The memory fled away. He shook himself free of it. Then others came in its place, another and another, not all with people, blind, deaf, and unreceptive, yet all of "common," simple scenes of beauty when something vast had surged upon him and broken through the barriers that stand between the heart and Nature. Such curious little scenes they were. In most of them he had evidently been alone. But one and all had touched his soul with a foretaste of this same nameless ecstasy that now he knew complete. In every one the Consciousness of the Earth had "bruised" his own.
Utterly simple they had been, one and all, these partial moments of blinding beauty in that lesser, outer world:--A big, brown, clumsy bee he saw, blundering into the petals of a wild flower on which the dew lay sparkling.... A wisp of colored cloud driving loosely across the hills, dropping a purple shadow.... Deep, waving gra.s.s, plunging and shaking in the wind that drew out its underworld of blue and silver over the whole spread surface of a field.... A daisy closed for the night upon the lawn, eyes tightly shut, hands folded.... A south wind whispering through larches.... The pattering of summer rain upon young oak leaves in the dawn.... Fingers of long blue distance upon dreamy woods.... Anemones shaking their pale and starry little faces in the wind.... The columned stillness of a pine-wood in the dusk.... Young birch trees mid the velvet gloom of firs.... The new moon setting in a cloud of stars.... The hush of stars in many a summer night.... Sheep grazing idly down a sun-baked hill.... A path of moonlight on a lake.... A little wind through bare and wintry woods.... Oh! he recalled the wonder, loveliness, and pa.s.sion of a thousand more!
They thronged and pa.s.sed, and thronged again, crowding one another:--all golden moments of revelation when he had caught glimpses of the Earth, and her greater Moods had swept him up into herself. Moments in which a G.o.d had pa.s.sed....
These were his only memories of that outer world he had left behind: flashes of simple beauty.
Was thus the thrill of beauty then explained? Was loveliness, as men know it, a revelation of the Earth-Soul behind? And were the blinding flash, the dazzling wonder, and the dream men seek to render permanent in music, color, line and language, a vision of her nakedness? Down there, the poets and those simple enough of heart to stand close to Nature, could catch these whispered fragments of the enormous message, told as in secret; but now, against her very heart he heard the thunder of the thing complete. Now, in the glory of all naked bodily forms,--of women, men and children, of swift animals, of flowers, trees, and running water, of mountains and of seas,--he understood these partial revelations of the great Earth-Soul that bore them, gave them life. For one and all were channels for her loveliness. He saw the beauty of the "natural" instincts, the pa.s.sion of motherhood and fatherhood--Earth"s seeking to project herself in endless forms and variety. He understood why love increased the heart and made it feel at one with all the world.
Moreover in some amazing fashion he was aware that others from that outer world beside himself had access here, and that from this Garden of the Earth"s deep central personality came all the inspiration known to men. He divined that others were even now drawing upon it like himself. The thoughts of the poets went past him like thin flames; the dreams of millions--mute, inexpressible yearnings like those he had himself once known--streamed by in pale white light, to shoot forward with a little nesting rush into some great Figure ... and then return in double volume to the dreaming heart whence first they issued.
Shadows, too, he saw, by myriads--faint, feeble gropings of men and women seeking it eagerly, yet hardly knowing what they sought; but, above all, long, singing, beautiful tongues of colored flame that were the instincts of divining children and of the pure in heart. These came in rippling floods unerringly to their goal, lingered for long periods before returning. And all, he knew, were currents of the great Earth Life, moods, thoughts, dreams--expressions of her various Consciousness with which she mothered, fed, and blessed all whom it was possible to reach. Their pa.s.sionate yearning, their worship, made access possible.
Along the tenderest portions of her personality these latter came, as by a spread network of infinitely delicate filaments that extended from herself, deliciously inviting....
The thing, however, that remained with him long after his return to the normal state of lesser consciousness was the memory of those blinding moments when a G.o.d went past him, or, as he phrased it in another way, when he caught glimpses of the Earth--naked. For these were instantaneous flashes of a gleaming whiteness, a dazzling and supreme loveliness that staggered thought and arrested feeling, while yet of a radiant simplicity that brought--for a second at least--a measure of comprehension.
He then knew not mere partial projections. He saw beyond--deep down into the flaming center that gave them birth. The blending of his being with the Cosmic Consciousness was complete enough for this.
He describes it as a spectacle of sheer glory, stupendous, even terrifying. The refulgent majesty of it utterly possessed him. The shock of its magnificence came, moreover, upon his entire being, and was not really of course a "sight" at all. The message came not through any small division of a single sense. With a ma.s.sed yet soaring power it shook him free of all known categories. He then fringed a region of yet greater being wherein he tasted for a moment some secret comprehension of a true "divinity." The deliverance into ecstasy was complete.
In these flashing moments, when a second seemed a thousand years, he further _understood_ the splendor of the stage beyond. Earth in her turn was but a Mood in the Consciousness of the Universe, that Universe again was mothered by another vaster one ... and the total that included them all was not the G.o.ds--but G.o.d.
x.x.xVIII
The litter of disordered notebooks filled to the covers with fragments of such beauty that they almost seem to burn with a light of their own, lies at this moment before me on my desk. I still hear the rushing torrent of his language across the spotted table-cloth in that dark restaurant corner. But the incoherence seems only to increase with my best efforts to combine the two.
"Go home and dream it," as he said at last when I ventured a question here and there toward the end of the recital. "You"ll see it best that way--in sleep. Get clear away from _me_, and my surface physical consciousness. Perhaps it will come to you then."
There remains, however, to record the manner of his exit from that great Garden of the Earth"s fair youth. And he tells it more simply. Or, perhaps, it is that I understand it better.
For suddenly, in the midst of all the joy and splendor that he tasted, there came unbidden a strengthening of the tie that held him to his "outer," lesser state. A wave of pity and compa.s.sion surged in upon him from the depths. He saw the struggling millions in the prisons and cages civilization builds. He felt _with_ them. No happiness, he understood, could be complete that did not also include them all; and--he longed to tell them. The thought and the desire tore across him burningly.
"If only I can get this back to them!" pa.s.sed through him, like a flame. "I"ll save the world by bringing it again to simple things! I"ve only got to tell it and all will understand at once--and follow!"
And with the birth of the desire there ran a deep convulsive sound like music through the greater Consciousness that held him close. Those Moods that were the G.o.ds, thronged gloriously about him, almost pressing forwards into actual sight.... He might have lingered where he was for centuries, or forever; but this thought pulled him back--the desire to share his knowledge with the world, the pa.s.sion to heal and save and rescue.
And instantly, in the twinkling of an eyelid, the Urwelt closed its gates of horn and ivory behind him. An immense dark shutter dropped noiselessly with a speed of lightning across his mind. He stood without....
He found himself near the tumbled-down stone huts of a hamlet that he recognized. He staggered, rubbed his eyes, and stared. A forest of beech trees shook below him in a violent wind. He saw the branches tossing. A Caucasian saddle-horse beside him nosed a sack that spilt its flour on the ground at his feet, he heard the animal"s noisy breathing; he noted the sliding movement of the spilt flour before it finally settled; and some fifty yards beyond him, down the slopes, he saw a human figure--running.
It was his Georgian guide. The man, half stooping, caught the woolen bashlik that had fallen from his head.
O"Malley watched the man complete the gesture. Still running, he replaced the cap upon his head.
And coming up to his ears upon the wind were the words of a broken French sentence that he also recognized. Disjointed by terror, it completed an interrupted phrase:--
"... one of them is close upon us. Hide your eyes! Save yourself!.
They come from the mountains. They are old as the stones ... run...!"
No other living being was in sight.
x.x.xIX
The extraordinary abruptness of the transition produced no bewilderment, it seems. Realizing that without Rostom he would be in a position of helplessness that might be serious, the Irishman put his hands to his lips and called out with authority to the running figure of his frightened guide. He shouted to him to stop.
"There is nothing to fear. Come back! Are you afraid of a gust of wind?"
And in his face and voice, perhaps too in his manner, was something he had brought back from the vision, for the man stopped at once in his headlong course, paused a moment to stare and question, and then, though still looking over his shoulder and making occasional signs of his religion, came slowly back to his employer"s side again.
"It has pa.s.sed," said O"Malley in a voice that seemed to crumble in his mouth. "It is gone again into the mountains whence it came. We are safe. With me," he added, not without a secret sense of humor stirring in him, "you will always be safe. I can protect us both." He felt as normal as a British officer giving orders to his soldiers. And the Georgian slowly recovered his composure, yet for a long time keeping close to the other"s side.
The transition, thus, had been as sudden and complete as anything well could be. O"Malley described it as the instantaneous dropping of a shutter across his mind. The entire vision had lasted but a fraction of a second, and in a fraction of a second, too, he had returned to his state of everyday lesser consciousness. That blending with the Earth"s great Consciousness was but a flashing glimpse after all. The extension of personality had been momentary.
So absolute, moreover, was the return that at first, remembering nothing, he took up life again exactly where he had left it. The guide completed the gesture and the sentence which the vision had interrupted, and O"Malley, similarly, resumed his own thread of thought and action.
Only a hint remained. That, and a curious sense of interval, alone were left to witness this flash of an immense vision,--of cosmic consciousness--that apparently had filled so many days and nights.
"It was like waking suddenly in the night out of deep sleep," he said; "not of one"s own accord, or gradually, but as when someone shakes you out of slumber and you are wide awake at once. You have been dreaming vigorously--thick, lively, crowded dreams, and they all vanish on the instant. You catch the tail-end of the procession just as it"s diving out of sight. In less than a second all is gone."
For this was the hint that remained. He caught the flying tail-end of the vision. He knew he _had_ seen something. But, for the moment, that was all.
Then, by degrees and afterwards, the details re-emerged. In the days that followed, while with Rostom he completed the journey already planned, the deeper consciousness gave back its memory piece by piece; and piece by piece he set it down in notebooks as best he could. The memory was on deposit deep within him, and at intervals he tapped it.
Hence, of course, is due the confused and fragmentary character of those bewildering entries; hence, at the same time, too, their truth and value.
For here was no imaginative dream concocted in a mood of high invention.
The parts were disjointed, incomplete, just as they came. The lesser consciousness, it seems, could not contain the thing complete; nor to the last, I judge, did he ever know complete recapture.
They wandered for two weeks and more about the mountains, meeting various adventure by the way, reported duly in his letters of travel.
But these concerned the outer man and have no proper place in this strange record ... and by the middle of July he found himself once more in--civilization. At Michaelevo he said good-bye to Rostom and took the train.
And it was with the return to the conditions of modern life that the reaction set in and stirred the deeper layers of consciousness to reproduce their store of magic. For this return to what seemed the paltry activities of an age of machinery, physical luxury, and superficial contrivances brought him a sense of pain that was acute and trenchant, more--a deep and poignant sense of loss. The yearnings, no longer satisfied, began again to rea.s.sert themselves. It was not the actual things the world seemed so busy about that pained him, but rather the point of view from which the world approached them--those that it deemed with one consent "important," and those, with rare exceptions, it obviously deemed worth no consideration at all, and ignored. For himself these values stood exactly reversed.
The Vision then came back to him, rose from the depths, blinded his eyes with maddening beauty, sang in his ears, possessed his heart and mind. He burned to tell it. The world of tired, restless men, he felt, must equally burn to hear it. Some vision of a simple life lived close to Nature came before his inner eye as the remedy for the vast disease of restless self-seeking of the age, the medicine that should cure the entire world. A return to Nature was the first step toward the great Deliverance men sought. And, most of all, he yearned to tell it first to Heinrich Stahl.
To hear him talk about it, as he talked perhaps to me alone, was genuinely pathetic, for here, in Terence O"Malley, I thought to see the essential futility of all dreamers nakedly revealed. His vision was so fine, sincere, and n.o.ble; his difficulty in imparting it so painful; and its marriage with practical action so ludicrously impracticable. At any rate that combination of vision and action, called sometimes genius, which can shake the world, a.s.suredly was not his. For his was no constructive mind; he was not "intellectual"; he _saw_, but with the heart; he could not build. To plan a new Utopia was as impossible to him as to shape even in words the splendor he had known and lived. Bricks and straw could only smother him before he laid what most would deem foundations.