"Sartainly mars jedge, sartainly sar," said Ned, bowing and sc.r.a.ping.
"Ef you seed all dat finery Miss Alice has got strowed around her neck und all dem white und pink und yellow jonquills und sweetbetsies und s...o...b..a.l.l.s und princess fedders on top of her bed, und all dun und dun for yu mars jedge, dere wudn"t be but seben tater ridges twixt dis grate house und yourn; yu"d be pearter dan any rabbit in de mashes agwine und a c.u.mmin."
The foolish widower pa.s.sed out of the door and out of the gate singing to himself,
"Her brow is like the snowdrift, Her throat is like the swan."
His feelings toward the peerless beauty were stoutly reinforced by the observation of the negro "und all dun und dun for yu mars jedge."
Clarissa ever and always upon the lookout in these suspicious times, hearing only s.n.a.t.c.hes of the conversation in the hall between the judge and her husband called out imperiously,
"Ned c.u.m to de do er minit," Ned in his slouchy way, giggling like an idiot, advanced toward Clarissa.
"Whot ailed dat white man in dem fine cloes und stove-pipe hat agwine outen de gate?" and Ned only giggled the more.
"Don"t yu heer me axing you Ned?" stormed Clarissa.
Ned still giggling with both hands to his black mouth replied distrustfully.
"I gin mars jedge my solum wurd dat I wudn"t woice dat diffikilt twixt me und him to man nur cattle beastis nudder."
"Woice what diffikilt Ned?" asked Clarissa in her provoking way. "You knows I haint no man nur cattle beastis nudder; whot maks yu so tantilizin? Ef you haint agwine to tell me I"m agwine rite strate to Miss Alice; I knows she will mak yu tell her." Ned buried his face in both hands and then peeping through his fingers sheepishly observed,
"Now Clarsy you knows you is monstrous handy noratin ebery blessed fing you heers to tuther fokses; now ef I ups und tells yu, und it gits to mars jedge"s ears, whose agwine to stand twixt me und him? Tell me dat."
"I"m agwine to stan betwixt yu und de jedge, dats who," replied Clarissa consequentially.
"Oh Lordy! Yu ergwine to stan twixt me und him," interrogated old Ned contemptuously "Jes as well have ole Jube er stanin twixt me und de jedge ebery bit und grane."
Clarissa thought for a moment and replied with infinite satisfaction.
"Miss Alice is ergwine ter stan twixt yu und de jedge, dats who."
"Dat mout do," said Ned, "und ef de jedge axes me about it I"m agwine to send him rite strate to Miss Alice, und let dem two fite it out twixt dey selves," and Ned with great circ.u.mstantiality placed Clarissa in possession of the facts in the case.
"Fo de King!" exclaimed Clarissa after Ned had concluded. "I"m ergwine rite strate und tell Miss Alice."
"Und den dars is gwine to be a rumpus in dis grate house," said Ned with disgust as Clarissa shuffled down the hall to her young mistress"s chamber.
Nothing baffled by his misadventure, and realizing that faint heart ne"er won fair lady, the judge reappeared at the hall door of Ingleside with his beaver hat canted on the other side of his head, and rang the door bell quite tentatively, as he felt that Ned would watch for his coming, and would admit him without knocking.
"Now Ned," the judge remarked, as he pa.s.sed his beaver to the old negro, "examine me from head to foot and tell me if I"m all right." Ned did as he was commanded in great detail of inspection and observed,
"Yes sar, dat yu is, mars jedge, I neber seed such a portly yung man in all my days sar. Pend upon it boss, Miss Alice is ergwine to bite at the hook fore yu flings out de bate. Ef I mout tell yu de truf you looks lak yu was a stepping into de marrage sallymony dis werry minit und I don"t speck nofin else but dem yallow und white s...o...b..a.l.l.s und sweet betsies is ergwine to drap rite down und perish on yung misses hed when yu put your little foot in dat dar parlor;" and the vain old man now fully rea.s.sured, followed the old butler into the parlor, the latter remarking in a highly patronizing way.
"Now, mars jedge, I"m ergwine to set yu down in de bridegroom"s cheer, kase I knows. .h.i.t is ergwine to be yourn fore dis yeer is dun und gon, und den I"m ergwine to be yourn too," he laughingly continued. "Kase I belongs to yung missis und yung missis belongs to de jedge. Ha, ha, ha!"
After Ned had retired to the hall the vain old man, after looking all around him, stealthily arose from his seat and surveyed his person in an elaborate mirror over the mantle piece, arranging his hair, beard, and eyebrows in every detail of evenness and position, and was thus a.s.saulted by the bewitching beauty of Ingleside without a picket or skirmish line, and with his back to the conqueror of hearts. The dilemma was excessively embarra.s.sing and as he turned to speak to the queenly beauty he began to stammer and quite unconsciously to make apologies.
"I called this morning, madam," he began, "er, er, er, to inquire after the health of your father. You don"t know er, er, er, how solicitous I have been about him of late. How is he this morning?"
"He is very much better, I thank you, sir," replied Alice with an effort at self control, "and if you will excuse me I will inform him that you are here."
"I beg you will er, er, er"--stammered the judge with an uncontrollable energy.
"Oh, I am sure it will do him so much good to see you," interrupted Alice, as she gracefully bowed herself out of the room, leaving the bewildered lover to destroy with huge battering rams the beautiful castle which his ardent fancy and old Ned"s sycophancy had erected.
"In olden times," soliloquized the judge, as he brought his clenched hand with force upon his knee, "kings alone had their fools; and here I am playing the miserable fool in the presence of an unsophisticated maid. Father indeed! Why did I ask about her father, blasted idiot that I am?"
The old judge was still scourging himself with the thongs of emphatic rebuke, when to his surprise another judge entered the parlor with the beautiful Alice upon his arm.
Colonel Seymour and the two judges had met before in the court room, and were now enjoying themselves in an old-fashioned way in the elaborate parlor of the old mansion.
Judge Bonham was very delicate and refined in his compliments of his friend Judge Livingstone, who in the niceties of the law "could divide a hair "twixt the north and north-west side." He was the judge who had extracted the poison sacs from the fangs of reconstruction; the judge who had stampeded the vile and vicious hordes that thronged and polluted the temple of justice. As Judge Bonham looked at the man, he felt that the entreaty of the South had been answered by the Power that rules in heaven and earth.
"G.o.d give us men; a time like this demands Great minds, strong hearts, true faith and willing hands; Men whom the l.u.s.t of office cannot buy, Men who have honor and will not lie."
These gentlemen had scarcely begun to sap the foundations of the superstructure of reconstruction, when dinner was announced by the beautiful hostess, who stood in the door, as judge Bonham declared, encircled in a cincture of angelic grace. It was a bountiful meal; there were cheer and laughter and polite jest at the board, and as these distinguished gentlemen were bowing themselves out of the dining room, Judge Bonham was observed by Clarissa to take a napkin ring from his plate and put it in his pocket; with rolled up eyes and wide open mouth, Clarissa looked like a black idol in a Chinese temple. The guests again a.s.sembled in the library and Alice busied herself in arranging the table for tea.
"What sorter man is dat tother jedge Miss Alice?" asked Clarissa in an authoritative kind of a way. "I don"t mean dat shiny-eyed jedge, but dat man dat has got dem grate big warts on his nose. Ef dat ar jedge c.u.m to dis grate house many mo times ole missis silver is agwine to be all gone. She tole me to look arter her plunder. I don"t ame to sa.s.s dat ar jedge Miss Alice, but de fust time I ketches him to hissef I"m ergwine to ax him please turn dem dere pockets rong side outtards und lemme see what he has got stowed erway in dere. Dem kote skeerts haint er bulgin out datterway fur nuffin. Twixt dat secesh man und de scalyhorgs, wun is jamby ez big er fellum ez de tuther; he ergwine erbout punishin tuther fokses for gwine rong, und he, yu mout say, is er conwick hissef. I nebber seed wot yu mout call a high quality white pusson steal yo fings rite fore yo eyes in de broad open daylight lak dat."
"You must not talk that way about Judge Bonham, Clarissa," rejoined Alice with irritation. "I am ashamed of you! What would father say if he were to hear you accuse his guest of stealing!" Alice continued rebukingly.
"Well, Miss Alice," said Clarissa apologetically, "It mout be dat I spoke too brash; seems lak do ef he was a sho nuff jedge he orter have mo manners dan agwine erbout shoolikin und pilferin lak dat; speks ef dat white man was sarched yu mout find udder wallybles belonging to dis grate house in his hine pockets dis werry minit; yu dun und heerd me say dem dar kote skeerts aint a bulging out dat dar way fur nuffin."
Clarissa with malice prepense was arraigning the judge upon a cruel indictment, a prejudiced prosecution and a predetermined verdict evidently. There was but one plea that could avail the judge if Clarissa were polled as the jury, and that would require the immediate rest.i.tution of the stolen property, and an unconditional withdrawal from old ma.r.s.er"s great house; or to punctuate the verdict in Clarissa"s emphatic way,
"Don"t yu never set yo foot in dis heer grate house no mo, epseps yu want ole Jube to wour yu up with wun moufful, ef dem is all de manners yu got."
"Permit me to ask you sir," observed Judge Bonham to Judge Livingstone, "if the conditions prevailing in the South are not entirely unlike those that obtain in the North?"
"Yes, indeed," replied Judge Livingstone. "It would be difficult to realize that we live under the same Federal government. Society in this country seems to be thoroughly disorganized. I can imagine that some great upheaval of nature has widely separated the South from the North."
"I presume," said Judge Bonham, "that you have seen southern character in all of its transformations in your courts?"
"Yes sir, and very frequently in its most abhorrent and disgusting forms. There is such a variety of indictable frauds and many of them growing out of the rudimentary education of the negroes, that this fact, in my opinion, is the most cogent argument against their education."
"I am very decidedly of that opinion," replied Judge Bonham with emphasis. "I believe if it were not for the criminal cla.s.s of young negroes there would be very few indictments in the courts; but as the matter stands they are congested to that extent that our jails are always over crowded and so are our dockets."
"Do you know, sir," replied Judge Livingstone, "that there is a side to this ever-shifting panorama that challenges my profoundest sympathy? To give you an ill.u.s.tration: A few days ago, in this county of F., I saw in the dock a decayed old negro, who staggered into the bar from sheer exhaustion. He was dying piece-meal from starvation. He was indicted for the larceny of a peck of sweet potatoes. The prosecuting witness was a white man of about forty years of age, and was what is provincially known as a scalawag. I do not exaggerate very grossly when I say that a blacksmith would have hammered a plowshare out of his hard face. The old negro was convicted; he had no substantial defence. I said to him, "I want you to tell me why you took the potatoes." The poor old negro leaned heavily with both hands upon his staff, his unshorn white locks giving him the appearance of a "sheik of the desert," and raising his harrowed face, that was wet with tears, tremblingly addressed the court as he grasped the railing for support, "Mars Jedge, I hab neber nied dis scusashun, und I tole de boss man ef he wudn"t sen me to de jail I wud wurk hit out ef hit tuck seben yurs. I libs erway ober yander cross de mash. Dar is my ole ma.r.s.er a settin dar. He noes I"m er tellin yu de naked truf, und G.o.d in hebben noes I wudn"t tell yu nary lie. Dar is foteen moufs in my fambly er cryin fer wittles ebery day de good Lawd sends; und Malindy, dat"s my dorter, haint struck a lick o" wurk fur mo dan er hole yur; und dar"s my growed-up son, dat"s Joe, he got drounded in de crick nigh unto er month ago; und dar"s my po wife, dat"s Mimy, she tuck sick und died when she heerd dat Joe had drounded hissef, und n.o.body in de wurrel ter git ary moufful o" wittles epsep me; und I was so hongry, und de chillun wuz er cryin twell I wuz moest stracted; und I had a grate big bone fellyun on dis heer han"--dar tis, rite dar--so I cudn"t wurk, und I went to de boss man, standin rite dar fo yo eyes, und axed him fer two er free little stringy taters; und he cussed me und driv me er way, und called me er ole free issu dimmycrat n.i.g.g.e.r; und my ole ma.r.s.er libed so fur erway I cudn"t git nary wurd to him; und den, ez I wuz ergwine outen de plantashun, I seed two er free little stringy taters, mout be fo taters, er lyin on de tip eend o" de ridge in de brilin sun arter de taters had bin dug outen de patch, und I didn"t fink it wuz no harm to n.o.body, und I tuck um und toted um home in my pocket ter de po little parishin yunguns, und--"
"Here the old negro broke down and cried as if his heart would break, and then wiping his eyes with his ragged coat sleeve, he continued,
"Und den dey tuck me und put me in de jale; und I axed de high shurriff ter please git wurd ter ole ma.r.s.er whar I wuz ka.r.s.erated, und he neber sont no wurd ter ole ma.r.s.er. Ma.r.s.er Jedge, I"m ergwine on eighty-free yurs ole, und ef I libs ter see nex Juvember, ef I don"t make no mistake I"ll be gwine in er hundred. I aint neber been kotched in no sc.r.a.pes befo in my born days, has I ole ma.r.s.er?" Then turning to a white-haired man on the jury, "Nary body, white er cullud, hab eber crooked de finger at enyfing I eber dun rong, und I"m too ole und crazyfied to be sont to de penitenshury, und fur de Lawd"s sake, Mars Jedge, please don"t sen me dar, ef yu duz my po little yunguns will parish ter def, und I axes all yu white gemmen on dat jurrer ter pray fur me, und de jedge too."
"The court and jury were in tears when this eloquent plea was concluded, and the poor old negro, shaking from head to foot, sank back into his seat, bowed his white head upon his staff and covered his black face with his old hat. There was a painful pause in the court room; handkerchiefs were freely displayed here and there, and ominous sounds, as if there was weeping, was heard in the great press of people."
"What is your name?" asked the judge, addressing the white-haired juror in the box to whom the old negro had appealed as his master.
"Grissom," modestly replied the man.
"Do you know the character of this old negro?" asked the judge.