"I know this," she returned instantly. "I know he knows he sat at my table as the man who brought my two babies in his truck to my home to eat my food with the possibility he"d be at that table a lot in future. He knows me, but he knows what tonight meant. So he would know not to mess that up, no matter what"s goin" on."
"He was just quiet," I told her.
"He wasn"t quiet, Cheryl. Half the time he wasn"t even here."
She was right and she was also telling me not to f.u.c.k this up.
I was just so good at f.u.c.king things up, I didn"t know another way to be.
And the biggest part about that was, Merry"s retreat scared the s.h.i.t out of me.
Mia Merrick didn"t have it in her to fight for her man and I had no problem pointing that out.
Faced with just a taste of what she"d had shoved down her throat, the acid of it burned.
And if I let my head go there, the scary it was would be terrifying.
"Talk to him," Mom urged on a whisper. "I"ll tell you this, baby girl, that happened tonight at my table and you have to deal. Because that man"s got a woman in his life now, a woman with a son. And he"s lookin" for a house. And that says other things. I"m not tellin" you to get things straight with him because I want my girl"s hooks in a good man. I"m tellin" you to get things straight for him because I know what he"s got with you. I know what my grandbaby will give him. I know that man is far from stupid. I know he deserves good in his life. And I know he"ll kick his own behind and not bounce back from that, he lets you slip through his fingers."
I loved my mom. I"d f.u.c.ked her over like I"d f.u.c.ked a lot of s.h.i.t in my life.
But I loved her because I did all that and she still said what she just said, which meant she loved the h.e.l.l out of me.
I looked into her eyes. Then I nodded.
After that, I headed to the table to get the dishes.
It was a school night, so even though we had some time to visit after the dishes were done, we didn"t have a lot.
And through that time, Merry again gave Ethan what he needed but only what he had to give to Mom and me.
This meant she gave me a telling look after the hug we exchanged before we left. But she pretended like it was all good with the warm hugs and good-byes she gave Merry and Ethan.
Ethan chattered on the way home. Ethan chattered when we got home. And Ethan didn"t hide his disappointment when I shared it was bedtime.
He didn"t fight me, though, because it actually wasn"t bedtime. It was half an hour after bedtime, so he knew he"d already gotten a reprieve.
What freaked me (further) was that Merry took Ethan"s bedtime as his opportunity to leave rather than what we did last night after Ethan went to bed-taking time, being together, whispering to each other, laughing quiet so we wouldn"t wake my kid up, and making out.
He gave Ethan another man-to-man handshake.
He gave me a distracted kiss on the cheek.
Then he took off.
The only good part about this was that my son was growing up and there wasn"t a lot he didn"t notice. But he wasn"t grown up enough to know that a man like Merry didn"t kiss his woman good night like that.
Obviously, I didn"t educate him.
I got him to bed and then I sat on my couch with my phone in my hand.
I started a dozen texts.
I couldn"t figure out which words to use, so I erased everything.
I looked at the clock, then I turned my head and looked at the wall, well beyond which was the house that Tilly lived in.
And Tilly was a late-night talk show girl.
"Started the habit with Johnny Carson, honey, a habit that"s hard to break," she"d told me.
Before I could talk myself out of it, which would mean talking myself into f.u.c.king things up with Merry, I pulled my boots back on, grabbed my purse, my jacket, and my keys, and headed out.
Tilly"s house was quiet and dark except for the flickering light of a TV coming from her curtains.
I knocked not too loud but also called out, "Tilly, it"s Cher."
The door opened almost immediately and I looked down at the round woman with curly hair that was an equal mix of black and steel, who had big blue eyes in a face as round as her body.
"Is everything okay, Cher?"
"Listen, I know this is askin" a lot, but I need to ask if you"d go over and stay with Ethan. He"s sleepin", but I..." s.h.i.t, s.h.i.t, f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k, f.u.c.k. "I don"t know if you heard, but I"m seein" Garrett Merrick and there are some important things I gotta talk about with him. We couldn"t do that with Ethan around, and Merry went home before we got to it. It"s not stuff you can talk about over the phone either. I know this is selfish, but I can"t sleep, Till. I gotta go over to Merry"s and talk things out."
"I"m in my slippers, hon. Let me get my shoes," she said instantly.
Totally a good neighbor.
And she"d so totally heard about me and Merry.
She got her shoes.
I followed her over to my house and sat in my car until I saw the door close behind her. Then I sat in it until I saw my curtains flickering with the late show on TV.
After that, I backed out.
I hit Merry"s complex, and before I could turn tail and do the easy thing rather than doing what I"d promised him I would do and give us the best shot I could give, I got out of my car and hauled my a.s.s up to his place.
There was a window in his apartment that faced the landing. No light.
I knocked as loud as I could without being obnoxious to him or his neighbors.
It took too much time (probably ten seconds) before dim light came from the blinds at his front window. I heard the locks go and the door was opened.
Not opened.
Hauled open.
"f.u.c.k, Cher, is everything okay?"
I looked up at his face, lit by the outside lights on his landing, and saw distant-Merry was not with me.
He looked worried.
But he smelled like cigarettes and it hit me it"d been a while since I"d smelled that on Merry.
"I don"t know, baby, is it?" I asked carefully.
"Where"s Ethan?" he asked in return, his gaze flicking beyond me.
"Tilly"s at the house keepin" an eye on things until I get back."
Merry"s eyes narrowed when they came back to me. "Babe, it"s nearly eleven."
I knew that. I just didn"t know why he was telling me that. He couldn"t be so far gone he didn"t know why I was there.
Could he?
"We have to talk," I told him.
"About what?" he asked.
"About you checkin" out at dinner tonight."
There it was. I saw it happen and it freaked my s.h.i.t right out.
The door closed on his soul and that was written all over his face.
"I didn"t check out at dinner tonight," he lied.
"Merry-"
"I had my a.s.s in a seat, eatin" tater tot ca.s.serole, and you were right there with me."
"That"s not what I mean."
His brows snapped together. "You mean to make problems that aren"t there?"
Seriously?
"Merry, you checked out."
He shook his head at the same time he sighed. "Get back to Ethan, Cher."
I lifted a hand. "Merry-"
"It"s late. Get back to your kid."
"Dammit, Merry," I snapped. "Talk to me."
"About what?"
"Boss, you are not talkin" to a princess who could climb on top of a mattress, feel a pea, and b.i.t.c.h about that s.h.i.t. You"re talkin" to me-a real woman who knows what"s important," I snapped. "And you checked out tonight. Now, you gotta know that I know, like every-f.u.c.kin"-body knows, a Merrick checks out, you don"t d.i.c.k around with checkin" him back in."
His face went hard. "We"ll talk about this on Sat.u.r.day."
So there was something to talk about.
And he wanted to wait until Sat.u.r.day. Two whole days for him to retreat further from me?
"We"ll talk about it now."
"Listen, Cher, I do not need another woman at my door wantin" a chat with me when I do not want that s.h.i.t."
A low blow, pairing me with Mia to push me away.
I stared at him.
Then I pushed right in.
"f.u.c.k," he muttered.
I went to the back of his couch, threw my bag and keys in the seat, and turned to him, yanking my jacket off.
"Know this play too," he stated. "Not in the mood to chat and not in the mood for a woman to fall on my d.i.c.k, thinkin" that says everything."
That was an outrageously low blow.
s.h.i.t.
Okay, I needed to hold it together, not go bats.h.i.t crazy and mouth off, saying something I"d regret.
I took in a deep breath and draped my jacket over the back of the couch to give myself time to do that.
Only then did I look at him.
"What triggered it?" I asked quietly.
He stared at me before he threw the door to, turned back to me, and crossed his arms on his chest.
But he didn"t speak.
"What"s f.u.c.kin" with your head, Merry?" I pushed.
"Right now, you," he returned.
"Did I do something before?"
He shook his head, murmuring, "Jesus, Cher."