C.-C. I have the very greatest affection for Kitty.
PORTEOUS. Then why the devil didn"t you look after her properly?
C.-C. My dear Hughie, you were my greatest friend. I trusted you. It may have been rash.
PORTEOUS. It was inexcusable.
LADY KITTY. I don"t know what you mean by that, Hughie.
PORTEOUS. Don"t, don"t, don"t try and bully me, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. Oh, I know what you mean.
PORTEOUS. Then why the devil did you say you didn"t?
LADY KITTY. When I think that I sacrificed everything for that man!
And for thirty years I"ve had to live in a filthy marble palace with no sanitary conveniences.
C.-C. D"you mean to say you haven"t got a bathroom?
LADY KITTY. I"ve had to wash in a tub.
C.-C. My poor Kitty, how you"ve suffered!
PORTEOUS. Really, Kitty, I"m sick of hearing of the sacrifices you made. I suppose you think I sacrificed nothing. I should have been Prime Minister by now if it hadn"t been for you.
LADY KITTY. Nonsense!
PORTEOUS. What do you mean by that? Everyone said I should be Prime Minister. Shouldn"t I have been Prime Minister, Clive?
C.-C. It was certainly the general expectation.
PORTEOUS. I was the most promising young man of my day. I was bound to get a seat in the Cabinet at the next election.
LADY KITTY. They"d have found you out just as I"ve found you out. I"m sick of hearing that I ruined your career. You never had a career to ruin. Prime Minister! You haven"t the brain. You haven"t the character.
C.-C. Cheek, push, and a gift of the gab will serve very well instead, you know.
LADY KITTY. Besides, in politics it"s not the men that matter. It"s the women at the back of them. I could have made Clive a Cabinet Minister if I"d wanted to.
PORTEOUS. Clive?
LADY KITTY. With my beauty, my charm, my force of character, my wit, I could have done anything.
PORTEOUS. Clive was nothing but my political secretary. When I was Prime Minister I might have made him Governor of some Colony or other.
Western Australia, say. Out of pure kindliness.
LADY KITTY. [_With flashing eyes._] D"you think I would have buried myself in Western Australia? With my beauty? My charm?
PORTEOUS. Or Barbadoes, perhaps.
LADY KITTY. [_Furiously._] Barbadoes! Barbadoes can go to--Barbadoes.
PORTEOUS. That"s all you"d have got.
LADY KITTY. Nonsense! I"d have India.
PORTEOUS. I would never have given you India.
LADY KITTY. You would have given me India.
PORTEOUS. I tell you I wouldn"t.
LADY KITTY. The King would have given me India. The nation would have insisted on my having India. I would have been a vice-reine or nothing.
PORTEOUS. I tell you that as long as the interests of the British Empire--d.a.m.n it all, my teeth are coming out!
[_He hurries from the room._
LADY KITTY. It"s too much. I can"t bear it any more. I"ve put up with him for thirty years and now I"m at the end of my tether.
C.-C. Calm yourself, my dear Kitty.
LADY KITTY. I won"t listen to a word. I"ve quite made up my mind. It"s finished, finished, finished. [_With a change of tone._] I was so touched when I heard that you never lived in this house again after I left it.
C.-C. The cuckoos have always been very plentiful. Their note has a personal application which, I must say, I have found extremely offensive.
LADY KITTY. When I saw that you didn"t marry again I couldn"t help thinking that you still loved me.
C.-C. I am one of the few men I know who is able to profit by experience.
LADY KITTY. In the eyes of the Church I am still your wife. The Church is so wise. It knows that in the end a woman always comes back to her first love. Clive, I am willing to return to you.
C.-C. My dear Kitty, I couldn"t take advantage of your momentary vexation with Hughie to let you take a step which I know you would bitterly regret.
LADY KITTY. You"ve waited for me a long time. For Arnold"s sake.
C.-C. Do you think we really need bother about Arnold? In the last thirty years he"s had time to grow used to the situation.
LADY KITTY. [_With a little smile._] I think I"ve sown my wild oats, Clive.
C.-C. I haven"t. I was a good young man, Kitty.
LADY KITTY. I know.
C.-C. And I"m very glad, because it has enabled me to be a wicked old one.
LADY KITTY. I beg your pardon.