Naturally, I am giving you Susan"s later interpretations of her pre-schoolday wonderings; and a number of you would gasp a little, knowing what firm, delicate imaginings all Susan Blake"s later interpretations were, if I should give you her pen name as well--which I have promised myself not to do. This is not an official study of a young writer of peculiar distinction; it is merely an unpretending book about a little girl I knew and a young married woman I still know--one and the same person. It is what I have named it--that only: _The Book of Susan_.
Meanwhile, this humid June night--to the sordid accompaniment of Bob and Pearl snarling at each other half-drunkenly within--Susan waits for us on the monolithic door slab; and there is a new wonder in her dizzy little head. I can"t do better than let her tell you in her own words what this new wonder was like.
"Ambo, dear"--my name, by the way, is Ambrose Hunt; Captain Hunt, of the American Red Cross, at the present writing, which I could date from a sleepy little village in Southern France--"Ambo, dear, it was the moon, mostly. There was a pink bud of light in the heat mist, way off beyond East Rock, and then the great wild rose of the moon opened slowly through it. Papa, inside, was sounding just like a dog when he"s bullying another dog, walking up on the points of his toes, stiff legged, round him. So I tried to escape, tried to be the moon; tried to feel floaty and shining and beautiful, and--and remote. But I couldn"t manage it. I never could make myself be anything not alive. I"ve tried to be stones, but it"s no good. It won"t work. I can be trees--a little.
But usually I have to be animals, or men and women--and of course they"re animals too.
"So I began wondering why I liked the moon, why just looking at it made me feel happy. It couldn"t talk to me; or love me. All it could do was to be up there, sometimes, and shine. Then I remembered about mythology.
Miss Chisholm, in school, was always telling us about G.o.ds and G.o.ddesses. She said we were children, so we could recreate the G.o.ds for ourselves, because they belonged to the child age of the world. She talked like that a lot, in a faded-leaf voice, and none of us ever understood her. The truth is, Ambo, we never paid any attention to her; she smiled too much and too sadly, without meaning it; and her eyelashes were white. All the same, that night somehow I remembered Artemis, the virgin moon G.o.ddess, who slipped silently through dark woods at dusk, hunting with a silvery bow. Being a virgin seemed to mean that you didn"t care much for boys. But I did always like boys better than girls, so I decided I could never be a virgin. And yet I loved the thought of Artemis from that moment. I began to think about her--oh, intensely!--always keeping off by herself; cool, and shining, and--and detached. And there was one boy she _had_ cared for; I remembered that, too, though I couldn"t remember his name. A naked, brown sort of boy, who kept off by himself on blue, distant hills. So Artemis wasn"t really a virgin at all. She was just--awfully particular. She liked clean, open places, and the winds, and clear, swift water. What she hated most was _stuffiness_! That"s why I decided then and there, Ambo, that Artemis should be my G.o.ddess, my own pet G.o.ddess; and I made up a prayer to her.
I"ve never forgotten it. I often say it still....
_Dearest, dearest Far-Away, Can you hear me when I pray?
Can you hear me when I cry?
Would you care if I should die?
No, you wouldn"t care at all; But I love you most of all._
"It isn"t very good, Ambo, but it"s the first rhyme I ever made up out of my own head. And I just talked it right off to Artemis without any trouble. But I had hardly finished it, when----"
What had happened next was the crash of gla.s.sware, followed by Bob"s thick voice, bellowing: "C"m ba" here! d.a.m.ned s.l.u.t! Tell yeh t" c"m ba"
an"--an" "pol"gize!"
Susan heard a strangling screech from Pearl, the jar of a heavy piece of furniture overturned. The child"s first impulse was to run out into Birch Street and scream for help. She tells me her spine knew all at once that something terrible had happened--or was going to happen. Then, in an odd flash of hallucination, she saw _Artemis_ poised the fleetingest second before her--beautiful, a little disdainful, divinely unafraid. So Susan gulped, dug her nails fiercely into her palms, and hurried back through the parlor into the kitchen, where she stumbled across the overturned table and fell, badly bruising her cheek.
As she scrambled to her feet a door slammed to, above. Her father, in a grotesque crouching posture, was mounting the ladderlike stair. On the floor at the stair"s foot lay the parchment head of Pearl"s banjo, which he had cut from its frame. Susan distinctly caught the smudged pinks and blues of the nondescript flowers. She realized at once that her father was bound on no good errand. And Pearl was trapped. Susan called to her father, daringly, a little wildly. He slued round to her, leaning heavily on the stair rail, his face green-white, his lips held back by some evil reflex in a fixed, appalling grin.
It was the face of a madman.... He raised his right hand, slowly, and a tiny prismatic gleam darted from the blade of an opened razor--one of his precious set of six. He had evidently used it to destroy the banjo head, which he would never have done in his right mind. But now he made a shocking gesture with the blade, significant of other uses; then turned, crouching once more, to continue upward. Susan tried to cry out, tried to follow him, until the room slid from its moorings into a whirlpool of humming blackness....
That is all Susan remembers for some time. It is just as well.
VI
What Susan next recalls is an intense blare of light, rousing her from her nothingness, like trumpets. Her immediate confused notion was that the gates of h.e.l.l had been flung wide for her; and when a tall black figure presently cut across the merciless rays and towered before her, she thought it must be the devil. But the intense blare came from the head lights of my touring car, and the tall black devil was I. A greatly puzzled and compa.s.sionate devil I was too! Maltby Phar--that exquisite anarchist--was staying with me, and we had run down to the sh.o.r.e for dinner, hoping to mitigate the heat by the ride, and my new sensation of frustrate middle-age by broiled live lobsters. It was past eleven. I had just dropped Maltby at the house and had run my car round to the garage where Bob worked, meaning to leave it there overnight so Bob could begin patching at it the first thing in the morning. It had been bucking its way along on three cylinders or less all day.
Bob"s garage lay back from the street down a narrow alley. Judge, then, of my astonishment as I nosed my car up to its shut double doors! There, on the concrete incline before the doors, lay a small crumpled figure, half-curled, like an unearthed cut-worm, about a shining dinner pail. I brought the car to a sudden dead stop. The small figure partly uncrumpled, and a white, blinded little face lifted toward me. It was Bob"s youngster! What was she up to, lying there on the ribbed concrete at this time of night? And in heaven"s name--why the dinner pail? I jumped down to investigate.
"You"re Susan Blake, aren"t you?"
"Yes"--with a whispered gasp--"your Royal Highness."
Susan says she doesn"t know just why she addressed the devil in that way, unless she was trying to flatter him and so get round him.
"I"m not so awfully bad," she went on, "if you don"t count thinking things too much!"
The right cheek of her otherwise delicately modeled child"s face was a swollen lump of purple and green. I dropped down on one knee beside her.
"Why, you poor little lady! You"re hurt!"
Instantly she sprang to her feet, wild-eyed.
"No, no! It"s not me--it"s Pearl! Oh, quick--please! He had a razor!"
"Razor? _Who_ did?" I seized her hands. "I"m Mr. Hunt, dear. Your father often works on my car. Tell me what"s wrong!"
She was still half dazed. "I--I can"t see why I"m down here--with papa"s dinner pail. Pearl was upstairs, and I tried to stop him from going." Then she began to whimper like a whipped puppy. "It"s all mixed.
I"m scared."
"Of course--of course you are; but it"s going to be all right." I led her to the car and lifted her to the front seat. "Hold on a minute, Susan. I"ll be back with you in less than no time!"
I sounded my horn impatiently. After an interval, a slow-footed car washer inside the garage began trundling the doors back to admit me. I ran to him.
No. Bob, he left at six, same as usual. He hadn"t been round since....
His kid, eh? Mebbe the heat had turned her queer. Nuff to addle most folks, the heat was....
I saw that he knew nothing, and snapped him off with a sharp request to crank the car for me. As he did so, I jumped in beside Susan.
"Where do you live, Susan? Oh, yes, of course--Birch Street. Bob told me that.... Eh? You don"t want to go home?"
"Never, please. Never, never! I _won"t_!" Proclaiming this, she flung Bob"s dinner pail from her and it bounced and clattered down the asphalt. "It"s too late," she added, in a frightened whisper: "I know it is!"
Then she seized my arm--thereby almost wrecking us against a fire hydrant--and clung to me, sobbing. I was puzzled and--yes--alarmed. Bob was a bad customer. The child"s bruised face ... something she had said about a razor----? And instantly I made up my mind.
"I"ll take you to my house, Susan. Mrs. Parrot"--Mrs. Parrot was my housekeeper--"will fix you up for to-night. Then I"ll go round and see Bob; see what"s wrong." I felt her thin fingers dig into my arm convulsively. "Yes," I rea.s.sured her, taking a corner perilously at full speed, "that will be much better. You"ll like Mrs. Parrot."
Rather recklessly, I hoped this might prove to be true; for Mrs. Parrot was a little difficult at times....
It was Maltby Phar who saw me coming up the steps with a limp child in my arms, and who opened the screen door for me. "Aha!" he exclaimed.
"Done it this time, eh! Always knew you would, sooner or later. You"re too d.a.m.ned absent-minded to drive a car. You----"
"Nonsense!" I struck in. "Tell Mrs. Parrot to ring up Doctor Stevens.
Then send her to me." And I continued on upstairs with Susan.
When Mrs. Parrot came, Susan was lying with closed eyes in the middle of a great white embroidered coverlet, upon which her shoes had smeared greasy, permanent-looking stains.
"Mercy," sighed Mrs. Parrot, "if you"ve killed the poor creature, n.o.body"s sorrier than I am! But why couldn"t you have laid her down on the floor? She wouldn"t have known."
In certain respects Mrs. Parrot was invaluable to me; but then and there I suspected that Mrs. Parrot would, in the not-too-distant future, have to go.
Within five minutes Doctor Stevens arrived, and, after hurried explanations, Maltby and I left him in charge--and then made twenty-five an hour to Birch Street.
However, Susan"s intuitions had been correct. We found Bob"s four-room house quite easily. It was the house with the crowd in front of it....
We were an hour too late.
"Cut her throat clean acrost; and his own after," shrilled Mrs. Perkins to us--Mrs. Perkins, who lived three doors nearer the right end of Birch Street. "But it"s only what was to be looked for, and I guess it"ll be a lesson to some. You can"t expect no better end than that," perorated Mrs. Perkins to us and her excited neighbors, while her small gray-green eyes snapped with electric malice, "you can"t expect no better end than that to sech _brazen_ immorality!"
"My G.o.d," groaned Maltby, as we sped away, "How they have enjoyed it all! Why, you almost ruined the evening for them when you told them you"d found the child! They were hoping to discover her body in the cellar or down the well. Ugh! What a world!
"By the way," he added, as we turned once more into the dignified breadth of Hillhouse Avenue, "what"ll you do with the homely little brat? Put her in some kind of awful inst.i.tution?"