"Come home with me, Savannah. Let me take you to my place. I want to hold you through the rest of the night." His words were soft in her ear, words that should have brought her a flush of happiness, but they didn"t. Rather they caused her pain.
She knew what he was offering. He was asking her for just another single night, a night of him holding her and them making love and then he"d let her go once again.
She might have been tempted before to indulge herself in accepting what little he offered. But, she wasn"t tempted now.
She clung to him another moment longer, breathing in the scent of him, allowing her heart to fill with the love she felt for him, then reluctantly stepped back out of his embrace.
"I can"t do that, Joshua. I can"t do it anymore." She consciously willed away the sting of tears that burned in her eyes as she looked at him. "I"ve made the very foolish mistake of falling in love with you, and I can"t pretend anymore that what you"re offering me is enough."
She stepped back and leaned against the examining table, weary beyond words but praying for the strength to do what needed to be done where Joshua was concerned. "Before tonight it was enough. I was willing to fall into your bed whenever you wanted me and not expect more because I didn"t think I deserved more. But something happened tonight when I thought I was going to be killed. I realized I"m worth having it all."
Emotion pressed tightly against her chest and she realized there had been a little bit of hope inside her, a piece of her that longed for him to take her back in his arms and tell her he loved her, too. She"d wanted him to say that tonight had changed him as well and now he recognized her worth and wanted more than anything to commit to her. But, he remained silent, his expression inscrutable.
"I deserve to have it all," she continued, fighting the growing need to cry. "I"ll find me a lonely cowboy who loves me pa.s.sionately, who is willing to commit his life to me. He"ll love me not in spite of the fact that I talk too much and have freckles and am stubborn, but because of those things."
Joshua shoved his hands in his pockets, his gaze holding hers intently. "You"re right. You deserve all that and more. And I hope you find it."
Those words broke what little sliver of hope she had inside her. He was letting her go and even though it let her know her decision had been the right one, it didn"t make it hurt any less. At that moment the nurse appeared with her discharge papers.
"You need a ride home?" Joshua asked.
"No, thanks, I"ll be fine." She had no idea how she"d get home, but she didn"t want to spend another minute with him. Her heartache was too intense and she didn"t want to cry in front of him.
He paused a long moment, his gaze intent on her, then he turned on his heels and left the examining room, taking a piece of her heart with him.
"What did you do? Let the dog chew on your hair?" Joshua stared at his sister across the kitchen table. He"d stopped into the big house that morning because he"d found the silence, the loneliness of the cabin oppressive.
Meredith shot a hand up to her dark crooked bangs. "I just trimmed it up a bit." She narrowed her eyes. "My bangs will grow out, but what is it going to take to get you out of your foul mood?"
"I"m not in a foul mood," Joshua replied with a scowl.
"You"ve been cranky and hard to live with for the past week," Meredith countered.
Joshua knew she was right, and he could identify the exact moment when his bad mood had descended. It had been exactly six days ago when Savannah had told him she was through with him.
It had been a busy six days. The town was buzzing with the news of Sheila"s death, the near death of Savannah and the conspiracy of the land scheme. The rumor mill had been working overtime as people speculated on who might be involved in the whole mess.
Ramsey had contacted the FBI and was awaiting the arrival of agents to take over the investigation. Savannah had been responsible for hard-hitting news stories in the paper, and Joshua had told his father to put him back on the roster for the family business.
"I"ll feel better when I have someplace to go and something to do," he now said to his sister.
"Things have been slow," Meredith agreed. "We"ve got half a dozen men out working, but nothing new has come in for weeks."
Joshua finished his coffee and stood, too restless to sit at the table and make small talk. "I think I"ll head into town, maybe visit a bit with Clay and Libby." The newlyweds had returned from their honeymoon the day before.
"Tell them I said hi and I hope they had a wonderful time," Meredith said, then grinned. "If I ever get married I"m not sure I want my honeymoon to take place at Walt Disney World."
For the first time in days Joshua smiled. "I"m sure that choice was more for Gracie"s benefit than for Libby and Clay."
Meredith smiled, a misty kind of wistful smile. "Libby and Clay would be happy anywhere as long as they were together. I hope I find something like they have some day." She looked at him for a long moment. "Joshua, I don"t know what happened between you and Savannah, but I know she hasn"t been the same the past week."
He frowned and tried not to remember Savannah"s infectious laughter, her penchant for speaking whatever thought crossed her mind. "She"ll be okay. She went through a traumatic event. That always changes a person."
"There"s a sadness about her that wasn"t there before." Meredith studied him. "There"s a sadness about you, too."
"I"m not sad, I"m bored," Joshua replied. "I"ll see you later. Tell Smokey and Dad I"ll stop by later this evening."
Minutes later as he headed into town he tried not to think about what Meredith had said, but the thought of Savannah being sad killed him.
She was a woman born to laugh, a woman who deserved all the happiness life could offer. "She"s not your problem," he said aloud.
With all the publicity concerning the imminent arrival of the FBI, he had no real concerns about Savannah"s safety. Too many people now knew what had been going on for her to be at risk.
She no longer needed a bodyguard and that"s all he"d really agreed to be to her. Meredith was wrong, he wasn"t sad that their relationship had ended. He told himself he was relieved that he didn"t have to listen to her anymore, that he didn"t feel responsible for her.
Still, by the time he pulled up and parked in front of Libby and Clay"s two-story house, his foul mood had returned.
Savannah sat in her little cubicle of an office, typing furiously on the computer. She was writing her column on Sheila. It would be printed posthumously, but Savannah thought it was important that people see not only the bad side of Sheila but the good as well.
Sheila had sold out her neighbors, her town, but Savannah truly believed the Realtor hadn"t been a bad woman at heart. She"d merely gotten caught up in something bad and evil because of greed.
Ray Buchannan poked his head in her door and she stopped typing. "I"m going to grab some lunch over at the cafe. You"ll be here to answer the phone?"
"I"ll be here," Savannah replied. In the past week she"d spent all her time either in her cubicle working or at Winnie"s.
She had little desire to go much of anywhere in town where she might run into Joshua. She knew just seeing him again would bring back all the pain of loss.
The good news was that since the terrifying night out in that pasture her mother"s criticizing voice had been silent in her head. Never again would Savannah hear that voice telling her she wasn"t worthy, she didn"t deserve true happiness and love.
Eventually she"d find what she was looking for, and in the meantime there was her work to keep her satisfied.
As she heard the front door of the newspaper office open, then close with Ray"s departure, she leaned back in her chair and grabbed a candy bar from the bowl on the desk.
She unwrapped it and took a bite, deciding that whoever had said that chocolate was as good as s.e.x was a liar. Chocolate couldn"t subst.i.tute for the feel of Joshua"s skin against hers, the taste of his mouth or the sweet joy of making love with him.
No, not making love, she corrected mentally. She had made love. He"d had s.e.x.
It had been Sheriff Ramsey who had taken her home from the hospital that night, and she"d managed to hold herself together until she was in her bed. It was only then that the tears had come.
She"d told herself that the tears had been those of a woman who"d suffered a horrifying event, that they were the aftermath of fear. But, she knew in her heart that those tears had been for Joshua and her decision to halt whatever relationship they"d had.
Even now whenever she thought of him, she felt a swell of emotion in her chest, a wistful longing that things might have been different.
She now finished the candy bar, tossed the wrapper in the trash, then stared blankly at her computer screen. She had to forget him. She had to stop allowing thoughts of him to consume her.
The biggest news stories of her life were happening right under her nose. As a reporter this should be the most exciting time of her life.
Who would have thought a small town like Cotter Creek, Oklahoma, could be such a hotbed of intrigue and murder? Things could only heat up more once the FBI arrived.
The door to the office whooshed open and closed. Savannah stood, intent on going to see who had come in, but before she could move from behind her desk, Joshua filled the doorway of her small cubicle.
For a moment she stared at him in shock, wondering if she"d conjured up his image by her mere thoughts alone.
"Savannah." He spoke her name softly.
"Joshua, what are you doing here?" Her heart squeezed painfully at the sight of him. What could he be doing here? What could he possibly want?
"I want you to interview me."
She stared at him in surprise. "What?"
"You"ve asked me a dozen times for an interview and now I"m agreeing to it." Tension rolled off him and the air between them snapped with energy.
"I don"t think I can use an interview now. There"s news happening every day. I"m sure you"ve heard the FBI is going to be taking over the investigation and Sheriff Ramsey has officially announced his upcoming retirement. I"ve got more stories than I can use at the moment." She was aware that she was rambling and couldn"t seem to stop herself.
He was killing her, looking so fine in his tight, worn jeans and navy knit shirt pulled tautly across his broad chest. He was killing her with a softness that radiated from his beautiful green eyes, a softness she didn"t understand and was afraid to trust.
"Stop chattering and get out one of those notepads of yours because I want you to take notes," he commanded.
She grabbed a pad and a pen, wondering if something else had happened in town that he was here to report. She sat back down at her desk, then gazed at him expectantly.
"Now, ask me what"s in my heart," he said. She looked at him in surprise, the pen poised above the pad. "Go on, ask me."
Her mouth was suddenly unaccountably dry and her heart banged an unsteady rhythm. "What"s in your heart, Joshua?" The words came out in a mere whisper.
"You told me once that you"d probably never have a man be pa.s.sionate about you. Well, you were wrong." His gaze burned into hers. "I feel pa.s.sionately about you, and love for you is what"s in my heart."
She stared at him, wondering if somehow she"d only imagined the words that had just come out of his mouth. The pen fell from her fingers and rolled off the desk to the floor.
"I"ve spent the last miserable, lonely week trying to forget all about you, trying to ignore what I really felt," he continued, his voice thick with emotion. "The problem was never if you deserved me, but if I deserved you. I came home from New York feeling like a failure, believing that I didn"t deserve anything good."
"You aren"t hearing my mother"s voice whispering in your ear, are you?" She couldn"t help it, she had to say something to ease the darkness that momentarily swept into his eyes.
He grinned then, that slow, s.e.xy smile she loved. "No, I"m not hearing your mother. And over the course of the last week I"ve realized that I"m worth your love and I"m worth the happiness that you give me. I realized that I"m the lonely cowboy who wants to wake up with you every morning, who wants to go to sleep at night with you in my arms. And if you don"t get up from that desk and jump into my arms right now, I"ll be the most miserable man in the world."
She jumped up from the desk and threw herself at him, her heart so full she couldn"t speak for a moment. His arms enfolded her and as she looked up at him, his lips took hers in a kiss that held not just her love, but his.
"This is the best interview I"ve ever conducted," she said when the kiss ended.
He laughed and pulled her closer. "I love you, Savannah Clarion. I think you"re the most beautiful woman in the world. I love your freckles and your chatter. I want you in my life for as long as you"ll have me."
"Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much, Joshua?" she teased. "Why don"t you just be quiet and kiss me again."
"I"m happy to oblige," he replied, and he did and in that kiss Savannah realized all her hopes, all her dreams for a future filled with pa.s.sion and with love.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-5829-1.
Books by Carla Ca.s.sidy.
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*Out of Exile #1149 Secrets of a Pregnant Princess #1166 aaLast Seen... #1233.
aaDead Certain #1250.
aaTrace Evidence #1261.
aaManhunt #1294.
aProtecting the Princess #1345.
aDefending the Rancher"s Daughter #1376.
aThe Bodyguard"s Promise #1419.