Ivan.
Chapter 1.
At Grushenka"s.
ALYOSHA went towards the cathedral square to the widow Morozov"s house to see Grushenka, who had sent Fenya to him early in the morning with an urgent message begging him to come. Questioning Fenya, Alyosha learned that her mistress had been particularly distressed since the previous day. During the two months that had pa.s.sed since Mitya"s arrest, Alyosha had called frequently at the widow Morozov"s house, both from his own inclination and to take messages for Mitya. Three days after Mitya"s arrest, Grushenka was taken very ill and was ill for nearly five weeks. For one whole week she was unconscious. She was very much changed- thinner and a little sallow, though she had for the past fortnight been well enough to go out. But to Alyosha her face was even more attractive than before, and he liked to meet her eyes when he went in to her. A look of firmness and intelligent purpose had developed in her face. There were signs of a spiritual transformation in her, and a steadfast, fine and humble determination that nothing could shake could be discerned in her. There was a small vertical line between her brows which gave her charming face a look of concentrated thought, almost austere at the first glance. There was scarcely a trace of her former frivolity.
It seemed strange to Alyosha, too, that in spite of the calamity that had overtaken the poor girl, betrothed to a man who had been arrested for a terrible crime, almost at the instant of their betrothal, in spite of her illness and the almost inevitable sentence hanging over Mitya, Grushenka had not yet lost her youthful cheerfulness. There was a soft light in the once proud eyes, though at times they gleamed with the old vindictive fire when she was visited by one disturbing thought stronger than ever in her heart. The object of that uneasiness was the same as ever- Katerina Ivanovna, of whom Grushenka had even raved when she lay in delirium. Alyosha knew that she was fearfully jealous of her. Yet Katerina Ivanovna had not once visited Mitya in his prison, though she might have done it whenever she liked. All this made a difficult problem for Alyosha, for he was the only person to whom Grushenka opened her heart and from whom she was continually asking advice. Sometimes he was unable to say anything.
Full of anxiety he entered her lodging. She was at home. She had returned from seeing Mitya half an hour before, and from the rapid movement with which she leapt up from her chair to meet him he saw that she had been expecting him with great impatience. A pack of cards dealt for a game of "fools" lay on the table. A bed had been made up on the leather sofa on the other side and Maximov lay, half reclining, on it. He wore a dressing-gown and a cotton nightcap, and was evidently ill and weak, though he was smiling blissfully. When the homeless old man returned with Grushenka from Mokroe two months before, he had simply stayed on and was still staying with her. He arrived with her in rain and sleet, sat down on the sofa, drenched and scared, and gazed mutely at her with a timid, appealing smile. Grushenka, who was in terrible grief and in the first stage of fever, almost forgot his existence in all she had to do the first half hour after her arrival. Suddenly she chanced to look at him intently: he laughed a pitiful, helpless little laugh. She called Fenya and told her to give him something to eat. All that day he sat in the same place, almost without stirring. When it got dark and the shutters were closed, Fenya asked her mistress: "Is the gentleman going to stay the night, mistress?"
"Yes; make him a bed on the sofa," answered Grushenka.
Questioning him more in detail, Grushenka learned from him that he had literally nowhere to go, and that "Mr. Kalganov, my benefactor, told me straight that he wouldn"t receive me again and gave me five roubles."
"Well, G.o.d bless you, you"d better stay, then," Grushenka decided in her grief, smiling compa.s.sionately at him. Her smile wrung the old man"s heart and his lips twitched with grateful tears. And so the dest.i.tute wanderer had stayed with her ever since. He did not leave the house even when she was ill. Fenya and her grandmother, the cook, did not turn him out, but went on serving him meals and making up his bed on the sofa. Grushenka had grown used to him, and coming back from seeing Mitya (whom she had begun to visit in prison before she was really well) she would sit down and begin talking to "Maximushka" about trifling matters, to keep her from thinking of her sorrow. The old man turned out to be a good story-teller on occasions, so that at last he became necessary to her. Grushenka saw scarcely anyone else beside Alyosha, who did not come every day and never stayed long. Her old merchant lay seriously ill at this time, "at his last gasp" as they said in the town, and he did, in fact, die a week after Mitya"s trial. Three weeks before his death, feeling the end approaching, he made his sons, their wives and children, come upstairs to him at last and bade them not leave him again. From that moment he gave strict orders to his servants not to admit Grushenka and to tell her if she came, "The master wishes you long life and happiness and tells you to forget him." But Grushenka sent almost every day to inquire after him.
"You"ve come at last!" she cried, flinging down the cards and joyfully greeting Alyosha, "and Maximushka"s been scaring me that perhaps you wouldn"t come. Ah, how I need you! Sit down to the table. What will you have coffee?"
"Yes, please," said Alyosha, sitting down at the table. "I am very hungry."
"That"s right. Fenya, Fenya, coffee," cried Grushenka. "It"s been made a long time ready for you. And bring some little pies, and mind they are hot. Do you know, we"ve had a storm over those pies to-day. I took them to the prison for him, and would you believe it, he threw them back to me: he would not eat them. He flung one of them on the floor and stamped on it. So I said to him: "I shall leave them with the warder; if you don"t eat them before evening, it will be that your venomous spite is enough for you!" With that I went away. We quarrelled again, would you believe it? Whenever I go we quarrel."
Grushenka said all this in one breath in her agitation. Maximov, feeling nervous, at once smiled and looked on the floor.
"What did you quarrel about this time?" asked Alyosha.
"I didn"t expect it in the least. Only fancy, he is jealous of the Pole. "Why are you keeping him?" he said. "So you"ve begun keeping him." He is jealous, jealous of me all the time, jealous eating and sleeping! He even took into his head to be jealous of Kuzma last week."
"But he knew about the Pole before?"
"Yes, but there it is. He has known about him from the very beginning but to-day he suddenly got up and began scolding about him. I am ashamed to repeat what he said. Silly fellow! Rakitin went in as I came out. Perhaps Rakitin is egging him on. What do you think?" she added carelessly.
"He loves you, that"s what it is; he loves you so much. And now he is particularly worried."
"I should think he might be, with the trial to-morrow. And I went to him to say something about to-morrow, for I dread to think what"s going to happen then. You say that he is worried, but how worried I am! And he talks about the Pole! He"s too silly! He is not jealous of Maximushka yet, anyway."
"My wife was dreadfully jealous over me, too," Maximov put in his word.
"Jealous of you?" Grushenka laughed in spite of herself. "Of whom could she have been jealous?"
"Of the servant girls."
"Hold your tongue, Maximushka, I am in no laughing mood now; I feel angry. Don"t ogle the pies. I shan"t give you any; they are not good for you, and I won"t give you any vodka either. I have to look after him, too, just as though I kept an almshouse," she laughed.
"I don"t deserve your kindness. I am a worthless creature," said Maximov, with tears in his voice. "You would do better to spend your kindness on people of more use than me."
"Ech, everyone is of use, Maximushka, and how can we tell who"s of most use? If only that Pole didn"t exist, Alyosha. He"s taken it into his head to fall ill, too, to-day. I"ve been to see him also. And I shall send him some pies, too, on purpose. I hadn"t sent him any, but Mitya accused me of it, so now I shall send some! Ah, here"s Fenya with a letter! Yes, it"s from the Poles- begging again!
Pan Mussyalovitch had indeed sent an extremely long and characteristically eloquent letter in which he begged her to lend him three roubles. In the letter was enclosed a receipt for the sum, with a promise to repay it within three months, signed by Pan Vrublevsky as well. Grushenka had received many such letters, accompanied by such receipts, from her former lover during the fortnight of her convalescence. But she knew that the two Poles had been to ask after her health during her illness. The first letter Grushenka got from them was a long one, written on large notepaper and with a big family crest on the seal. It was so obscure and rhetorical that Grushenka put it down before she had read half, unable to make head or tail of it. She could not attend to letters then. The first letter was followed next day by another in which Pan Mussyalovitch begged her for a loan of two thousand roubles for a very short period. Grushenka left that letter, too, unanswered. A whole series of letters had followed- one every day- all as pompous and rhetorical, but the loan asked for, gradually diminishing, dropped to a hundred roubles, than to twenty-five, to ten, and finally Grushenka received a letter in which both the Poles begged her for only one rouble and included a receipt signed by both.
Then Grushenka suddenly felt sorry for them, and at dusk she went round herself to their lodging. She found the two Poles in great poverty, almost dest.i.tution, without food or fuel, without cigarettes, in debt to their landlady. The two hundred roubles they had carried off from Mitya at Mokroe had soon disappeared. But Grushenka was surprised at their meeting her with arrogant dignity and self-a.s.sertion, with the greatest punctilio and pompous speeches. Grushenka simply laughed, and gave her former admirer ten roubles. Then, laughing, she told Mitya of it and he was not in the least jealous. But ever since, the Poles had attached themselves to Grushenka and bombarded her daily with requests for money and she had always sent them small sums. And now that day Mitya had taken it into his head to be fearfully jealous.
"Like a fool, I went round to him just for a minute, on the way to see Mitya, for he is ill, too, my Pole," Grushenka began again with nervous haste. "I was laughing, telling Mitya about it. "Fancy," I said, "my Pole had the happy thought to sing his old songs to me to the guitar. He thought I would be touched and marry him!" Mitya leapt up swearing.... So, there, I"ll send them the pies! Fenya, is it that little girl they"ve sent? Here, give her three roubles and pack up a dozen pies in a paper and tell her to take them. And you, Alyosha, be sure to tell Mitya that I did send them the pies."
"I wouldn"t tell him for anything," said Alyosha, smiling.
"Ech! You think he is unhappy about it. Why, he"s jealous on purpose. He doesn"t care," said Grushenka bitterly.
"On purpose?" queried Alyosha.
"I tell you you are silly, Alyosha. You know nothing about it, with all your cleverness. I am not offended that he is jealous of a girl like me. I would be offended if he were not jealous. I am like that. I am not offended at jealousy. I have a fierce heart, too. I can be jealous myself. Only what offends me is that he doesn"t love me at all. I tell you he is jealous now on purpose. Am I blind? Don"t I see? He began talking to me just now of that woman, of Katerina, saying she was this and that, how she had ordered a doctor from Moscow for him, to try and save him; how she had ordered the best counsel, the most learned one, too. So he loves her, if he"ll praise her to my face, more shame to him! He"s treated me badly himself, so he attacked me, to make out I am in fault first and to throw it all on me. "You were with your Pole before me, so I can"t be blamed for Katerina," that"s what it amounts to. He wants to throw the whole blame on me. He attacked me on purpose, on purpose, I tell you, but I"ll-"
Grushenka could not finish saying what she would do. She hid her eyes in her handkerchief and sobbed violently.
"He doesn"t love Katerina Ivanovna," said Alyosha firmly.
"Well, whether he loves her or not, I"ll soon find out for myself," said Grushenka, with a menacing note in her voice, taking the handkerchief from her eyes. Her face was distorted. Alyosha saw sorrowfully that from being mild and serene, it had become sullen and spiteful.
"Enough of this foolishness," she said suddenly; "it"s not for that I sent for you. Alyosha, darling, to-morrow- what will happen to-morrow? That"s what worries me! And it"s only me it worries! I look at everyone and no one is thinking of it. No one cares about it. Are you thinking about it even? To-morrow he"ll be tried, you know. Tell me, how will he be tried? You know it"s the valet, the valet killed him! Good heavens! Can they condemn him in place of the valet and will no one stand up for him? They haven"t troubled the valet at all, have they?"
"He"s been severely cross-examined," observed Alyosha thoughtfully; "but everyone came to the conclusion it was not he. Now he is lying very ill. He has been ill ever since that attack. Really ill," added Alyosha.
"Oh, dear! couldn"t you go to that counsel yourself and tell him the whole thing by yourself? He"s been brought from Petersburg for three thousand roubles, they say."
"We gave these three thousand together- Ivan, Katerina Ivanovna and I- but she paid two thousand for the doctor from Moscow herself. The counsel Fetyukovitch would have charged more, but the case has become known all over Russia; it"s talked of in all the papers and journals. Fetyukovitch agreed to come more for the glory of the thing, because the case has become so notorious. I saw him yesterday."
"Well? Did you talk to him?" Grushenka put in eagerly.
"He listened and said nothing. He told me that he had already formed his opinion. But he promised to give my words consideration."
"Consideration! Ah, they are swindlers! They"ll ruin him. And why did she send for the doctor?"
"As an expert. They want to prove that Mitya"s mad and committed the murder when he didn"t know what he was doing," Alyosha smiled gently, "but Mitya won"t agree to that."
"Yes; but that would be the truth if he had killed him!" cried Grushenka. "He was mad then, perfectly mad, and that was my fault, wretch that I am! But, of course, he didn"t do it, he didn"t do it! And they are all against him, the whole town. Even Fenya"s evidence went to prove he had done it. And the people at the shop, and that official, and at the tavern, too, before, people had heard him say so! They are all, all against him, all crying out against him."
"Yes, there"s a fearful acc.u.mulation of evidence," Alyosha observed grimly.
"And Grigory- Grigory Va.s.silyevitch- sticks to his story that the door was open, persists that he saw it- there"s no shaking him. I went and talked to him myself. He"s rude about it, too."
"Yes, that"s perhaps the strongest evidence against him," said Alyosha.
"And as for Mitya"s being mad, he certainly seems like it now," Grushenka began with a peculiarly anxious and mysterious air. "Do you know, Alyosha, I"ve been wanting to talk to you about it for a long time. I go to him every day and simply wonder at him. Tell me, now, what do you suppose he"s always talking about? He talks and talks and I can make nothing of it. I fancied he was talking of something intellectual that I couldn"t understand in my foolishness. Only he suddenly began talking to me about a babe- that is, about some child. "Why is the babe poor?" he said. "It"s for that babe I am going to Siberia now. I am not a murderer, but I must go to Siberia!" What that meant, what babe, I couldn"t tell for the life of me. Only I cried when he said it, because he said it so nicely. He cried himself, and I cried, too. He suddenly kissed me and made the sign of the cross over me. What did it mean, Alyosha, tell me? What is this babe?"
"It must be Rakitin, who"s been going to see him lately," smiled Alyosha, "though... that"s not Rakitin"s doing. I didn"t see Mitya yesterday. I"ll see him to-day."
"No, it"s not Rakitin; it"s his brother Ivan Fyodorovitch upsetting him. It"s his going to see him, that"s what it is," Grushenka began, and suddenly broke off. Alyosha gazed at her in amazement.
"Ivan"s going? Has he been to see him? Mitya told me himself that Ivan hasn"t been once."
"There... there! What a girl I am! Blurting things out!" exclaimed Grushenka, confused and suddenly blushing. "Stay, Alyosha, hush! Since I"ve said so much I"ll tell the whole truth- he"s been to see him twice, the first directly he arrived. He galloped here from Moscow at once, of course, before I was taken ill; and the second time was a week ago. He told Mitya not to tell you about it, under any circ.u.mstances; and not to tell anyone, in fact. He came secretly."
Alyosha sat plunged in thought, considering something. The news evidently impressed him.
"Ivan doesn"t talk to me of Mitya"s case," he said slowly. "He"s said very little to me these last two months. And whenever I go to see him, he seems vexed at my coming, so I"ve not been to him for the last three weeks. H"m!... if he was there a week ago... there certainly has been a change in Mitya this week."
"There has been a change," Grushenka a.s.sented quickly. "They have a secret, they have a secret! Mitya told me himself there was a secret, and such a secret that Mitya can"t rest. Before then, he was cheerful- and, indeed, he is cheerful now- but when he shakes his head like that, you know, and strides about the room and keeps pulling at the hair on his right temple with his right hand, I know there is something on his mind worrying him.... I know! He was cheerful before, though, indeed, he is cheerful to-day."
"But you said he was worried."
"Yes, he is worried and yet cheerful. He keeps on being irritable for a minute and then cheerful and then irritable again. And you know, Alyosha, I am constantly wondering at him- with this awful thing hanging over him, he sometimes laughs at such trifles as though he were a baby himself."
"And did he really tell you not to tell me about Ivan? Did he say, "Don"t tell him"?"
"Yes, he told me, "Don"t tell him." It"s you that Mitya"s most afraid of. Because it"s a secret: he said himself it was a secret. Alyosha, darling, go to him and find out what their secret is and come and tell me," Grushenka besought him with sudden eagerness. "Set my mind at rest that I may know the worst that"s in store for me. That"s why I sent for you."
"You think it"s something to do with you? If it were, he wouldn"t have told you there was a secret."
"I don"t know. Perhaps he wants to tell me, but doesn"t dare to. He warns me. There is a secret, he tells me, but he won"t tell me what it is."
"What do you think yourself?"
"What do I think? It"s the end for me, that"s what I think. They all three have been plotting my end, for Katerina"s in it. It"s all Katerina, it all comes from her. She is this and that, and that means that I am not. He tells me that beforehand- warns me. He is planning to throw me over, that"s the whole secret. They"ve planned it together, the three of them- Mitya, Katerina, and Ivan Fyodorovitch. Alyosha, I"ve been wanting to ask you a long time. A week ago he suddenly told me that Ivan was in love with Katerina, because he often goes to see her. Did he tell me the truth or not? Tell me, on your conscience, tell me the worst."
"I won"t tell you a lie. Ivan is not in love with Katerina Ivanovna, I think."
"Oh, that"s what I thought! He is lying to me, shameless deceiver, that"s what it is! And he was jealous of me just now, so as to put the blame on me afterwards. He is stupid, he can"t disguise what he is doing; he is so open, you know.... But I"ll give it to him, I"ll give it to him! "You believe I did it," he said. He said that to me, to me. He reproached me with that! G.o.d forgive him! You wait, I"ll make it hot for Katerina at the trial! I"ll just say a word then... I"ll tell everything then!" And again she cried bitterly.
"This I can tell you for certain, Grushenka," Alyosha said, getting up. "First, that he loves you, loves you more than anyone in the world, and you only, believe me. I know. I do know. The second thing is that I don"t want to worm his secret out of him, but if he"ll tell me of himself to-day, I shall tell him straight out that I have promised to tell you. Then I"ll come to you to-day and tell you. Only... I fancy... Katerina Ivanovna has nothing to do with it, and that the secret is about something else. That"s certain. It isn"t likely it"s about Katerina Ivanovna, it seems to me. Good-bye for now."
Alyosha shook hands with her. Grushenka was still crying. He saw that she put little faith in his consolation, but she was better for having had her sorrow out, for having spoken of it. He was sorry to leave her in such a state of mind, but he was in haste. He had a great many things to do still.
Chapter 2.
The Injured Foot.
THE first of these things was at the house of Madame Hohlakov, and he hurried there to get it over as quickly as possible and not be too late for Mitya. Madame Hohlakov had been slightly ailing for the last three weeks: her foot had for some reason swollen up, and though she was not in bed, she lay all day half-reclining on the couch in her boudoir, in a fascinating but decorous deshabille. Alyosha had once noted with innocent amus.e.m.e.nt that, in spite of her illness, Madame Hohlakov had begun to be rather dressy- topknots, ribbons, loose wrappers had made their appearance, and he had an inkling of the reason, though he dismissed such ideas from his mind as frivolous. During the last two months the young official, Perhotin, had become a regular visitor at the house.
Alyosha had not called for four days and he was in haste to go straight to Lise, as it was with her he had to speak, for Lise had sent a maid to him the previous day specially asking him to come to her "about something very important," a request which, for certain reasons, had interest for Alyosha. But while the maid went to take his name in to Lise, Madame Hohlakov heard of his arrival from someone, and immediately sent to beg him to come to her "just for one minute." Alyosha reflected that it was better to accede to the mamma"s request, or else she would be sending down to Lise"s room every minute that he was there. Madame Hohlakov was lying on a couch. She was particularly smartly dressed and was evidently in a state of extreme nervous excitement. She greeted Alyosha with cries of rapture.
"It"s ages, ages, perfect ages since I"ve seen you! It"s a whole week- only think of it! Ah, but you were here only four days ago, on Wednesday. You have come to see Lise. I"m sure you meant to slip into her room on tiptoe, without my hearing you. My dear, dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, if you only knew how worried I am about her! But of that later, though that"s the most important thing, of that later. Dear Alexey Fyodorovitch, I trust you implicitly with my Lise. Since the death of Father Zossima- G.o.d rest his soul!" (she crossed herself)- "I look upon you as a monk, though you look charming in your new suit. Where did you find such a tailor in these parts? No, no, that"s not the chief thing- of that later. Forgive me for sometimes calling you Alyosha; an old woman like me may take liberties," she smiled coquettishly; "but that will do later, too. The important thing is that I shouldn"t forget what is important. Please remind me of it yourself. As soon as my tongue runs away with me, you just say "the important thing?" Ach! how do I know now what is of most importance? Ever since Lise took back her promise- her childish promise, Alexey Fyodorovitch- to marry you, you"ve realised, of course, that it was only the playful fancy of a sick child who had been so long confined to her chair- thank G.o.d, she can walk now!... that-new doctor Katya sent for from Moscow for your unhappy brother, who will to-morrow- but why speak of to-morrow? I am ready to die at the very thought of to-morrow. Ready to die of curiosity.... That doctor was with us yesterday and saw Lise.... I paid him fifty roubles for the visit. But that"s not the point, that"s not the point again. You see, I"m mixing everything up. I am in such a hurry. Why am I in a hurry? I don"t understand. It"s awful how I seem growing unable to understand anything. Everything seems mixed up in a sort of tangle. I am afraid you are so bored you will jump up and run away, and that will be all I shall see of you. Goodness! Why are we sitting here and no coffee? Yulia, Glafira, coffee!"
Alyosha made haste to thank her, and said that he had only just had coffee.
"Where?"
"At Agrfena Alexandrovna"s."
"At... at that woman"s? Ah, it"s she has brought ruin on everyone. I know nothing about it though. They say she has become a saint, though it"s rather late in the day. She had better have done it before. What use is it now? Hush, hush, Alexey Fyodorovitch, for I have so much to say to you that I am afraid I shall tell you nothing. This awful trial... I shall certainly go, I am making arrangements. I shall be carried there in my chair; besides I can sit up. I shall have people with me. And, you know, I am a witness. How shall I speak, how shall I speak? I don"t know what I shall say. One has to take an oath, hasn"t one?"
"Yes; but I don"t think you will be able to go."
"I can sit up. Ah, you put me out! Ah! this trial, this savage act, and then they are all going to Siberia, some are getting married, and all this so quickly, so quickly, everything"s changing, and at last- nothing. All grow old and have death to look forward to. Well, so be it! I am weary. This Katya, cette charmante personne, has disappointed all my hopes. Now she is going to follow one of your brothers to Siberia, and your other brother is going to follow her, and will live in the nearest town, and they will all torment one another. It drives me out of my mind. Worst of all- the publicity. The story has been told a million times over in all the papers in Moscow and Petersburg. Ah! yes, would you believe it, there"s a paragraph that I was "a dear friend" of your brother"s- , I can"t repeat the horrid word. just fancy, just fancy!"
"Impossible! Where was the paragraph? What did it say?"
"I"ll show you directly. I got the paper and read it yesterday. Here, in the Petersburg paper Gossip. The paper began coming out this year. I am awfully fond of gossip, and I take it in, and now it pays me out- this is what gossip comes to! Here it is, here, this pa.s.sage. Read it."
And she handed Alyosha a sheet of newspaper which had been under her pillow.
It was not exactly that she was upset, she seemed overwhelmed and perhaps everything really was mixed up in a tangle in her head. The paragraph was very typical, and must have been a great shock to her, but, fortunately perhaps, she was unable to keep her mind fixed on any one subject at that moment, and so might race off in a minute to something else and quite forget the newspaper.
Alyosha was well aware that the story of the terrible case had spread all over Russia. And, good heavens! what wild rumours about his brother, about the Karamazovs, and about himself he had read in the course of those two months, among other equally credible items! One paper had even stated that he had gone into a monastery and become a monk, in horror at his brother"s crime. Another contradicted this, and stated that he and his elder, Father Zossima, had broken into the monastery chest and "made tracks from the monastery." The present paragraph in the paper Gossip was under the heading, "The Karamazov Case at Skotoprigonyevsk." (That, alas! was the name of our little town. I had hitherto kept it concealed.) It was brief, and Madame Hohlakov was not directly mentioned in it. No names appeared, in fact. It was merely stated that the criminal, whose approaching trial was making such a sensation- retired army captain, an idle swaggerer, and reactionary bully- was continually involved in amorous intrigues, and particularly popular with certain ladies "who were pining in solitude." One such lady, a pining widow, who tried to seem young though she had a grown-up daughter, was so fascinated by him that only two hours before the crime she offered him three thousand roubles, on condition that he would elope with her to the gold mines. But the criminal, counting on escaping punishment, had preferred to murder his father to get the three thousand rather than go off to Siberia with the middle-aged charms of his pining lady. This playful paragraph finished, of course, with an outburst of generous indignation at the wickedness of parricide and at the lately abolished inst.i.tution of serfdom. Reading it with curiosity, Alyosha folded up the paper and handed it back to Madame Hohlakov.
"Well, that must be me," she hurried on again. "Of course I am meant. Scarcely more than an hour before, I suggested gold mines to him, and here they talk of "middle-aged charms" as though that were my motive! He writes that out of spite! G.o.d Almighty forgive him for the middle-aged charms, as I forgive him! You know it"s -Do you know who it is? It"s your friend Rakitin."
"Perhaps," said Alyosha, "though I"ve heard nothing about it."
"It"s he, it"s he! No "perhaps" about it. You know I turned him out of the house.... You know all that story, don"t you?"
"I know that you asked him not to visit you for the future, but why it was, I haven"t heard... from you, at least."
"Ah, then you"ve heard it from him! He abuses me, I suppose, abuses me dreadfully?"
"Yes, he does; but then he abuses everyone. But why you"ve given him up I, haven"t heard from him either. I meet him very seldom now, indeed. We are not friends."
"Well, then, I"ll tell you all about it. There"s no help for it, I"ll confess, for there is one point in which I was perhaps to blame. Only a little, little point, so little that perhaps it doesn"t count. You see, my dear boy"- Madame Hohlakov suddenly looked arch and a charming, though enigmatic, smile played about her lips- "you see, I suspect... You must forgive me, Alyosha. I am like a mother to you... No, no; quite the contrary. I speak to you now as though you were my father- mother"s quite out of place. Well, it"s as though I were confessing to Father Zossima, that"s just it. I called you a monk just now. Well, that poor young man, your friend, Rakitin (Mercy on us! I can"t be angry with him. I feel cross, but not very), that frivolous young man, would you believe it, seems to have taken it into his head to fall in love with me. I only noticed it later. At first- a month ago- he only began to come oftener to see me, almost every day; though, of course, we were acquainted before. I knew nothing about it... and suddenly it dawned upon me, and I began to notice things with surprise. You know, two months ago, that modest, charming, excellent young man, Ilyitch Perhotin, who"s in the service here, began to be a regular visitor at the house. You met him here ever so many times yourself. And he is an excellent, earnest young man, isn"t he? He comes once every three days, not every day (though I should be glad to see him every day), and always so well dressed. Altogether, I love young people, Alyosha, talented, modest, like you, and he has almost the mind of a statesman, he talks so charmingly, and I shall certainly, certainly try and get promotion for him. He is a future diplomat. On that awful day he almost saved me from death by coming in the night. And your friend Rakitin comes in such boots, and always stretches them out on the carpet.... He began hinting at his feelings, in fact, and one day, as he was going, he squeezed my hand terribly hard. My foot began to swell directly after he pressed my hand like that. He had met Pyotr Ilyitch here before, and would you believe it, he is always gibing at him, growling at him, for some reason. I simply looked at the way they went on together and laughed inwardly. So I was sitting here alone- no, I was laid up then. Well, I was lying here alone and suddenly Rakitin comes in, and only fancy! brought me some verses of his own composition- a short poem, on my bad foot: that is, he described my foot in a poem. Wait a minute- how did it go?
A captivating little foot.
It began somehow like that. I can never remember poetry. I"ve got it here. I"ll show it to you later. But it"s a charming thing- charming; and, you know, it"s not only about the foot, it had a good moral, too, a charming idea, only I"ve forgotten it; in fact, it was just the thing for an alb.u.m. So, of course, I thanked him, and he was evidently flattered. I"d hardly had time to thank him when in comes Pyotr Ilyitch, and Rakitin suddenly looked as black as night. I could see that Pyotr Ilyitch was in the way, for Rakitin certainly wanted to say something after giving me the verses. I had a presentiment of it; but Pyotr Ilyitch came in. I showed Pyotr Ilyitch the verses and didn"t say who was the author. But I am convinced that he guessed, though he won"t own it to this day, and declares he had no idea. But he says that on purpose. Pyotr Ilyitch began to laugh at once, and fell to criticising it. "Wretched doggerel," he said they were, "some divinity student must have written them," and with such vehemence, such vehemence! Then, instead of laughing, your friend flew into a rage. "Good gracious!" I thought, "they"ll fly at each other." "It was I who wrote them," said he. "I wrote them as a joke," he said, "for I think it degrading to write verses.... But they are good poetry. They want to put a monument to your Pushkin for writing about women"s feet, while I wrote with a moral purpose, and you," said he, "are an advocate of serfdom. You"ve no humane ideas," said he. "You have no modern enlightened feelings, you are uninfluenced by progress, you are a mere official," he said, "and you take bribes." Then I began screaming and imploring them. And, you know, Pyotr Ilyitch is anything but a coward. He at once took up the most gentlemanly tone, looked at him sarcastically, listened, and apologised. "I"d no idea," said he. "I shouldn"t have said it, if I had known. I should have praised it. Poets are all so irritable," he said. In short, he laughed at him under cover of the most gentlemanly tone. He explained to me afterwards that it was all sarcastic. I thought he was in earnest. Only as I lay there, just as before you now, I thought, "Would it, or would it not, be the proper thing for me to turn Rakitin out for shouting so rudely at a visitor in my house?" And, would you believe it, I lay here, shut my eyes, and wondered, would it be the proper thing or not. I kept worrying and worrying, and my heart began to beat, and I couldn"t make up my mind whether to make an outcry or not. One voice seemed to be telling me, "Speak," and the other "No, don"t speak." And no sooner had the second voice said that than I cried out, and fainted. Of course, there was a fuss. I got up suddenly and said to Rakitin, "It"s painful for me to say it, but I don"t wish to see you in my house again." So I turned him out. Ah! Alexey Fyodorovitch, I know myself I did wrong. I was putting it on. I wasn"t angry with him at all, really; but I suddenly fancied- that was what did it- that it would be such a fine scene.... And yet, believe me, it was quite natural, for I really shed tears and cried for several days afterwards, and then suddenly, one afternoon, I forgot all about it. So it"s a fortnight since he"s been here, and I kept wondering whether he would come again. I wondered even yesterday, then suddenly last night came this Gossip. I read it and gasped. Who could have written it? He must have written it. He went home, sat down, wrote it on the spot, sent it, and they put it in. It was a fortnight ago, you see. But, Alyosha, it"s awful how I keep talking and don"t say what I want to say. the words come of themselves!"
"It"s very important for me to be in time to see my brother to-day," Alyosha faltered.
"To be sure, to be sure! You bring it all back to me. Listen, what is an aberration?"