed.
"I tried to light the pesky thing," he said, "but it wouldn"t burn."
"Gwendolen forgot you altogether," Beth said. "She has far too much to do, poor girl, and I have only just heard that you were ill. Why didn"t you call me?"
He smiled again.
"We are all of the same family here, you know," Beth said, "the great human family. You had only to say "Sister!" and I should have come."
The smile faded from his lips, but it was replaced by another expression, which, when she saw it, caused Beth to e.j.a.c.u.l.a.t.e inwardly, "Surely of such are the Kingdom----"
Each had seen in the other"s face at the same time something there is no human utterance to describe, and, recognising it, had reverently held their peace.
Beth fetched her oil-stove first, with the kettle on it, and, while the water was boiling, she cut bread and b.u.t.ter and lighted the fire.
"We"ll have tea together, if you please," she said cheerfully. "I"ve a horrible suspicion that you"ve had nothing to eat or drink all day."
Her sympathy recalled his pleasant, patient smile.
"My appet.i.te is not devouring," he said, "but my thirst is. Talk about selling one"s birthright! I"d sell my brains, I believe, for a cup of tea at this moment."
"There"s a bowl full for nothing, then," Beth rejoined. "Sip it while I boil you an egg."
He took the bowl in both hands and tried the tea.
"Oh!" he exclaimed with a long-drawn sigh, "it"s nectar! it"s mead!
it"s nepenthe! it"s all the drinks ever brewed for all the G.o.ds in one! But I"m afraid to touch it lest I should finish it."
"Don"t be afraid, then," said Beth, "for you"ll find it like liquor for the G.o.ds in another respect; it will be to be had whenever you want it. What"s the matter?"
"Did I make lament?" he asked. "I didn"t know it. But I"m all one ache. I can"t lie still for it, and I can"t move without adding to it.
I"ve been watching the ice-floes on the river from the Embankment and bridges by all lights lately; I never saw finer effects--such colour!
It"s wonderful what colour there is under your sombre sky if you know how to look for it; and it has the great advantage over the colour other countries teem with of being unexpected. It"s not obvious; you have to look out for it; but when you have found it, you rejoice in it as in something rare and precious, and it excites you to enthusiasm beyond your wont--which should prevent chills, but it doesn"t, as witness my aches."
Beth felt his hand and found it dry and burning.
"The doctor is the next and only thing for you, young man, after this frugal meal," she said, "and I"ll go and fetch him. I hope to goodness these are the right things to give you."
He objected to the doctor, but she paid no attention to his remonstrance, and when she had done all she could think of for the moment, she put on her wet boots and walking things again, got the address of a good man from Ethel Maud Mary, and sallied out into the snow once more.
Rheumatic fever was the doctor"s diagnosis, and his directions to Beth concluded with a long list of expensive medical comforts which it seemed were absolutely necessary. She went out again when he had gone, and brought back everything, toiling up the long flights of stairs with both arms full, breathless but cheerful; and having set all in order for use--sheets of medicated cotton-wool, medicines, Valentine"s extract, clinical thermometer and chart--she settled herself to watch the patient, the clock, and the temperature of the room, which had to be equable, with the exactness and method of a capable nurse. Before the household retired, she went downstairs to fetch more coals, fearing they might run short in the night.
"He"s "ad one scuttle to-day," Gwendolen reminded her, warningly.
"He must have two more, then, if necessary," said Beth.
"They"re sixpence a scuttle, you know," Gwendolen remonstrated.
"Two for a shilling, and no charge for delivery," said Beth as she toiled up the long ascent once more with her heavy burden.
"Eh! it would be a gay glad world if they all took it like you,"