Miss Ledbury handed her the book.
"You can judge for yourself," she said. "Repeat the verses to Miss Broom, Geraldine."
Then a strange thing happened. I really wanted to say the poetry well, partly out of pride, partly because again something in Miss Ledbury"s manner made me feel gentler, but as I opened my mouth to begin, the words entirely left my memory. I looked up--possibly a little help, a syllable just to start me, would have set me right, but instead of that I saw Miss Broom"s half-mocking, half-angry face, and Miss Aspinall"s cold hard eyes. Miss Ledbury I did not look at. In reality I think both she and Miss Aspinall were afraid of Miss Broom. I do not think Miss Aspinall was as hard as she seemed.
I drew a long breath--no, it was no use. I could not recall one word.
"I"ve forgotten it," I said.
Miss Aspinall gave an exclamation--Miss Ledbury looked at me with reproach. Both believed that I was not speaking the truth, and that I had determined not to say the verses to Miss Broom.
"Impossible," said Miss Aspinall.
"Geraldine," said Miss Ledbury sadly but sternly, "do not make me distrust you."
I grew stony. Now I did not care. Even Miss Ledbury doubted my word. I almost think if the verses had come back to me then, I would not have said them. I stood there, dull and stupid and obstinate, though a perfect fire was raging inside me.
"Geraldine," said Miss Ledbury again, still more sadly and sternly.
I was only a child, and I was almost exhausted by all I had gone through. Even my pride gave way. I forgot all that Emma and Harriet had said about not crying, and, half turning away from the three before me, I burst into a loud fit of tears and sobbing.
Miss Ledbury glanced at her niece. I think the old lady had hard work to keep herself from some impulsive kind action, but I suppose she would have thought it wrong. But Miss Aspinall came towards me, and placed her arm on my shoulders.
"Geraldine," she said, and her voice was not unkind, "I beg you to try to master this naughty obstinate spirit. Say the verses again, and all may be well."
"No, no," I cried. "I can"t, I can"t. It is true that I"ve forgotten them, and if I could say them I wouldn"t now, because you all think me a story-teller."
She turned away, really grieved and shocked.
"Take her upstairs to her room again," said Miss Ledbury. "Geraldine, your tears are only those of anger and temper."
I did not care now. I suffered myself to be led back to my room, and I left off crying almost as suddenly as I had begun, and when Miss Aspinall shut the door, and left me there without speaking to me again, I sat down on the foot of my bed as if I did not care at all, for again there came over me that strange stolid feeling that nothing mattered, that nothing would ever make me cry again.
It did not last long, however. I got up in a few minutes and looked out of the window. It was the dullest afternoon I had ever seen, raining, raining steadily, the sky all gloomy no-colour, duller even than gray.
It might have been any season, late autumn, mid-winter; there was not a leaf, or the tiniest beginning of one, on the black branches of the two or three trees in what was called "the garden"--for my window looked to the back of the house--not the very least feeling of spring, even though we were some way on in April. I gave a little shiver, and then a sudden thought struck me. It would be a very good time for getting out without any one seeing me--no one would fancy it possible that I would venture out in the rain, and all my schoolfellows and the governesses were still at lessons. What was the use of waiting here? They might keep me shut up in my room for--for ever, perhaps--and I should never know about father and mamma, or get Mrs. Selwood"s address or be allowed to write to her, or--or any one. I would go.
It took but a few minutes to put on my things. As I have said, there was a queer mixture of childishness and "old-fashionedness," as it is called, about me. I dressed myself as sensibly as if I had been a grown-up person, choosing my thickest boots and warm jacket, and arming myself with my waterproof cape and umbrella. I also put my purse in my pocket--it contained a few shillings.
Then I opened the door and listened, going out a little way into the pa.s.sage to do so. All was quite quiet--not even a piano was to be heard, only the clock on the landing sounded to me much louder than usual. If I had waited long, it would have made me nervous. I should have begun to fancy it was talking to me like d.i.c.k Whittington"s bells, though, I am sure, it would not have said anything half so cheering!
[Ill.u.s.tration: I CREPT DOWNSTAIRS, PAST ONE SCHOOLROOM WITH ITS CLOSED DOOR.]
But I did not wait to hear. I crept downstairs, past one schoolroom with its closed door, and a m.u.f.fled sound of voices as I drew quite close to it, then on again, past the downstairs cla.s.s-room, and along the hall to the front door. For that was what I had made up my mind was the best, bold as it seemed. I would go right out by the front door. I knew it opened easily, for we went out that way on Sundays to church, and once or twice I had opened it. And n.o.body would ever dream of my pa.s.sing out that way.
It was all managed quite easily, and almost before I had time to take in what I had done, I found myself out in the road some little distance from Green Bank, for as soon as the gate closed behind me I had set off running from a half-nervous fear that some one might be coming in pursuit of me. I ran on a little farther, in the same direction, that of the town, for Miss Ledbury"s house was in the outskirts--then, out of breath, I stood still to think what I should do.
I had really not made any distinct plan. The only idea clearly in my mind was to get Mrs. Selwood"s address, so that I could write to her.
But as I stood there, another thought struck me. I would go home--to the house in the dull street which had never seemed dull to me! For there, I suddenly remembered, I might find one of our own servants. I recollected Lydia"s telling me that cook was probably going to "engage" with the people who had taken the house. And cook would be sure to know Mrs.
Selwood"s address, and--_perhaps_--cook would be able to tell me something about father and mamma. She was a kind woman--I would not mind telling her how dreadfully frightened I was about them since Harriet Smith had repeated what she had heard.
I knew the way to our house, at least I thought I did, though afterwards I found I had taken two or three wrong turnings, which had made my journey longer. It was scarcely raining by this time, but the streets were dreadfully wet and muddy, and the sky still dark and gloomy.
At last I found myself at the well-known corner of our street--how often I had run round it with Haddie, when we had been allowed to go on some little errand by ourselves! I had not pa.s.sed this way since mamma went, and the feeling that came over me was very strange. I went along till I came to our house, number 39; then, in a sort of dream, I mounted the two or three steps to the door, and rang the bell. How well I knew its sound! It seemed impossible to believe that Lydia would not open to me, and that if I hurried upstairs I should not find mamma sitting in her usual place in the drawing-room!
But of course it was not so. A strange face met me as the door drew back, and for a moment or two I felt too confused to speak, though I saw the servant was looking at me in surprise.
"Is--can I see cook?" I got out at last.
"Cook," the maid repeated. "I"m sure I can"t say. Can"t you give me your message--Miss?" adding the last word after a little hesitation.
"I"d rather see her, please. I want to ask her for Mrs. Selwood"s address. Mrs. Selwood"s a friend of mamma"s, and I"m sure cook would know. We used to live here, and Lydia said cook was going to stay."
The servant"s face cleared, but her reply was not encouraging.
"Oh," she said, "I see. But it"s no use your seeing our cook, Miss.
She"s a stranger. The other one--Sarah Wells was her name----"
"Yes, yes," I exclaimed, "that"s her."
"She"s gone--weeks ago. Her father was ill, and she had to go home. I"m sorry, Miss"--she was a good-natured girl--"but it can"t be helped. And I think you"d better go home quick. It"s coming on to rain again, and it"ll soon be dark, and you"re such a little young lady to be out alone."
"Thank you," I said, and I turned away, my heart swelling with disappointment.
I walked on quickly for a little way, for I felt sure the servant was looking after me. Then I stopped short and asked myself again "what should I do?" The girl had advised me to go "home"--"home" to Green Bank, to be shut up in my room again, and be treated as a story-teller, and never have a chance of writing to Mrs. Selwood or any one! No, that I would not do. The very thought of it made me hasten my steps as if to put a greater distance between myself and Miss Ledbury"s house. And I walked on some way without knowing where I was going except that it was in an opposite direction from school.
It must have been nearly six o"clock by this time, and the gloomy day made it already dusk. The shops were lighting up, and the glare of the gas on the wet pavement made me look about me. I was in one of the larger streets now, a very long one, that led right out from the centre of the town to the outskirts. I was full of a strange kind of excitement; I did not mind the rain, and indeed it was not very heavy; I did not feel lonely or frightened, and my brain seemed unusually active and awake.
"I know what I"ll do," I said to myself; "I"ll go to the big grocer"s where they give Haddie and me those nice gingerbreads, and I"ll ask _them_ for Mrs. Selwood"s address. I remember mamma said Mrs. Selwood always bought things there. And--and--I won"t write to her. I"ll go to the railway and see if I"ve money enough to get a ticket, and I"ll go to Mrs. Selwood and tell her how I can"t bear it any longer. I"ve got four shillings, and if that isn"t enough I daresay the railway people wouldn"t mind if I promised I"d send it them."
I marched on, feeling once more very determined and valiant. I thought I knew the way to the big grocer"s quite well, but when I turned down a street which looked like the one where it was, I began to feel a little confused. There were so many shops, and the lights in the windows dazzled me, and worst of all, I could not remember the name of the grocer"s. It was something like Simpson, but not Simpson. I went on, turning again more than once, always in hopes of seeing it before me, but always disappointed. And I was beginning to feel very tired; I must, I suppose, have been really tired all the time, but my excitement had kept me up.
At last I found myself in a much darker street than the others. For there were few shops in it, and most of the houses were offices of some kind. It was a wide street and rather hilly. As I stood at the top I saw it sloping down before me; the light of the tall lamps glimmered brokenly in the puddles, for it was raining again more heavily now.
Suddenly, as if in a dream, some words came back to me, so clearly that I could almost have believed some one was speaking. It was mamma"s voice.
"You had better put on your mackintosh, Haddie," I seemed to hear her say, and then I remembered it all--it came before me like a picture--that rainy evening not many months ago when mamma and Haddie and I had walked home so happily, we two tugging at her arms, one on each side, heedless of the rain or the darkness, or anything except that we were all together.
I stood still. Never, I think, was a child"s heart more nearly breaking.
CHAPTER X.
TAKING REFUGE.
For a minute or two I seemed to feel nothing; then there came over me a sort of shiver, partly of cold, for it _was_ very cold, partly of misery. I roused myself, however. With the remembrance of that other evening had come to me also the knowledge of where I was. Only a few yards down the sloping street on the left-hand side came a wide stretch of pavement, and there, in a kind of angle, stood a double door, open on both sides, leading into a small outer hall, from which again another door, glazed at the top, was the entrance to Cranston"s show-rooms.
I remembered it all perfectly. Just beyond the inner entrance stood the two carved lions that Haddie and I admired so much. I wished I could see them again, and--yes--a flash of joy went through me at the thought--I could get Mrs. Selwood"s address quite as well from old Mr. Cranston as from the big grocer!