The Captain stopped not till he arrived at one of the small theatres in the Strand; then he read the bill, and asked if half price was begun.
"Just begun," was the answer, and the Captain entered. I also took a ticket and followed. Pa.s.sing by the open doors of a refreshment-room, I fortified myself with some biscuits and soda-water; and in another minute, for the first time in my life, I beheld a play. But the play did not fascinate me. It was the middle of some jocular after piece; roars of laughter resounded round me. I could detect nothing to laugh at, and sending my keen eyes into every corner, I perceived at last, in the uppermost tier, one face as saturnine as my own.--Eureka! It was the Captain"s! "Why should he go to a play if he enjoys it so little?"
thought I; "better have spent a shilling on a cab, poor old fellow!"
But soon came smart-looking men, and still smarter-looking ladies, around the solitary corner of the poor Captain. He grew fidgety--he rose--he vanished. I left my place, and stood without the box to watch for him. Downstairs he stumped,--I recoiled into the shade; and after standing a moment or two, as in doubt, he entered boldly the refreshment-room or saloon.
Now, since I had left that saloon it had become crowded, and I slipped in un.o.bserved. Strange was it, grotesque yet pathetic, to mark the old soldier in the midst of that gay swarm. He towered above all like a Homeric hero, a head taller than the tallest; and his appearance was so remarkable that it invited the instant attention of the fair. I, in my simplicity, thought it was the natural tenderness of that amiable and penetrating s.e.x, ever quick to detect trouble and anxious to relieve it, which induced three ladies in silk attire--one having a hat and plume, the other two with a profusion of ringlets--to leave a little knot of gentlemen--with whom they were conversing, and to plant themselves before my uncle. I advanced through the press to hear what pa.s.sed.
"You are looking for some one, I"m sure," quoth one familiarly, tapping his arm with her fan.
The Captain started. "Ma"am, you are not wrong," said he.
"Can I do as well?" said one of those compa.s.sionate angels, with heavenly sweetness.
"You are very kind, I thank you; no, no, ma"am," said the Captain with his best bow.
"Do take a gla.s.s of negus," said another, as her friend gave way to her.
"You seem tired, and so am I. Here, this way;" and she took hold of his arm to lead him to the table. The Captain shook his head mournfully; and then, as if suddenly aware of the nature of the attentions so lavished on him, he looked down upon these fair Armidas with a look of such mild reproach, such sweet compa.s.sion,--not shaking off the hand, in his chivalrous devotion to the s.e.x, which extended even to all its outcasts,--that each bold eye felt abashed. The hand was timidly and involuntarily withdrawn from the arm, and my uncle pa.s.sed his way.
He threaded the crowd, pa.s.sed out at the farther door, and I, guessing his intention, was in waiting for his steps in the street.
"Now home at last, thank Heaven!" thought I. Mistaken still! My uncle went first towards that popular haunt which I have since discovered is called "the Shades;" but he soon re-emerged, and finally he knocked at the door of a private house in one of the streets out of St. James"s. It was opened jealously, and closed as he entered, leaving me without. What could this house be? As I stood and watched, some other men approached: again the low single knock, again the jealous opening and the stealthy entrance.
A policeman pa.s.sed and re-pa.s.sed me. "Don"t be tempted, young man," said he, looking hard at me: "take my advice, and go home."
"What is that house, then?" said I, with a sort of shudder at this ominous warning.
"Oh! you know."
"Not I. I am new to London."
"It is a h.e.l.l," said the policeman, satisfied, by my frank manner, that I spoke the truth.
"G.o.d bless me,--a what? I could not have heard you rightly!"
"A h.e.l.l,--a gambling-house!"
"Oh!" and I moved on. Could Captain Roland, the rigid, the thrifty, the penurious, be a gambler? The light broke on me at once: the unhappy father sought his son! I leaned against the post, and tried hard not to sob.
By and by, I heard the door open; the Captain came out and took the way homeward. I ran on before, and got in first, to the inexpressible relief both of father and mother, who had not seen me since breakfast, and who were in equal consternation at my absence. I submitted to be scolded with a good grace. "I had been sight-seeing, and lost my way;" begged for some supper, and slunk to bed; and five minutes afterwards the Captain"s jaded step came wearily up the stairs.
PART VI.
CHAPTER I.
"I don"t know that," said my father.
What is it my father does not know? My father does not know that "happiness is our being"s end and aim."
And pertinent to what does my father reply, by words so sceptical, to an a.s.sertion so seldom disputed?
Reader, Mr. Trevanion has been half an hour seated in our little drawing-room. He has received two cups of tea from my mother"s fair hand; he has made himself at home. With Mr. Trevanion has come another friend of my father"s, whom he has not seen since he left college,--Sir Sedley Beaudesert.
Now, you must understand that it is a warm night, a little after nine o"clock,--a night between departing summer and approaching autumn. The windows are open; we have a balcony, which my mother has taken care to fill with flowers; the air, though we are in London, is sweet and fresh; the street quiet, except that an occasional carriage or hackney cabriolet rolls rapidly by; a few stealthy pa.s.sengers pa.s.s to and fro noiselessly on their way homeward. We are on cla.s.sic ground,--near that old and venerable Museum, the dark monastic pile which the taste of the age had spared then,--and the quiet of the temple seems to hallow the precincts. Captain Roland is seated by the fire-place, and though there is no fire, he is shading his face with a hand-screen; my father and Mr.
Trevanion have drawn their chairs close to each other in the middle of the room; Sir Sedley Beaudesert leans against the wall near the window, and behind my mother, who looks prettier and more pleased than usual since her Austin has his old friends about him; and I, leaning my elbow on the table and my chin upon my hand, am gazing with great admiration on Sir Sedley Beaudesert.
Oh, rare specimen of a race fast decaying,--specimen of the true fine gentleman, ere the word "dandy" was known, and before "exquisite" became a noun substantive,--let me here pause to describe thee! Sir Sedley Beaudesert was the contemporary of Trevanion and my father; but without affecting to be young, he still seemed so. Dress, tone, look, manner,--all were young; yet all had a certain dignity which does not belong to youth. At the age of five and twenty he had won what would have been fame to a French marquis of the old regime; namely, the reputation of being "the most charming man of his day,"--the most popular of our s.e.x, the most favored, my dear lady-reader, by yours. It is a mistake, I believe, to suppose that it does not require talent to become the fashion,--at all events, Sir Sedley was the fashion, and he had talent.
He had travelled much, he had read much,--especially in memoirs, history, and belles-lettres,--he made verses with grace and a certain originality of easy wit and courtly sentiment, he conversed delightfully, he was polished and urbane in manner, he was brave and honorable in conduct; in words he could flatter, in deeds he was sincere.
Sir Sedley Beaudesert had never married. Whatever his years, he was still young enough in looks to be married for love. He was high-born, he was rich, he was, as I have said, popular; yet on his fair features there was an expression of melancholy, and on that forehead--pure from the lines of ambition, and free from the weight of study--there was the shadow of unmistakable regret.
"I don"t know that," said my father; "I have never yet found in life one man who made happiness his end and aim. One wants to gain a fortune, another to spend it; one to get a place, another to build a name: but they all know very well that it is not happiness they search for. No Utilitarian was ever actuated by self-interest, poor man, when he sat down to scribble his unpopular crotchets to prove self-interest universal. And as to that notable distinction between self-interest vulgar and self-interest enlightened, the more the self-interest is enlightened, the less we are influenced by it. If you tell the young man who has just written a fine book or made a fine speech that he will not be any happier if he attain to the fame of Milton or the power of Pitt, and that, for the sake of his own happiness, he had much better cultivate a farm, live in the country, and postpone to the last the days of dyspepsia and gout, he will answer you fairly, "I am quite as sensible of that as you are. But I am not thinking whether or not I shall be happy. I have made up my mind to be, if I can, a great author or a prime minister." So it is with all the active sons of the world.
To push on is the law of Nature. And you can no more say to men and to nations than to children: "Sit still, and don"t wear out your shoes!""
"Then," said Trevanion, "if I tell you I am not happy, your only answer is that I obey an inevitable law."
"No, I don"t say that it is an inevitable law that man should not be happy; but it is an inevitable law that a man, in spite of himself, should live for something higher than his own happiness. He cannot live in himself or for himself, however egotistical he may try to be. Every desire he has links him with others. Man is not a machine,--he is a part of one."
"True, brother, he is a soldier, not an army," said Captain Roland.
"Life is a drama, not a monologue," pursued my father. ""Drama" is derived from a Greek verb signifying "to do." Every actor in the drama has something to do, which helps on the progress of the whole: that is the object for which the author created him. Do your part, and let the Great Play get on."
"Ah!" said Trevanion, briskly, "but to do the part is the difficulty.
Every actor helps to the catastrophe, and yet must do his part without knowing how all is to end. Shall he help the curtain to fall on a tragedy or a comedy? Come, I will tell you the one secret of my public life, that which explains all its failure (for, in spite of my position, I have failed) and its regrets,--I want Conviction!"
"Exactly," said my father; "because to every question there are two sides, and you look at them both."
"You have said it," answered Trevanion, smiling also. "For public life a man should be one-sided: he must act with a party; and a party insists that the shield is silver, when, if it will take the trouble to turn the corner, it will see that the reverse of the shield is gold. Woe to the man who makes that discovery alone, while his party are still swearing the shield is silver, and that not once in his life, but every night!
"You have said quite enough to convince me that you ought not to belong to a party, but not enough to convince me why you should not be happy,"
said my father.
"Do you remember," said Sir Sedley Beaudesert, "an anecdote of the first Duke of Portland? He had a gallery in the great stable of his villa in Holland, where a concert was given once a week, to cheer and amuse his horses! I have no doubt the horses thrived all the better for it. What Trevanion wants is a concert once a week. With him it is always saddle and spur. Yet, after all, who would not envy him? If life be a drama, his name stands high in the play-bill, and is printed in capitals on the walls."
"Envy me!" said Trevanion,--"Me! No, you are the enviable man,--you, who have only one grief in the world, and that so absurd a one that I will make you blush by disclosing it. Hear, O sage Austin! O st.u.r.dy Roland!
Olivares was haunted by a spectre, and Sedley Beaudesert by the dread of old age!"
"Well," said my mother, seriously, "I do think it requires a great sense of religion, or at all events children" of one"s own, in whom one is young again, to reconcile oneself to becoming old."
"My dear ma"am," said Sir Sedley, who had slightly colored at Trevanion"s charge, but had now recovered his easy self-possession, "you have spoken so admirably that you give me courage to confess my weakness. I do dread to be old. All the joys of my life have been the joys of youth. I have had so exquisite a pleasure in the mere sense of living that old age, as it comes near, terrifies me by its dull eyes and gray hairs. I have lived the life of a b.u.t.terfly. Summer is over, and I see my flowers withering; and my wings are chilled by the first airs of winter. Yes, I envy Trevanion; for in public life no man is ever young, and while he can work he is never old."
"My dear Beaudesert," said my father, "when Saint Amable, patron saint of Riom, in Auvergne, went to Rome, the sun waited upon him as a servant, carried his cloak and gloves for him in the heat, and kept off the rain, if the weather changed, like an umbrella. You want to put the sun to the same use you are quite right; but then, you see, you must first be a saint before you can be sure of the sun as a servant."