How thoroughly I"ve grown away from them--ceased to be one of them.
[_Stamping her foot._] Oh, I know I"m ungrateful; and that they"re proud of me, and pet and spoil me; [_contracting her shoulder-blades_]
but they make my flesh feel quite raw--mother, Dad, and my brother Bertram! Their intense satisfaction with themselves, and everything appertaining to them, irritates me to such a pitch that I"m often obliged to rush out of the room to stop myself from being rude.
[_Impetuously._] And then to have to watch Dad and mother still pushing, scheming, intriguing; always with the affectation of despising _reclame_, yet doing nothing--not the most simple act--without a careful eye to it! Years ago, as I"ve said, there was an intelligible motive for our paltry ambitions; but now, when they have _force les portes_ and can afford to be sincere and independent----! [_Checking herself._] But I oughtn"t to speak of my folks like this, ought I, even to you whom I can trust! [_Penitently._] It"s awfully wrong of me. I--I beg your pardon.
PHILIP.
[_After a short silence._] What do you intend to do, then, Otto, ultimately--re-establish yourself in Paris?
OTTOLINE.
[_Drearily._] Paris! Is Paris so full of cheerful memories for me, do you suppose, that I should cling to it!
PHILIP.
[_Soothingly._] Oh, come----!
OTTOLINE.
I travelled about for some months after I became a widow, and when I saw Paris again--! [_Starting up as if to rid herself of disagreeable sensations._] No, my one great desire is to escape from it all, Phil--[_moving to the chair on the left_] to escape----!
PHILIP.
[_Rising._] Escape?
OTTOLINE.
To alter the whole current of my life, if it"s possible, [_sinking into the chair_] and to breathe some fresh air! [_Fanning herself with her hand._] Phew-w-w-w!
PHILIP.
H"m! [_Approaching her and looking down upon her._] According to report, Ottoline, you"d have very little difficulty in--escaping.
OTTOLINE.
[_Glancing up at him._] Report?
PHILIP.
Rumour has it that there are at least a dozen ardent admirers at your feet, each with a wedding-ring in his waistcoat-pocket.
OTTOLINE.
[_Reproachfully, her eyes meeting his._] Why, have you been listening to t.i.ttle-tattle as well as studying newspaper paragraphs! [_He bows, good-humouredly._] My dear Philip, allowing for exaggeration, granting that my _soupirants_ number _half_-a-dozen, which of them would enable me to fill my lungs with fresh air? Who _are_ they, these enterprising men----?
PHILIP.
[_Leaving her abruptly and going to the mantelpiece._] Oh, pray don"t ask _me_! I don"t know who the fellows are--except--they say--Sir Timothy Barradell----
OTTOLINE.
[_Lightly but softly._] Sir Timothy! Sir Timothy has only just succeeded in fighting his way into the world I"m sick and tired of!
[_Shaking her head._] Poor Sir Tim! [_Pityingly._] Ha, ha, ha, ha!
PHILIP.
[_His back towards her._] Otto----
OTTOLINE.
Yes?
PHILIP.
What sort of world would you be willing to exchange for your present one, my dear?
OTTOLINE.
What sort----?
PHILIP.
What sort--spiritual and material?
OTTOLINE.
[_Resting her elbow upon the arm of her chair and her chin upon her hand, musingly._] Oh, I believe any world would content me that"s totally different from the world I"ve lived in so long; any world that isn"t flat and stale and stifling; that isn"t made up of shams, and petty aims and appet.i.tes; any world that--well, such a world as you used to picture, Phil, when you preached your gospel to a selfish, common girl under the chestnuts in the Allee de Longchamp and the Champs-Elysees! [_Half laughing, half sighing._] Ha, la, la, la!
[_Again there is a pause, and then he walks to the further window and gazes into the street once more._
PHILIP.
[_In a low voice._] Ten years ago, Otto!
OTTOLINE.
Ten years ago!
PHILIP.
[_Partly in jest, partly seriously._] Do the buds still sprout on those trees in the Allee de Longchamp and the Champs-Elysees, can you tell me?
OTTOLINE.
[_Falling in with his humour._] Ha, ha! Every spring, _cher ami_, regularly.
PHILIP.
And the milk at the Cafe d"Armenonville and the Pre-Catelan--is it still rich and delectable?