The Bibliotaph

I have forgotten what the victim"s retort was; it is safe to a.s.sume that it was adequate.

This same collector had the pleasing habit of honoring the men he loved, among whom the Bibliotaph was chief, with brightly written letters which filled ten and fifteen half-sheets. But the average number of words to a line was two, while a five-syllable word had trouble in accommodating itself to a line and a half, and the sheets were written only upon one side. The Bibliotaph"s comment was: "Henry has a small brain output, but unlimited influence at a paper-mill."

Of all the merry sayings in which the Bibliotaph indulged himself at the expense of his closest friend this was the most comforting. A gentleman present was complaining that Henry took liberties in correcting his p.r.o.nunciation. "I have no doubt of the occasional need of such correction, but it isn"t often required, and not half so often as he seems to think. I, on the other hand, observe frequent minor slips in his use of language, but I do not feel at liberty to correct him."

The Bibliotaph began to apply salve to the bruised feelings of the gentleman present as follows: "The animus of Henry"s criticism is unquestionably envy. He probably feels how few flies there are in your ointment. While you are astonished that in his case there should be so little ointment for so many flies."

The Bibliotaph never used slang, and the united recollections of his a.s.sociates can adduce but two or three instances in which he sunk verbally so low as even to _hint_ slang. He said that there was one town which in his capacity of public speaker he should like to visit.

It was a remote village in Virginia where there was a girls" seminary, the catalogue of which set forth among advantages of location this: that the town was one to which the traveling lecturer and the circus never came. The Bibliotaph said, "I should go there. For I am the one when I am on the platform, and by the unanimous testimony of all my friends I am the other when I am off."

The second instance not only ill.u.s.trates his ingenuity in trifles, but also shows how he could occasionally answer a friend according to his folly. He had been describing a visit which he had made in the hero-worshiping days of boyhood to Chappaqua; how friendly and good-natured the great farmer-editor was; how he called the Bibliotaph "Bub," and invited him to stay to dinner; how he stayed and talked politics with his host; how they went out to the barn afterwards to look at the stock; what Greeley said to him and what he said to Greeley,--it was a perfect bit of word-sketching, spontaneous, realistic, homely, unpretentious, irresistibly comic because of the quaintness of the dialogue as reported, and because of the mental image which we formed of this large-headed, round-bellied, precocious youth, who at the age of sixteen was able for three consecutive hours to keep the conversational shuttlec.o.c.k in the air with no less a person than Horace Greeley. Amid the laughter and comment which followed the narration one mirthful genius who chose for the day to occupy the seat of the scorner, called out to the Bibliotaph:--

"How old did you say you were at that time, "Bub"?"

"Sixteen."

"And did you wear whiskers?"

The query was insulting. But the Bibliotaph measured the flippancy of the remark with his eye and instantly fitted an answer to the mental needs of the questioner.

"Even if I had," he said, "it would have availed me nothing, for in those days there was no wind."

The Bibliotaph was most at home in the book-shop, on the street, or at his hotel. He went to public libraries only in an emergency, for he was impatient of that needful discipline which compelled him to ask for each volume he wished to see. He had, however, two friends in whose libraries one might occasionally meet him in the days when he hunted books upon this wide continent. One was the gentleman to whom certain letters on literature have been openly addressed, and who has made a library by a process which involves wise selection and infinite self-restraint. This priceless little collection contains no volume which is imperfect, no volume which mars the fine sense of repose begotten in one at the sight of lovely books becomingly clothed, and no volume which is not worthy the name of literature. And there is matter for reflection in the thought that it is not the library of a rich man. Money cannot buy the wisdom which has made this collection what it is, and without self-denial it is hardly possible to give the touch of real elegance to a private library. When dollars are not counted the a.s.semblage of books becomes promiscuous. How may we better describe this library than by the phrase Infinite riches in a little book-case!

There was yet another friend, the Country Squire, who revels in wealth, buys large-paper copies, reads little but deeply, and raises chickens. His library (the room itself, I mean) is a gentleman"s library, with much cornice, much plate-gla.s.s, and much carving; whereof a wit said, "The Squire has such a beautiful library, and no place to put his books."

These books are of a sort to rejoice the heart, but their tenure of occupancy is uncertain. Hardly one of them but is liable to eviction without a moment"s notice. They have a look in their att.i.tude which indicates consciousness of being pilgrims and strangers. They seem to say, "We can tarry, we can tarry but a night." Some have tarried two nights, others a week, others a year, a few even longer. But aside from a dozen or so of volumes, not one of the remaining three thousand dares to affirm that it holds a permanent place in its owner"s heart of hearts. It is indeed a n.o.ble procession of books which has pa.s.sed in and out of those doors. A day will come in which the owner realizes that he has as good as the market can furnish, and then banishments will cease. One sighs not for the volumes which deserved exile, but for those which were sent away because their master ceased to love them.

There was no friend with whom the Bibliotaph lived on easier terms than with the Country Squire. They were counterparts. They supplemented one another. The Bibliotaph, though he was born and bred on a farm, had fled for his salvation to the city. The Squire, a man of city birth and city education, had fled for his soul"s health to the country; he had rendered existence almost perfect by setting up an urban home in rural surroundings. It was well said of that house that it was finely reticent in its proffers of hospitality, and regally magnificent in its kindness to those whom it delighted to honor.

It was in the Country Squire"s library that the Bibliotaph first met that actor with whom he became even more intimate than with the Squire himself. The closeness of their relation suggested the days of the old Miracle plays when the theatre and the Church were as hand in glove.

The Bibliotaph signified his appreciation of his new friend by giving him a copy of a sixteenth-century book "containing a pleasant invective against Poets, Pipers, Players, Jesters, and such like Caterpillars of a Commonwealth." The Player in turn compiled for his friend of clerical appearance a sc.r.a.p-book, intended to show how evil a.s.sociations corrupt good actors.

This actor professed that which for want of a better term might be called parlor agnosticism. The Bibliotaph was st.u.r.dily inclined towards orthodoxy, and there was from time to time collision between the two. It is my impression that the actor sometimes retired with four of his five wits halting. But he was brilliant even when he mentally staggered. Neither antagonist convinced the other, and after a while they grew wearied of traveling over one another"s minds.

It fell out on a day that the actor made a fine speech before a large gathering, and mindful of stage effect he introduced a telling allusion to an all-wise and omnipotent Providence. For this he was, to use his own phrase, "soundly spanked" by all his friends; that is, he was mocked at, jeered, ridiculed. To what end, they said, was one an agnostic if he weakly yielded his position to the exigencies of an after-dinner speech. The Bibliotaph alone took pains to a.n.a.lyze his late antagonist"s position. He wrote to the actor congratulating him upon his success. "I wondered a little at this, remembering how inconsiderable has been your practice; and I infer that it has been inconsiderable, for I am aware how seldom an actor can be persuaded to make a speech. I, too, was at first shocked when I heard that you had made a respectful allusion to Deity; but I presently took comfort, _remembering that your G.o.ds, like your grease-paints, are purely professional_."

He was always capital in these teasing moods. To be sure, he buffeted one about tremendously, but his claws were sheathed, and there was a contagiousness in his frolicsome humor. Moreover one learned to look upon one"s self in the light of a public benefactor. To submit to be knocked about by the Bibliotaph was in a modest way to contribute to the gayety of nations. If one was not absolutely happy one"s self, there was a chastened comfort in beholding the happiness of the on-lookers.

A small author wrote a small book, so small that it could be read in less time than it takes to cover an umbrella, that is, "while you wait." The Bibliotaph had Brobdingnagian joy of this book. He sat and read it to himself in the author"s presence, and particularly diminutive that book appeared as its light cloth cover was outlined against the Bibliotaph"s ample black waistcoat. From time to time he would vent "a series of small private laughs," especially if he was on the point of announcing some fresh ill.u.s.tration of the fallibility of inexperienced writers. Finally the uncomfortable author said, "Don"t sit there and pick out the mistakes." To which the Bibliotaph triumphantly replied, "What other motive is there for reading it at all?"

He purchased every copy of this book which he could find, and when asked by the author why he did so, replied, "In order to withdraw it from circulation." A moment afterwards he added reflectively, "But how may I hope to withdraw a book from that which it has never had?"

He was apt to be severe in his judgment of books, as when he said of a very popular but very feeble literary performance that it was an argument for the existence of G.o.d. "Such intensity of stupidity was not realized without Infinite a.s.sistance."

He could be equally emphatic in his comments upon men. Among his acquaintance was a church dignitary who blew alternately hot and cold upon him. When advised of some new ill.u.s.tration of the divine"s uncertainty of att.i.tude, the Bibliotaph merely said, "He"s more of a chameleon than he is a clergyman."

That Bostonian would be deficient in wit who failed to enjoy this remark. Speaking of the characteristics of American cities, the Bibliotaph said, "It never occurs to the Hub that anything of importance can possibly happen at the periphery."

He greatly admired the genial and philanthropic editor of a well-known Philadelphia newspaper. Shortly after Mr. Childs"s death some one wrote to the Bibliotaph that in a quiet Kentucky town he had noticed a sign over a shop-door which read, "G. W. Childs, dealer in Tobacco and Cigars." There was something graceful in the Bibliotaph"s reply. He expressed surprise at Mr. Childs"s new occupation, but declared that for his own part he was "glad to know that the location of Heaven had at last been definitely ascertained."

The Bibliotaph habitually indulged himself in the practice of hero-worship. This propensity led him to make those glorified sc.r.a.p-books which were so striking a feature in his collection. They were no commonplace affairs, the ugly result of a union of cheap leather, newspaper-clippings and paste, but sumptuous books resplendent in morocco and gilt tooling, the creations of an artist who was eminent among binders. These sc.r.a.p-books were chiefly devoted to living men,--men who were famous, or who were believed to be on the high road to fame. There was a book for each man. In this way did the Bibliotaph burn incense before his Dii majores et minores.

These books were enriched with everything that could ill.u.s.trate the gifts and virtues of the men in whose honor they were made. They contained rare ma.n.u.scripts, rare pictures, autograph comments and notes, a bewildering variety of records,--memorabilia which were above price. Poets wrote humorous verse, and artists who justly held their time as too precious to permit of their working for love decorated the pages of the Bibliotaph"s sc.r.a.p-books. One does not abuse the word "unique" when he applies it to these striking volumes.

The Bibliotaph did not always follow contemporary judgment in his selection of men to be so canonized. He now and then honored a man whose sense of the relation of achievement to fame would not allow him to admit to himself that he deserved the distinction, and whose sense of humor could not but be strongly excited at the thought of deification by so unusual a process. It might be pleasant to consider that the Bibliotaph cared so much for one"s letters as to wish not to destroy them, but it was awful to think of those letters as bound and annotated. This was to get a taste of posthumous fame before posthumous fame was due. The Bibliotaph added a new terror to life, for he compelled one to live up to one"s sc.r.a.p-book. He reversed the old Pagan formula, which was to the effect that "So-and-So died and was made a G.o.d." According to the Bibliotaph"s prophetic method, a man was made a G.o.d first and allowed to die at his leisure afterward. Not every one of that little company which his wisdom and love have marked for great reputation will be able to achieve it. They are unanimously grateful that he cared enough for them to wish to drag their humble gifts into the broad light of publicity. But their grat.i.tude is tempered by the thought that perhaps he was only elaborately humorous at their expense.

The Bibliotaph"s intellectual processes were so vigorous and his pleasure in mental activity for its own sake was so intense that he was quite capable of deciding after a topic of discussion had been introduced which side he would take. And this with a splendid disdain of the merits of the cause which he espoused. I remember that he once set out to maintain the thesis that a certain gentleman, as notable for his virtues as he was conspicuous for lack of beauty, was essentially a handsome man. The person who initiated the discussion by observing that "Mr. Blank was unquestionably a plain man" expected from the Bibliotaph (if he expected any remark whatever) nothing beyond a Platonic "That I do most firmly believe." He was not a little astonished when the great book-collector began an elaborate and exhaustive defense of the gentleman whose claims to beauty had been questioned. At first it was dialogue, and the opponent had his share of talk; but when in an unlucky moment he hinted that such energy could only be the result of consciousness on the Bibliotaph"s part that he was in a measure pleading his own cause, the dialogue changed to monologue. For the Bibliotaph girded up his loins and proceeded to smite his opponent hip and thigh. All in good humor, to be sure, and laughter reigned, but it was tremendous and it was logically convincing. It was clearly not safe to have a reputation for good looks while the Bibliotaph was in this temper. All the gentlemen were in terror lest something about their countenances might be construed as beauty, and men with good complexions longed for newspapers behind which to hide their disgrace.

As for the disputant who had stirred up the monster, his situation was as unenviable as it was comic to the bystanders. He had never before dropped a stone into the great geyser. He was therefore unprepared for the result. One likened him to an unprotected traveler in a heavy rain-storm. For the Bibliotaph"s unpremeditated speech was a very cloud-burst of eloquence. The unhappy gentleman looked despairingly in every direction as if beseeching us for the loan of a word-proof umbrella. There was none to be had. We who had known a like experience were not sorry to stand under cover and watch a fellow mortal undergo this verbal drenching. The situation recalled one described by Lockhart when a guest differed on a point of scholarship with the great Coleridge. Coleridge began to "exert himself." He burst into a steady stream of talk which broadened and deepened as the moments fled. When finally it ceased the bewildered auditor pulled himself together and exclaimed, "Zounds, I was never so _be-thumped_ with words in my life!"

People who had opportunity of observing the Bibliotaph were tempted to speculate on what he might have become if he had not chosen to be just what he was. His versatility led them to declare for this, that, and the other profession, largely in accordance with their own personal preferences. Lawyers were sure that he should have been an advocate; ministers that he would have done well to yield to the "call" he had in his youth; teachers were positive that he would have made an inspiring teacher. No one, so far as I know, ever told him that in becoming a book-collector he had deprived the world of a great musician; for he was like Charles Lamb in that he was sentimentally inclined to harmony but organically incapable of a tune.

Yet he was so broad-minded that it was not possible for him to hold even a neutral att.i.tude in the presence of anything in which other people delighted. I have known him to sit through a long and heavy organ recital, not in a resigned manner but actively attentive, clearly determined that if the minutest portion of his soul was sensitive to the fugues of J. S. Bach he would allow that portion to bask in the sunshine of an unwonted experience. So that from one point of view he was the incarnation of tolerance as he certainly was the incarnation of good-humor and generosity. He envied no man his gifts from Nature or Fortune. He was not only glad to let live, but painstakingly energetic in making the living of people a pleasure to them, and he received with amused placidity adverse comments upon himself.

Words which have been used to describe a famous man of this century I will venture to apply in part to the Bibliotaph. "He was a kind of gigantic and Olympian school-boy, ... loving-hearted, bountiful, wholesome and sterling to the heart"s core."

LAST WORDS ON THE BIBLIOTAPH

The Bibliotaph"s major pa.s.sion was for collecting books; but he had a minor pa.s.sion, the bare mention of which caused people to lift their eyebrows suspiciously. He was a shameless, a persistent, and a successful hunter of autographs. His desire was for the signatures of living men of letters, though an occasional dead author would be allowed a place in the collection, provided he had not been dead too long. As a rule, however, the Bibliotaph coveted the "hand of write"

of the man who was now more or less conspicuously in the public eye.

This autograph must be written in a representative work of the author in question. The Bibliotaph would not have crossed the street to secure a line from Ben Jonson"s pen, but he mourned because the autograph of the Rev. C. L. Dodgson was not forthcoming, nor likely to be. His conception of happiness was this: to own a copy of the first edition of _Alice in Wonderland_, upon the fly-leaf of which Lewis Carroll had written his name, together with the statement that he had done so at the Bibliotaph"s request, and because that eminent collector could not be made happy in any other Way.

The Bibliotaph liked the autograph of the modern man of letters because it _was_ modern, and because there was a reasonable hope of its being genuine. He loved genuineness. Everything about himself was exactly what it pretended to be. From his soul to his clothing he was honest. And his love for the genuine was only surpa.s.sed in degree by his contempt for the spurious. I remember that some one gave him a bit of silverware, a toilet article, perhaps, which he next day threw out of a car window, because he had discovered that it was not sterling.

He scouted the suggestion that possibly the giver may not have known.

Such ignorance was inexcusable, he said. "The likelier interpretation was that the gift was symbolical of the giver." The act seemed brutal, and the comment thereon even more so. But to realize the atmosphere, the setting of the incident, one must imagine the Bibliotaph"s round and comfortable figure, his humorous look, and the air of genial placidity with which he would do and say a thing like this. It was as impossible to be angry with him in behalf of the unfortunate giver of cheap silver as to take offense at a tree or mountain. And it was useless to argue the matter--nay it was folly, for he would immediately become polysyllabic and talk one down.

It was this desire for genuine things which made him entirely suspicious of autographs which had been bought and sold. He had no faith in them, and he would weaken your faith, supposing you were a collector of such things. Offer him an autograph of our first president and he would reply, "I don"t believe that it"s genuine; and if it were I shouldn"t care for it; I never had the honor of General Washington"s acquaintance." The inference was that one could have a personal relation with a living great man, and the chances were largely in favor of getting an autograph that was not an object of suspicion.

Few collectors in this line have been as happy as the Bibliotaph. The problem was easily mastered with respect to the majority of authors.

As a rule an author is not unwilling to give such additional pleasure to a reader of his book as may consist in writing his name in the reader"s copy. It is conceivable that the author may be bored by too many requests of this nature, but he might be bored to an even greater degree if no one cared enough for him to ask for his autograph. Some writers resisted a little, and it was beautiful to see the Bibliotaph bring them to terms. He was a highwayman of the Tom f.a.ggus type, just so adroit, and courteous, and daring. He was perhaps at his best in cases where he had actually to hold up his victim; one may imagine the scene,--the author resisting, the Bibliotaph determined and having the masterful air of an expert who had handled just such cases before.

A humble satellite who disapproved of these proceedings read aloud to the Bibliotaph that scorching little essay ent.i.tled _Involuntary Bailees_, written by perhaps the wittiest living English essayist. An involuntary bailee--as the essayist explains--is a person to whom people (generally unknown to him) send things which he does not wish to receive, but which _they_ are anxious to have returned. If a man insists upon lending you a book, you become an involuntary bailee. You don"t wish to read the book, but you have it in your possession. It has come to you by post, let us suppose, "and to pack it up and send it back again requires a piece of string, energy, brown paper, and stamps enough to defray the postage." And it is a question whether a casual acquaintance "has any right thus to make demands on a man"s energy, money, time, brown paper, string, and other capital and commodities." There are other ways of making a man an involuntary bailee. You may ask him to pa.s.s judgment on your poetry, or to use his influence to get your tragedy produced, or to do any one of a half hundred things which he doesn"t want to do and which you have no business to ask him to do. The essayist makes no mention of the particular form of sin which the Bibliotaph practiced, but he would probably admit that malediction was the only proper treatment for the idler who bothers respectable authors by asking them to write their names in his copies of their books. For to what greater extent could one trespa.s.s upon an author"s patience, energy, brown paper, string, and commodities generally? It was amusing to watch the Bibliotaph as he listened to this arraignment of his favorite pursuit. The writer of the essay admits that there may be extenuating circ.u.mstances. If the autograph collector comes bearing gifts one may smile upon his suit.

If for example he accompanies his request for an autograph with "several brace of grouse, or a salmon of n.o.ble proportions, or rare old books bound by Derome, or a service of Worcester china with the square mark," he may hope for success. The essayist opines that such gifts "will not be returned by a celebrity who respects himself."

"They bless him who gives and him who takes much more than tons of ma.n.u.script poetry, and thousands of entreaties for an autograph."

A superficial examination of the Bibliotaph"s collection revealed the fact that he had either used necromancy or given many gifts. The reader may imagine some such conversation between the great collector and one of his dazzled visitors:--

"Pray, how did you come by this?"

"His lordship has always been very kind in such matters."

"And where did you get this?"

"I am greatly indebted to the Prime Minister for his complaisance."