"You didn"t want me to put your storm windows in either, but they"re in. I"ll also point out that you spent your mornin" lookin" into the program your kid"s stepmom is neck-deep in, not puttin" those windows in. I get you know how to go it alone, Cher. In this, you"re just not going to."
"That"s my call."
"Sorry you think that way, brown eyes, but the call"s been made and it"s not yours at all."
s.h.i.t, I was getting p.i.s.sed.
"This is why we need to talk face-to-face, so I can explain to you I don"t want you in my s.h.i.t."
"You already did that face-to-face, and right now you"re doin" it over the phone. But, babe, it needs to sink in we don"t agree. I"m in. With your work schedule, mine, and the fact you need to spend time with your kid, we get face-to-face time, we"ll be face-to-face with you on your back and me movin" inside you."
s.h.i.t. Now I was getting turned on.
"You had a window you could slide in there, gorgeous. You timed it right. Now Cher"s closed for business."
So much humor was back, his reply of "Right" was shaking.
That meant I was no longer p.i.s.sed or turned on.
I was angry.
"If you think with the life I lead I need some bada.s.s cop playin" games with me, you are very wrong," I told him bitingly.
He didn"t miss a beat, returning, "Cher, with your life and the dry spell you endured, you need a lot of things and you"re gettin" them all from me."
Of course, Lieutenant Garrett Merrick of the "burg"s PD didn"t miss my dry spell.
f.u.c.k.
"That s.h.i.t"s exactly what I"m talkin" about, Merry. I"ve been down a road where it wasn"t my choice to be on. You think for a second I"m gonna be forced down a road I don"t like where I"m at again, you think wrong. There is nowhere for this to go that"s good and you know it, just like me."
"The only thing I know is, what"s at the end of the road we"re on is unknown. Along the way, I break through that fortress you"ve built around you and manage to extract your head from your a.s.s, it"ll be worth the trip."
"And then what, Merry?" I snapped.
"I don"t know, Cher. That"s the point. That"s life. You have no clue what you"ll get along the journey. But you won"t get d.i.c.k you stay in one place, spinning your wheels."
"If that place is a safe place for me and my kid, I"m good to spin my wheels for eternity."
"You may be safe, but are you happy?"
I added a heavy dose of sarcasm when I asked, "You gonna show me happy, Merry, outside of what you can do to me when you"re f.u.c.kin" me?"
"No one can show you happy, Cher, unless you let them in to try."
"I open the door, is that what you want?" I asked, sarcasm mixed with disbelief now weighting my tone. "You want a shot at makin" me happy?"
"What I want is to make sure a woman I care about is solid with her kid. That they"re safe. That the cloud of s.h.i.t hovering in the horizon is not gonna rain down on them, covering them, because they"ve had enough of that. That"s one thing I want."
His words meant so much to me, unable to hold my head up, I cast my gaze to the floor.
Merry continued talking.
"I also want to know how it feels when you wrap your mouth around my c.o.c.k. And I want to wake up to you in my bed and look at you sleepin" to find out if the s.h.i.t I saw Sat.u.r.day mornin" was a dream or if it was real. That bein", you lookin" just as pretty as you look after drinkin" yourself stupid and bein" rode hard, which is the same as you look when you"re standin" opposite the bar from me, pourin" a drink."
I kept staring at the floor, but I did it now breathing funny.
Merry kept at me.
"That s.h.i.t is not right. No woman, not even Mia, could go head-to-head with me drinkin" and f.u.c.kin" and not wake up with mascara-caked, bloodshot eyes, a lipstick-smeared mouth, and a bedhead that is so far from s.e.xy, it made me wonder why I hit that in the first place. Not you. You opened your eyes and looked ready to perform surgery, shake a martini, or ride my c.o.c.k until we both found it, all a" that with a camera crew in tow, ready for your close-up."
Not even Mia?
No. Unh-unh. I didn"t give a s.h.i.t.
I tried to turn his mind from his thoughts, and me, by reminding him, "You learn that s.h.i.t when you strip, baby."
"Then at least that line on your CV was worth somethin"; you got that outta it. Then again, baby, not complainin" about other skills you learned through your former occupation when you finally managed to climb on top, and I am not f.u.c.kin" with you on that. You"re not hidin" s.h.i.t from me, Cher. I don"t know if you"re tryin", but if you are, stop. You got your head wrapped around an idea, and I get that. I get why. I get there"re a lot of folk out there who"d think that idea is spot-on. But they are not me. I do not mind, not even a little f.u.c.kin" bit, that I got you drunk, naked, and wild, givin" the lap dance to beat all lap dances, just as long as that"s happenin" to me."
"You are so full of s.h.i.t," I bit out.
"Jesus, f.u.c.k me, Cher. Seriously?" he retorted. "Due to biology being unbalanced, a session like that, I got one shot. We had one session. Seein" as it"s clear you didn"t pay close attention, when you get more, you"ll know I liked what I got a whole f.u.c.kin" lot."
"So we did negotiate a friends-with-benefits deal yesterday. Is that what this is?"
"I don"t know what it is, Cher. You want me to put a ring on your finger after f.u.c.kin" you once, I can tell you on that you"ll be disappointed. What I know is, for years, I"ve had good times with you. Friday night, I had a great time with you. Friday night. The night Mia no longer was a possibility for me. Got a lotta people who mean a lot to me, but only one took my back, and you did that more than just f.u.c.kin" my cares away. You took my back and my side when everyone"s been tellin" me to pull my head outta my a.s.s about my ex-wife. You made me see it different. You made me think. You showed me what it meant to have a friend who had a mind to me and what I should expect from the b.i.t.c.h who owns my d.i.c.k."
That meant a lot to me too.
But Merry wasn"t done hitting me with the velvet blows of his honesty.
"What I want is more good times with you, Cher. I wanna f.u.c.k wild and I wanna laugh hard, and while we"re doin" that, I"m gonna look out for you. More, I can"t promise. That"s not enough, then I"m still gonna look out for you. There it is. You gotta get off break, but before I let you go, you gotta know it"s your play now. Make it."
With that, he hung up on me.
I dropped my phone to my lap and kept staring at the floor.
Merry wanted to f.u.c.k wild and laugh hard, having no clue my heart was involved.
He"d been tagging a.s.s for so long with his heart belonging to another woman, he forgot that s.h.i.t could happen, it did, and it did it all the time.
I knew two things.
I wanted to f.u.c.k wild and laugh hard with Merry.
But I didn"t need the heartbreak that would lead to in my life.
I lifted my phone, hit the text b.u.t.ton, and tapped in my play.
I didn"t send it until hours later, when I was off shift, sitting in my running car, ready to put it in gear and go pick up my kid from my mom"s.
I hit send, threw my phone on top of my purse on the pa.s.senger seat, my eyes so dry they stung, and I set my car on course to get my boy.
Garrett I"m happy spinning my wheels.
Garrett stared at the text.
Then he drew his arm back and let fly, the phone sailing through the air and embedding in the s.h.i.tty-a.s.s drywall of his living room.
He stared at it a beat before he walked out to his balcony to have a smoke.
Chapter Five.
Proceed Cher Late the next morning, I was leaning over the basin in Ethan"s and my bathroom, stroking on waterproof mascara, when my cell on the counter rang.
I looked down at it, and since I"d seen that number before, I knew who it was.
G.o.d, my life sucked.
I hit the screen to take Walter Jones"s call.
I then immediately hit the screen to hang up.
I went back to stroking on mascara.
The phone rang again.
The motherf.u.c.ker probably thought he lost connection.
I took the call and then hung up.
He called again.
I engaged and disengaged.
Done playing, I went in, blocked his number, and went back to finishing my makeup.
I walked into J&J"s, surprised to see the place was deserted.
Then I saw Feb pop up from behind the bar.
Years ago, when I"d first met her, seeing all that was her did not do good things for my mental health.
There was a reason Dennis Lowe picked me, having obsessed on Feb and Colt since they were all in high school together.
Wanting Feb for his own, he"d found a replacement in me.
In other words, we looked a lot alike.
Obviously, we still did, both of us tall, built, blonde, and brown-eyed.
Though, there was more to it and it was uncanny.
Honest to G.o.d, she looked like my older sister.
For obvious reasons, these making me a target of an ax murderer, even when she turned out to be awesome, it had f.u.c.ked with my head. Lowe had even called me Feb and February, saying it was a nickname because we"d met in that month, but doing it because that was who he saw in me.
He also told me his name was Alexander Colton and he was a cop, not what he was in reality-a geeky software guy who hid the bats.h.i.t crazy.
Since she and Colt were looking out for me, I covered my reaction to our physical similarities and what that all bought me in my life, burying the wince every time someone said her name.
It took some time, but I finally pulled my head together, twisting my thinking process to what it should be.
Feb was gorgeous. She"d been in her early forties when I met her and was smack in the middle of them now. That s.h.i.t had not faded. She was the kind of woman men would look at when she was sixty and they"d still think, oh yeah.
She also had an edge, like me. Hers had softened over the years since she got Colt back and they had their baby, Jack, but it wasn"t totally gone. Lowe had also forced her life on a trajectory where she didn"t want to be, and that had started decades ago, so it had lasted a lot longer than mine.
Her edge made her cool, however. It made the sweet she had in her a surprise, which meant it ended up feeling like a gift when she gave that to you.
And if she had all that and kept it, my big sister who wasn"t of blood but was of a different variety, it boded well for me in the coming decades.
"Yo," I called.
"Hey," she called back.
I braced for her to start something with me about Merry, but she didn"t.
This was surprising.
Then again, I was surprised my cell hadn"t lit up since Friday, not only from Feb but from all the hens in our coop.
"Darryl was last in last night and he didn"t restock. I"m doin" that and takin" stock while I do. Need to get an order in. Can you take care of the bar while I do that? I"ll help if things get busy."
Tuesdays during the day at J&J"s were the same as Mondays, so watching the bar while Feb did her thing would not be tough.
Even if it was, for her, I"d break my back doing it.