"Jimmy"s--_what_!" I shrieked. Yes, shrieked--for, to my horror, I heard my voice crack and soar, strident, incredulous.
Susan was staring at me, wide-eyed, her face aquiver with excitement; two deep spots of color flaming on her thin cheeks.
"Didn"t you _know_?"
The white door opened as she spoke, and Susan"s Norman nurse hurried in, her sparrow eyes transformed to stiletto points of indignation. "_Ah, m"sieu--c"est trop fort!_ When I told you expressly to do nothing to excite the poor little one!" I rose, self-convicted, before her.
"_Tais-toi, Annette!_" exclaimed Susan sharply, her eyes too gleaming with indignation. "It is not your place to speak so to m"sieu, a man old enough to be your father--and more than a father to me! For shame! His surprise was unavoidable! I have just given him a shock--unexpected news! Good news, however, I am glad to say. Now leave us!"
"On the contrary," replied Nurse Annette, four feet eleven of uncompromising and awful dignity, "I am in charge here, and it is m"sieu who will leave--_tout court_! But I regret my _vivacite_, _m"sieu_!"
"It is nothing, mademoiselle. You have acted as you should. It is for me to offer my regrets. But--when may I return?"
"To-morrow, m"sieu," said Nurse Annette.
"Naturally," said Susan. "Now sit down, please, Ambo, and listen to me."
For an instant the stiletto points glinted dangerously; then Nurse Annette giggled. That is precisely what Nurse Annette did; she giggled.
Then she twirled about on her toes and left us--very quietly, yet not without a certain malicious ostentation, closing the door.
The French are a brave people, an intelligent and industrious people; but they exhibit at times a levity almost childlike in the descendants of so ancient and so deeply civilized a race....
"I knew nothing about it myself, Ambo," Susan was saying, "until I was beginning to feel a little stronger, after my operations at Dunkirk.
Then Mona brought me letters--three from you, dear, and one long one from Jimmy. But no letter from Phil. I"d hoped, foolishly I suppose, for that. Jimmy"s was the dearest, funniest letter I"ve ever read; it made me laugh and cry all at once. It wasn"t a bit good for me, Ambo. It used me all up! And I kept wondering what you must be thinking. You see, he said in it he had written you."
"I"ve had no letter from Jimmy for at least five or six months," I replied.
"So many letters start bravely off over here," sighed Susan, "and then just vanish--like Phil. How many heartbreaks they must have caused, all those vanished letters--and men. And how silly of me to think about it!
There must be some fatal connection, Ambo, between being sick and being sentimental. I suppose sentimentality"s always one symptom of weakness.
I"ve never been so disgustingly maudlin as these past weeks--never!"
"So Jimmy"s married," I repeated stupidly, for at least the third time.
"Yes," smiled Susan, "to little Jeanne-Marie Valerie Josephine Aulard. I haven"t seen her, of course, but I feel as if I knew her well. They"ve been married now almost a year." She paused again. "Why don"t you look gladder, Ambo? Why don"t you ask questions? You must be dying to know why Jimmy kept it a secret from us so long."
I had not dared to ask questions, for I believed I could guess why Jimmy had kept it a secret from us so long. For the first time in his life, I thought, Jimmy had been a craven. He had been afraid to tell Susan of an event which he must know would be like a knife in her heart.
"I suppose I"m foolishly hurt about it," I mumbled.
How bravely she was taking it all, in spite of her physical exhaustion!
Poor child, poor child! But in G.o.d"s name what then was the meaning of my vision back there in the hotel room at Evian? Jimmy entering this room where I now sat, tiptoeing to this very bedside, stooping down and kissing Susan--and her hand lifted, overcoming an almost mortal weakness, to touch his hair....
"You mustn"t be hurt at all," Susan gently rebuked me. "Jimmy kept his marriage a secret from us for a very Jimmyesque reason. There was nothing specially exciting or romantic about the courtship itself, though. Little Jeanne-Marie"s father--he was a notary of Soissons who had made a nice, comfy little fortune for those parts--died just before the war. So the Widow Aulard retired with Jeanne-Marie to a brand-spandy-new, very ugly little country house--south of the Aisne, Ambo, not far from Soissons; the canny old notary had just completed it as a haven for his declining years when he up and died. Well then, during the first German rush, Widow Aulard--being a good extra-stubborn _bourgeoise_--refused to leave her home--refused, Jeanne-Marie told Jimmy, even to believe the Boches would ever really be permitted to come so far. That was foolish, of course--but doesn"t it make you like her, and _see_ her--mustache and all?
"But the deluge was too much, even for her. One morning, after a night of terror, she found herself compulsory housekeeper, and little Jeanne-Marie compulsory servant, to a kennel of Bavarian officers. Then, three weeks or so later, the orderly of one of these officers, an Alsatian, was discovered to be a spy and was shot--and the Widow Aulard was shot, too, for having unwittingly harbored him. Jeanne-Marie wasn"t shot, though; the kennel liked her cooking. So, like the true daughter of a French notary, she used her wits, made herself indispensable to the comfort of the officers, preserved her dignity under incredible insults, and her virtue under conditions I needn"t tell you about, Ambo--and bided her time.
"It nearly killed her; but she lived through it, and finally the French returned and helped her patch up and clean up what was left of the kennel. And a month or so later Jimmy"s _esquadrille_ made Jeanne-Marie"s battered little house their headquarters and treated its mistress like the staunch little heroine she is. Of course, Jimmy wasn"t attached to the _esquadrille_ then; it was more than a year later that he arrived on the scene; but it didn"t take him long after getting there to decide on an international alliance. Bless him! he says Jeanne-Marie isn"t very pretty, he guesses; she"s just--wonderful! She couldn"t make up her mind to the international alliance, though. She loved Jimmy, but the match didn"t strike her as prudent. An orphan must consider these things. Her property had been swept away, and Jimmy admitted he had nothing. And being her father"s daughter, Jeanne-Marie very wisely pointed out that he was in hourly peril of being killed or crippled for life. To marry under such circ.u.mstances would be to make her father turn in his grave. How can anything so sad be so funny, Ambo? Well, anyway, Jimmy, being Jimmy, saw the point, agreed with her completely, and seems to have felt thoroughly ashamed of himself for trying to persuade her into so crazy a match!
"Then little Jeanne-Marie came down with typhoid; her life was despaired of, a priest was summoned. In the presence of death, she managed to tell the priest that it would seem less lonely and terrible to her if she could meet it as the wife "M"sieu Jee-mee." So the good priest managed somehow to slash through yards of official red tape in no time--you know how hard it is to get married in France, Ambo!--and the sacrament of marriage preceded the last rites; and then, dear, Jeanne-Marie faced the Valley of Shadow clinging to M"sieu Jee-mee"s hand. The whole _esquadrille_ was unstrung--naturally; even their famous ace, Boisrobert. Jimmy says he absolutely refused to fly for three days." Tears were pouring from Susan"s eyes.
"Oh, what a fool I am!" she protested, mopping at them with a corner of the top sheet. "She didn"t die, of course. She rallied at the last moment and got well--and found herself safely married after all, and quite ready to take her chances of living happily with M"sieu Jee-mee ever afterward! There--isn"t that a nice story, Ambo? Don"t you like pretty-pie fairy tales when they happen to be true?"
That she could ask me this with her heart breaking! Again I could not trust myself to speak calmly, and I saw that she was worn out with the effort she had made to overcome her weakness, and what I believed to be a living pain in her breast. I rose.
"Ambo!" she exclaimed, wide-eyed, "still you don"t ask me why Jimmy didn"t tell us! How stupid of you to take it all like this!"
"I"ve stayed too long, dear," I mumbled; "far too long. I"ve let you talk too much. Why, it"s almost dark! To-morrow----"
"No, _now_," she insisted, with a little frown of displeasure. "I won"t have you thinking meanly of Jimmy! It"s too absurdly unfair! I"m ashamed of you, Ambo."
How she idealized him! How she had always idealized that normal, likable, essentially commonplace Irish boy--pouring out, wasting for him treasures of unswerving loyalty! It was d.a.m.nable. But these things were the final mysteries of life, these instinctive bonds, yielding no clue to reason. One could only accept them, bitterly, with a curse or a groan withheld. Accept them--since one must....
"Well, dear," broke from me with a touch, almost, of impatience, "I confess I"m more interested in your health than in Jimmy"s psychology!
But I see you won"t sleep a wink if you don"t tell me!"
"I"ve never known you to be so horrid," she said faintly, all the weariness of body and soul returning upon her for a moment, till she fought it back. She did so, to my amazement, with an entirely unexpected chuckle, a true sharp, clear Birch Street gleam. "You don"t deserve it, Ambo, but I"m going to make you smile a little, whether you feel like it or not! The reason Jimmy didn"t tell us was because--after Jeanne-Marie got well--he spent weeks trying to persuade her that a marriage made exclusively for eternity oughtn"t to be considered binding on this side!
She had been entirely certain, he kept pointing out to her, that she ought not to marry him in this world, and she had only done so when she thought she was being taken from it." Susan chuckled again. "Can"t you hear him, Ambo--and her? Jimmy, feeling he had won something precious through an unfair advantage and so refusing his good fortune--or trying to; and practical Jeanne-Marie simply nonplussed by his sudden lack of all common sense! Besides which, wasn"t marriage a sacrament, and wasn"t M"sieu Jee-mee a good Catholic? Was he going back on his faith--or asking her to trifle with hers? And, anyway, they were married--that was the end of it! And of course, Ambo, it was--really. There! I knew sooner or later you"d have to smile!"
"Did he give in gracefully?" I asked.
"Oh, things soon settled themselves, I imagine, when Jeanne-Marie was well enough to leave. Naturally, she had to as soon as she could. A soldier"s wife can"t live with him at the Front, you know--even to keep house for his _esquadrille_. She"s living here now, in Paris, with a distant cousin, an old lady who runs a tiny shop near St.-Sulpice--sells pious pamphlets and pink-and-blue plaster Virgins--you know the sort of thing, Ambo. You must call on her at once in due form, dear. You must.
I"m so eager to--when I can." She paused on a breath, then added slowly, her eyes closing, "The baby"s expected in February--Jimmy"s baby."
The look on her face had puzzled me as I left her; a look of quiet happiness, I must have said--if I had not known.
And my vision at Evian----?
I walked back toward the barrier down endless darkening avenues of suburban Neuilly; walked by instinct, though quite unconscious of direction, straight to the Porte Maillot, through the emotional nightmare of what my old childhood nurse, Maggie, used always to call "a great state of mind."
V
And that night--it was, I think, the thirtieth of January, or was it the thirty-first?--fifty or sixty Boche aeroplanes came by detached squadrons over Paris and, for the first time since the Zeppelins of 1916, dropped a shower of bombs on the _agglomeration Parisienne_. It was an entirely successful raid, destructive of property and life; for the German flyers in their powerful Gothas had caught Paris napping, impotently unprepared.
I had dined that evening with an old acquaintance, doing six-months"
time, as it amused him to put it, with the purchasing department of the Red Cross; a man who had long since turned the silver spoon he was born with to solid gold, and who could see no reason why, just because for the first time in his life he was giving something for nothing, he should deprive himself while doing so of the very high degree of creature comfort he had always enjoyed. He was stationed in Paris, and it was his invariable custom to dine sumptuously at one of the more expensive restaurants.
This odd combination of service and sybaritism was not much to my liking, seeming to indicate a curious lack of imaginative sympathy with the victims of that triumphing Misery he was enlisted to combat; nevertheless, I had properly appreciated my dinner. It is impossible not to appreciate a well-ordered dinner, _chez_ Durant, where wartime limitations seemed never to weigh very heavily upon the delicately imagined good cheer. True, the cost of this good cheer was fantastic, and I shuddered a little as certain memories of refugee hordes at Evian intruded themselves between our golden mouthfuls; but the bouquet of a fine mellowed Burgundy was in my nostrils and soon proved anaesthetic to conscience. And Arthur Dalton is a good table companion; his easy flow of conversation quite as mellow often as the wine he knows so well how to select. But that night, though I did my poor best to emulate him, I fear he did not find an equal combination of the soothing and the stimulating in me.
Perhaps it was because I had bored him that I was destined before we parted to catch a rather startling glimpse of a new Arthur Dalton, new at least to me; a person wholly different from the amusing man of the world I had long, but so casually, known.
"Hunt," he said unexpectedly, over a final gla.s.s of old yellow Chartreuse, a liquor almost un.o.btainable at any price, "you"ve changed a lot since our days here together." We had seen something of each other once in Paris, years before, during a fine month of spring weather; it was the year after my wife had left me. "A lot," he repeated; "and I wish I could say for the better. You"ve aged, man, before you"re old.
You"ve let life, somehow, get on your nerves, depress you. Suffered your genial spirits to rot, as the poet says. That"s foolish. It"s a kind of defeat--acceptance of defeat. Now my philosophy is always to stay on top--where the cream lies. Somebody"s going to get it if you and I don"t, eh? Well, I"m having my share. I don"t want more and I"m d.a.m.ned if I"ll take less. Anything wrong with that point of view, old man? I"d be willing to swear it used to be yours!"
"Never quite, I think," was my answer; "at least I never formulated it that way. I took things pretty easily as they came, Dalt, and didn"t worry about reasons. I"ve never been a philosophical person, never lived up to any consciously organized plan. If I had any G.o.d in those days I suppose I named him "Culture"; or worse still "Good Taste." Not much of a G.o.d for these times," I added.
"Oh, I don"t know," Dalton struck in; "I"m not so sure of that! I can"t see that these times differ much from any others. There"s a big war on, yes; but that"s nothing new, is it? Looks to me pretty much like the same old planet, right now. Never was much of a planet for the great majority; never will be. A few of us get all the prizes--always have.
Some of us partly deserve "em, but most of us just happen to be lucky. I don"t see anything that"s likely to change that arrangement. Do you?"