"Late. I finished scanning her father"s journals early this morning and decided to meet Melissa." In what was getting to be habit, he slipped his hand into Melissa"s. He was pleasantly surprised when she gripped back.
Diana didn"t fail to miss the action and was about to say something when Ryder descended the stairs. "Hail, hail the gang"s all here. Did you say you had finished scanning?"
"I did."
"And I completed my father"s last journal, only it isn"t," Melissa chimed in.
Ryder strode over until he stood behind Diana. "It isn"t what?" "His last journal," Melissa explained. "It ends just about four months before his death. Up until then, there were meticulous entries about everything. About the experiments."
Diana quickly said, "Tell us about the experiments."
Tension immediately erupted in Melissa"s body. Sebastian could tell from the way her hand tightened on his, as if she needed an anchor. "Maybe we should sit. It"s a long story."
A long painful story, especially since at the end of Melissa"s account, they"d have to add the information they"d obtained on Sloan. Diana would know then what he"d done.
He offered Melissa what comfort he could as she recounted the details of her father"s betrayal. It might have been easier had Ryder responded with anger, as he had the last time. Instead he remained quiet, but his face grew harder as each incident was revealed. When Melissa finished, he rose, his back turned to them. It was obvious, from the tight set of his body to the long rough breath he exhaled, what he was feeling.
Sebastian met his sister"s gaze and knew she shared her lover"s pain. She laid a hand on Ryder"s back, soothing him although not a word pa.s.sed between them. After what seemed like hours, Ryder finally faced Melissa once more, his anguish apparent. "I know Frederick did it for a good cause. I can understand wanting to protect the one you love."
Diana slipped her hand into Ryder"s and the vampire dropped a kiss on her forehead as she leaned into him. The simplicity of the action, the freedom with which it came, bespoke of their love for one another. Sebastian hoped it would one day be that way with him and Melissa.
When Melissa"s gaze met his, it was guarded, as if she got the direction of his thoughts, but couldn"t reciprocate. She pulled her hand from his grasp and gripped her thighs as she continued.
"He meant well, but what he did...I"m sorry, Ryder."
Ryder shook his head vehemently. "You have nothing to apologize for. And no matter what your father intended, he clearly must have been careless enough to let someone else become aware of what he was doing."
"Edward Sloan knew. The NSA let him go over concerns about his mental stability," Sebastian said, girding himself for his sister"s reaction.
"And you know this how?"
Sebastian met Diana"s gaze directly. "We couldn"t wait anymore, hermanita. We were getting nowhere and every day that pa.s.sed-"
"Daly"s watching Sloan as we speak. All we need is one little misstep and we have sufficient probable cause."
"For what? His little voyeur act? In the meantime, Sloan"s managed to kill four people and not leave a trace."
"Please tell me you didn"t break into his files," Diana asked, her voice tight with exasperation.
Sebastian continued as if his sister hadn"t asked her question. "His handler at the NSA thought Sloan had lost it. Sloan was ranting about some kind of cells that he thought could be used to create a unit of "supersoldiers." Ones with superior strength, highly developed senses and the ability to heal quickly when wounded."
"Which was why Sloan was terminated roughly one month before the Danvers"s crash," Diana finished, surprising him. At his reaction, she went on. "You"re not the only one with information, hermanito. The difference is, I got it legally late last night from a reliable source."
Diana turned to Ryder. "Did you authorize this? Did you know what he was doing?" Ryder placed his arms across his chest, clearly on the defensive. "I didn"t, but I"m not sure I would have stopped him if I had known. Every day that Sloan is free is a day we"re all at risk."
"And if Sebastian"s break-in was noted and traced?" she argued.
"It wasn"t. Len was-"
"Another person in the loop?" Ryder asked, his tone harsh.
Melissa quickly jumped in. "Len only knew we wanted to get information. He didn"t know why and we didn"t say."
Diana faced the other woman. "We? You mean you were in on this? You made yourself a knowing conspirator to a felony?"
It was clear from Diana"s tone and the look she shot Sebastian just what she was thinking. He"d seen that particular look more than once on his father"s face. He shot off the sofa and stood nose to nose with his sister. "Why don"t you just say what you really mean? That you expected better of Melissa, but knew I"d eventually do something wrong because I"m a screwup."
"You"re not a screwup, but what you did was wrong," she said calmly, although her hands were balled into fists by her side.
"It was important to get the information. I got the information."
"So did I. And I didn"t risk us all to do it."
Ryder stepped up behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder. "He says he wasn"t detected."
His sister whirled and directed her anger at her lover. "So what if he wasn"t? It doesn"t change the fact that he broke the law. A law I"m supposed to enforce. Do you expect me to turn a blind eye because it"s my brother. Because it helps you?"
"Yes," was all he said.
Sebastian expected Diana to explode. He waited for the additional censure. Instead she stalked to the door of the apartment and walked out. The door closed behind her not with a slam, but with a quiet click that was even more telling.
"I"m sorry, Ryder, but I had to do it," Sebastian finally said.
Ryder was silent, but there was an angry tic along the side of his face. Sebastian expected him to vamp out as he had the last time he"d gotten angry, but he didn"t. If anything, his calm as he spoke was unnerving. "Whatever you do affects me and mine. Don"t do it again."
Melissa jumped to his defense. "Sebastian only did it because-"
"You asked? Don"t betray me the way your father did, Melissa. You and I..." He paused, clearly distressed. Looking away for a moment, he dragged a hand through his hair, then scrubbed his face with his hands before proceeding. "You"re not just my companion. You"re my family. I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe. But don"t go behind my back again."
He pointed a finger at Sebastian. "And you. Don"t give me reason to dislike you."
Ryder was gone with a speed that Sebastian wasn"t sure he"d ever get used to. Which left him in the large and altogether too- quiet living room with Melissa. "Maybe it"s time that I left."
He"d been waiting...No, correction. He"d been hoping she"d contradict him.
"I think that would be best," Melissa said, shattering his illusions. "Right." He rocked back and forth on his heels, delaying in the hopes of a reprieve, but it was not forthcoming. He paused at the door. "Will I see you later?"
She met his gaze directly, but tried to school her emotions. "Maybe."
Sebastian had suffered so much rejection in his life that he should have been immune to Melissa"s. Somehow he wasn"t. It burned like a knife going into his gut because he"d wished for so much more from her. For so much more for them.
Only he"d been mistaken. Again. His father would have said that was typical of him-chasing after pipe dreams instead of reality.
Melissa was a pipe dream. The sooner he accepted that, the quicker the pain in his heart would heal.
Chapter 21.
M elissa lay in bed, staring up at the eggsh.e.l.l-white of the ceiling.
She was fully dressed. After Sebastian left, she couldn"t muster the energy to change. And despite how tired she was, her mind was a Tilt-A-Whirl of emotions. Foremost among them, disgust at how she had behaved toward him. She"d driven him away and, in doing so, hurt him. Sebastian"s face was like an open book and at her maybe, the only emotion there had been pain. All- consuming pain.
She of all people could understand distress of that kind. The anguish that came from being rejected by those you cared about.
Those who you wanted to love you back.
For as long as she could remember, she had wanted love like that from her parents. She"d been a good little soldier and done everything they"d wanted in the hopes that they"d acknowledge her.
It had never happened. Nothing she"d ever done, including conforming to what she thought they considered the perfect little daughter, had ever been enough. Well, at least she hadn"t thought it had.
Her father"s memoirs had given her hope that the situation had been otherwise. That her parents had some affection for her. Sad that the crime responsible for taking them away had finally given her something she"d been lacking all her life-their affection and an understanding of why it had seemed to be absent.
Until Sebastian, who"d given her his affection and more. Knowing all that she was and all that she might not ever be, he"d trusted her. Pain of an almost physical kind rose up in her. She laid her hand on her midsection and pressed down, trying to make the ache go away, but it didn"t.
She knew there was only one thing that would ease her misery.
Racing from her bedroom, she ran into Ryder as he pa.s.sed by the door to her room. "Sorry." He grabbed her to keep her from falling after the impact of their collision.
"Going somewhere?"
"Listen, I know you don"t like Sebastian, but-"
"I asked him not to give me reason to dislike him. Surprisingly, I find him refreshing," Ryder admitted.
"Refreshing? Mouthwash is refreshing. So is toothpaste and Altoids and-"
"You love him."
Faced with that plainly worded statement, there was little to say except, "I just might."
Ryder surprised her by smiling. "So what are you going to do about it?" "What do you think?"
Melissa didn"t wait for his response. She snagged her purse from where it rested on the table by the couch and raced out the door.
Sebastian walked for blocks, not really seeing or hearing anything around him. His mind was fraught with how the promise of the morning had been replaced by so many harsh words. With Diana. With Melissa.
He had no doubt Diana felt strongly about what he had done. How strongly remained to be seen, but no matter his sister"s decision, he"d abide by it. Even if it meant going to jail. He was man enough to be responsible for his actions, even if his sister doubted that he was.
Just as Melissa doubted. It was hard for him to understand why she had turned from him. He"d always been up-front with her.
Been totally open with his growing feelings. He"d even put his concern for her emotions and safety above his own personal freedom and his relationship with his sister.
He had hoped for more from Melissa. His disappointment was so sharp, it became corrosive, eating at him. Keeping him warm inside despite the chill of the bleak winter day.
Eventually, the long night and tension-filled morning took its toll, making his legs and feet feel leaden. At the corner he checked out the street sign and realized he was just a few blocks from home. Quickening his pace, he took the most direct route, wanting to drop into bed and let sleep erase what memories it could.
As he turned onto his block, he noticed something on the stoop of his building. Once he was closer, he recognized the back of Melissa"s head and the dark blue peacoat she favored. He stopped directly in front of her, but couldn"t find his voice.
It was hard to say how long he stood there before she raised her head. Her eyes were shining as if she"d been crying, and even with his anger, the sight of her tears touched him. Swallowing hard, he said, "What are you doing here?"
She laughed harshly. "Besides freezing?"
An unexpected answer. He pulled his keys from his pocket and motioned to the door of his building. "I"m going in. You"re welcome to join me, or," he said as he spread his arms wide, "you can stay here and keep freezing your a.s.s off."
Melissa wished she had a witty rejoinder, but she was too tired and too cold. Plus, she had to save her mental reserves for what was sure to follow their entrance into his apartment.
She followed him inside, trekking up the three flights of stairs to the walk-up he shared with Diana. His sister would hopefully be at work and not at home. Maybe she was a chicken, but Melissa couldn"t deal with Diana again. Not just yet.
Once inside, he stripped off his leather duster and negligently tossed it on the couch. Without looking at her, he headed to another room and called out, "Would you like something warm to drink?"
How polite and impersonal. How ridiculous, given what had gone down between them barely a couple of hours earlier. "Tea would be fine. Chamomile if you have it."
Melissa slipped off her peacoat, tossed it beside Sebastian"s, and joined him in the kitchen. He was busy puttering around, filling a teakettle. He placed it on the gas range and lit the burner. Once the kettle was warming, he turned and faced her, his hands on the edge of the stove. "No need to wait here. I"ll bring it in-"
"Somehow I didn"t expect that the next time we spoke, it would be about tea." He brought his arms across his chest and adopted a stance that was somewhere between insolent and carefree. "Really? So sorry to disappoint you, but then again, that"s par for the course."
Melissa took the few steps necessary to stand directly before him. "Don"t."
"Don"t what? Betray my sister? p.i.s.s off a vampire who could suck me dry if I annoyed him too much?" His face was hard and unyielding.
"Don"t buy into what your father thought of you. You"re nothing like that." Melissa"s urging only earned a bleak sigh from Sebastian.
She laid a hand on his arm, but he pulled away from her touch. "Sebastian."
"What do you want, Melissa? What are you doing here?" He refused to meet her gaze.
"I"m here because I know that I hurt you. You deserve more. I"m sorry."
Sebastian couldn"t believe she wanted more between them. "Apology accepted. So once you"re done with your tea-"
"Don"t shut me out. My whole life I"ve been shut out and d.a.m.n it, I won"t let you do it." With each word, her voice escalated not just in volume, but in distress.
Sebastian came as close to her as he could without touching her, because if he touched her..."You said that I shouldn"t buy into what my father thought about me. I thought I hadn"t, until this morning."
He shook his head and took a deep breath. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he continued, "I knew I had disappointed my sister, but when I saw the same doubt in your eyes-"
"I"d be lying if I said I was sure of you right then. Of how you felt about what was going on with your sister. Whether what you felt for me was strong enough to last."
She stopped short and bit her lower lip. In softer tones, she said, "I"m not sure about me, Sebastian. That you could still care for me."
Two such wounded creatures. He finally gave into his need and cupped her cheek. It was still chilled from the cold. The hiss of the teakettle became a whistling screech. Without looking, he reached back and shut off the burner. Tea was the last thing on his mind.