He opened his glove compartment and handed her a pad of paper and a pen. At the top of the pad was a cartoon drawing of a man skiing. The caption said: "Life is good."
"Here"s where I live," Gabrielle said, as she wrote down her address. "Soleil will be home with my family after the weekend."
"Okay, partner," Keith said, taking the paper from her like it was a receipt. "I thank you kindly."
Gabrielle had no idea why he was talking the way he was. She walked back to the house, where Soleil was standing in the living room. It was clear she"d been watching through the window. "What were you doing?" she said, accusingly.
"Giving him my address."
"What?" Soleil said.
"So he knows where to find you this week."
"W-w-why would he need to find me?"
"To apologize," Gabrielle said.
Soleil tightened her fingers into fists. She mimed screaming at the ceiling, she mimed screaming at the wall. Finally, she turned to Gabrielle with eyes that were strangely dull, dark as wet soil. "Oh, grow up," she said.
Roy Spivey
Miranda July
Twice I have sat next to a famous man on an airplane. The first man was Jason Kidd of the New Jersey Nets. I asked him why he didn"t fly first cla.s.s, and he said that it was because his cousin worked for United.
"Wouldn"t that be all the more reason to get first cla.s.s?"
"It"s cool," he said, unfurling his legs into the aisle.
I let it go, because what do I know about the ins and outs of being a sports celebrity? We didn"t talk for the rest of the flight.
I can"t say the name of the second famous person, but I will tell you that he is a Hollywood heart-throb who is married to a starlet. Also, he has the letter V in his first name. That"s all - I can"t say anything more than that. Think espionage. OK, the end - that really is all. I"ll call him Roy Spivey, which is almost an anagram of his name.
If I were a more self-a.s.sured person I would not have volunteered to give up my seat on an overcrowded flight, would not have been upgraded to first cla.s.s, would not have been seated beside him. This was my reward for being a pushover. He slept for the first hour, and it was startling to see such a famous face look so vulnerable and empty. He had the window seat and I had the aisle, and I felt as though I were watching over him, protecting him from the bright lights and the paparazzi. Sleep, little spy, sleep. He"s actually not little, but we"re all children when we sleep. For this reason, I always let men see me asleep early on in a relationship. It makes them realize that, even though I am five feet eleven, I am fragile and need to be taken care of. A man who can see the weakness of a giant knows that he is a man indeed. Soon small women make him feel almost fey - and, lo, he now has a thing for tall women.
Roy Spivey shifted in his seat, waking. I quickly shut my own eyes, and then slowly opened them, as if I, too, had been sleeping. Oh, but he hadn"t quite opened his yet. I shut mine again and right away opened them, slowly, and he opened his, slowly, and our eyes met, and it seemed as if we had woken from a single sleep, from the dream of our entire lives. Me, a tall but otherwise undistinguished woman; he a distinguished spy, but not really, just an actor, but not really, just a man, maybe even just a boy. That"s the other way that my height can work on men, the more common way: I become their mother.
We talked ceaselessly for the next two hours, having the conversation that is specifically about everything. He told me intimate details about his wife, the beautiful Ms M. Who would have guessed that she was so troubled?
"Oh, yeah, everything in the tabloids is true."
"It is?"
"Yeah, especially about her eating disorder."
"But the affairs?"
"No, not the affairs, of course not. You can"t believe the "bloids."
" "Bloids?"
"We call them "bloids. Or tabs."
When the meals were served it felt as if we were eating breakfast in bed together, and when I got up to use the bathroom he joked, "You"re leaving me!"
And I said, "I"ll be back!"
As I walked up the aisle, many of the pa.s.sengers stared at me, especially the women. Word had traveled fast in this tiny flying village. Perhaps there were even some "bloid writers on the flight. There were definitely some "bloid readers. Had we been talking loudly? It seemed to me that we were whispering. I looked in the mirror while I was peeing and wondered if I was the plainest person he had ever talked to. I took off my blouse and tried to wash under my arms, which isn"t really possible in such a small bathroom. I tossed handfuls of water toward my armpits and they landed on my skirt. It was made from the kind of fabric that turns much darker when it is wet. This was a real situation I had got myself into. I acted quickly, taking off my skirt and soaking the whole thing in the sink, then wringing it out and putting it back on. I smoothed it out with my hands. There. It was all a shade darker now. I walked back down the aisle, being careful not to touch anyone with my dark skirt.
When Roy Spivey saw me he shouted, "You came back!"
And I laughed and he said, "What happened to your skirt?"
I sat down and explained the whole thing, starting with the armpits. He listened quietly until I was done.
"So were you able to wash your armpits in the end?"
"No."
"Are they smelly?"
"I think so."
"I can smell them and tell you."
"No."
"It"s OK. It"s part of s...o...b..z."
"Really?"
"Yeah. Here."
He leaned over and pressed his nose against my shirt.
"It"s smelly."
"Oh. Well, I tried to wash it."
But he was standing up now, climbing past me to the aisle and rummaging around in the overhead bin. He fell back into his seat dramatically, holding a pump bottle.
"It"s Febreze."
"Oh, I"ve heard about that."
"It dries in seconds, taking odor with it. Lift up your arms."
I lifted my arms and with great focus he pumped three hard sprays under each sleeve.
"It"s best if you keep your arms out until it dries."
I held them out. One arm extended into the aisle and the other arm crossed his chest, my hand pressing against the window. It was suddenly obvious how tall I was. Only a very tall woman could shoulder such a wingspan. He stared at my arm in front of his chest for a moment, then he growled and bit it. Then he laughed. I laughed, too, but I did not know what this was, this biting of my arm.
"What was that?"
"That means I like you!"
"OK."
"Do you want to bite me?"
"No."
"You don"t like me?"
"No, I do."
"Is it because I"m famous?"
"No."
"Just because I"m famous doesn"t mean I don"t need what everyone else needs. Here, bite me anywhere. Bite my shoulder."
He slid back his jacket, unb.u.t.toned the first four b.u.t.tons on his shirt and pulled it back, exposing a large, tanned shoulder. I leaned over and very quickly bit it lightly, and then picked up my SkyMall SkyMall catalogue and began reading. After a minute he re-b.u.t.toned himself and slowly picked up his copy of catalogue and began reading. After a minute he re-b.u.t.toned himself and slowly picked up his copy of SkyMall SkyMall. We read like this for a good half-hour.
During this time I was careful not to think about my life. My life was far below us, in an orangey-pink stucco apartment building. It seemed as though I might never have to return to it now. The salt of his shoulder buzzed on the tip of my tongue. I might never stand in the middle of the living room and wonder what to do next. I sometimes stood there for up to two hours, unable to generate enough momentum to eat, to go out, to clean, to sleep. It seemed unlikely that someone who had just bitten and been bitten by a celebrity would have this kind of problem.
I read about vacuum cleaners designed to suck insects out of the air. I studied self-heating towel racks and fake rocks that could hide a key. We were beginning our descent. We adjusted our seat backs and tray-tables. Roy Spivey suddenly turned to me and said, "Hey."
"Hey," I said.
"Hey, I had an amazing time with you."
"I did, too."
"I"m going to write down a number and I want you to guard it with your life."
"OK."
"This phone number falls into the wrong hands and I"ll have to get someone to change the number and that is a big headache."
"OK."
He wrote the number on a page from the SkyMall SkyMall catalogue and ripped it out and pressed it into my palm. catalogue and ripped it out and pressed it into my palm.
"This is my kid"s nanny"s personal line. The only people who call her on this line are her boyfriend and her son. So she"ll always answer it. You"ll always get through. And she"ll know where I am."
I looked at the number.
"It"s missing a digit."
"I know, I want you to just memorize the last number, OK?"
"OK."
"It"s four."
We turned our faces to the front of the plane and Roy Spivey gently took my hand. I was still holding the paper with the number, so he held it with me. I felt warm and simple. Nothing bad could ever happen to me while I was holding hands with him, and when he let go I would have the number that ended in four. I"d wanted a number like this my whole life. The plane landed gracefully, like an easily drawn line. He helped me pull my carry-on bag down from the bin; it looked obscenely familiar.
"My people are going to be waiting for me out there, so I won"t be able to say goodbye properly."
"I know. That"s all right."
"No, it really isn"t. It"s a travesty."
"But I understand."
"OK, here"s what I"m going to do. Just before I leave the airport I"m going to come up to you and say, "Do you work here?" "
"It"s OK. I really do understand."
"No, this is important to me. I"ll say, "Do you work here?" And then you say your part."
"What"s my part?"
"You say, "No." "
"OK."
"And I"ll know what you mean. We"ll know the secret meaning."
"OK."
We looked into each other"s eyes in a way that said that nothing else mattered as much as us. I asked myself if I would kill my parents to save his life, a question I had been posing since I was fifteen. The answer always used to be yes. But in time all those boys had faded away and my parents were still there. I was now less and less willing to kill them for anyone; in fact, I worried for their health. In this case, however, I had to say yes. Yes, I would.
We walked down the tunnel between the plane and real life, and then, without so much as a look in my direction, he glided away from me.
I tried not to look for him in the baggage-claim area. He would find me before he left. I went to the bathroom. I claimed my bag. I drank from the water fountain. I watched children hit each other. Finally, I let my eyes crawl over everyone. They were all not him, every single one of them. But they all knew his name. Those who were talented at drawing could have drawn him from memory, and everyone else could certainly have described him, if they"d had to, say, to a blind person - the blind being the only people who wouldn"t know what he looked like. And even the blind would have known his wife"s name, and a few of them would have known the name of the boutique where his wife had bought a lavender tank top and matching boy-shorts. Roy Spivey was both nowhere to be found, and everywhere. Someone tapped me on the shoulder.
"Excuse me, do you work here?"
It was him. Except that it wasn"t him, because there was no voice in his eyes; his eyes were mute. He was acting. I said my line.