SIR JULIAN TWOMBLEY.

I cannot discuss official matters with you.

[SIR JULIAN turns from him.]

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

[To himself as he sits down.] Chatty! Chatty! I know what this"ll end in. It"ll end in my standin" on my dignity. Where"s f.a.n.n.y? [Addressing the others.] Talkin" about shootin", I"ll tell you an amusin" little story.



SIR JULIAN TWOMBLEY.

[To LADY TWOMBLEY and others sotto voce.] No, no!

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

It"s all about myself.

BROOKE TWOMBLEY.

[Whispering to the others.] Good-bye. We"re off.

[There is a general movement, the ladies and SIR JULIAN saying good-bye to the shooters, unnoticed by LEBANON, who has his back to them.]

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

I was spendin" a day or two down in Ess.e.x with my old friend, Captain Bolter, South "Ampstead Artillery. Dear old Tom--great favourite with the gals. Excuse my humour.

LADY TWOMBLEY, IMOGEN, LADY EUPHEMIA VIBART, SIR JULIAN TWOMBLEY, LADY MACPHAIL, and DOWAGER.

[Quietly to the shooters.] Good-bye.

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

It was wild-fowl Tom and I were after. We were lyin" in a ditch waitin"

for the ducks to drift in with the tide. [As LEBANON continues his story all the others gradually and quietly disperse.] I counted fifty-seven birds through my gla.s.s. So said I to Tom, "Tom, I"m in dooced good form, my boy." "Devil you are!" said Tom. "And I lay you a pony to a penny that fifteen of those birds fall to my gun." "Done!" said Tom. [He is now alone in the room.] Well, to make a short story a long one--excuse my humour--Tom sneezed. Up I got. So did the ducks. And then what the dooce d"ye think "appened? I say, what the dooce d"ye think---- [Discovering that he is alone.] Well, I"m---- Chatty, ain"t they?

Chatty!

[MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE enters.]

MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.

Jo! why aren"t you with the shooters?

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

Why! They hooked it while I was tellin "em the tale of Tom Bolter and the ducks.

MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.

Never mind, my pet.

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

It"s rude--that"s what it is--it"s dooced rude.

MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.

Come along, we"ll walk on to the moor.

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

What, are you going too, Fan?

MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.

Yes, dear. Your poor f.a.n.n.y has a little bit of fun on.

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

Oh, Fan, if I only "ad your confidence, your push. But the rudeness of these people is gettin" on my nerves.

MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.

Why, Joseph!

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

I feel a little "urt, Fan--a little "urt.

[VALENTINE enters.]

VALENTINE WHITE.

Mr. Lebanon!

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

Hi! Where are they?

VALENTINE WHITE.

Just starting in the drag. Be quick.

MR. JOSEPH LEBANON.

[To MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE.] Come on! They shall hear about Tom Bolter and the ducks before I"ve done with "em. Come on!

[MRS. GAYl.u.s.tRE and LEBANON hurry out.]

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