Alyosha suddenly gave a wry smile, cast a strange, very strange, look at the Father to whom his former guide, the former sovereign of his heart and mind, his beloved elder, had confided him as he lay dying. And suddenly, still without speaking, waved his hand, as though not caring even to be respectful, and with rapid steps walked towards the gates away from the hermitage.
"You will come back again!" murmured Father Paissy, looking after him with sorrowful surprise.
Chapter 2.
A Critical Moment.
FATHER PAISSY, of course, was not wrong when he decided that his "dear boy" would come back again. Perhaps indeed, to some extent, he penetrated with insight into the true meaning of Alyosha"s spiritual condition. Yet I must frankly own that it would be very difficult for me to give a clear account of that strange, vague moment in the life of the young hero I love so much. To Father Paissy"s sorrowful question, "Are you too with those of little faith?" I could, of course, confidently answer for Alyosha, "No, he is not with those of little faith. Quite the contrary." Indeed, all his trouble came from the fact that he was of great faith. But still the trouble was there and was so agonising that even long afterwards Alyosha thought of that sorrowful day as one of the bitterest and most fatal days of his life. If the question is asked: "Could all his grief and disturbance have been only due to the fact that his elder"s body had shown signs of premature decomposition instead of at once performing miracles?" I must answer without beating about the bush, "Yes, it certainly was." I would only beg the reader not to be in too great a hurry to laugh at my young hero"s pure heart. I am far from intending to apologise for him or to justify his innocent faith on the ground of his youth, or the little progress he had made in his studies, or any such reason. I must declare, on the contrary, that I have genuine respect for the qualities of his heart. No doubt a youth who received impressions cautiously, whose love was lukewarm, and whose mind was too prudent for his age and so of little value, such a young man might, I admit, have avoided what happened to my hero. But in some cases it is really more creditable to be carried away by an emotion, however unreasonable, which springs from a great love, than to be unmoved. And this is even truer in youth, for a young man who is always sensible is to be suspected and is of little worth- that"s my opinion!
"But," reasonable people will exclaim perhaps, "every young man cannot believe in such a superst.i.tion and your hero is no model for others."
To this I reply again, "Yes! my hero had faith, a faith holy and steadfast, but still I am not going to apologise for him."
Though I declared above, and perhaps too hastily, that I should not explain or justify my hero, I see that some explanation is necessary for the understanding of the rest of my story. Let me say then, it was not a question of miracles. There was no frivolous and impatient expectation of miracles in his mind. And Alyosha needed no miracles at the time, for the triumph of some preconceived idea- oh no, not at all- what he saw before all was one figure- the figure of his beloved elder, the figure of that holy man whom he revered with such adoration. The fact is that all the love that lay concealed in his pure young heart for everyone and everything had, for the past year, been concentrated- and perhaps wrongly so- on one being, his beloved elder. It is true that being had for so long been accepted by him as his ideal, that all his young strength and energy could not but turn towards that ideal, even to the forgetting at the moment "of everyone and everything." He remembered afterwards how, on that terrible day, he had entirely forgotten his brother Dmitri, about whom he had been so anxious and troubled the day before; he had forgotten, too, to take the two hundred roubles to Ilusha"s father, though he had so warmly intended to do so the preceding evening. But again it was not miracles he needed but only "the higher justice" which had been in his belief outraged by the blow that had so suddenly and cruelly wounded his heart. And what does it signify that this "justice" looked for by Alyosha inevitably took the shape of miracles to be wrought immediately by the ashes of his adored teacher? Why, everyone in the monastery cherished the same thought and the same hope, even those whose intellects Alyosha revered, Father Paissy himself, for instance. And so Alyosha, untroubled by doubts, clothed his dreams too in the same form as all the rest. And a whole year of life in the monastery had formed the habit of this expectation in his heart. But it was justice, justice, he thirsted for, not simply miracles.
And now the man who should, he believed, have been exalted above everyone in the whole world, that man, instead of receiving the glory that was his due, was suddenly degraded and dishonoured! What for? Who had judged him? Who could have decreed this? Those were the questions that wrung his inexperienced and virginal heart. He could not endure without mortification, without resentment even, that the holiest of holy men should have been exposed to the jeering and spiteful mockery of the frivolous crowd so inferior to him. Even had there been no miracles, had there been nothing marvellous to justify his hopes, why this indignity, why this humiliation, why this premature decay, "in excess of nature," as the spiteful monks said? Why this "sign from heaven," which they so triumphantly acclaimed in company with Father Ferapont, and why did they believe they had gained the right to acclaim it? Where is the finger of Providence? Why did Providence hide its face "at the most critical moment" (so Alyosha thought it), as though voluntarily submitting to the blind, dumb, pitiless laws of nature?
That was why Alyosha"s heart was bleeding, and, of course, as I have said already, the sting of it all was that the man he loved above everything on earth should be put to shame and humiliated! This murmuring may have been shallow and unreasonable in my hero, but I repeat again for the third time- and am prepared to admit that it might be difficult to defend my feeling- I am glad that my hero showed himself not too reasonable at that moment, for any man of sense will always come back to reason in time, but, if love does not gain the upper hand in a boy"s heart at such an exceptional moment, when will it? I will not, however, omit to mention something strange, which came for a time to the surface of Alyosha"s mind at this fatal and obscure moment. This new something was the hara.s.sing impression left by the conversation with Ivan, which now persistently haunted Alyosha"s mind. At this moment it haunted him. Oh, it was not that something of the fundamental, elemental, so to speak, faith of his soul had been shaken. He loved his G.o.d and believed in Him steadfastly, though he was suddenly murmuring against Him. Yet a vague but tormenting and evil impression left by his conversation with Ivan the day before, suddenly revived again now in his soul and seemed forcing its way to the surface of his consciousness.
It had begun to get dusk when Rakitin, crossing the pine copse from the hermitage to the monastery, suddenly noticed Alyosha, lying face downwards on the ground under a tree, not moving and apparently asleep. He went up and called him by his name.
"You here, Alexey? Can you have- " he began wondering but broke off. He had meant to say, "Can you have come to this?"
Alyosha did not look at him, but from a slight movement Rakitin at once saw that he heard and understood him.
"What"s the matter?" he went on; but the surprise in his face gradually pa.s.sed into a smile that became more and more ironical.
"I say, I"ve been looking for you for the last two hours. You suddenly disappeared. What are you about? What foolery is this? You might just look at me..."
Alyosha raised his head, sat up and leaned his back against the tree. He was not crying, but there was a look of suffering and irritability in his face. He did not look at Rakitin, however, but looked away to one side of him.
"Do you know your face is quite changed? There"s none of your famous mildness to be seen in it. Are you angry with someone? Have they been ill-treating you?"
"Let me alone," said Alyosha suddenly, with a weary gesture of his hand, still looking away from him.
"Oho! So that"s how we are feeling! So you can shout at people like other mortals. That is a come-down from the angels. I say, Alyosha, you have surprised me, do you hear? I mean it. It"s long since I"ve been surprised at anything here. I always took you for an educated man.
Alyosha at last looked at him, but vaguely, as though scarcely understanding what he said.
"Can you really be so upset simply because your old man has begun to stink? You don"t mean to say you seriously believed that he was going to work miracles?" exclaimed Rakitin, genuinely surprised again.
"I believed, I believe, I want to believe, and I will believe, what more do you want?" cried Alyosha irritably.
"Nothing at all, my boy. d.a.m.n it all! why, no schoolboy of thirteen believes in that now. But there... So now you are in a temper with your G.o.d, you are rebelling against Him; He hasn"t given promotion, He hasn"t bestowed the order of merit! Eh, you are a set!"
Alyosha gazed a long while with his eyes half closed at Rakitin, and there was a sudden gleam in his eyes... but not of anger with Rakitin.
"I am not rebelling against my G.o.d; I simply "don"t accept His world."" Alyosha suddenly smiled a forced smile.
"How do you mean, you don"t accept the world?" Rakitin thought a moment over his answer. "What idiocy is this?"
Alyosha did not answer.
"Come, enough nonsense, now to business. Have you had anything to eat to-day?"
"I don"t remember.... I think I have."
"You need keeping up, to judge by your face. It makes one sorry to look at you. You didn"t sleep all night either, I hear; you had a meeting in there. And then all this bobbery afterwards. Most likely you"ve had nothing to eat but a mouthful of holy bread. I"ve got some sausage in my pocket; I"ve brought it from the town in case of need, only you won"t eat sausage...."
"Give me some."
"I say! You are going it! Why, it"s a regular mutiny, with barricades! Well, my boy, we must make the most of it. Come to my place... shouldn"t mind a drop of vodka myself, I am tired to death. Vodka is going too far for you, I suppose... or would you like some?"
"Give me some vodka too."
"Hullo! You surprise me, brother!" Rakitin looked at him in amazement. "Well, one way or another, vodka or sausage, this is a jolly fine chance and mustn"t be missed. Come along."
Alyosha got up in silence and followed Rakitin.
"If your little brother Ivan could see this wouldn"t he be surprised! By the way, your brother Ivan set off to Moscow this morning, did you know?"
"Yes," answered Alyosha listlessly, and suddenly the image of his brother Dmitri rose before his mind. But only for a minute, and though it reminded him of something that must not be put off for a moment, some duty, some terrible obligation, even that reminder made no impression on him, did not reach his heart and instantly faded out of his mind and was forgotten. But, a long while afterwards, Alyosha remembered this.
"Your brother Ivan declared once that I was a "liberal b.o.o.by with no talents whatsoever." Once you, too, could not resist letting me know I was "dishonourable." Well! I should like to see what your talents and sense of honour will do for you now." This phrase Rakitin finished to himself in a whisper.
"Listen!" he said aloud, "Let"s go by the path beyond the monastery straight to the town. H"m! I ought to go to Madame Hohlakov"s by the way. Only fancy, I"ve written to tell her everything that happened, and would you believe it, she answered me instantly in pencil (the lady has a pa.s.sion for writing notes) that "she would never have expected such conduct from a man of such a reverend character as Father Zossima." That was her very word: "conduct." She is angry too. Eh, you are a set! Stay!" he cried suddenly again. He suddenly stopped and taking Alyosha by the shoulder made him stop too.
"Do you know, Alyosha," he peeped inquisitively into his eyes, absorbed in a sudden new thought which had dawned on him, and though he was laughing outwardly he was evidently afraid to utter that new idea aloud, so difficult he still found it to believe in the strange and unexpected mood in which he now saw Alyosha. "Alyosha, do you know where we had better go?" he brought out at last timidly, and insinuatingly.
"I don"t care... where you like."
"Let"s go to Grushenka, eh? Will you come?" p.r.o.nounced Rakitin at last, trembling with timid suspense.
"Let"s go to Grushenka," Alyosha answered calmly, at once, and this prompt and calm agreement was such a surprise to Rakitin that he almost started back.
"Well! I say!" he cried in amazement, but seizing Alyosha firmly by the arm be led him along the path, still dreading that he would change his mind.
They walked along in silence; Rakitin was positively afraid to talk.
"And how glad she will be, how delighted!" he muttered, but lapsed into silence again. And indeed it was not to please Grushenka he was taking Alyosha to her. He was a practical person and never undertook anything without a prospect of gain for himself. His object in this case was twofold, first a revengeful desire to see "the downfall of the righteous," and Alyosha"s fall "from the saints to the sinners," over which he was already gloating in his imagination, and in the second place he had in view a certain material gain for himself, of which more will be said later.
"So the critical moment has come," he thought to himself with spiteful glee, "and we shall catch it on the hop, for it"s just what we want."
Chapter 3.
An Onion.
GRUSHENKA lived in the busiest part of the town, near the cathedral square, in a small wooden lodge in the courtyard belonging to the house of the widow Morozov. The house was a large stone building of two stories, old and very ugly. The widow led a secluded life with her two unmarried nieces, who were also elderly women. She had no need to let her lodge, but everyone knew that she had taken in Grushenka as a lodger, four years before, solely to please her kinsman, the merchant Samsonov, who was known to the girl"s protector. It was said that the jealous old man"s object in placing his "favourite" with the widow Morozov was that the old woman should keep a sharp eye on her new lodger"s conduct. But this sharp eye soon proved to be unnecessary, and in the end the widow Morozov seldom met Grushenka and did not worry her by looking after her in any way. It is true that four years had pa.s.sed since the old man had brought the slim, delicate, shy, timid, dreamy, and sad girl of eighteen from the chief town of the province, and much had happened since then. Little was known of the girl"s history in the town and that little was vague. Nothing more had been learnt during the last four years, even after many persons had become interested in the beautiful young woman into whom Agrafena Alexandrovna had meanwhile developed. There were rumours that she had been at seventeen betrayed by someone, some sort of officer, and immediately afterwards abandoned by him. The officer had gone away and afterwards married, while Grushenka had been left in poverty and disgrace. It was said, however, that though Grushenka had been raised from dest.i.tution by the old man, Samsonov, she came of a respectable family belonging to the clerical cla.s.s, that she was the daughter of a deacon or something of the sort.
And now after four years the sensitive, injured and pathetic little orphan had become a plump, rosy beauty of the Russian type, a woman of bold and determined character, proud and insolent. She had a good head for business, was acquisitive, saving and careful, and by fair means or foul had succeeded, it was said, in ama.s.sing a little fortune. There was only, one point on which all were agreed. Grushenka was not easily to be approached and, except her aged protector, there had not been one man who could boast of her favours during those four years. It was a positive fact, for there had been a good many, especially during the last two years, who had attempted to obtain those favours. But all their efforts had been in vain and some of these suitors had been forced to beat an undignified and even comic retreat, owing to the firm and ironical resistance they met from the strong-willed young person. It was known, too, that the young person had, especially of late, been given to what is called "speculation," and that she had shown marked abilities in that direction, so that many people began to say that she was no better than a Jew. It was not that she lent money on interest, but it was known, for instance, that she had for some time past, in partnership with old Karamazov, actually invested in the purchase of bad debts for a trifle, a tenth of their nominal value, and afterwards had made out of them ten times their value.
The old widower Samsonov, a man of large fortune, was stingy and merciless. He tyrannised over his grown-up sons, but, for the last year during which he had been ill and lost the use of his swollen legs, he had fallen greatly under the influence of his protegee, whom he had at first kept strictly and in humble surroundings, "on Lenten fare," as the wits said at the time. But Grushenka had succeeded in emanc.i.p.ating herself, while she established in him a boundless belief in her fidelity. The old man, now long since dead, had had a large business in his day and was also a noteworthy character, miserly and hard as flint. Though Grushenka"s hold upon him was so strong that he could not live without her (it had been so especially for the last two years), he did not settle any considerable fortune on her and would not have been moved to do so, if she had threatened to leave him. But he had presented her with a small sum, and even that was a surprise to everyone when it became known.
"You are a wench with brains," he said to her, when he gave her eight thousand roubles, "and you must look after yourself, but let me tell you that except your yearly allowance as before, you"ll get nothing more from me to the day of my death, and I"ll leave you nothing in my will either."
And he kept his word; he died and left everything to his sons, whom, with their wives and children, he had treated all his life as servants. Grushenka was not even mentioned in his will. All this became known afterwards. He helped Grushenka with his advice to increase her capital and put business in her way.
When Fyodor Pavlovitch, who first came into contact with Grushenka over a piece of speculation, ended to his own surprise by falling madly in love with her, old Samsonov, gravely ill as he was, was immensely amused. It is remarkable that throughout their whole acquaintance Grushenka was absolutely and spontaneously open with the old man, and he seems to have been the only person in the world with whom she was so. Of late, when Dmitri too had come on the scene with his love, the old man left off laughing. On the contrary, he once gave Grushenka a stern and earnest piece of advice.
"If you have to choose between the two, father or son, you"d better choose the old man, if only you make sure the old scoundrel will marry you and settle some fortune on you beforehand. But don"t keep on with the captain, you"ll get no good out of that."
These were the very words of the old profligate, who felt already that his death was not far off and who actually died five months later.
I will note too, in pa.s.sing- that although many in our town knew of the grotesque and monstrous rivalry of the Karamazovs, father and son, the object of which was Grushenka, scarcely anyone understood what really underlay her att.i.tude to both of them. Even Grushenka"s two servants (after the catastrophe of which we will speak later) testified in court that she received Dmitri Fyodorovitch simply from fear because "he threatened to murder her." These servants were an old cook, invalidish and almost deaf, who came from Grushenka"s old home, and her granddaughter, a smart young girl of twenty, who performed the duties of a maid. Grushenka lived very economically and her surroundings were anything but luxurious. Her lodge consisted of three rooms furnished with mahogany furniture in the fashion of 1820, belonging to her landlady.
It was quite dark when Rakitin and Alyosha entered her rooms, yet they were not lighted up. Grushenka was lying down in her drawing-room on the big, hard, clumsy sofa, with a mahogany back. The sofa was covered with shabby and ragged leather. Under her head she had two white down pillows taken from her bed. She was lying stretched out motionless on her back with her hands behind her head. She was dressed as though expecting someone, in a black silk dress, with a dainty lace fichu on her head, which was very becoming. Over her shoulders was thrown a lace shawl pinned with a ma.s.sive gold brooch. She certainly was expecting someone. She lay as though impatient and weary, her face rather pale and her lips and eyes hot, restlessly tapping the arm of the sofa with the tip of her right foot. The appearance of Rakitin and Alyosha caused a slight excitement. From the hall they could hear Grushenka leap up from the sofa and cry out in a frightened voice, "Who"s there?" But the maid met the visitors and at once called back to her mistress.
"It"s not he, it"s nothing, only other visitors."
"What can be the matter?" muttered Rakitin, leading Alyosha into the drawing-room.
Grushenka was standing by the sofa as though still alarmed. A thick coil of her dark brown hair escaped from its lace covering and fell on her right shoulder, but she did not notice it and did not put it back till she had gazed at her visitors and recognised them.
"Ah, it"s you, Rakitin? You quite frightened me. Whom have you brought? Who is this with you? Good heavens, you have brought him!" she exclaimed, recognising Alyosha.
"Do send for candles!" said Rakitin, with the free-and-easy air of a most intimate friend, who is privileged to give orders in the house.
"Candles... of course, candles.... Fenya, fetch him a candle.... Well, you have chosen a moment to bring him! she exclaimed again, nodding towards Alyosha, and turning to the looking-gla.s.s she began quickly fastening up her hair with both hands. She seemed displeased.
"Haven"t I managed to please you?" asked Rakitin, instantly almost offended.
You frightened me, Rakitin, that"s what it is." Grushenka turned with a smile to Alyosha. "Don"t be afraid of me, my dear Alyosha, you cannot think how glad I am to see you, my unexpected visitor. But you frightened me, Rakitin, I thought it was Mitya breaking in. You see, I deceived him just now, I made him promise to believe me and I told him a lie. I told him that I was going to spend the evening with my old man, Kuzma Kuzmitch, and should be there till late counting up his money. I always spend one whole evening a week with him making up his accounts. We lock ourselves in and he counts on the reckoning beads while I sit and put things down in the book. I am the only person he trusts. Mitya believes that I am there, but I came back and have been sitting locked in here, expecting some news. How was it Fenya let you in? Fenya, Fenya, run out to the gate, open it and look about whether the captain is to be seen! Perhaps he is hiding and spying, I am dreadfully frightened."
There"s no one there, Agrafena Alexandrovna, I"ve just looked out; I keep running to peep through the crack; I am in fear and trembling myself."
"Are the shutters fastened, Fenya? And we must draw the curtains- that"s better!" She drew the heavy curtains herself. "He"d rush in at once if he saw a light. I am afraid of your brother Mitya to-day, Alyosha."
Grushenka spoke aloud, and, though she was alarmed, she seemed very happy about something.
"Why are you so afraid of Mitya to-day?" inquired Rakitin. "I should have thought you were not timid with him, you"d twist him round your little finger."
"I tell you, I am expecting news, priceless news, so I don"t want Mitya at all. And he didn"t believe, I feel he didn"t, that I should stay at Kuzma Kuzmitch"s. He must be in his ambush now, behind Fyodor Pavlovitch"s, in the garden, watching for me. And if he"s there, he won"t come here, so much the better! But I really have been to Kuzma Kuzmitch"s, Mitya escorted me there. I told him I should stay there till midnight, and I asked him to be sure to come at midnight to fetch me home. He went away and I sat ten minutes with Kuzma Kuzmitch and came back here again. Ugh, I was afraid, I ran for fear of meeting him."
"And why are you so dressed up? What a curious cap you"ve got on!"
"How curious you are yourself, Rakitin! I tell you, I am expecting a message. If the message comes, I shall fly, I shall gallop away and you will see no more of me. That"s why I am dressed up, so as to be ready."
"And where are you flying to?"
"If you know too much, you"ll get old too soon."
"Upon my word! You are highly delighted... I"ve never seen you like this before. You are dressed up as if you were going to a ball." Rakitin looked her up and down.
"Much you know about b.a.l.l.s."
"And do you know much about them?"
"I have seen a ball. The year before last, Kuzma Kuzmitch"s son was married and I looked on from the gallery. Do you suppose I want to be talking to you, Rakitin, while a prince like this is standing here. Such a visitor! Alyosha, my dear boy, I gaze at you and can"t believe my eyes. Good heavens, can you have come here to see me! To tell you the truth, I never had a thought of seeing you and I didn"t think that you would ever come and see me. Though this is not the moment now, I am awfully glad to see you. Sit down on the sofa, here, that"s right, my bright young moon. I really can"t take it in even now.... Eh, Rakitin, if only you had brought him yesterday or the day before! But I am glad as it is! Perhaps it"s better he has come now, at such a moment, and not the day before yesterday."
She gaily sat down beside Alyosha on the sofa, looking at him with positive delight. And she really was glad, she was not lying when she said so. Her eyes glowed, her lips laughed, but it was a good-hearted merry laugh. Alyosha had not expected to see such a kind expression in her face.... He had hardly met her till the day before, he had formed an alarming idea of her, and had been horribly distressed the day before by the spiteful and treacherous trick she had played on Katerina Ivanovna. He was greatly surprised to find her now altogether different from what he had expected. And, crushed as he was by his own sorrow, his eyes involuntarily rested on her with attention. Her whole manner seemed changed for the better since yesterday, there was scarcely any trace of that mawkish sweetness in her speech, of that voluptuous softness in her movements. Everything was simple and good-natured, her gestures were rapid, direct, confiding, but she was greatly excited.
"Dear me, how everything comes together to-day!" she chattered on again. "And why I am so glad to see you, Alyosha, I couldn"t say myself! If you ask me, I couldn"t tell you."
"Come, don"t you know why you"re glad?" said Rakitin, grinning. "You used to be always pestering me to bring him, you"d some object, I suppose."
"I had a different object once, but now that"s over, this is not the moment. I say, I want you to have something nice. I am so good-natured now. You sit down, too, Rakitin; why are you standing? You"ve sat down already? There"s no fear of Rakitin"s forgetting to look after himself. Look, Alyosha, he"s sitting there opposite us, so offended that I didn"t ask him to sit down before you. Ugh, Rakitin is such a one to take offence!" laughed Grushenka. "Don"t be angry, Rakitin, I"m kind to-day. Why are you so depressed, Alyosha? Are you afraid of me?" She peeped into his eyes with merry mockery.
"He"s sad. The promotion has not been given," boomed Rakitin.
"His elder stinks."
"What? You are talking some nonsense, you want to say something nasty. Be quiet, you stupid! Let me sit on your knee, Alyosha, like this." She suddenly skipped forward and jumped, laughing, on his knee, like a nestling kitten, with her right arm about his neck. "I"ll cheer you up, my pious boy. Yes, really, will you let me sit on your knee? You won"t be angry? If you tell me, I"ll get off?"
Alyosha did not speak. He sat afraid to move, he heard her words, "If you tell me, I"ll get off," but he did not answer. But there was nothing in his heart such as Rakitin, for instance, watching him malignantly from his corner, might have expected or fancied. The great grief in his heart swallowed up every sensation that might have been aroused, and, if only he could have thought clearly at that moment, he would have realised that he had now the strongest armour to protect him from every l.u.s.t and temptation. Yet in spite of the vague irresponsiveness of his spiritual condition and the sorrow that overwhelmed him, he could not help wondering at a new and strange sensation in his heart. This woman, this "dreadful" woman, had no terror for him now, none of that terror that had stirred in his soul at any pa.s.sing thought of woman. On the contrary, this woman, dreaded above all women, sitting now on his knee, holding him in her arms, aroused in him now a quite different, unexpected, peculiar feeling, a feeling of the intensest and purest interest without a trace of fear, of his former terror. That was what instinctively surprised him.
"You"ve talked nonsense enough," cried Rakitin, "you"d much better give us some champagne. You owe it me, you know you do!"
"Yes, I really do. Do you know, Alyosha, I promised him champagne on the top of everything, if he"d bring you? I"ll have some too! Fenya, Fenya, bring us the bottle Mitya left! Look sharp! Though I am so stingy, I"ll stand a bottle, not for you, Rakitin, you"re a toadstool, but he is a falcon! And though my heart is full of something very different, so be it, I"ll drink with you. I long for some dissipation."
"But what is the matter with you? And what is this message, may I ask, or is it a secret?" Rakitin put in inquisitively, doing his best to pretend not to notice the snubs that were being continually aimed at him.
"Ech, it"s not a secret, and you know it, too," Grushenka said, in a voice suddenly anxious, turning her head towards Rakitin, and drawing a little away from Alyosha, though she still sat on his knee with her arm round his neck. "My officer is coming, Rakitin, my officer is coming."