"Thurston ... Why, what"s he been doing?"
"He says he"s engaged to Amy." The disgust of the idea made Martin"s words, against his will, sharp and angry.
"Does he? ... Yes, I remember. He spoke to me about it."
"Of course it"s simply his infernal cheek ..."
Mr. Warlock sighed. "I don"t know, I"m sure. Amy seemed to wish it."
Martin felt then more strongly than before the Something that drove him. It said to him: "Now, then ... here"s a thing for you to make a row about--a big row. And then you can go off with Maggie." But, on the other hand, there was Something that said: "Don"t hurt him. Don"t hurt him. You may regret it all your life if ..."
If what? He didn"t know. He was always threatened with regretting things all his life. The blow was always going to fall. And that pleasant very British phrase came back to him, "He would put his foot down"--however--he was very angry--very angry.
He burst out: "Oh, but that"s absurd, father. Impossible--utterly.
Thurston in the family? Why, you must see yourself how monstrous it would be. Amy"s got some silly, sentimental whim and she"s got to be told that it won"t do. If you ask me, I don"t think Amy"s improved much since I was away. But that"s not the question. The idea of Thurston"s disgusting. You can"t seriously consider it for a minute..."
"Why is Thurston disgusting, my boy?"
Martin hated to be called "my boy"--it made him feel so young and dependent.
"You"ve only got to look at him!" Martin jumped up, disregarding his father"s hand, and began to stamp about the room. "He"s a cad--he"s not your friend, father. He isn"t, really. He"d like to out you from the whole thing if he could. He thinks you"re old-fashioned and behind the times, and all he thinks about is bringing in subscriptions and collecting new converts. He"s like one of those men who beat drums outside tents in a fair ... He"s a sickening man! He doesn"t believe in his religion or anything else. I should think he"s crooked about money, and immoral probably too. You"re much too innocent, father. You"re so good and trustful yourself that you don"t know how these fellows are doing you in. There"s a regular plot against you and they"d be most awfully pleased if you were to retire. They"re not genuine like you.
They simply use the Chapel for self-advertis.e.m.e.nt and making money. Of course there are some genuine ones like the Miss Cardinals, but Thurston"s an absolute swindler ..."
He stopped short at that. He had said more than he had intended and he was frightened suddenly. He swung round on his heel and looked at his father.
"Come here, Martin." He came across the room. "Closer. Now, tell me.
We"re good friends, aren"t we?"
"Of course, father."
He put his hand on his son"s shoulder. "Do you know that I love you more than anything in the whole world? More, I"m sometimes terribly afraid, than G.o.d Himself. I can"t help myself. I love you, Martin, so that it"s like hunger or thirst ... It"s the only earthly pa.s.sion that I"ve ever had. And I"ll tell you another thing. It"s the one terror of my earthly life that you"ll leave me. Now that I"ve got you back I"m afraid every time you go out of the house that you"ll run away, round the corner, and never come back again. I love you and I"m not going to let you go again.--Not until--until--the Time has come ... What does it matter to you and me what Thurston and Amy do? G.o.d will come and He will find us both together--you and I--and He will take us up and keep us together and we shall never be separated any more ... I love your strength, Martin, your happiness, your youth--all the things I"ve never had. And you"re not going to leave me, not though Amy married a hundred Thurstons ..."
Mr. Warlock"s grip on his son"s shoulder was iron.
Martin bent down and sat on the arm of his dusty leather chair to bring himself on to the same level. He put his arm round his father and drew him close to him. Maggie, Life, Money, Adventure--everything seemed to draw away from him and he saw himself, a little boy, pattering on bare feet down the aisle towards the font--just as though a spell had been cast over him.
They sat close together in silence. Then slowly the thought of Thurston came back again. Martin drew away a little.
"All the same, father," he said, "Thurston mustn"t marry Amy."
"They"re only engaged. There"s no question of marriage yet."
"Then they are engaged?" Martin drew right away, standing up again.
"Oh, yes, they"re engaged."
"Then I"m not going to stand it. I tell you I won"t stay here if Thurston marries Amy."
Mr. Warlock sighed. "Well then, let"s leave it, my boy. I daresay they"ll never marry."
"No. I won"t have it. It"s too serious to leave."
His father"s voice was sharper suddenly.
"Well, we won"t talk about it just now, Martin, if you don"t mind."
"But I must. You can"t leave a thing like that. Thurston will simply own the place ..."
"I tell you, Martin, to leave it alone." They were both angry now.
"And I tell you, father, that if you let Thurston marry Amy I leave the house and never come back again."
"Isn"t that rather selfish of you? You"ve been away all these years.
You"ve left us to ourselves. You come back suddenly without seeing how we live or caring and then you dictate to us what we"re to do. How can you expect us to listen?"
"And how can you expect me to stay?" Martin broke into a torrent of words: "I"m miserable here and you know that I am. Mother and Amy hate me and you"re always wrapped up in your religion. What kind of a place is it for a fellow? I came back meaning that you and I should be the best pals father and son have ever been, but you wouldn"t come out with me--you only wanted to drag me in. You tell me always to wait for something. To wait for what? I don"t know. And n.o.body here does seem to know. And I can"t wait for ever. I"ve got to lead my own life and if you won"t come with me I must go off by myself--"
He was following his own ideas now--not looking at his father at all.
"I"ve discovered since I"ve been home that I"m not the sort of fellow to settle down. I suppose I shall go on wandering about all my days.
I"m not proud of myself, you know, father. I don"t seem to be much good to any one, but the trouble is I don"t want to be much better. I feel as though it wouldn"t be much good if I did try. I can"t give up my own life--for n.o.body--not even for you--and however rotten my own life is I"d rather lead it than some one else"s."
He stopped and then went on quietly, as though he were arguing something out with himself: "The strange thing is that I do feel this place has got a kind of a hold on me. When you remind me of what I was like as a kid I go right back and feel helpless as though you could do anything with me you like. All the same I don"t believe in this business, father--all this Second Coming and the rest of it. We"re in the Twentieth Century now, you know, and everybody knows that that kind of thing is simply impossible. Only an old maid or two ... Why, I don"t believe you believe in it really, father. That"s why you"re so keen on making me believe. But I don"t; it"s no use. You can"t make me. I don"t believe there"s any G.o.d at all. If there were a G.o.d he"d let a fellow have more free will ..."
He was interrupted by an extraordinary cry. He turned to see his father standing, one hand pressed back on the chair, his face white, his eyes black and empty, like sightless eyes.
"Martin! That"s blasphemy! ... Take care! Take care! ... Oh, my son, my son! ..."
Then he suddenly collapsed backwards, crouching on to the chair as though he were trying to flee from some danger. Martin sprang towards him. He caught him round the body, holding him to him--something was leaping like a furious animal inside his father"s breast.
"What is it?" he cried, desperately frightened.
"It"s my heart," Warlock answered in a voice very soft and distant.
"Bad ... Excitement ... Ring that bell ... Amy ..."
A moment later Amy entered. She came quickly into the room, she said nothing--only gave Martin one look.
She gave her father something from a little bottle, kneeling in front of him.
At last she turned to her brother. "You"d better go," she said. "You can do nothing here."
Miserable, repentant, feeling as though he had no place in the world and yet eager too to defend himself, he left the room.
CHAPTER VII
THE OUTSIDE WORLD