Chapter 96 - Stupid Marmot
Translator: Lav
Editor: Levs
If Shi Lei was in his dorm, his first reaction would be take off his pants and check.
What the h.e.l.l is this, didn’t I finish spending the money? Why was I punished? And, Scepter, I’m not done with you yet, why did you have to touch on my most important body part?!
Luckily that the blood fog was not there for long and Shi Lei didn’t say a single word. The driver twitched his nose again and thought that the strange smell disappeared, so he didn’t say anything else.
“Looks like it’s gone, it probably came from the outside. Why did it smell like blood? It’s stinky too! Don’t tell me that someone was slaughtering lambs in the middle of the night at the center of the city? These people are lawless!”
The driver simply complained and they came at their destination.
Shi Lei threw the money in the car and quickly ran away whilst covering his crotch.
The driver thought that Shi Lei had stomach pain and shook his head: “This guy, diarrhea?” He turned his around to check the back seat and was relieved to see that the white seat cover was clean.
Shi Lei sprinted towards a dim alleyway. Without caring too much, he opened his phone and under the faint light of his phone, he took off his pants.
The bleak weather was even more apparent in the narrow alleyway. Shi Lei shivered in the bitter cold wind and his b.u.t.t was filled with gooseb.u.mps in an instant.
Shi Lei didn’t care and only wanted to know whether that part of his body was still there. The sudden pain and soreness only lasted for an instant and it was quickly gone. On the way, Shi Lei only felt that his crotch was slightly numb, as if something had disappeared. He pressed it a few times and couldn’t feel anything, making him panic even more.
“Please be there, please, even if you are shorter, but please don’t disappear. Holy s.h.i.t, I’m still a virgin. Although I had some moments with Yiyi without taking my clothes off, but I’m still a virgin for sure! If it’s gone, what am I going to do with the rest of my life? It’s not just my happiness gone, but a family’s, and two people’s ‘happiness(1)’ gone!” Shi Lei’s brain was filled with strange thoughts, and when he saw that it was still there, he was finally relieved.
Good, good. It was still there.
But I only haven’t seen you for about half an hour, why do you look slightly different?
Half an hour ago, after Shi Lei walked out of the cinema, he went to the bathroom once.
And now, it was fine, except it seemed rather weird due to the sudden pain and the chilly wind that swept across the alleyway, but it still seemed to be whole and at least it wasn’t shortened. Shi Lei guessed that not feeling it before in the taxi was his illusion due to the pain and panic. Looking at it, it seemed to be the same as before.
Although its appearance changed, but Shi Lei failed to notice how it was different.
He stared at it for a while and suddenly realised something.
Oh my G.o.d! The foreskin was gone and it looked very different to how it looked like before.
It was as if there was someone who had long and flowy hair, but was suddenly grabbed by someone by the hair and pulled all the hair on top of his head out. There were still hair on the side, but the middle was as flat as the ground, revealing the bare scalp. Looking like this, even if his parents saw him, they would still think that he was their son, but with an obvious change in appearance, so much that they might not even recognise him within a short period of time.
He was definitely punished for an extremely small amount of money, probably about 20 or 40 yuan. Compared to the total of 100,000 yuan, 40 yuan was only about 0.04%. The foreskin that followed Shi Lei for more than 20 years, was equivalent to about 0.04% of his body.
But why? Why was Shi Lei punished? He believed that he definitely finished spending this week’s quota, and that’s why when Zhang Liangliang said that she didn’t want to go home, he didn’t think too much and agreed. When it was 9PM, even if he came back, he had to wait until midnight anyway so he decided to watch the movie to kill time since it wasn’t necessary for him to check the quota this week.
But now, the Scepter punished him. Although this penalty wasn’t too serious, and it was even something helpful to Shi Lei as he wouldn’t need a surgery for it later and benefited his future s.e.x life, but no! If the Sceptre could amputate any part of his body, today was his foreskin, maybe tomorrow would be nose, the day after would be an eye, and the day after that would be an ear, what would Shi Lei turn into?
Shi Lei was so angry that it was as if he was spitting fire.
He wanted to hear from the Scepter. He pulled his pants on and was glad that, luckily, nothing severe happened. He stormed into a nearby self-service bank.
After Inserting the Black Card and typed in the pa.s.sword, Shi Lei began to curse at the Scepter before its appearance was fully shown on the screen: “What the f.u.c.k! Are you crazy? Why did you punish me? Why did you give a surgery for my foreskin!” Shi Lei raged.
The Scepter was furious too as the Scepter seemed to be shaking slightly on the screen.
“How dare you curse at me, you stupid marmot!”
Hey, I was a mole last time, how am I a marmot now?! Are you directly related to the rodent family or something?
“You didn’t finish spending the money, of course you would be punished!”
Shi Lei knew clearly that his relationship with Zhang Liangliang right now could definitely be counted as friends and treating her to dinner was unquestionably fine. And, if that was the problem, it wasn’t something that could be solved by just with his foreskin. Although 2,000 yuan wasn’t much, but the ratio was about 2%, his entire private part wasn’t enough to make up for the punishment. With that, Shi Lei really didn’t think that there were any other areas in which he didn’t finish spending the money.
“I finished spending all the money, I have a record for all of them.” Shi Lei unlocked his phone, tapped into an account book on it and everything was recorded clearly with every single spending other than today’s.
“Your smelly thing is equivalent to about 3.8% of your body. Computing to the money for this week, it should be 38 yuan. Think about it carefully, which 38 yuan wasn’t counted into the sum? After you have a careful think about it, remember to apologise to me! Otherwise, cursing at your n.o.ble master……” Perhaps the Scepter realised that Shi Lei exposed the so-called master and slave relationship, it changed its words and said: “Otherwise, you will be punished for cursing at someone as n.o.ble as me!”
“Punish your a.s.s!” Shi Lei didn’t bother to pay attention as he knew clearly that in the Black Card’s rules, he would not be punished unless he didn’t finish spending the money.
But, Shi Lei checked all the spendings he recorded down on his phone carefully.
38 yuan would only be the fee for catching a taxi as Shi Lei didn’t have any other possible consumptions with such a small amount.
On this week’s bills, there was only one spending of 38 yuan, which was recorded on Wednesday afternoon. It was even labelled with the time of approximately 2PM in the afternoon.
Shi Lei carefully recalled and attempted to remember where he spent this 38 yuan on at 2PM as he just happened to forget to record down its use.
Happiness: the word for it in Chinese is ‘xing fu’, but ‘xing’ can also mean s.e.x, which is a pun referring to his s.e.x life in this situation
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