Then her next thought was: "Grace wouldn"t let me--"
The study, in fact, was more untidy than ever, the pictures were back in their places whence Maggie had once removed them.
Husband and wife looked at one another. If she felt: "I"ve not managed my duty," he felt perhaps: "What a child she is after all!" But between them there was the gulf of their past experience.
"I"m sorry to hear that," he said, yawning. "Is she an old lady?"
"No, she"s not," said Maggie, breathing very quickly. "I love her very much. I"ve been thinking, Paul, I"ve not been good about my relations all this time. I ought to have seen them more. I must go up to London at once."
"If your aunt"s bad and wants you, I suppose you must," he answered. He got up and came over to her. He kissed her suddenly.
"You"ll be wanting some money," he said. "Don"t be long away. I"ll miss you."
She caught the 2.30 train. It seemed very strange to her to be sitting in it alone after the many months when she had been always either with Grace or Paul. An odd sense of adventure surrounded her, and she felt as though she were now at last approaching the climax to which the slow events of the last two years had been leading. When she had been a little girl one of the few interesting books in the house had been The Mysteries of Udulpho. She could see the romance now, with its four dumpy volumes, the F"s so confusingly like S"s, the faded print, and the yellowing page.
She could remember little enough of it, but there had been one scene near the beginning of the story when the heroine, Emily, looking for something in the dusk, had noticed some lines pencilled on the wainscot; these mysterious pencilled lines had been the beginning of all her troubles, and Maggie, as a small girl, had approached sometimes in the evening dusk the walls of her attic to see whether there too verses had been scribbled. Now, obscure in the corner of her carriage, she felt as though the telegram had been a pencilled message presaging some great event that would shortly change her life.
It was a dark and gloomy day, misty with a gale of wind that blew the smoke into curls and eddies against the sky. There seemed to be a roar about the vast London station that threatened her personally, but she beat down her fears, found a taxi, and gave the driver the well-remembered address.
As they drove along she felt how much older, how much older she was then than when she was last in London. Then she had been ignorant of all life and the world, now she felt that she was an old, old woman with an infinite knowledge of marriage and men and women and the way they lived. She looked upon her aunts and indeed all that world that had surrounded the Chapel as something infinitely childish, and for that reason rather sweet and touching. She could be kind and friendly even to Amy Warlock she thought. She wished that she had some excuse so that she might stay in London a week or two. She felt that she could stretch her limbs and breathe again now that she was out of Grace"s sight.
And she would find out Uncle Mathew"s address and pay him a surprise visit ... She laughed in the cab and felt gay and light-hearted until she remembered the cause of her visit. Poor, poor Aunt Anne! Oh, she did hope that she would be well enough to recognise her and to show pleasure at seeing her. The cab had stopped in the well-remembered street before the same old secret-looking house. Nothing seemed to have changed, and the sight of it all brought Martin back to her with so fierce a pang that for a moment breath seemed to leave her body. It was just near here, only a few steps away, that he had suddenly appeared, as though from the very paving-stones, when she had been with Uncle Mathew, and then had gone to supper with him. It was from this door that he had run on that last desperate day. She looked up at the windows; the blinds were not down; her aunt was yet alive; she paid the taxi and rang the bell.
The door was opened by Martha, who seemed infinitely older and more wrinkled than on the last occasion, her old face was yellow like drawn parchment and her thin grey hairs were pasted back over her old skull; she was wearing black mittens.
"Miss Maggie!" and there was a real welcome in her voice. Maggie was drawn into the dark little hall that smelt of cracknel biscuits and lamp oil, there was the green baize door, and then suddenly the shrill cry of the parrot, and then, out of the dark, the fiery eyes of Thomas the cat.
"Oh, Miss Maggie!" said Martha. "Or I suppose I should say "Mrs." now.
It"s a long, long time ..."
"Yes, it is," said Maggie. "How is my aunt?"
"If she lives through the night they"ll be surprised," Martha answered, wheezing and sighing. "Yes, the doctor says--" If Miss Cardinal sees morning," he says--" Then as Maggie hesitated at the bottom of the staircase. "If you"d go straight to the drawing-room, Miss, Mum, Mr.
Magnus is waiting tea for you there."
Maggie went up, past the Armed Men into the old room. She could have kissed all the things for their old remembered intimacy and friendliness, the pictures, the books, the old faded carpet, the fire-screen, the chairs and wall-papers. There, too, was Mr. Magnus, looking just as he used to look, with his spectacles and his projecting ears, his timid smile and apologetic voice. He did seem for a moment afraid of her, then her boyish air, her unfeigned pleasure and happiness at being back there again, and a certain childish awkwardness with which she shook hands and sat herself behind the little tea-table rea.s.sured him:
"You"re not changed at all," he told her. "Isn"t that dreadful?" she said; "when all the way in the cab I"ve been telling myself how utterly different I am."
"I suppose you feel older?" he asked her.
"Older! Why, centuries!"
"You don"t look a day," he said, smiling at her.
"That"s my short hair," she answered, smiling back at him, "and not being able to wear my clothes like a grown woman. It"s a fact that I can"t get used to long skirts, and in Skeaton it"s bad form to cross your knees. I try and remember--" she sighed. "The truth is I forget everything just as I used to."
"How is Aunt?" she asked him. He looked very grave, and behind his smiles and welcome to her she saw that he was a tired and even exhausted man.
"They don"t think she can live through the night," he answered her, "but, thank G.o.d, she"s out of all pain and will never suffer any more.
She"s tranquil in her mind too, and the one thing she wanted to put her quiet was to see you. She"s been worrying about you for months. Why didn"t you come up to see us all this time, Maggie? That wasn"t kind of you."
"No, it wasn"t," said Maggie. "But I didn"t dare."
"Didn"t dare?" he asked, astonished.
"No, there were things all this would have reminded me of too badly. It wasn"t safe to be reminded of them."
"Haven"t you been happy, then, there?" he asked her almost in a whisper.
"Oh, I don"t know," she didn"t look up at him. "I made a mistake in doing it. It was my fault, not theirs. No, I haven"t been happy if you want to know. And I shan"t be. There"s no chance. It"s all wrong; they all hate me. I seem to them odd, mad, like a witch they used to burn in the old days. And I can"t alter myself. And I don"t want to."
It was amazing what good it did her to bring all this out. She had said none of it to any one before.
"Oh dear, oh dear," sighed Mr. Magnus. "I hadn"t known. I thought it was all going so well. But don"t tell your aunt this. When she asks you, say you"re very, very happy and it"s all going perfectly. She must die at peace. Will you, my dear, will you?"
His almost trembling anxiety touched her.
"Why, dear Mr. Magnus, of course I will. And I am happy now that I"m back with all of you. All I want is for people to be fond of me, you know, but there"s something in me--" She jumped up and stood in front of him. "Mr. Magnus! You"re wise, you write books, you know all about things, tell me--tell me the absolute truth. Am I odd, am I queer, am I like a witch that ought to be burnt at the stake?"
He was deeply touched. He put his hands on her shoulders, then suddenly drew her to him and kissed her.
"I don"t find you odd, my dear, but then, G.o.d forgive me, I"m odd myself. We"re all rather odd in this house, I"m afraid. But don"t you worry, Maggie. You"re worth a wagon-load of ordinary people."
She drew slowly away. She sighed.
"I wish Paul and Grace only thought so," she said.
They had a quiet little tea together; Maggie was longing to ask Mr.
Magnus questions about himself, but she didn"t dare to do so. He wrapped himself in a reserved friendly melancholy which she could not penetrate. He looked so much older, so much more faded, as though the heat and fire had gradually stolen away from him and left him only the grey ghost of what he had been.
"Are you writing any books, Mr. Magnus?" she asked him.
"Any books?" he answered smiling. "Surely one would be enough, my dear.
I have one half-finished as a matter of fact, but it"s not satisfactory. If it weren"t for the bread and b.u.t.ter I don"t think I"d ever tackle it again. Or rather the bread, I should say. It"s precious little b.u.t.ter it brings in."
"What"s it called?" she asked.
""The Toad in the Hole,"" he said.
"What a funny name! What does it mean?"
"I don"t know." He shook his head. "It meant something when I began it, but the meaning doesn"t seem important now."
In a little while he left her, saying: "Now if I were you I"d take a little nap, and later on I"ll wake you and we"ll go and see your aunt."
She slept, lying back in the blue armchair in front of the fire, with only the leaping flames as light to the room. Strange and dim but unspeakably sweet were her dreams. It seemed that she had escaped for ever from Paul and Grace and Skeaton, and that in some strange way Martin was back with her again, the same old Martin, with his laugh and the light in his eyes and his rough red face. He had come into the room--he was standing by the door looking at her; she ran to him, her hands stretched out, cries of joy on her lips, but oven as she reached him there was a cry through the house: "Your Aunt Anne is dead! Your Aunt Anne is dead!" and all the bells began to toll, and she was in the Chapel again and great crowds surged past her. Aunt Anne"s bier borne on high above them all. She cried aloud, and woke to find Mr. Magnus standing at her side; one glance at him told her that he was in terrible distress.