He dipped his face close, his voice low. "Storms get me the b.l.o.w.j.o.b, brown eyes. I get the intel you need, that buys me sinkin" deep in wet p.u.s.s.y."
I felt my nipples get harder at the same time something else happened to me that, if he was of a mind to take his payoff right then, he"d get what he wanted.
I hid this reaction and asked, "You want this all in one go, or you wanna spread payback out for a while?"
"Keep plenty of time open, Cher. I intend to earn a f.u.c.kuva lot more and draw it out collecting."
I nodded, still keeping a lock on his eyes. "I get it. Girl like me, only payback expected for me to be able to give."
That didn"t get me fire.
That got me ice.
"I hear you talk down about yourself one more time, Cher, s.h.i.t will get extreme."
That made me ice over.
"Do not hand me that c.r.a.p, Merry. You come into my home and got no problem talkin" about wet p.u.s.s.y right to my face tells me the woman you know me to be."
He dipped his face even closer, to the point it felt like if I blinked, my lashes would sweep his in a b.u.t.terfly kiss.
"Do not hand me your s.h.i.t, Cher," he growled. "That hang-up is yours, not mine. And how I know that is I made you come just finger f.u.c.kin" you and talkin" dirty in your ear, and it was the talk and not what my fingers were doin" that took you there. I like that, a woman who can let go and let me give her that without gettin" uptight and closin" down on me. You liked it too, a f.u.c.kuva lot more than me. So don"t stand there handin" me your s.h.i.t when I know you"re wet for me now and I haven"t f.u.c.kin" touched you."
I refused to reply to that because he was right and I had no intention of confirming that information.
But it was then he hit me with a verbal blow, the intensity of which, not in my whole s.h.i.tty-a.s.s life I"d ever received.
"Christ, if I didn"t know you were worth it, I"d walk out the door and this would be done-all we got, over."
I could stand.
I could stare.
But I couldn"t breathe.
Merry could.
He could also speak.
"Hope like f.u.c.k no one takes off with those storms while I"m gone. You think they will, move "em into garage and leave the key under the mat. I"m switchin" "em out, Cher. I come back tonight and they"re done, I"ll find you, and I won"t be collectin". I"ll be dishin" it out, but you won"t get it until you beg for it and do that s.h.i.t for a really long time."
His words were lost on me.
I continued to stand.
I continued to stare.
But my lungs had started burning.
If I didn"t know you were worth it...
"When"s Ethan"s next sleepover?" Merry bit out.
"Friday," I whispered. "But his friend"s comin" here."
"f.u.c.k," Merry clipped. "Find a time, babe. You don"t, payback"ll stack up and I"ll have to take personal days and hole up in a hotel with you for a week. And there"s not a doubt that stick-up-her-a.s.s church lady your ex tied his s.h.i.t to won"t appreciate you bein" gone from your kid for a weeklong f.u.c.kathon."
That was kind of funny as well as hot.
I still said nothing.
Merry fell silent and stared at me.
Then he dealt the second biggest verbal blow I"d ever received in my life.
"Christ, you"re pretty, even standin" there plotting my murder."
After that, he lifted a hand, grabbed me gentle but firm at my neck, yanked me up so my mouth hit his hard but brief, then he let me go.
"Later, babe," he said, strolling to my door. He stopped in it, turned to me, and bid his farewell by saying, "You touch those storms only to put them in the garage."
He closed the door on that.
I stood where he left me.
If I didn"t know you were worth it...
What was I worth?
What was I worth to Merry?
I stared at the door, again breathing but not knowing what to think.
Not even knowing what was happening.
How had it gone from a drunken f.u.c.k, after which he was going to blow me off, to him investigating Trent and Peggy, demanding I find a time when I could offer his brand of payback, and him not only telling me I was pretty, but I was "worth it?"
It would seem me and Merry had to have a chat where we were not fighting or talking about my ex and his b.i.t.c.h"s diabolical plans.
And I would suggest just that to him later, when he"d cooled down and when we were both far apart from each other.
I left the storm windows where they were. Merry wanted to put them in, at that juncture, I was not going to test his mood by going against his wishes.
Instead, I went to the laptop me and Ethan shared.
I powered that baby up.
Then I found Riverside Baptist Church and its program Faith Saves. I read every word.
Twice.
"Takin" my last break," I told Jack, who was behind the bar.
"Make it a good one," Jack replied.
I said nothing and went to the office.
Mondays during the day were not big days at J&J"s. We had the odd drifter. Weather allowed, we had biker boys who knew J&J"s was welcoming, so if they slid through town, they"d stop to play a couple of games of pool and throw back some brews. We had regulars with no jobs but the miraculous ability to buy drinks.
I was on early for the week, going nights next week, which was Feb and Morrie"s way with scheduling to make sure Ruthie nor me took a hit from having to do all early.
Luckily, things looked up around five, and when I did early, I usually got my breaks and lunch out of the way when it was not after five because that was when the tips were made. I didn"t need to be sitting on my a.s.s, eating, when I could be making money.
Although cops had imprecise schedules, detective shifts were eight to five officially. If anything happened beyond that, the on call cop went in.
So unusually that day, I waited for my break until six thirty, when Merry was off. The autumn light was waning, which meant the storm windows were probably in before I phoned him.
He picked up on the second ring, greeting, "Hey."
"Hey," I replied, and it occurred to me that, although we had each other"s numbers, I didn"t think I"d ever phoned him.
We"d texted things, like him asking me, You bringing that bacon potato salad to Vi"s party? (which meant, bring it, and so I always did), and me texting him, Colts lost. You owe me twenty bucks.
But I"d never phoned him.
"Cher?" he called, and I shook my head sharply.
"Looked up Riverside Baptist Church. That Faith Saves thing looks pretty legit."
"They"re not gonna tell everyone on the Internet they"re freaky-a.s.s zealots intent on saving the world by kidnapping recovering addicts and brainwashing them."
My hand tightened on my phone, my mind thinking of Trent"s devotion to Peg. "Holy f.u.c.k, Merry. Do you think that"s what they"re doing?"
There was humor in his deep voice when he replied, "Calm down, sweetheart. No. Just tellin" you as you look into the s.h.i.t that I feed you, don"t judge a book by its cover. We get it, we won"t go surface-we"ll look deeper. But I"ll do the digging."
Okay, right, this was one of several things that had to stop, and to stop it, we had to talk.
"I have Wednesday and Friday off this week," I declared.
"f.u.c.k, I just got the weekend off," he returned.
He was thinking I was planning payback time.
"Can we do lunch on Wednesday?" I asked.
"Mike and me bought a case this weekend, which means we"re officially over our recommended caseload. Until we clear some, lunch is a memory for me."
I moved to the chair at the desk and sat in it before saying, "We need to talk, Merry."
"What"re we doin" right now, Cher?"
"I"m on a break."
"So call me when Ethan goes to bed."
"That"ll be late."
There was humor in his voice again when he replied, "Not like you aren"t used to late nights."
"This talk we need to have needs to be face-to-face."
Merry had no reply to that, humor-filled or not.
I rushed to fill the silence.
"What we had...before...it was good. We f.u.c.ked it up. We"re still f.u.c.kin" it up, playin" these games. We should sit down, talk it through, get back to that good. It"s the best thing for both of us, Merry, and we both know it."
He didn"t agree. He didn"t anything, so I rushed to fill that silence too.
"And Trent said they just wanted to see Ethan more. I didn"t want to talk about it when he was in the mood to push it, and things went south from there. Before I blow it up with them, maybe I should sit down with Ethan and see how he feels about it. He likes his dad, Merry. He likes them both and he digs havin" a brother and sister. Maybe he actually wants more time with them too and doesn"t want to hurt my feelings by tellin" me that."
He finally spoke, and when he did, it came gentle.
"Consider this, sweetheart. Maybe, this b.i.t.c.h has claws, and she"s got more time to sink them into Ethan, that"s not a good idea."
This was a concern.
But it was my concern, not Merry"s.
"I still think that"s my first step, talking to Ethan."
"I hear you. And maybe you"re right. That doesn"t mean you shouldn"t do what you can to know what you"re sendin" him into and if that"s healthy or if it"s not. Bottom line, your ex is a junkie. He"s recovering, but that"s still gotta give you pause. I know from the way you reacted that woman freaks you out, and she does that for a reason. Just find out what you"re dealin" with before you make a deal with them that involves your boy."
"Okay, then, maybe I"ll talk to Tanner about doing some legwork."
"Tanner"s expensive."
This was true.
This was also my concern, not Merry"s.
"Merry-"
"I"m on this."
"I don"t want you to be on this."