"Why can"t you answer when the Queen asks you a question, eh?" demanded Archie. "No, she won"t say a word; she"ll only grin at you; you see she"s quite hardened. There"s only one thing that would make her confess," he added cautiously, aware that he was on rather delicate ground, "and that"s the torture. I could make a beautiful rack, Winnie, if you didn"t mind?"
"Whatever she"s done," said the Queen, firmly, "I"m not going to have her tortured! And I believe she"s sorry inside and wants me to forgive her!"
"Then why doesn"t she say so?" said Archie. "No, no, Winnie. Look here, this is a serious thing, you know; it won"t do to pa.s.s it over; it"s high treason, and she"ll have to be tried."
"But I don"t want her tried," said Winifred.
"Oh, very well then; I had better go downstairs again and read. The best part was all coming, but if you don"t care, I"m sure _I_ don"t!"
"Little idiot!" thought Ethelinda angrily, "she"ll spoil the whole thing; every heroine has to be tried!"
But Winnie gave in, as she usually did, to Archie. "Well, then, she shall be tried if you really think she ought to be, Archie; it won"t hurt her though, will it?"
"Of course it won"t; it"s all right. Now for the trial: here"s the court, and here"s a place for the judge" (he built it all up with books and bricks as he spoke); "here"s the dock--stick Lady What"s-her-name inside--that"s it. We must do without a jury, but I suppose we _ought_ to have a judge; oh, this fellow will do for judge!"
And he seized the jester and raised him to the Bench at once. The jester was more puzzled than ever. "Now I"m a _judge_," he thought, "I shall have to try her; but I"m glad of it--I"ll let her off!"
But unluckily he very soon found that he had no voice at all in the matter, except what Archie chose to lend him.
"Oh, but Archie," said Winifred, who was determined to defeat the ends of justice if she possibly could, "can a jester be a judge?"
"Why not?" said Archie; "judges make jokes sometimes--I"ve heard papa say so, and he"s a barrister, and ought to know."
"But this one doesn"t make real jokes!" persisted Winifred.
"Who asked him to? Judges are not obliged to make jokes, Winnie. I believe you are trying to get her off, but I"m going to see justice done, I tell you. So now then, Lady Ethelinda, you are charged with high treason and trying to poison Her Most Gracious Majesty, Queen Winifred Gladys Robertson, by putting a.r.s.enic in Her Majesty"s tea. Guilty or not guilty! Speak up!"
"_Not_ guilty!" put in Winifred quickly, thinking that would settle the whole trial comfortably. "There, Archie, you can"t say she didn"t speak _that_ time!"
"Now, you have done it!" Archie said triumphantly. "If she"d confessed, we might have shown mercy. Now we shall have to prove it, and if we do I"m sorry for her, that"s all!"
"If she says "Guilty, and she won"t do it again!"" suggested Winifred.
"It"s too late for that now," said Archie, who was not going to have his trial cut short in that way: "no, we must prove it."
"But how are you going to prove it?"
"You wait. I"ve been in court once or twice with papa, and seen him prove all sorts of things. First, we must have in the fellow who sold the poison--the apothecary, you know. Oh, I say, though, I forgot that--he"s the judge; that won"t do!"
"Then you can"t prove it after all--I"m so glad!" cried the Queen, with her eyes sparkling.
"One would think you rather liked being poisoned," said Archie, in an offended tone.
"I like magnesia, and it isn"t poison, really--it"s medicine."
"It isn"t magnesia now; it"s a.r.s.enic; and she shan"t get off like this.
I"ll call the apothecary"s young man, he"ll prove it (this brick is the apothecary"s young man). There, he says it"s all right; she did it right enough. Now for the sentence! (put a penwiper on the judge"s head, will you, Winnie; it"s solemner)."
"What"s a sentence?" asked Winifred, much disturbed at these ill-omened arrangements.
"You"ll see; this is the judge talking now: "Lady Ethelinda, you"ve been found guilty of very bad conduct; you"ve put a.r.s.enic in your beloved Queen"s tea!""
"Why, I haven"t _had_ tea yet!" protested the Sovereign.
"Her Majesty is respectfully ordered not to interrupt the judge when he"s summing up; it puts him out. Well, as I was saying, Lady Ethelinda, I"m sorry to tell you that we shall have to cut your head off!""
"What have I done?" thought the jester; "she"ll think I"m in earnest; she"ll never forgive me!"
But Ethelinda was perfectly delighted, for not one of her heroines had ever been in such a romantic position as this. "And of course," she thought, "it will all come right in the end; it always does."
Winifred, however, was terrified by the sternness of the court: "Archie," she cried, "she mustn"t have her head cut off."
"It will be all right, Winnie, if you will only leave it to me and not interfere. You promised not to interrupt, and yet you will keep on doing it!"
Archie"s head was full of executions just then, for he had been reading "The Tower of London;" he had been artfully leading up to an execution from the very first, and he meant to have his own way.
But first he amused himself by working upon Winifred"s feelings, which was a bad habit of his on these occasions. To do him justice, he did not know how keenly she felt things, and how soon she forgot it was only pretence; it flattered him to see how easily he could make Winifred cry about nothing, and he never guessed what real pain he was giving her.
"Winnie," he began very dolefully, "she"s in prison now, languishing in her prison cell, and do you know, I rather think her heart"s beginning to soften a little: she wants you to come and see her. You won"t refuse her last request, Winnie, will you?"
"As if I could!" cried Winifred, full of the tenderest compa.s.sion.
"Very well then; this is the last meeting. "My dear kind mistress" (it"s Ethelinda speaking to you now), "that I once loved so dearly in the happy days when I was innocent and good, I couldn"t die till I had asked you to forgive me. Let your poor wicked maid-of-honour kiss your hand just once more as she used to do; tell her you forgive her about that a.r.s.enic." Now then, Winnie!"
"I--I _can"t_, Archie!" sobbed Winifred, quite melted by this pathetic appeal.
"If you don"t, she"ll think you"re angry still, and won"t forgive her,"
said Archie. "Just you listen; this is her now: "Won"t you say one little word, Your Majesty; you might as well. When I"m gone and mouldering away in my felon"s grave it will be too late then, and you"ll be sorry. It"s the last thing I shall ever ask you!""
"Oh, Ethelinda, darling, _don"t_!" implored her Queen; "don"t go on talking in that dreadful way; I can"t bear it. Archie, I _must_ forgive her now!"
"Oh yes, forgive her," he said with approval; "queens shouldn"t sulk or bear malice."
"It"s all right," said Winifred briskly, as she dried her eyes; "she"s quite good again. Now let"s play at something not quite so horrid!"
"When we"ve done with this, we will; but it isn"t half over yet; there"s all the execution to come. It"s the fatal day now, the dismal scaffold is erected" (here he made a rough platform and a neat little block with the books), "the sheriff is mounting guard over it" (and Archie propped up the unfortunate jester against a workbox so that he overlooked the scaffold); "the trembling criminal is brought out amidst the groans of the populace (groan, Winnie, can"t you?)"
"I shan"t groan," said Winnie, rebelliously; "I"m a queen, not a populace. Archie, you won"t really cut off her head, will you?"
"Don"t be a little duffer," said he; "the end is to be a surprise, so I can"t tell you what it is till it comes. You"ve heard of pardons arriving just in time, haven"t you? Very well then. Only I don"t say one will arrive here, you know, I only say, wait!"
"And now," he went on, "I"m not the King any longer, I"m the headsman; and--and I say, Winnie, perhaps you"d better hide your face now; a queen wouldn"t look on at the execution, really; at least a _nice_ queen wouldn"t!"
So Winifred hid her face in her hands obediently, very glad to be spared even the pretence of an execution, and earnestly wishing Archie was near the end of this uncomfortable game.
But Archie was just beginning to enjoy himself: "The wretched woman," he announced with immense unction, "is led tottering to the block, and then the headsman, very respectfully, cuts off some of her beautiful golden hair, so that it shouldn"t get in his way."
At this point I am sorry to say that Archie, in the wish to have everything as real as possible, actually did snip off a good part of Ethelinda"s flossy curls. Luckily for him, his cousin was too conscientious and unsuspecting to peep through her fingers, and never imagined that the scissors she heard were really cutting anything--she even kept her eyes shut while Archie hunted about the room for something, which he found out at last, and which was a sword in a red tin scabbard.