Unfortunately, she knew as surely as she was breathing that she was headed for heartache.
Joshua listened to the sounds of the shower coming from the bathroom. He"d taken a quick shower minutes before and now sat at the kitchen table and waited for Savannah to shower and dress.
He had never felt so confused in his life...confused about himself, confused about Savannah. After they"d had s.e.x the second time he"d looked at her and wondered how anyone could ever even imagine that she wasn"t beautiful.
And that had scared the h.e.l.l out of him. She was creeping in where no other woman had ever been...into his head, into his heart.
At the moment all he felt was a need to run, to escape her with her charming chatter and innate warmth. He needed to distance himself not only from his desire for her on a physical level, but also an emotional level as well.
Despite her background with her family, he thought she was the most together woman he"d ever met. She seemed to know exactly who she was and what she wanted from life and he envied her that.
She"d shown him some of the scars that had been left by her mother and as the youngest son of a loving family, he"d ached for her pain, a pain he"d never known.
He tensed as he heard the shower water shut off. He looked at his watch, surprised to realize how late it had gotten. They had spent the entire afternoon in bed.
There was a part of him that wished they could just grab a bite to eat from the refrigerator, then tumble back into each other"s arms and sleep together through the night. But there was a bigger part of him that needed to get away from her.
She was supposed to interview Sheila in less than an hour. He"d take her to the cafe for the interview, then take her home and tomorrow he"d be stronger where she was concerned.
He had to get control of his feelings, because until he knew where he was going with his life, he had no intention of taking anyone along with him.
He was still seated at the table when she came out of the bedroom. Despite his need to control his emotions, he couldn"t help the way his heart leaped as she gifted him with one of her wide smiles.
"I can"t believe you don"t have a hair dryer," she said as she finger-combed her curly, damp hair.
"Yeah, well, that"s because I discourage female visitors," he said.
She stopped in her tracks and stared at him. "Oh, forgive me, I didn"t realize you were discouraging my presence here when you were driving ninety miles an hour to get me here."
"You"re right. I guess I just want to make sure that you understand that nothing has changed as far as I"m concerned." He knew he was being an a.s.s, but he couldn"t stop himself. She scared him, his feelings for her scared him and he needed to gain a safe distance. "I just don"t want another Lauren situation on my hands."
Her eyes narrowed. "You"re some piece of work, Joshua West. How dare you even think I"d be capable of being a *Lauren situation."" Her words were clipped and curt with anger.
Her eyes blazed as she stalked across the room to the front door. "You might be all that and a bag of chips to most of the girls you sleep with, but I told you from the very beginning that all I was looking for was a little fun. You"re so worried about me wanting more from you, but what makes you think you"re so great that I"d want anything more from you?"
She opened the front door, stepped out then slammed the door behind her. Joshua hurriedly followed, instant regret weighing heavily on his shoulders.
As Savannah started walking, short angry strides taking her past his truck, he called after her. "If you"re planning on walking back to town you"re going to be late for your interview with Sheila."
She paused, whirled to face him, then walked back to his truck and got in. He slid behind the wheel, then turned to face her. "I"m sorry," he said. "I shouldn"t have said that."
She looked at him and in the depths of her eyes he thought he saw a whisper of hurt, but she raised her chin in a show of defiance. "Just get me back to town. I have a job to do." She averted her gaze out the pa.s.senger window as if to dismiss him.
He started the engine and pulled away from the cabin, sorry that he"d said anything, sorry that he"d obviously hurt her feelings.
They rode for a few minutes in silence, a taut silence that deepened his regret.
"Savannah, I didn"t mean for it to sound like I thought you might be like Lauren," he said after several minutes of the impossibly strained silence. "I just don"t want there to be any complications, I wanted to make sure you know where I stood with you."
"You"ve made that crystal clear," she said with marked coolness in her voice. She turned to face him once again. "Look, Joshua, things have somehow gotten out of control between us, with the bodyguard thing maybe we"re spending way too much time together. You know what they say about familiarity breeding contempt."
Once again she turned her head and looked out the pa.s.senger window. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s heaved with a deep sigh. "I think maybe we need a break from each other. I appreciate the fact that there might be some sort of threat against me, but I"m a big girl. We have the alarm system now at the house and I know to watch my back."
"We"re in the middle of an investigation," he protested. "I"m not sure now is the time to change things." He pulled up and parked in front of the cafe. He cut the engine, then turned to face her. "We"re both running a little high on emotion here. Why don"t we wait and see what we find out from Sheila before we make any rash decisions?"
"Fine," she replied, and without another word got out of the truck and slammed the door.
Chapter 12.
Savannah knew she"d probably overreacted, but the fact that he"d reminded her that he really wanted nothing from her on any level other than a physical one had echoed with old hurts from her past.
For just a moment, with her newly realized love for him aching in her heart, she"d hoped for something more from him. She"d hoped that the gentleness of his lovemaking had indicated a depth of feeling for her, that the pa.s.sion he"d shown her had sprung from someplace other than his groin.
Don"t expect too much from men, Savannah Marie, her mother"s voice rang in her ear. You just aren"t the type of woman that men get all gushy and soft about. I"m only telling you this for your own good. I wouldn"t want you to hope for anything that you might never have.
Her mother"s words followed her from the truck inside the cafe where she picked a booth near the back and slid in. A moment later Joshua sat across from her, his forehead wrinkled with a frown.
"Savannah, I didn"t mean to make you mad." There was a plea in his deep green eyes.
How she wanted to hang on to some anger, how she longed to raise her anger like a shield against her feelings for him. But, as hard as she tried, she couldn"t sustain her irritation. How could she be angry with him for simply reiterating his rules for their relationship?
She sighed, a new burst of love for him swelling in her chest. "I"m not mad. Let"s just forget it, okay?" She glanced at her wrist.w.a.tch. "Sheila should be here any minute and I need to gather my thoughts for my interview."
She felt incredibly vulnerable and desperately needed some time alone, but she knew he wanted to be here when she spoke with Sheila.
The waitress arrived at the table and both of them ordered only drinks, knowing that they would be eating when Sheila arrived. As they waited for the Realtor to arrive, the silence between them grew uncomfortably taut.
For the first time in her life Savannah felt no desire to fill the silence with talk. Instead she wrapped it around her like a defense against her own feelings.
The cafe was quickly filling with people as dinnertime approached. Laughter rang in the air, along with the clatter of cutlery and the buzz of conversations.
Normally Savannah would find these kinds of surroundings invigorating, but at the moment a headache began a slight pound across her forehead and she just wanted to get this day finished.
She pulled a notepad from her purse and spent the next few minutes making notes concerning the questions she wanted to ask Sheila.
She wasn"t really angry with Joshua, she was angry with herself. She had momentarily forgotten what had been drilled into her from the time she could understand language. Joshua hadn"t done anything wrong. She had. She"d fallen in love with a man who was emotionally unavailable.
She looked up to see him staring out the window, and she thought of what he"d told her earlier, about what had driven him away from his family and off to New York to find himself.
It was strange how two people as different as them, as different as their backgrounds had been, could share a common goal to discover themselves amid strangers.
Whatever Joshua had needed, he hadn"t found it in New York and she had a feeling until he found whatever it was he needed, he had nothing to offer any woman. In any case he"d made it clear he had nothing more to offer her.
She sat up straighter in the booth as she saw Sheila"s luxury car pull up in front of the cafe. It was the first time she could remember actually looking forward to talking with the abrasive, pushy woman.
"Here she comes," Joshua said as Sheila burst through the front door of the cafe. Savannah breathed a sigh of relief. It was time to focus on what was important, on what she did best. It was time to interview a woman who might know something about what was going on in this town. At least this was something she did well.
"Savannah, darling, I"m so excited to be here," Sheila said as she reached the booth. "And Joshua, I"m really not surprised to see you as well. The gossip mill has been working overtime about the fact that you two have been joined at the hip since you came home."
Joshua stood and indicated that Sheila slide into the booth opposite Savannah where he had been sitting. "Savannah and I don"t pay much attention to the gossip mill," he said.
Savannah thought he might move to another booth or table and leave her alone with Sheila, but instead he slid in beside Savannah, his warm thigh pressing against hers. He obviously intended to be present during the interview.
"I"m just so excited to be here," Sheila said again as she got settled in the booth. "I just love your column and can"t believe you"re going to write about little old me." As she talked, her long dangling earrings bounced against the shoulder of her rhinestone-bedecked red jacket.
"Shall we order some dinner before we officially begin?" Savannah asked.
Sheila winked at her. "There"s two things I love, closing on a great real estate deal and eating." She raised a hand to gesture for the waitress.
As they waited for their orders Savannah and Sheila small-talked about upcoming events in town while Joshua sat silently, invading Savannah"s thoughts with his mere presence.
"Lovely wedding the other day, wasn"t it? Imagine Clay going all the way to Hollywood to find a bride," Sheila said.
"Yes, it was a lovely wedding," Savannah agreed. She tried not to remember that it had been the day of the wedding that she and Joshua had first fallen into bed together.
The small talk continued as they ate, and it was only when their dishes had been cleared and fresh coffee poured that Savannah got down to business.
She opened her notepad, pen ready. "I always like to start an interview by asking, what are the two things you"d like the people of this town to know about you that they might not already know?"
Sheila frowned and reached up to twirl a strand of her bleached blond hair. "Oh my, I never thought about it before. I suppose I"d like everyone to know that everything I"ve achieved in my life has been from d.a.m.ned hard work and long hours. And the other thing is that I know I dress flashy and gaudy, but when I was poor and growing up I always said when I got money I"d dress to please myself, and there"s nothing I love better than gaudy flash."
"Tell me about your childhood. You grew up right here in Cotter Creek, didn"t you?" Savannah asked.
"Right out there on Route 10."
As Sheila launched into the story of her past as one of four children of a dirt-poor rancher, Savannah tried to keep her attention focused on the interview and not on the man beside her or the questions she really wanted to ask Sheila.
There was no point in thinking about Joshua, and it was far too early in the interview for her to start hitting Sheila with hard questions.
People stopping at their booth to greet them interrupted them more than once, but the visits were brief as the visitors realized Savannah was conducting official newspaper business. If there was any doubt about what she was doing, Sheila was quick to inform everyone that she was being interviewed for Savannah"s column.
As the questions and answers went on, Savannah felt Joshua"s growing impatience and knew he wanted her to get where he wanted her to go. But, Savannah knew the importance of building trust and she wasn"t going to allow Joshua"s impatience to make her rush things with Sheila.
By the time Savannah decided to heat things up, her headache had fully blossomed, squeezing across her forehead like a vise.
"You ever go to bed hungry?" Sheila asked. Savannah nodded and she continued. "I went to bed hungry almost every night as a child and I decided then that I was going to make something of myself, make sure I never spent a hungry moment in the rest of my life."
"The real estate business seems to be booming right now in Cotter Creek," Savannah observed, and she felt Joshua tense as if coming to attention.
"I keep busy, that"s for sure," Sheila agreed.
"I"d say you"ve been more than busy." Savannah flipped through her notes. "According to my research, in the last eighteen months you"ve sold the Townsend and Nesmith places, the Wainfield and Cochran ranch." Savannah named the other ranches that had been sold due to the deaths of the owners.
Sheila"s eyes narrowed slightly. "Well, yes, I was the agent for all those places. Whenever any property in this town is ready to market, I try to be there to get an exclusive."
"Did you ever find it odd that all those men died in accidents?"
Sheila blinked once, twice...three times. "I guess I never thought about it before."
She was lying. Savannah knew it in her gut. The rapid blink of her eyelids and the fact that she averted her gaze from Savannah let her know Sheila was definitely lying.
"Then think about it now," Savannah said. "I find it very odd that all those men died in strange accidents, and you were the agent there to sell their property."
Sheila looked at her once again, a hard glitter in her eyes. "All I do is sell land. That"s all I do. When I heard each of those men was dead, I talked to their remaining family members and told them I"d get them the best offer if they wanted to sell. All of them wanted to sell. Nothing strange about it."
Joshua had been quiet throughout the interview process, but he now leaned forward. "Sheila, if you know something about those deaths, you need to tell us now."
"I don"t know what you"re talking about." Her hand rose to her throat, and once again she blinked rapidly. "I told you, I"m just a real estate agent. All I did was sell those properties. I haven"t done anything wrong."
"What is MoTwin?" Joshua asked.
Sheila"s face paled, and she looked at Savannah with accusing eyes. "I thought this interview was for your column. You got me here on false pretenses." She grabbed her purse from the booth. "I"m leaving. This interview is over." She slid out of the booth. "I don"t know anything and I want you both to leave me alone."
"Sheila, men have died and we think they"ve been murdered. If you know anything, please tell us," Savannah exclaimed.
The older woman shook her head, then hurried away from the booth but not before Savannah saw a flicker of fear in the depths of her eyes.
"She knows something," Savannah said, frustration making her headache intensify. "She knows something and she"s scared." She wondered if she"d have managed to get something out of Sheila if Joshua hadn"t been there. Maybe his presence had intimidated her.
"Yeah, well, I don"t think either one of us is going to get her to talk. Maybe Ramsey can get something out of her. I"ll let him know what we"ve found out."
Now that Sheila was gone, Savannah was acutely aware of Joshua so close to her side. All she wanted was to escape both the noise of the cafe and Joshua.
"I need to go home," she said and rubbed a hand across her forehead. "I have a headache and I"m tired."
Joshua scooted out of the booth and she did the same. As they walked to his truck a deep weariness swept over her. It had been a day of sheer emotion.
First the unbelievable thrill of making love to Joshua, then the crash down to earth as he reminded her that basically she meant little to him and finally the tense interview with Sheila.
What she wanted more than anything at the moment was a cup of hot tea and meaningless conversation with Winnie, then the privacy and comfort of her bed.
Once again silence reigned as they drove toward Winnie"s place, and once again she had no desire to try to break the silence. The vulnerability she"d felt earlier was back, and she was afraid that if she said anything she might make the mistake of showing Joshua just how deeply she cared for him.
It was he who finally broke the silence as he pulled into Winnie"s driveway. He put the truck in Park, then turned to look at her. "I"ll contact the sheriff first thing in the morning and let him know everything that we"ve found out."
She nodded wearily. "I still don"t think it"s necessary for us to be together every waking hour."
He frowned. "We showed our hand to Sheila. Now isn"t the time to make changes."
"No more than I"ve showed my hand before. I"ve been ranting and raving about a conspiracy for the last couple of weeks. I"ll be fine on my own."