And when at last she was dressed and downstairs she had scarcely patience to endure prayers and breakfast, she was so longing to broach her great idea to Cousin Charlotte. But Cousin Charlotte seemed to be wanted by everybody. First Ephraim kept her ever so long talking over the day"s work; then Anna came in with a question to be answered; then Cousin Charlotte began to talk to the others about the lessons which were to begin on Monday, and Penelope was telling her all about her longing to learn to play and sing, and Cousin Charlotte seemed so interested, she talked on and on for quite a long time about it; and all the while Esther was growing more and more vexed, until, when Cousin Charlotte at last sprang up, exclaiming, "My dear children, do you know how long we have been talking? I must hurry away this minute, or I shall be behindhand all day!" the limit of poor Esther"s patience was pa.s.sed.
Angela looked up eagerly. "Can"t I do something to help you, Cousin Charlotte?" she asked eagerly; "I should love to."
Cousin Charlotte paused and looked down at the pretty, eager face thoughtfully. "I wonder if you could pick some strawberries for us.
Would you like to?"
"Oh, yes!" cried Angela delightedly. "I should like to do anything to help." She did not mean to trespa.s.s on Esther"s plan. This, she thought, was quite different work from what Esther was going to do. But her promptness added to Esther"s vexation.
"Well, there are a great many ripe ones, and I want some for ourselves and some to give away; and Anna has no time this morning to pick them, and-- well, my back is not young enough to enjoy such work."
"I will do it," said Angela, very pleased and proud.
"May I help, Cousin Charlotte?" pleaded Poppy. "I"d love to."
"Yes," said Cousin Charlotte, smiling. "Can you whistle?
Strawberry-pickers must whistle all the time they are at work; you know that, don"t you?"
Poppy looked up very gravely. "I can"t whistle," she said regretfully, "but I can sing. Will that do, Cousin Charlotte?"
Miss Charlotte laughed and kissed her. "Yes, my pet, anything that will prevent too many strawberries finding their way down Red Lane."
The others laughed merrily. Poppy began to understand.
"Put on your shady hats, and I will get you some baskets." And off they ran in a high state of delight.
Esther waited. Though she had been full of excitement and pleasure about approaching Miss Charlotte, she had felt very nervous, too, and this long delay only increased her nervousness.
Anna came in to clear the table; Penelope strolled away, no one knew where. Esther stood by the window looking out and drumming impatiently on it with her fingers. Anna looked at her once or twice as though she would like to say something. No one cares to see a window covered with finger-marks. But she did not say anything; she was in a hurry, and presently retired to her kitchen, and Esther was left alone.
"I thought last night it would be quite easy to be good here," she said to herself, "but it doesn"t seem so now." She stood and gazed out at the river disconsolately. It seemed to her that the others, who were not nearly as anxious to help as she was, were taking all her opportunities, and she was left, to seem idle and unkind--and really she meant so differently.
Poor Esther! Once more, while full of big aims, she was overlooking the little chances.
"Well," she said at last in a very proud tone, "if no one wants me I will go for a walk by myself. I shan"t be in any one"s way then!" She knew quite well she was in no one"s way, but she was very aggrieved and full of self-pity.
She was just crossing the hall to put on her hat, when Miss Charlotte entered it. Then was her chance, and she knew it; but the old sullen temper had the upper hand, and forbade her to speak. By this time she had let herself feel as hurt as though Miss Charlotte had known what was in her mind and purposely ignored her.
She pa.s.sed on, put on her hat, and went out. She would not go to the garden because she did not want to see the others happily at their work; so, when Miss Charlotte turned in to the kitchen, she slipped out at the front door and walked away quickly up the road towards the station.
She would not go past the cottages, she wanted to avoid every one; for that reason she avoided that part of the moor behind the house, where Penelope would probably be, if she were not in the house or garden.
A little way up the road, on the right-hand side, a bridge crossed the river. Esther went over it and found herself on the moor beyond, but she turned away from it lest she should be seen, and clambered down to the river"s edge, where boughs and bushes shut her off from view. It was lonely there, and she wandered on and on, through sun and shadow, under low-hanging branches, by tiny beaches of clean river-sand, and all the way she went the river ran beside her singing a low, cheery song as it rippled over its uneven bed.
It could not be long before such loveliness must have a soothing effect on any troubled spirit. By degrees Esther"s mood changed, her sense of wrong grew less, and presently she began to wish she had acted differently.
If she only had, she might now have been busy and happy too. She began to feel ashamed of herself. How foolish she had been. She would go back again and see if she could not be more sensible, and she rose from her seat and turned her face homewards.
The house seemed deserted when at last she reached it. She went into the hall, looked in the dining-room and drawing-room, saw no one, and strolled out to the garden.
"Where can they all be?" she wondered, "and what can they be doing?"
From the kitchen came a great clatter of crockery. Anna was washing dishes, and by the noise one could gather that Anna"s temper was not of the smoothest.
As Esther stepped out she saw Miss Charlotte coming towards her from the group of outbuildings, carrying a basket of eggs. She was looking grave and worried, and for a moment Esther felt she could not speak to her then; she must wait until she found her again in such a mood as last night"s.
But a second glance told her that Miss Charlotte looked tired, and without giving herself time to think, Esther stepped up to her.
"Cousin Charlotte," she said, "I have nothing to do; let me help you--may I?"
Cousin Charlotte"s face brightened. "Oh, could you, dear? I am so busy I don"t know what to do first. I wonder if you could wash those eggs for me, and write the date on them?"
Esther a.s.sented joyfully, and Miss Ashe led her to the pantry and showed her where to find a cloth and a pencil and a place to store the eggs.
"While you are doing that, I can make out my list to send to Gorley; that will be capital!"
"Cousin Charlotte," said Esther, in a voice that trembled a little with nervousness, "I--I wanted to speak to you. I--I--you said you were trying to get another servant." Miss Charlotte sighed. "I know you don"t want to, and--and don"t you think we could manage without one, if I--if I helped Anna?" Her voice was trembling, uncertain, but there was no mistaking the earnestness of her purpose. "I used to help a lot at home, and I should like to here. I can sweep, and dust, and make beds, and clean silver, and cook some things, and--oh, I can do lots of little useful things. I could keep our bedrooms dusted, and the drawing-room-- and it would all help, wouldn"t it?"
Miss Ashe, who had paused in what she was doing, listened attentively.
"My dear," she said, as gravely as Esther herself, "it is very good and thoughtful of you to think of such a thing, and you can certainly be most useful in many ways, but I hardly know what to think about trying to do without an extra servant. I cannot let you work too hard; you will have your studies, you know, and we are rather a large family now. I cannot let you become a little slave with no time for enjoyment; at the same time, I must admit I really do not know how Anna and another maid would get on. Anna does not like the idea, and to prove that one is not necessary, she slaves and slaves to do everything herself, gets over-tired and worried, and--and--well, she is very difficult; her only fault is her temper, but that _is_ rather trying. I know she means well, and I keep on telling myself so. She gets so hurt and offended if I try to help her; she seems quite to resent it; and it requires a great deal of tact, more than I possess, I am afraid," concluded Miss Ashe with another deep sigh.
"Perhaps she wouldn"t mind so much if I helped her," said Esther shrewdly; "you see, it is we who have made so much extra work. Do let me try, Cousin Charlotte, if it is only for a time."
Esther"s face was very eager, her voice very pleading; Cousin Charlotte could not resist the appeal, and gave in with another sigh, but of relief this time. Esther, in her joy and excitement, marked every egg twice with the wrong date, but what did it matter when she had gained her point?
For a few minutes Miss Ashe went on making her list, but in an absent-minded fashion. "I wonder," she said at last, rather nervously, "how it would be best to broach the subject to Anna?"
Esther looked up somewhat puzzled; she would have gone straight out to Anna and told her she was going to undertake this, that, and the other thing, and give all the help she could, but Miss Ashe had other views, born of experience.
"My dear," she said, smiling rather shamefacedly, as though aware of her weakness, "it all depends on how we manage it, whether all goes smoothly, or there is constant friction. I think the best way will be not to speak to Anna about it as though we had planned it, but just begin gradually, doing what you can. I think it is always wiser not to begin violently with changes and reforms. No one likes to have new plans made and thrust on them, or their work taken from them, even though they grumble at having to do it. We should not like it ourselves, should we, dear?"
Esther"s memory flashed back to the morning, and her objection to Angela"s desire to share in the new scheme; she understood something of what Miss Charlotte meant.
"I think, dear, if you just go about quietly, with your eyes open, ready to give a little help when you see an opportunity, that would be the best way; then by degrees you will build a little niche for yourself, and get your own duties; and Anna, instead of resenting your help, will grow to trust you, and count on you, and be grateful."
"Yes, Cousin Charlotte," agreed Esther, but in a not very enthusiastic voice. She saw the wisdom of the plan, but it was rather a descent from the beautiful scheme by which she was to have been the help and comfort of them all, and she felt she might as well say "good-bye" at once to the big ap.r.o.ns and white sleeves which had formed such a delightful feature of her plans.
"Things never turn out just as we want them to," she sighed, "and they might so easily if people"s tempers were not so tiresome." But at that point she paused suddenly, and had the grace to blush warmly, though no one was there to see her.
CHAPTER IX.
"Oh dear!" sighed Esther, dropping wearily into the chair by her bedroom window. "I _am_ so tired!"
Anna looked up in surprise from her task of bed-making.
"Tired, Miss Esther!" she exclaimed. "Whatever with? You oughtn"t to be tired at this time of day."
"I am though," said Esther, sighing again; "tired of doing nothing, I suppose. You see, I used to have lots to do at home, and I miss it."
"Did you, missie? Well, I"m thinking if I had a chance to sit still I"d be only too glad, and not grumble, I know." And Anna thumped a pillow vigorously.