"Joan, kiss me," he whispered, with a softness, a richer, deeper note in his voice.
"No!" cried Joan, violently.
There was a moment of silence in which she felt his grasp slowly tighten--the heave of his breast.
"Then I"ll make you," he said. So different was the voice now that another man might have spoken. Then he bent her backward, and, freeing one hand, brought it under her chin and tried to lift her face.
But Joan broke into fierce, violent resistance. She believed she was doomed, but that only made her the fiercer, the stronger. And with her head down, her arms straining, her body hard and rigidly unyielding she fought him all over the room, knocking over the table and seats, wrestling from wall to wall, till at last they fell across the bed and she broke his hold. Then she sprang up, panting, disheveled, and backed away from him. It had been a sharp, desperate struggle on her part and she was stronger than he. He was not a well man. He raised himself and put one hand to his breast. His face was haggard, wet, working with pa.s.sion, gray with pain. In the struggle she had hurt him, perhaps reopened his wound.
"Did you--knife me--that it hurts so?" he panted, raising a hand that shook.
"I had--nothing.... I just--fought," cried Joan, breathlessly.
"You hurt me--again--d.a.m.n you! I"m never free--from pain. But this"s worse.... And I"m a coward.... And I"m a dog, too! Not half a man!--You slip of a girl--and I couldn"t--hold you!"
His pain and shame were dreadful for Joan to see, because she felt sorry for him, and divined that behind them would rise the darker, grimmer force of the man. And she was right, for suddenly he changed. That which had seemed almost to make him abject gave way to a pale and bitter dignity. He took up Dandy Dale"s belt, which Joan had left on the bed, and, drawing the gun from its sheath, he opened the cylinder to see if it was loaded, and then threw the gun at Joan"s feet.
"There! Take it--and make a better job this time," he said.
The power in his voice seemed to force Joan to pick up the gun.
"What do--you mean?" she queried, haltingly.
"Shoot me again! Put me out of my pain--my misery.... I"m sick of it all. I"d be glad to have you kill me!"
"Kells!" exclaimed Joan, weakly.
"Take your chance--now--when I"ve no strength--to force you.... Throw the gun on me.... Kill me!"
He spoke with a terrible impelling earnestness, and the strength of his will almost hypnotized Joan into execution of his demand.
"You are mad," she said. "I don"t want to kill you. I couldn"t.... I just want you to--to be--decent to me."
"I have been--for me. I was only in fun this time--when I grabbed you.
But the FEEL of you!... I can"t be decent any more. I see things clear now.... Joan Randle, it"s my life or your soul!"
He rose now, dark, shaken, stripped of all save the truth.
Joan dropped the gun from nerveless grasp.
"Is that your choice?" he asked hoa.r.s.ely.
"I can"t murder you!"
"Are you afraid of the other men--of Gulden? Is that why you can"t kill me? You"re afraid to be left--to try to get away?"
"I never thought of them."
"Then--my life or your soul!"
He stalked toward her, loomed over her, so that she put out trembling hands. After the struggle a reaction was coming to her. She was weakening. She had forgotten her plan.
"If you"re merciless--then it must be--my soul," she whispered. "For I CAN"T murder you.... Could you take that gun now--and press it here--and murder ME?"
"No. For I love you."
"You don"t love me. It"s a blacker crime to murder the soul than the body."
Something in his strange eyes inspired Joan with a flashing, reviving divination. Back upon her flooded all that tide of woman"s subtle incalculable power to allure, to charge, to hold. Swiftly she went close to Kells. She stretched out her hands. One was bleeding from rough contract with the log wall during the struggle. Her wrists were red, swollen, bruised from his fierce grasp.
"Look! See what you"ve done. You were a beast. You made me fight like a beast. My hands were claws--my whole body one hard knot of muscle. You couldn"t hold me--you couldn"t kiss me.... Suppose you ARE able to hold me--later. I"ll only be the husk of a woman. I"ll just be a cold sh.e.l.l, doubled-up, unrelaxed, a callous thing never to yield.... All that"s ME, the girl, the woman you say you love--will be inside, shrinking, loathing, hating, sickened to death. You will only kiss--embrace--a thing you"ve degraded. The warmth, the sweetness, the quiver, the thrill, the response, the life--all that is the soul of a woman and makes her lovable will be murdered."
Then she drew still closer to Kells, and with all the wondrous subtlety of a woman in a supreme moment where a life and a soul hang in the balance, she made of herself an absolute contrast to the fierce, wild, unyielding creature who had fought him off.
"Let me show--you the difference," she whispered, leaning to him, glowing, soft, eager, terrible, with her woman"s charm. "Something tells me--gives me strength.... What MIGHT be!... Only barely possible--if in my awful plight--you turned out to be a man, good instead of bad!...
And--if it were possible--see the differences--in the woman.... I show you--to save my soul!"
She gave the fascinated Kells her hands, slipped into his arms, to press against his breast, and leaned against him an instant, all one quivering, surrendered body; and then lifting a white face, true in its radiance to her honest and supreme purpose to give him one fleeting glimpse of the beauty and tenderness and soul of love, she put warm and tremulous lips to his.
Then she fell away from him, shrinking and terrified. But he stood there as if something beyond belief had happened to him, and the evil of his face, the hard lines, the brute softened and vanished in a light of transformation.
"My G.o.d!" he breathed softly. Then he awakened as if from a trance, and, leaping down the steps, he violently swept aside the curtain and disappeared.
Joan threw herself upon the bed and spent the last of her strength in the relief of blinding tears. She had won. She believed she need never fear Kells again. In that one moment of abandon she had exalted him. But at what cost!
10
Next day, when Kells called Joan out into the other cabin, she verified her hope and belief, not so much in the almost indefinable aging and sadness of the man, as in the strong intuitive sense that her attraction had magnified for him and had uplifted him.
"You mustn"t stay shut up in there any longer," he said. "You"ve lost weight and you"re pale. Go out in the air and sun. You might as well get used to the gang. Bate Wood came to me this morning and said he thought you were the ghost of Dandy Dale. That name will stick to you. I don"t care how you treat my men. But if you"re friendly you"ll fare better.
Don"t go far from the cabin. And if any man says or does a thing you don"t like--flash your gun. Don"t yell for me. You can bluff this gang to a standstill."
That was a trial for Joan, when she walked out into the light in Dandy Dale"s clothes. She did not step very straight, and she could feel the cold p.r.i.c.k of her face under the mask. It was not shame, but fear that gripped her. She would rather die than have Jim Cleve recognize her in that bold disguise. A line of dusty saddled horses stood heads and bridles down before the cabin, and a number of lounging men ceased talking when she appeared. It was a crowd that smelled of dust and horses and leather and whisky and tobacco. Joan did not recognize any one there, which fact aided her in a quick recovery of her composure.
Then she found amus.e.m.e.nt in the absolute sensation she made upon these loungers. They stared, open-mouthed and motionless. One old fellow dropped his pipe from bearded lips and did not seem to note the loss. A dark young man, dissipated and wild-looking, with years of lawlessness stamped upon his face, was the first to move; and he, with awkward gallantry, but with amiable disposition. Joan wanted to run, yet she forced herself to stand there, apparently unconcerned before this battery of bold and curious eyes. That, once done, made the rest easier. She was grateful for the mask. And with her first low, almost incoherent, words in reply Joan entered upon the second phase of her experience with these bandits. Naturalness did not come soon, but it did come, and with it her wit and courage.
Used as she had become to the villainous countenances of the border ruffians, she yet upon closer study discovered wilder and more abandoned ones. Yet despite that, and a brazen, unconcealed admiration, there was not lacking kindliness and sympathy and good nature. Presently Joan sauntered away, and she went among the tired, s.h.a.ggy horses and made friends with them. An occasional rider swung up the trail to dismount before Kells"s cabin, and once two riders rode in, both staring--all eyes--at her. The meaning of her intent alertness dawned upon her then.
Always, whatever she was doing or thinking or saying, behind it all hid the driving watchfulness for Jim Cleve. And the consciousness of this fixed her mind upon him. Where was he? What was he doing? Was he drunk or gambling or fighting or sleeping? Was he still honest? When she did meet him what would happen? How could she make herself and circ.u.mstances known to him before he killed somebody? A new fear had birth and grew--Cleve would recognize her in that disguise, mask and all.
She walked up and down for a while, absorbed with this new idea. Then an unusual commotion among the loungers drew her attention to a group of men on foot surrounding and evidently escorting several hors.e.m.e.n. Joan recognized Red Pearce and Frenchy, and then, with a start, Jim Cleve.
They were riding up the trail. Joan"s heart began to pound. She could not meet Jim; she dared not trust this disguise; all her plans were as if they had never been. She forgot Kells. She even forgot her fear of what Cleve might do. The meeting--the inevitable recognition--the pain Jim Cleve must suffer when the fact and apparent significance of her presence there burst upon him, these drove all else from Joan"s mind.
Mask or no mask, she could not face his piercing eyes, and like a little coward she turned to enter the cabin.
Before she got in, however, it was forced upon her that something unusual had roused the loungers. They had arisen and were interested in the approaching group. Loud talk dinned in Joan"s ears. Then she went in the door as Kells stalked by, eyes agleam, without even noticing her.
Once inside her cabin, with the curtain drawn, Joan"s fear gave place to anxiety and curiosity.
There was no one in the large cabin. Through the outer door she caught sight of a part of the crowd, close together, heads up, all noisy. Then she heard Kells"s authoritative voice, but she could understand nothing.