Cinderella"s _lefts and rights_, To Geraldine"s were frights; And I trow, The damsel, deftly shod, Has dutifully trod Until now.

Come, Gerry, since it suits Such a pretty Puss (in Boots) These to don; Set this dainty hand awhile On my shoulder, dear, and I"ll Put them on.

_Frederick Locker-Lampson._

MRS. SMITH

Last year I trod these fields with Di, Fields fresh with clover and with rye; They now seem arid!

Then Di was fair and single; how Unfair it seems on me, for now Di"s fair--and married!

A blissful swain--I scorn"d the song Which says that though young Love is strong, The Fates are stronger; Breezes then blew a boon to men, The b.u.t.tercups were bright, and then This gra.s.s was longer.

That day I saw and much esteem"d Di"s ankles, which the clover seem"d Inclined to smother; It twitch"d, and soon untied (for fun) The ribbon of her shoes, first one, And then the other.

I"m told that virgins augur some Misfortune if their shoe-strings come To grief on Friday: And so did Di, and then her pride Decreed that shoe-strings so untied Are "so untidy!"

Of course I knelt; with fingers deft I tied the right, and then the left; Says Di, "The stubble Is very stupid!--as I live, I"m quite ashamed!--I"m shock"d to give You so much trouble!"

For answer I was fain to sink To what we all would say and think Were Beauty present: "Don"t mention such a simple act-- A trouble? not the least! in fact It"s rather pleasant!"

I trust that Love will never tease Poor little Di, or prove that he"s A graceless rover.

She"s happy now as _Mrs. Smith_-- And less polite when walking with Her chosen lover!

Heigh-ho! Although no moral clings To Di"s blue eyes, and sandal strings, We"ve had our quarrels!-- I think that Smith is thought an a.s.s; I know that when they walk in gra.s.s She wears _balmorals_.

_Frederick Locker-Lampson._

A TERRIBLE INFANT

I recollect a nurse call"d Ann, Who carried me about the gra.s.s, And one fine day a fine young man Came up, and kiss"d the pretty la.s.s.

She did not make the least objection!

Thinks I, "_Aha_!

_When I can talk I"ll tell Mamma_"

--And that"s my earliest recollection.

_Frederick Locker-Lampson._

SUSAN

A KIND PROVIDENCE

He dropt a tear on Susan"s bier, He seem"d a most despairing swain; But bluer sky brought newer tie, And--would he wish her back again?

The moments fly, and when we die, Will Philly Thistletop complain?

She"ll cry and sigh, and--dry her eye, And let herself be woo"d again.

_Frederick Locker-Lampson._

"I DIDN"T LIKE HIM"

Perhaps you may a-noticed I been soht o" solemn lately, Haven"t been a-lookin" quite so pleasant.

Mabbe I have been a little bit too proud and stately; Dat"s because I"se lonesome jes" at present.

I an" him agreed to quit a week or so ago, Fo" now dat I am in de social swim I"se "rived to de opinion dat he ain"t my style o" beau, So I tole him dat my watch was fas" fo" him.

|refrain|

Oh, I didn"t like his clo"es, An" I didn"t like his eyes, Nor his walk, nor his talk, Nor his ready-made neckties.

I didn"t like his name a bit, Jes" "spise the name o" Jim; If dem ere reasons ain"t enough, I didn"t like _Him_.

Dimon" ring he give to me, an" said it was a fine stone.

Guess it"s only alum mixed wif camphor.

Took it roun" to Eisenstein; he said it was a rhinestone, Kind, he said, he didn"t give a dam fur.

Sealskin sack he give to me it got me in a row.

P"liceman called an" asked to see dat sack; Said another lady lost it. Course I don"t know how; But I had to go to jail or give it back.

|refrain|

Oh, I didn"t like his trade; Trade dat kep" him out all night.

He"d de look ob a crook, An" he owned a bull"s-eye light.

So when policemen come to ask What _I_ know "bout dat Jim, I come to de confusion dat I didn"t like _Him_.

_Harry B. Smith._

MY ANGELINE

She kept her secret well, oh, yes, Her hideous secret well.

We together were cast, I knew not her past; For how was I to tell?

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