"Thank you. Miss Stock, for bearing with us and for taking in our glove."
"Perhaps something of your own will be brought to me one day," remarked Miss Stock.
"Who knows?" replied Millicent, entering into the spirit, as she regularly tried to do.
Millicent detected a yellow collecting box on a broken table to the right of the front door. In large black letters a label proclaimed JOSEPHINE BUTLER AID FOR UNFORTUNATES. From her trousers pocket Millicent extracted a contribution. She was glad she did not have to grope ridiculously through a handbag while Miss Stock smiled and waited.
Miss Stock had risen to her feet but had not advanced to see Millicent out. She merely stood there, a little dimly.
"Good-by, Miss Stock."
In the front door, as with many rectories and vicarages, there were two large panes of gla.s.s, frosted overall but patterned en clair round the edge, so that in places one could narrowly see through to the outer world. About to pull the door open, which Winifred had left unlatched, Millicent apprehended the shape of a substantial ent.i.ty standing noiselessly without. It was simply one thing too many. For a second time that day, Millicent found it difficult not to scream. But Miss Stock was in the mistiness behind her, and Millicent drew the door open.
"Nigel, my G.o.d!"
Millicent managed to pull fast the door behind her. Then his arms enveloped her, as ivy was enveloping the little church.
"I"m having nothing more to do with you. How did you know I was here?"
"Winifred told me, of course."
"I don"t believe you. She"s sitting in her car anyway, just by the gate. I"ll ask her."
"She"s not," said Nigel. "She"s left."
"She can"t have left. She was waiting for me. Please let me go, Nigel."
"I"ll let you go, and then you can see for yourself."
They walked side by side in silence down the depressing, weedy drive. Millicent wondered whether Miss Stock was watching them through the narrow, distorting streaks of machine-cut gla.s.s.
There was no Winifred and no car. Thick brown leaves were strewn over the place where the car had stood. It seemed to Millicent for a moment as if the car had been buried there.
"Never mind, my dear. If you behave yourself, I"ll drive you home."
"I can"t see your car either." It was a notably inadequate rejoinder, but at least spontaneous.
"Naturally not. It"s hidden." "Why is it hidden?"
"Because I don"t want you careering off in it and leaving me behind. You"ve tried to ditch me once, and once is enough for any human being."
"I didn"t try to ditch you, Nigel. I completed the job. You were smashing up my entire life."
"Not your life, sweet. Only your idiot career, so-called."
"Not only."
"Albeit, I shan"t leave you to walk home."
"Not home. Only to the station. I know precisely where it is. Winifred pointed it out. She saw it on the map. She said there are still trains."
"You really can"t rely on Winifred."
Millicent knew that this was a lie. Whatever had happened to Winifred, Nigel was lying. Almost everything he said was a lie, more or less. Years ago it had been among the criteria by which she had realized how deeply and truly she loved him.
"You can"t always rely on maps either," said Nigel.
"What"s happened to Winifred?" How absurd and schoolgirl-ish she always seemed in her own eyes when trying to reach anything like equal terms with Nigel! The silly words leapt to her lips without her choosing or willing them.
"She"s gone. Let"s do a little sightseeing before we drive home. You can tell me about the crockets and finials. It will help to calm us down."
Again he put his arm tightly round her and, despite her halfsimulated resistance, pushed and pulled her through the kissing gate into the churchyard. Her resistance was half-simulated because she knew from experience how useless with Nigel was anything more. He knew all the tricks by which at school big boys pinion and compel small ones, and he had never hesitated to use them against Millicent, normally, of course, upon a more or less agreed basis of high spirits, good fun, and knowing better than she what it would be sensible for them to do next. His frequent use of real and serious physical force had been another thing that had attracted her.
He dragged her down the uneven path. "Beautiful place. Peaceful. Silent as the grave."
And, indeed, it was quiet now, singularly different in small ways from when Millicent had been there with Winifred. Not only the owls but all the hedgerow birds had ceased to utter. One could not even detect an approaching aircraft. The breeze had dropped, and all the long gra.s.s looked dead or painted.
"Tell me about the architecture." said Nigel. "Tell me what to look at."
"The church is shut," said Millicent. "It"s been closed for years."
"Then it shouldn"t be," said Nigel. "Churches aren"t meant to be shut. We"ll have to see."
He propelled her up the path where earlier she had first seen the glove. The hand that belonged to it must be very nearly the hand of a child: Millicent realized that now.
In the porch, Nigel sat her down upon the single battered wooden bench, perhaps at one time borrowed from the local school, when there had been a local school. "Don"t move, or I"ll catch you one. I"m not having you leave me again, yet a while."
Nigel set about examining the church door, but really there was little to examine. The situation could be taken in very nearly at a glance and a push.
Nigel took a couple of steps back and ma.s.sed himself sideways.
Wasting no time, he had decided to charge the door, to break it down. Quite possibly it was already rickety, despite appearances.
But that time Millicent really did scream.
"No!"
The noise she had made seemed all the shriller when bursting upon the remarkable quietness that surrounded them. She could almost certainly have been heard in the erstwhile rectory, even though not by poor Lettice. Millicent had quite surprised herself. She was an unpracticed screamer.
She had even deflected Nigel for a moment.
She expostulated further. "Don"t! Please don"t!"
"Why not, chicken?" Almost beyond doubt, his surprise was largely real.
"If you want to, climb up outside and look in through the window, first." The volume and quality of her scream had given her a momentary ascendancy over him. "The other side of the church is easier."
He was staring at her. "All right. If you say so."
They went outside without his even holding on to her.
"No need to go round to the back," said Nigel. "I can manage perfectly well here. So can you, for that matter. Let"s jump up together."
"No," said Millicent.
"Please yourself," said Nigel. "I suppose you"ve seen the bogey already. Or is it the black ma.s.s?" He was up in a single spring and adhering to nothing visible, like an ape. His head was sunk between his shoulders as he peered, so that his red curls made him resemble a larger Quasimodo, who, Millicent recollected, was always clinging to Gothic walls and descrying.
Nigel flopped down in silence. "I see what you mean," he said upon landing. "Not in the least a sight for sore eyes. Not a sight for little girls at all. Or even for big ones." He paused for a moment, while Millicent omitted to look at him. "All right. What else is there? Show me. Where do we go next?"
He propelled her back to the path across the churchyard and they began to descend towards the river.
It was, therefore, only another moment or two before Millicent realized that the pile of wreaths was no longer there: no sprays, no harps, no hearts, no angelic trumpets; only a handful of field flowers bound with common string. For a moment, Millicent merely doubted her eyes yet again, though not only her eyes.
"Don"t think they use this place any longer," said Nigel. "Seems full up to me. That would explain whatever it is that"s been going on in the church. What happens if we go through that gate?"
"There"s a big meadow with cows in it and then a sort of pa.s.sage down to the river."
"What sort of pa.s.sage?"
"It runs between briars, and it"s muddy."
"We don"t mind a little mud, do we, rooster? What"s the river called, anyway?"
"Winifred says it"s called the Waste."
"Appropriate," said Nigel. "Though not any more, I hasten to add, not any more."
It was exactly as he said it that Millicent noticed the headstone. "Nigel Alsopp Ormathwaite Ticknor. Strong, Patient and True. Called to Higher Service." And a date. No date of birth: only the one date. That day"s date.
The day that she had known to be a Thursday when Winifred had not.
The stone was in grey granite, or perhaps near granite. The section of it bearing the inscription had been planed and polished. When she had been here last, Millicent had been noticing little, and on the return from the picnic the inscription would not have confronted her in any case, as was shown by its confronting her now.
"Not any more," said Nigel a third time. "Let"s make it up yet again, henny."
At least, Millicent stopped. She was staring at the inscription. Nigel"s hands and arms were in no way upon or around her or particularly near her.
"I love you, chickpeas," said Nigel. "That"s the trouble, isn"t it? We got on better when I didn"t." Seldom had Nigel been so clearsighted. It was eerie. Still, the time of which he spoke was another thing that had been long, long ago.
"I don"t know what to say," said Millicent. What other words were possible? No longer were they children, or young people, or anything at all like that.
They went forward a few paces, so that the headstone now stood behind Millicent. She did not turn to see whether there were words upon the back of it.
Nigel went through the second kissing gate ahead of her. "Don"t you bother," he said. "I expect you"ve been down to the river with Winifred. I know you won"t run away now. I"ll just take a quick peek at the fishing."
However, there seemed by now no point in not following him, and Millicent pushed back the gate in her turn.
"Please yourself," said Nigel. But Millicent had become aware of a development. The animals formerly in the far and upper corner were now racing across the open s.p.a.ce towards Nigel and her, and so silently that Nigel had not so much as noticed them: "cows," she had described them, when speaking of them to Winifred; "stock," as her stepfather might have termed them. There is always an element of the absurd about British domestic animals behaving as if they were in the Wild West. Still, this time it was an element that might be overlooked.
"Nigel!" exclaimed Millicent, and drew back through the gate, which clanged away from her.
"Nigel!!"
He went st.u.r.dily on. We really should not be frightened of domestic animals in fields. Moreover, so quiet were these particular fields that Nigel still seemed unaware of anything moving other than himself.
"Nigel!!!"
The animals were upon him and leaving little doubt of their intentions, in so far as the last word was applicable. In no time, on the gra.s.s and on the hides, there was blood, and worse than blood. Before long, there was completely silent, but visibly most rampageous trampling. Tails were raised now, and eyes un- typically stark. But the mob of beasts, by its mere ma.s.s, probably concealed the worst from Millicent.
Seek help. That is what one is called upon to do in these cases. At the least, call for help. Millicent, recently so vocal, found that she could make no noise. The grand quietness had taken her in as well.
"Oh, Nigel, love."
But soon the animals were merely nuzzling around interestedly. It was as if they had played no part in the consummation towards which they were sniffing and over which they were s...o...b..ring.
Millicent clung to the iron gate. Never before that day had she screamed. Never yet in her life had she fainted.
Then she became aware that the churchyard had somehow filled with women, or, at least, that women were dotted here and there among the mounds and memorials, sometimes in twos, threes, and fours, though more commonly as single spies.
These women were not like the Willis in Winifred"s favorite ballet. They were bleak and commonplace and often not young at all. Millicent could not feel herself drawn to them. But she realized that they were not merely in the churchyard but in the meadow too, from which the tempestuous cattle seemed to have withdrawn while for a second her back had been turned. In fact, at that moment the women were just about everywhere.
Absurd, absurd. Even now, Millicent could not overlook that element. The whole business simply could not be worth all this, and, in the world around her, everyone knew that it was not. Sometimes one suffered acutely, yes, but not even the suffering was ever quite real, let alone the events and experience supposedly suffered over. Life was not entirely, or even mainly, a matter of walking round a lake, if one might adopt Miss Stock"s persuasive a.n.a.logy.
None the less, it must have been more or less at this point that Millicent somehow lost consciousness.
Winifred was looking from above into her face. Winifred was no longer pale, but nearly her usual color, and renewed in confidence.
"My dear Millicent, I should have put you to bed instead of taking you out into the country! How on earth did you come to fall asleep?"
"Where are the cows?"
Winifred looked through the ironwork of the gate into the field behind her. "Not there, as far as I can see. I expect they"ve gone to be milked."
"They"re not really cows at all, Winifred. Not ordinary cows."
"My dear girl!" Winifred looked at her hard, then seemed more seriously concerned. "Have you been attacked? Or frightened?"
"Not me," said Millicent.
"Then who?"
Millicent gulped and drew herself together.
"It was a dream. Merely a dream. I"d rather not talk about it."
"Poor sweet, you must be worn out. But how did you get down here? Have you been sleepwalking?"
"I was taken. That was part of the dream."