THE HEIGHT OF THE RIDICULOUS
I wrote some lines once on a time In wondrous merry mood, And thought, as usual, men would say They were exceeding good.
They were so queer, so very queer, I laughed as I would die; Albeit, in the general way, A sober man am I.
I called my servant, and he came; How kind it was of him, To mind a slender man like me, He of the mighty limb!
"These to the printer," I exclaimed, And, in my humorous way, I added (as a trifling jest), "There"ll be the devil to pay."
He took the paper, and I watched, And saw him peep within; At the first line he read, his face Was all upon a grin.
He read the next, the grin grew broad, And shot from ear to ear; He read the third, a chuckling noise I now began to hear.
The fourth, he broke into a roar; The fifth, his waistband split; The sixth, he burst five b.u.t.tons off, And tumbled in a fit.
Ten days and nights, with sleepless eye, I watched that wretched man, And since, I never dare to write As funny as I can.
_Oliver Wendell Holmes._
SHAKE, MULLEARY AND GO-ETHE
I
I have a bookcase, which is what Many much better men have not.
There are no books inside, for books, I am afraid, might spoil its looks.
But I"ve three busts, all second-hand, Upon the top. You understand I could not put them underneath-- Shake, Mulleary and Go-ethe.
II
Shake was a dramatist of note; He lived by writing things to quote, He long ago put on his shroud: Some of his works are rather loud.
His bald-spot"s dusty, I suppose.
I know there"s dust upon his nose.
I"ll have to give each nose a sheath-- Shake, Mulleary and Go-ethe.
III
Mulleary"s line was quite the same; He has more hair, but far less fame.
I would not from that fame retrench-- But he is foreign, being French.
Yet high his haughty head he heaves, The only one done up in leaves, They"re rather limited on wreath-- Shake, Mulleary and Go-ethe.
IV
Go-ethe wrote in the German tongue: He must have learned it very young.
His nose is quite a b.u.t.t for scoff, Although an inch of it is off.
He did quite nicely for the Dutch; But here he doesn"t count for much.
They all are off their native heath-- Shake, Mulleary and Go-ethe.
V
They sit there, on their chests, as bland As if they were not second-hand.
I do not know of what they think, Nor why they never frown or wink, But why from smiling they refrain I think I clearly can explain: They none of them could show much teeth-- Shake, Mulleary and Go-ethe.
_H. C. Bunner._
A RONDELAY
Man is for woman made, And woman made for man: As the spur is for the jade, As the scabbard for the blade, As for liquor is the can, So man"s for woman made, And woman made for man.
As the sceptre to be sway"d, As to night the serenade, As for pudding is the pan, As to cool us is the fan, So man"s for woman made, And woman made for man.
Be she widow, wife, or maid, Be she wanton, be she staid, Be she well or ill array"d, So man"s for woman made, And woman made for man.
_Peter A. Motteux._
WINTER DUSK
The prospect is bare and white, And the air is crisp and chill; While the ebon wings of night Are spread on the distant hill.
The roar of the stormy sea Seem the dirges shrill and sharp That winter plays on the tree-- His wild aeolian harp.
In the pool that darkly creeps In ripples before the gale, A star like a lily sleeps And wiggles its silver tail.
_R. K. Munkittrick._
COMIC MISERIES
My dear young friend, whose shining wit Sets all the room a-blaze, Don"t think yourself a "happy dog,"
For all your merry ways; But learn to wear a sober phiz, Be stupid, if you can, It"s such a very serious thing To be a funny man!
You"re at an evening party, with A group of pleasant folks,-- You venture quietly to crack The least of little jokes,-- A lady doesn"t catch the point, And begs you to explain-- Alas for one that drops a jest And takes it up again!
You"re talking deep philosophy With very special force, To edify a clergyman With suitable discourse,-- You think you"ve got him--when he calls A friend across the way, And begs you"ll say that funny thing You said the other day!