"What does that matter, Laming? We must be open-minded, though of course I wouldn"t actually marry Ivor."
Laming could think of no rejoinder.
In any case he needed no reminding that he was a man marked down.
And to think that he had started all this himself, taken the initiative quite voluntarily! At least, he supposed he had. In what unpredictable ways just about everything worked out! Most things, in fact, went into full reverse, just as was always happening at school! If you want peace, prepare for war, as the cla.s.sics and history master had admonished them.
"I can"t wait till next time," said Helen unexpectedly, as they parted. Not that even then her eyes lighted up, or anything like that. Laming realized that work, with poultry statistics in the civil service was hardly calculated to put a light in anyone"s eyes. He quite appreciated the need to be fair. It was simply so difficult to act upon it..
Laming thought of Ellen"s eyes.
But apparently the immediate trouble was to be that Helen"s inability to wait until next time had to be taken literally. Laming began to see her all over the place.
The first occasion was the very next morning, Thursday. He had been sent out by the office manager to buy sponge cakes to go with everyone"s midmorning coffee, and he had glimpsed her back view on the other side of the street, still in that same dress, purchased or brought out for the summer that was now upon them all.
He was very upset.
Nonetheless, the second occasion proved to be that same afternoon. Laming had been dispatched by the partner who was in charge of buying to an address in E. 1., almost Whitechapel, Laming thought; and, in that unlikely region, he saw Helen in her dress climbing aboard a No. 25 bus, not ten yards in front of him. She was having difficulty with what appeared to be a heavy black bundle. Indeed, on account of it, she might well have spotted Laming, and perhaps had. Of course it would have been unreasonable to suppose that in the course of a single day she would have had time or reason to change her dress. Still, Laming was now not merely ordinarily frightened, but for the time almost deprived of thought, so that he could not for the life of him recall what he had been told to seek in E.1. The buying partner spoke very sharply to him when he crept into the office empty-handed (he had managed to lose even his library book) and ashen.
And after Laming had been totally unable to explain himself to his mother, and had then pa.s.sed one of his utterly sleepless nights, came, on Friday morning, the third occasion; and, this third time, he walked straight into Helen, head-on. Things had begun to move faster.
He had left the office quite voluntarily, saying that he needed to be in the fresh air for a few minutes, and had walked into Helen within a bare two hundred yards from the outer door, where Tod sat, the one-eyed custodian. It was before Laming had even reached the appliance place on the corner, about which everyone joked.
What was more, he could have sworn that not for a second had he seen her coming, even though there were very few people on the pavement, far, far fewer, he would have said, than usual at that hour. If he had detected her, if there had been even the slightest tremor of warning, he would have shown the swiftest possible pair of heels the street had ever seen, convention or no convention, bad leg or no bad leg; and if he had been run over in the process, would it have mattered very much?
Helen was wearing another neat summer dress (after all, a whole sleepless night had pa.s.sed), this one white creeping foliage on a brick wall background, as Laming could see quite well; and she was again carrying something weighty, this time slung over her left shoulder, which gave her an utterly absurd resemblance to the cod-carrying fisherman in the Scott"s Emulsion advertis.e.m.e.nt. There was no advertis.e.m.e.nt that Laming knew better than that one; standing, as it did, for mens Sana in corpore sano.
"Hullo," said Laming, in a very low, very shivery voice, audible to no one but her.
She simply trudged past him in her white court shoes, very simple in design. She showed no sign of even seeing him, let alone of hearing his greeting. Under other circ.u.mstances, it might have been difficult to decide whether she looked alive or dead. Her burden duly took the shape of a long, gray anonymous object. It seemed to be heavier than ever, as Helen was staggering a little, deviating from a perfectly straight course.
Laming clung sickly to the railings until a middle-aged woman with hair made metallic by curlers came halfway up the area steps and asked if he was all right.
"Quite all right," replied Laming, a little petulantly.
The woman washed her hands of him on her flowered ap.r.o.n.
But then a police constable materialized.
"Had a little too much?"
Laming thought it best to nod.
"Work near here?"
Laming nodded again.
It was fortunate that all the partners had left together for luncheon before Laming was brought back to the office by an arm of the law.
The next day, Sat.u.r.day, Laming"s leg was suddenly much worse. Indeed, it hurt so much that he could hardly walk the short distance to the park, and the American Garden was, of course, on the far side. His mother looked extremely anxious as she stood on the porch, kissing him good-bye again and again. It was quite terribly hot.
Still, much was at stake, and Laming was determined to meet Ellen, even if he did himself a permanent injury. He would be most unlikely ever again to find anyone like Ellen in his entire life, so that, if he lost her, a permanent injury might hardly matter. Confused thinking, but, as with so much thinking of that kind, conclusive.
When he arrived, he found that the railwaymen were actually lying on their backs upon the gra.s.s. They were in their braces, with their eyes shut, their mouths sagging. It was like the end of a military engagement, the reckoning.
And, this time, there was no sign at all of Ellen, who had previously been there first. Laming looked in vain behind all the shrub arrangements and then lowered himself onto one of the seats which the railwaymen normally occupied. He extended his bad leg, then lifted it horizontally onto the seat.
A fireman in uniform sauntered past, looking for dropped matches, for tiny plumes of smoke. There was a sound of children screeching at one another, but that was over the brow of the hill. Laming would have taken off his jacket if he had not been meeting a lady.
"Hullo, Laming."
It was Helen"s voice. She had crept up behind his head in complete silence.
"Ellen asked me to say that she can"t come today. She"s so sorry. There"s a difficulty in the shop. We"re both a bit early, aren"t we?"
Laming pushed and pulled his bad leg off the seat, and she sat beside him.
She was in the brick-wall dress with the mesh of white foliage: She looked cool and dry as ever. How could Laming be there early? He must have made too much allowance for infirmity.
"Say something!" said Helen.
What could anyone say? Laming felt as if he had suffered a blow on the very center of the brain from a lead ingot. His leg had begun to burn in a new way.
"I"m sorry if I frightened you," said Helen.
Laming managed to smile a little. He still knew that if he said anything at all, it would be something foolish, ludicrously inappropriate.
"Please take me to Kelly"s flat." It seemed to be a matter of course.
"Kelly?" Even that had been copycatted without volition.
"Where you usually go. Come on, Laming. It"ll be fun. We might have tea there."
"I can only walk slowly. Trouble again with my leg."
"Ellen says it"s just around the corner. We can buy some cakes on the way."
They set forth, a painful journey, where Laming was concerned. They circ.u.mvented the inert railwaymen. In one or two cases, Helen stepped over them, but that was more than Laming cared to risk.
Helen spoke. "Won"t you take my hand, as it"s Sat.u.r.day?"
"I"d like to, but I think I"d better concentrate."
"Take my arm, if you prefer."
Orsino, Endymion, Adonis: how differently one feels about these heroes when one re-encounters them amid such pain, such heat!
Nor did they buy any cakes; there was no shop, and Laming did not feel like going in search, even though he realized it might be wise to do so.
"I forgot," exclaimed Laming, as they turned the last and most crucial corner. "I haven"t got any keys. I think we need two at least."
"Ellen lent me hers," said Helen. She had been carrying them, not in her handbag, but all the time in her hand. They were on a little ring, with a bauble added. Helen"s gloves were white for the hot weather, in lacelike net.
Helen and Laming were inside the flatlet. Helen sat on the huge divan, not pulling down her dress, as she usually did. Laming sat on one of the little white chairs, at once bedroom chairs and informal dinner-table chairs.
"What do you and Ellen usually do first?" asked Helen. She spoke as if she had kindly volunteered to help with the accounts.
"We talk for a bit," said Laming, unconvincing though that was when everyone knew that Ellen seldom spoke at all.
"Well, let"s do that," said Helen. "Surely it can do no harm if I take off my dress? I don"t want to crumple it. You"d better take some things off too, in all this heat."
And, indeed, perspiration was streaming down Laming"s face and body, like runnels trickling over a wasteland.
Helen had taken off her white shoes too.
"Do you like my petticoat?" she inquired casually. "It came from Peter Jones in Sloane Square. I don"t think I"ve ever been in North London before."
"I like it very much," said Laming.
"It"s serviceable, anyway. You could hardly tear it if you tried. Have you lived in North London all your life?"
"First in Hornsey Rise and then, after my father died, in Drayton Park."
"I adored my father, though he was very strict with me."
"So your father"s dead too?"
"He allowed me no license at all. Will you be like that with your daughter, Laming, when the time comes?"
"I don"t expect I"ll ever have a daughter, Helen." Because of his leg, he would have liked a softer, lower chair and, for that matter, a more stoutly constructed one. But the springy, jumpy divan would not be the answer either, unless he were completely to recline on it, which would be injudicious.
"Do take something off, Laming. You look so terribly hot.". But he simply could not. Nor had he any knowledge of how men normally behaved, were called upon to behave, in situations such as this. Ellen had made all easy, but the present circ.u.mstances were very different, and of course Ellen herself was one of the reasons why they were different.
"I am looking forward to Careless Rapture," said Helen. "I adore Dorothy d.i.c.kson"s clothes."
Laming had never to his knowledge seen Dorothy d.i.c.kson. "She"s very fair, isn"t she?" he asked.
"She"s like a pretty flower bending before the breeze," said Helen.
"Isn"t she married to a man named Souchong?" "Heisen," said Helen. "I thought it was some kind of tea."
"After a week without leaving the department, it"s so wonderful to talk freely and intimately."
There it was! A week without leaving the department, and he had supposed himself to have seen her yesterday, and twice the day before, and all over London!
As well as feeling hot and tortured, Laming suddenly felt sick with uncertainty; it was like the very last stage of mal de mer, and almost on an instant. Probably he had been feeling a little sick for some time.
"Laming!" said Helen, in her matter-of-fact way, "if I were to take off my petticoat, would you take off your coat and pullover?"
If he had spoken, he would have vomited, and perhaps at her, the flatlet being so minute. "Laming! What"s the matter?"
If he had made a dash for the bathroom, he would have been unable to stop her coming in after him, half-dressed, reasonable, with life weighed off-and more than ordinary people, it would seem, to judge by her excessively frequent appearances. So, instead, he made a dash for the staircase.
Holding in the sick, he flitted down the stairs. At least, he still had all the clothes in which he had entered. "Laming! Darling! Sweetheart!"
She came out of the flatlet after him, and a terrible thing followed.
Helen, shoeless, caught her stockinged foot in the nailed-down landing runner and plunged the whole length of the flight, falling full upon her head on the hall floor, softened only by cracked, standard-colored linoleum. The peril of the fall had been greatly compounded by her agitation.
She lay there horribly tangled, horribly inert, perhaps with concussion, perhaps with a broken neck, though no blood was visible. Her petticoat was ripped, and badly, whatever the guarantee might have been.
Laming could well have been finally ill at that point, but the effect upon him was the opposite. He felt cold and awed, whatever the hall thermometer might show; and he forgot about feeling sick.
He stood trembling lest another tenant, lest the wife of a caretaker, intrude upon the scene of horror. There was a flatlet door at this ground-floor level, and a flight of stairs winding into the dark bas.e.m.e.nt. But there was no further sound of any kind; in fact, a quite notable silence. It was, of course, a Sat.u.r.day, the weekend.
Laming opened the front door of the house, as surrept.i.tiously as one can do such a thing in bright sunlight.
There was no one to be seen in the street, and about eyes behind lace curtains there was nothing to be done before nightfall. Laming could scarcely wait until nightfall.
When outside the house, he shut the door quietly, resenting the click of the Yale-type fitment. He felt very exposed as he stood at the top of the four or five North London steps, like Sidney Carton on the scaffold, or some man less worthy.
He dropped down the steps and thereby hurt his leg even more. Nonetheless, he began to run, or perhaps rather to jogtrot. It was hot as h.e.l.l.
He cantered unevenly around the first corner.
And there stood Ellen; startled and stationary at his apparition. She was in a little blue holiday singlet, and darker blue shorts, plain and sweet. Apart from Ellen, that thoroughfare seemed empty too.
"Laming!"
She opened wide her arms, as one does with a child.
Matted and haggard, he stared at her. Then he determinedly stared away from her.
"I waited and waited. In the American Garden. Then I thought I"d better come on."
She was adorable in her playgirl rig, and so understanding, so truly loving.
But Laming was under bad influences. "Who"s Kelly?" he asked.
"A friend," she replied. "But you haven"t seen him."
He glared brazenly at the universe.
Then he pushed rudely past her, and all the way home his head sang a popular song to him, as heads do in times of trouble.
His mother spoke with urgency. "Oh, Laming. I"m so glad to see you back."
He stared at her like a murderer who had the police car in the next street.