"I shan"t give you away--at least I don"t think so," she promised cautiously. "I shall see. Presently I will make terms, only this time I am not going to be left. I am going to have what I want."
"But he"ll be waiting to hear from you!" Philip exclaimed. "He may come here, even."
She shook her head.
"He"s gone to Chicago. He can"t be back for five days. I promised to wire, but I shan"t. I"ll wait until he"s back. And in the meantime--"
Her fingers closed upon the deposit note. He nodded shortly.
"That"s yours," he said. "You can have it all. I have helped myself to a fresh start in life at his expense. That"s all I wanted."
She folded up the paper and thrust it carefully into the bosom of her gown. Then she stood up.
"Well," she p.r.o.nounced, "I think I am getting used to things. It"s wonderful how callous one can become. The banks are closed now, I suppose?"
He nodded.
"They will be open at nine o"clock in the morning."
"First of all, then," she decided, "I"ll make sure of my twenty thousand pounds, and then we"ll see. I don"t think you"ll find me hard, Philip. I ought not to be hard on you, ought I?"
She looked at him most kindly, and he began to shiver. Curiously enough, her very kindness, when he realised the knowledge which lay behind her brain, was hateful to him. He had pleaded for her forgiveness, even her toleration, but--anything else seemed horrible! She strolled across the room and glanced at the clock, took one of his cigarettes from a box and lit it.
"Well, this is queer!" she murmured reflectively. "Now I want some dinner, and I"ll see your play, Philip. You shall take me. Get ready quickly, please."
He looked at her doubtfully.
"But, Beatrice," he protested, "think! You know why you came here? You know the story you will have to tell? We are strangers, you and I. What if we are seen together?"
She snapped her fingers at him.
"Pooh! Who cares! I am a stranger in New York, and I have taken a fancy to you. You are a young man of gallantry, and you are going to take me out.... We often used to talk of a little excursion like this in London.
We"ll have it in New York instead."
He turned slowly towards the door of his bedroom. She was busy looking at her own eyes in the mirror, and she missed the little gleam of horror in his face.
"In ten minutes," he promised her.
CHAPTER XIII
Beatrice replaced the programme which she had been studying, on the ledge of the box, and turned towards Philip, who was seated in the background.
There was something a little new in her manner. Her tone was subdued, her eyes curious.
"You really are a wonderful person, Philip," she declared. "It"s the same play, just as you used to tell it me, word for word. And yet it isn"t.
What is it that you have gained, I wonder?--a sense of atmosphere, breadth, something strangely vital."
"I am glad you like it," he said simply.
"Like it? It"s amazing! And what an audience! I never thought that the people were so fashionable here, Philip. I am sitting right back in the box, but ten minutes after I have cashed my draft tomorrow I shall be buying clothes. You won"t be ashamed to be seen anywhere with me then."
He drew his chair up to her side, a little haggard and worn with the suspense of the evening. She laughed at him mockingly.
"What an idiot you are!" she exclaimed. "You ought to be one of the happiest men in the world, and you look like a death"s-head."
"The happiest man in the world," he repeated.
"Beatrice, sometimes I think that there is only one thing in the world that makes for happiness."
"And what"s that, b.o.o.by?" she asked, with some of her old familiarity.
"A clear conscience."
She laid her hand upon his arm.
"Look here, Philip," she said, "the one thing I determined, when I threw up the sponge, was that whether the venture was a success or not I"d never waste a single moment in regrets. Things didn"t turn out too brilliantly with me, as you know. But you--see what you"ve attained! Why, it"s wonderful! Your play, the one thing you dreamed about, produced in one of the greatest cities in the world, and a packed house to listen to it, people applauding all the time. I didn"t realise your success when we talked this evening. I am just beginning to understand. I"ve been reading some of these extracts from the newspapers. You"re Merton Ware, the great dramatist, the coming man of letters. You"ve won, Philip. Can"t you see that it"s puling cowardice to grumble at the price?"
He, for his part, was wondering at her callousness, of which he was constantly discovering fresh evidences. The whole shock of her discovery seemed already, in these few hours, to have pa.s.sed away.
"If you can forget--so soon," he muttered, "I suppose I ought to be able to."
She made a little grimace, but immediately afterwards he saw the cold tightening of her lips.
"Listen, Philip," she said. "I started life with the usual quiverful of good qualities, but there"s one I"ve lost, and I don"t want it back again. I"m a selfish woman, and I mean to stay a selfish woman. I am going to live for myself. I"ve paid a fair price, and I"m going to have what I"ve paid for. See?"
"Do you think," he asked, "that it is possible to make that sort of bargain with one"s self and fate?"
She laughed scornfully.
"There"s room for a little stiffening in you, even now, Philip! No one but a weakling ever talks about fate. You"d think better of me, I suppose, if I stayed in my room and wept. Well, I could do it if I let myself, but I won"t. I should lose several hours of the life that belongs to me. You think I didn"t care about Douglas? I am not at all sure that I didn"t care for him as much as I ever did for you, although, of course, he wasn"t worthy of it. But he"s gone, and all the shudders and morbid regrets in the world won"t bring him back again. And I am here in New York, and to-morrow I shall have twenty thousand pounds, and to-night I am with you, watching your play. That"s life enough for me at present--no more, no less. I hate missing the first act, and I"m coming to see it again to-morrow. What time is it over?"
"Soon after eleven," he told her.
She glanced at her watch.
"You shall take me out and give me some supper," she decided, "somewhere where there"s music."
He made no remark, but she surprised again something in his face which irritated her.
"Look here, Philip," she said firmly, "I won"t have you look at me as though I were something inhuman. There are plenty of other women like me in the world, even if they are not quite so frank about it. I want to live, and I will live, and I grudge every moment out of which I am not extracting the fullest amount of happiness. That"s because I"ve paid.
It"s the woman"s bargaining instinct, you know. She wants to get value.... Now I want to hear about Miss Dalstan. Where did you meet her, and how did you get her to accept your play?"
"She was on the _Elletania_," he explained. "We crossed from Liverpool together. She sat at my table."
"How much does she know about you?" Beatrice asked bluntly.
"Everything," he confessed. "I don"t know what I should have done without her. She has been the most wonderful friend any one could have."