O Lord, have mercy On her and on me!
On her and on me!
On her and on me!
The voice ceased. It was a lackey"s tenor and a lackey"s song. Another voice, a woman"s, suddenly asked insinuatingly and bashfully, though with mincing affectation: "Why haven"t you been to see us for so long, Pavel Fyodorovitch? Why do you always look down upon us?"
"Not at all answered a man"s voice politely, but with emphatic dignity. It was clear that the man had the best of the position, and that the woman was making advances. "I believe the man must be Smerdyakov," thought Alyosha, "from his voice. And the lady must be the daughter of the house here, who has come from Moscow, the one who wears the dress with a tail and goes to Marfa for soup."
"I am awfully fond of verses of all kinds, if they rhyme," the woman"s voice continued. "Why don"t you go on?"
The man sang again: What do I care for royal wealth If but my dear one be in health?
Lord have mercy On her and on me!
On her and on me!
On her and on me!
"It was even better last time," observed the woman"s voice. "You sang "If my darling be in health"; it sounded more tender. I suppose you"ve forgotten to-day."
"Poetry is rubbish!" said Smerdyakov curtly.
"Oh, no! I am very fond of poetry."
"So far as it"s poetry, it"s essential rubbish. Consider yourself, who ever talks in rhyme? And if we were all to talk in rhyme, even though it were decreed by government, we shouldn"t say much, should we? Poetry is no good, Marya Kondratyevna."
"How clever you are! How is it you"ve gone so deep into everything?" The woman"s voice was more and more insinuating.
"I could have done better than that. I could have known more than that, if it had not been for my destiny from my childhood up. I would have shot a man in a duel if he called me names because I am descended from a filthy beggar and have no father. And they used to throw it in my teeth in Moscow. It had reached them from here, thanks to Grigory Va.s.silyevitch. Grigory Va.s.silyevitch blames me for rebelling against my birth, but I would have sanctioned their killing me before I was born that I might not have come into the world at all. They used to say in the market, and your mamma too, with great lack of delicacy, set off telling me that her hair was like a mat on her head, and that she was short of five foot by a wee bit. Why talk of a wee bit while she might have said "a little bit," like everyone else? She wanted to make it touching, a regular peasant"s feeling. Can a Russian peasant be said to feel, in comparison with an educated man? He can"t be said to have feeling at all, in his ignorance. From my childhood up when I hear "a wee bit," I am ready to burst with rage. I hate all Russia, Marya Kondratyevna."
"If you"d been a cadet in the army, or a young hussar, you wouldn"t have talked like that, but would have drawn your sabre to defend all Russia."
"I don"t want to be a hussar, Marya Kondratyevna, and, what"s more, I should like to abolish all soldiers."
"And when an enemy comes, who is going to defend us?"
"There"s no need of defence. In 1812 there was a great invasion of Russia by Napoleon, first Emperor of the French, father of the present one, and it would have been a good thing if they had conquered us. A clever nation would have conquered a very stupid one and annexed it. We should have had quite different inst.i.tutions."
"Are they so much better in their own country than we are? I wouldn"t change a dandy I know of for three young englishmen," observed Marya Kondratyevna tenderly, doubtless accompanying her words with a most languishing glance.
"That"s as one prefers."
"But you are just like a foreigner- just like a most gentlemanly foreigner. I tell you that, though it makes me bashful."
"If you care to know, the folks there and ours here are just alike in their vice. They are swindlers, only there the scoundrel wears polished boots and here he grovels in filth and sees no harm in it. The Russian people want thrashing, as Fyodor Pavlovitch said very truly yesterday, though he is mad, and all his children."
"You said yourself you had such a respect for Ivan Fyodorovitch."
"But he said I was a stinking lackey. He thinks that I might be unruly. He is mistaken there. If I had a certain sum in my pocket, I would have left here long ago. Dmitri Fyodorovitch is lower than any lackey in his behaviour, in his mind, and in his poverty. He doesn"t know how to do anything, and yet he is respected by everyone. I may be only a soup-maker, but with luck I could open a cafe restaurant in Petrovka, in Moscow, for my cookery is something special, and there"s no one in Moscow, except the foreigners, whose cookery is anything special. Dmitri Fyodorovitch is a beggar, but if he were to challenge the son of the first count in the country, he"d fight him. Though in what way is he better than I am? For he is ever so much stupider than I am. Look at the money he has wasted without any need!"
"It must be lovely, a duel," Marya Kondratyevna observed suddenly.
"How so?"
"It must be so dreadful and so brave, especially when young officers with pistols in their hands pop at one another for the sake of some lady. A perfect picture! Ah, if only girls were allowed to look on, I"d give anything to see one!"
"It"s all very well when you are firing at someone, but when he is firing straight in your mug, you must feel pretty silly. You"d be glad to run away, Marya Kondratyevna."
"You don"t mean you would run away?" But Smerdyakov did not deign to reply. After a moment"s silence the guitar tinkled again, and he sang again in the same falsetto: Whatever you may say, I shall go far away.
Life will be bright and gay In the city far away.
I shall not grieve, I shall not grieve at all, I don"t intend to grieve at all.
Then something unexpected happened. Alyosha suddenly sneezed. They were silent. Alyosha got up and walked towards them. He found Smerdyakov dressed up and wearing polished boots, his hair pomaded, and perhaps curled. The guitar lay on the garden-seat. His companion was the daughter of the house, wearing a light-blue dress with a train two yards long. She was young and would not have been bad-looking, but that her face was so round and terribly freckled.
"Will my brother Dmitri soon be back? asked Alyosha with as much composure as he could.
Smerdyakov got up slowly; Marya Kondratyevna rose too.
"How am I to know about Dmitri Fyodorovitch? It"s not as if I were his keeper," answered Smerdyakov quietly, distinctly, and superciliously.
"But I simply asked whether you do know?" Alyosha explained.
"I know nothing of his whereabouts and don"t want to."
"But my brother told me that you let him know all that goes on in the house, and promised to let him know when Agrafena Alexandrovna comes."
Smerdyakov turned a deliberate, unmoved glance upon him.
"And how did you get in this time, since the gate was bolted an hour ago?" he asked, looking at Alyosha.
"I came in from the back-alley, over the fence, and went straight to the summer-house. I hope you"ll forgive me, he added addressing Marya Kondratyevna. "I was in a hurry to find my brother."
"Ach, as though we could take it amiss in you!" drawled Marya Kondratyevna, flattered by Alyosha"s apology. "For Dmitri Fyodorovitch often goes to the summer-house in that way. We don"t know he is here and he is sitting in the summer-house."
"I am very anxious to find him, or to learn from you where he is now. Believe me, it"s on business of great importance to him."
"He never tells us," lisped Marya Kondratyevna.
"Though I used to come here as a friend," Smerdyakov began again, "Dmitri Fyodorovitch has pestered me in a merciless way even here by his incessant questions about the master. "What news?" he"ll ask. "What"s going on in there now? Who"s coming and going?" and can"t I tell him something more. Twice already he"s threatened me with death "With death?" Alyosha exclaimed in surprise.
"Do you suppose he"d think much of that, with his temper, which you had a chance of observing yourself yesterday? He says if I let Agrafena Alexandrovna in and she pa.s.ses the night there, I"ll be the first to suffer for it. I am terribly afraid of him, and if I were not even more afraid of doing so, I ought to let the police know. G.o.d only knows what he might not do!"
"His honour said to him the other day, "I"ll pound you in a mortar!"" added Marya Kondratyevna.
"Oh, if it"s pounding in a mortar, it may be only talk," observed Alyosha. "If I could meet him, I might speak to him about that too."
"Well, the only thing I can tell you is this," said Smerdyakov, as though thinking better of it; "I am here as an old friend and neighbour, and it would be odd if I didn"t come. On the other hand, Ivan Fyodorovitch sent me first thing this morning to your brother"s lodging in Lake Street, without a letter, but with a message to Dmitri Fyodorovitch to go to dine with him at the restaurant here, in the marketplace. I went, but didn"t find Dmitri Fyodorovitch at home, though it was eight o"clock. "He"s been here, but he is quite gone," those were the very words of his landlady. It"s as though there was an understanding between them. Perhaps at this moment he is in the restaurant with Ivan Fyodorovitch, for Ivan Fyodorovitch has not been home to dinner and Fyodor Pavlovitch dined alone an hour ago, and is gone to lie down. But I beg you most particularly not to speak of me and of what I have told you, for he"d kill me for nothing at all."
"Brother Ivan invited Dmitri to the restaurant to-day?" repeated Alyosha quickly.
"That"s so."
"The Metropolis tavern in the marketplace?"
"The very same."
"That"s quite likely," cried Alyosha, much excited. "Thank you, Smerdyakov; that"s important. I"ll go there at once."
"Don"t betray me," Smerdyakov called after him.
"Oh, no, I"ll go to the tavern as though by chance. Don"t be anxious."
"But wait a minute, I"ll open the gate to you," cried Marya Kondratyevna.
"No; it"s a short cut, I"ll get over the fence again."
What he had heard threw Alyosha into great agitation. He ran to the tavern. It was impossible for him to go into the tavern in his monastic dress, but he could inquire at the entrance for his brothers and call them down. But just as he reached the tavern, a window was flung open, and his brother Ivan called down to him from it.
"Alyosha, can"t you come up here to me? I shall be awfully grateful."
"To be sure I can, only I don"t quite know whether in this dress- "
"But I am in a room apart. Come up the steps; I"ll run down to meet you."
A minute later Alyosha was sitting beside his brother. Ivan was alone dining.
Chapter 3.
The Brothers Make Friends.
IVAN was not, however, in a separate room, but only in a place shut off by a screen, so that it was unseen by other people in the room. It was the first room from the entrance with a buffet along the wall. Waiters were continually darting to and fro in it. The only customer in the room was an old retired military man drinking tea in a corner. But there was the usual bustle going on in the other rooms of the tavern; there were shouts for the waiters, the sound of popping corks, the click of billiard b.a.l.l.s, the drone of the organ. Alyosha knew that Ivan did not usually visit this tavern and disliked taverns in general. So he must have come here, he reflected, simply to meet Dmitri by arrangement. Yet Dmitri was not there.
"Shall I order you fish, soup, or anything. You don"t live on tea alone, I suppose," cried Ivan, apparently delighted at having got hold of Alyosha. He had finished dinner and was drinking tea.
"Let me have soup, and tea afterwards, I am hungry," said Alyosha gaily.
"And cherry jam? They have it here. You remember how you used to love cherry jam when you were little?"
"You remember that? Let me have jam too, I like it still."
Ivan rang for the waiter and ordered soup, jam, and tea.
"I remember everything, Alyosha, I remember you till you were eleven, I was nearly fifteen. There"s such a difference between fifteen and eleven that brothers are never companions at those ages. I don"t know whether I was fond of you even. When I went away to Moscow for the first few years I never thought of you at all. Then, when you came to Moscow yourself, we only met once somewhere, I believe. And now I"ve been here more than three months, and so far we have scarcely said a word to each other. To-morrow I am going away, and I was just thinking as I sat here how I could see you to say good-bye and just then you pa.s.sed."
"Were you very anxious to see me, then?"
"Very. I want to get to know you once for all, and I want you to know me. And then to say good-bye. I believe it"s always best to get to know people just before leaving them. I"ve noticed how you"ve been looking at me these three months. There has been a continual look of expectation in your eyes, and I can"t endure that. That"s how it is I"ve kept away from you. But in the end I have learned to respect you. The little man stands firm, I thought. Though I am laughing, I am serious. You do stand firm, don"t you? I like people who are firm like that whatever it is they stand by, even if they are such little fellows as you. Your expectant eyes ceased to annoy me, I grew fond of them in the end, those expectant eyes. You seem to love me for some reason, Alyosha?"
"I do love you, Ivan. Dmitri says of you- Ivan is a tomb! I say of you, Ivan is a riddle. You are a riddle to me even now. But I understand something in you, and I did not understand it till this morning."
"What"s that?" laughed Ivan.
"You won"t be angry?" Alyosha laughed too.
"Well?"
"That you are just as young as other young men of three and twenty, that you are just a young and fresh and nice boy, green in fact! Now, have I insulted you dreadfully?"
"On the contrary, I am struck by a coincidence," cried Ivan, warmly and good-humouredly. "Would you believe it that ever since that scene with her, I have thought of nothing else but my youthful greenness, and just as though you guessed that, you begin about it. Do you know I"ve been sitting here thinking to myself: that if I didn"t believe in life, if I lost faith in the woman I love, lost faith in the order of things, were convinced, in fact, that everything is a disorderly, d.a.m.nable, and perhaps devil-ridden chaos, if I were struck by every horror of man"s disillusionment- still I should want to live and, having once tasted of the cup, I would not turn away from it till I had drained it! At thirty, though, I shall be sure to leave the cup, even if I"ve not emptied it, and turn away- where I don"t know. But till I am thirty, I know that my youth will triumph over everything- every disillusionment, every disgust with life. I"ve asked myself many times whether there is in the world any despair that would overcome this frantic and perhaps unseemly thirst for life in me, and I"ve come to the conclusion that there isn"t, that is till I am thirty, and then I shall lose it of myself, I fancy. Some drivelling consumptive moralists- and poets especially- often call that thirst for life base. It"s a feature of the Karamazovs, it"s true, that thirst for life regardless of everything; you have it no doubt too, but why is it base? The centripetal force on our planet is still fearfully strong, Alyosha. I have a longing for life, and I go on living in spite of logic. Though I may not believe in the order of the universe, yet I love the sticky little leaves as they open in spring. I love the blue sky, I love some people, whom one loves you know sometimes without knowing why. I love some great deeds done by men, though I"ve long ceased perhaps to have faith in them, yet from old habit one"s heart prizes them. Here they have brought the soup for you, eat it, it will do you good. It"s first-rate soup, they know how to make it here. I want to travel in Europe, Alyosha, I shall set off from here. And yet I know that I am only going to a graveyard, but it"s a most precious graveyard, that"s what it is! Precious are the dead that lie there, every stone over them speaks of such burning life in the past, of such pa.s.sionate faith in their work, their truth, their struggle and their science, that I know I shall fall on the ground and kiss those stones and weep over them; though I"m convinced in my heart that it"s long been nothing but a graveyard. And I shall not weep from despair, but simply because I shall be happy in my tears, I shall steep my soul in emotion. I love the sticky leaves in spring, the blue sky- that"s all it is. It"s not a matter of intellect or logic, it"s loving with one"s inside, with one"s stomach. One loves the first strength of one"s youth. Do you understand anything of my tirade, Alyosha?" Ivan laughed suddenly.
"I understand too well, Ivan. One longs to love with one"s inside, with one"s stomach. You said that so well and I am awfully glad that you have such a longing for life," cried Alyosha. "I think everyone should love life above everything in the world."
"Love life more than the meaning of it?"
"Certainly, love it, regardless of logic as you say, it must be regardless of logic, and it"s only then one will understand the meaning of it. I have thought so a long time. Half your work is done, Ivan, you love life, now you"ve only to try to do the second half and you are saved."
"You are trying to save me, but perhaps I am not lost! And what does your second half mean?"
"Why, one has to raise up your dead, who perhaps have not died after all. Come, let me have tea. I am so glad of our talk, Ivan."
"I see you are feeling inspired. I am awfully fond of such professions de foi* from such- novices. You are a steadfast person, Alexey. Is it true that you mean to leave the monastery?"
* Professions of faith.
"Yes, my elder sends me out into the world."
"We shall see each other then in the world. We shall meet before I am thirty, when I shall begin to turn aside from the cup. Father doesn"t want to turn aside from his cup till he is seventy, he dreams of hanging on to eighty in fact, so he says. He means it only too seriously, though he is a buffoon. He stands on a firm rock, too, he stands on his sensuality though after we are thirty, indeed, there may be nothing else to stand on.... But to hang on to seventy is nasty, better only to thirty; one might retain "a shadow of n.o.bility" by deceiving oneself. Have you seen Dmitri to-day?"
"No, but I saw Smerdyakov," and Alyosha rapidly, though minutely, described his meeting with Smerdyakov. Ivan began listening anxiously and questioned him.
"But he begged me not to tell Dmitri that he had told me about him," added Alyosha. Ivan frowned and pondered.
"Are you frowning on Smerdyakov"s account?" asked Alyosha.
"Yes, on his account. d.a.m.n him, I certainly did want to see Dmitri, but now there"s no need," said Ivan reluctantly.
"But are you really going so soon, brother?"