He might have been starting a race at the school where he"d taught physical education - teaching pee, he called it - until he had his first stroke. When I made to push the chair he brought his eyebrows down and thrust his thick lips forward, which might have frightened his pupils but now made his big square face seem to be trying to shrink as the rest of him had. "Never make it easy, Craig," he said. "You don"t want my arms going on strike."
I trotted beside him to the Frugo supermarket that had done for most of the shops that were supposed to make the estate feel like a village. Whenever a Frugo lorry thundered past us he would mutter "There"s some petrol for your lungs" or "Hold your breath." In the supermarket he flung a week"s supply of healthy food from the Frugorganic section into the trolley and bought me a Frugoat bar, joking as usual about how they"d turned the oats into an animal. I pushed the trolley to his flat and helped him unload it and took it back to Frugo. When I pa.s.sed his window again he opened it, flapping the sports day posters he"d tacked to the wall of the room, to shout "See you in a week if you haven"t got yourself a girlfriend."
I had the books I borrowed from the public library instead, but I didn"t need him to announce my deficiency. I knew he disapproved of girls for boys my age - they sapped your energy, he said. "I"ll always come," I promised and made for Copse View, where the trees looked eager to wave me on. The wind gave up pushing me as I reached them, and I stopped at the house where the boards had been pulled down. As I peered across the front room, resting my fists on the crumbling wall, my eyes began to ache again. However much I stared, the dim figure with the sticks didn"t seem to have moved - not in an hour and a half. It had to be a picture; why shouldn"t whoever used to live there have put a poster up? I felt worse than stupid for taking so long to realise. My parents and the English teacher at my school said I had imagination, but I could do without that much.
Ten minutes brought me home to Woody Rise. "Well, would he?" my uncle used to say even after my parents gave up laughing or groaning. The houses on this edge of the estate were as big as his but meant for one family each - they looked as if they were trying to pa.s.s for part of the suburb that once had the estate for a park. My father was carrying fistfuls of cutlery along the hall. "Here"s the boy who cares," he called, and asked me "How"s the wheelie kid?"
"Tom," my mother rebuked him from the kitchen.
I thought he deserved more reproof when I wasn"t even supposed to shorten my uncle"s name, but all I said was "Good."
As my father repeated this several times my mother said "Let"s eat in here. Quick as you like, Craig. We"ve people coming round for a homewatch meeting."
"I thought you were going out."
"Just put your coat on your chair for now. We"ve rescheduled our pupils for tomorrow. Didn"t we say?"
She always seemed resentful if I forgot whichever extra job they were doing when. "I suppose you must have," I tried pretending.
"Had you found some mischief to get up to, Craig?" my father said. "Has she got a name?"
"I hope not," my mother said. "You can welcome the guests if you like, Craig."
"He"s already looked after my brother, Rosie."
"And some of us have done more." In the main this was aimed at my father, and she said more gently "All right, Craig. I expect you want to be on your own for a change."
I would rather have been with them by ourselves - not so much at dinner, where I always felt they were waiting for me to drop cutlery or spill food. I managed to conquer the spaghetti bolognese by cutting up the pasta with my fork, though my mother didn"t approve much of that either. Once I"d washed up for everyone I was able to take refuge in my bedroom before all the neighbours came to discuss watching out for burglars and car thieves and door-to-door con people and other types to be afraid of. I needed to be alone to write.
n.o.body knew I did. My stories tried to be like the kind of film my parents wouldn"t let me watch. That night I wrote about a girl whose car broke down miles from anywhere, and the only place she could ask for help was a house full of people who wouldn"t come to her. The house was haunted by a maniac who cut off people"s feet with a chainsaw so they couldn"t escape. I frightened myself with this more than I enjoyed, and when I went to sleep despite the murmur of neighbours downstairs I dreamed that if I opened my eyes I would see a figure standing absolutely still at the end of the bed. I looked once and saw no silhouette against the glow from the next street, but it took me a while to go back to sleep.
For most of Sunday my parents were out of the house. As if they hadn"t had enough of teaching at school all week, my mother did her best to coax adults to read and write while my father educated people about computers. They couldn"t help reminding me of my school, where I wasn"t too unhappy so long as I wasn"t noticed. It was in the suburb next to the estate, and some of the boys liked to punch me for stealing their park even though none of us was alive when the estate was built, while a few of the girls seemed to want me to act as uncouth as they thought people from it should be. I tried to keep out of all their ways and not to attract any questions in cla.s.s. My work proved I wasn"t stupid, which was all that mattered to me. I liked English best, except when the teacher made me read out my work. I would mumble and stammer and squirm and blush until the ordeal was done. I hated her and everyone else who could hear my helplessly unmodulated voice, most of all myself.
I wouldn"t have dared admit to anyone at school that I quite liked most homework. I could take my own time with it, and there was n.o.body to distract me, since my parents were at night school several evenings, either teaching or improving their degrees. It must have been hard to pay the mortgage even with two teachers" salaries, but I also thought they were competing with each other for how much they could achieve, and perhaps with my uncle as well. All this left me feeling I should do more for him, but there was no more he would let me do.
Soon it was Sat.u.r.day again. I was eager to look at the house on Copse View, but once it was in sight I felt oddly nervous. I wasn"t going to avoid it by walking around the triangle. That would make me late for my uncle, and I could imagine what he would think of my behaviour if he knew. The sky had turned to chalk, and the sun was a round lump of it caught in the stripped treetops; in the flat pale light the houses looked brittle as sh.e.l.l. The light lay inert in the front room of the abandoned house. The figure with the sticks was there, in exactly the same stance. It wasn"t in the same place, though. It had come into the room.
At least, it was leaning through the doorway. It looked poised to jerk the sticks up at me, unless it was about to use them to spring like a huge insect across the room. While the sunlight didn"t spare the meagre furniture - the ferny chair and its discoloured antimaca.s.sar, the plate with the queen"s face on the askew shelf still clinging to the pinstriped wall - it fell short of illuminating the occupier. I could just distinguish that the emaciated shape was dressed in some tattered material - covered with it, at any rate. While the overall impression was greyish, patches were as yellowed as the antimaca.s.sar, though I couldn"t tell whether these were part of the clothes or showing through. This was also the case with the head. It appeared to be hairless, but I couldn"t make out any of the face. When my eyes began to sting with trying I took a thoughtless step towards the garden wall, and then I took several back, enough to trip over -the kerb. The instant I regained my balance I dashed out of Copse View.
Perhaps there was a flaw in the window, or the gla.s.s was so grimy that it blurred the person in the room, though not the other contents. Perhaps the occupant was wearing some kind of veil. Once I managed to have these thoughts they slowed me down, but not much, and I was breathing hard when I reached my uncle"s. He was sitting in the hall again. "All right, Craig, I wasn"t going anywhere," he said. "Training for a race?"
Before I could answer he said "Forget I asked. I know the schools won"t let you compete any more."
I felt as if he didn"t just mean at sports. "I can," I blurted and went red.
"I expect if you think you can that counts."
As we made for Frugo I set out to convince him in a way I thought he would approve of, but he fell behind alongside a lorry not much shorter than a dozen houses. "Don"t let me hold you up," he gasped, "if you"ve got somewhere you"d rather be."
"I thought you liked to go fast. I thought it was how you kept fit."
"That"s a lot of past tense. See, you"re not the only one that knows his grammar."
I was reminded of a Christmas when my mother told him after some bottles of wine that he was more concerned with muscles than minds. He was still teaching then, and I"d have hoped he would have forgotten by now. He hardly spoke in the supermarket, not even bothering to make his weekly joke as he bought my Frugoat bar. I wondered if I"d exhausted him by forcing him to race, especially when he didn"t head for home as fast as I could push the laden trolley. I was dismayed to think he could end up no more mobile than the figure with the sticks.
I helped him unload the shopping and sped the trolley back to Frugo. Did he have a struggle to raise the window as he saw me outside his flat? "Thanks for escorting an old tetch," he called. "Go and make us all proud for a week."
He"d left me feeling ashamed to be timid, which meant not avoiding Copse View. As I marched along the deserted street I thought there was no need to look into the house. I was almost past it when the sense of something eager to be seen dragged my head around. One glimpse was enough to send me fleeing home. The figure was still blurred, though the queen"s face on the plate beside the doorway was absolutely clear, but there was no question that the occupant had moved. It was leaning forward on its sticks at least a foot inside the room.
I didn"t stop walking very fast until I"d slammed the front door behind me. I wouldn"t have been so forceful if I"d realised my parents were home. "That was an entrance," said my father. "Anything amiss we should know about?"
"We certainly should," said my mother.
"I was just seeing if I could run all the way home."
"Don"t take your uncle too much to heart," my mother said. "There are better ways for you to impress."
On impulse I showed them my homework books. My father pointed out where the punctuation in my mathematics work was wrong, and my mother wished I"d written about real life and ordinary people instead of ghosts in my essay on the last book I"d read. "Good try," she told me, and my father added "Better next time, eh?"
I was tempted to show them my stories, but I was sure they wouldn"t approve. I stayed away from writing any that weekend, because the only ideas I had were about figures that stayed too still or not still enough. I tried not to think about them after dark, and told myself that by the time I went to my uncle"s again, whatever was happening on Copse View might have given up for lack of an audience or been sorted out by someone else. But I was there much sooner than next week.
It was Sunday afternoon. While my mother peeled potatoes I was popping peas out of their pods and relishing their clatter in a saucepan. A piece of beef was defrosting in a pool of blood. My father gazed at it for a while and said "That"d do for four of us. We haven"t had Phil over for a while."
"We haven"t," said my mother.
Although I wouldn"t have taken this for enthusiasm, my father said "I"ll give him a tinkle."
Surely my uncle could take a taxi - surely n.o.body would expect me to collect him and help him back to his flat after dark. I squeezed a pod in my fist while I listened to my father on the phone, but there was silence except for the sc.r.a.ping of my mother"s knife. My hand was clammy with vegetable juice by the time my father said "He"s not answering. That isn"t like him."
"Sometimes he isn"t much like him these days," said my mother.
"Can you go over and see what"s up, Craig?"
As I rubbed my hands together I wondered whether any more of me had turned as green. "Don"t you want me to finish these?" I pleaded.
"I"ll take over kitchen duty."
My last hope was that my mother would object, but she said "Wash your hands for heaven"s sake, Craig. Just don"t be long."
While night wouldn"t officially fall for an hour, the overcast sky gave me a preview. I was in sight of the woods when I noticed a gap in the railings on Shady Lane. Hadn"t I seen another on Arbour Street? Certainly a path had been made through the shrubs from the opening off Shady Lane. It wound between the trees not too far from Copse View.
As I dodged along it bushes and trees kept blocking my view of the boarded-up houses. I couldn"t help glancing at the vandalised house; perhaps I thought the distance made me safe. The scrawny figure hadn"t changed its posture or its patchwork appearance. It looked as if it was craning forward to watch me or threatening worse. Overnight it had moved as much closer to the street as it had during the whole of the previous week.
I nearly forced my own way through the undergrowth to leave the sight behind. I was afraid I"d encouraged the figure to advance by trying to see it, perhaps even by thinking about it. Had the vandals fled once they"d seen inside the house? No wonder they"d left the rest of the street alone. I fancied the occupant might especially dislike people of my age, even though I hadn"t been among those who"d rampaged in the woods. I was almost blind with panic and the early twilight by the time I fought off the last twigs and found the unofficial exit onto Arbour Street.
I was trying to be calmer when I arrived at my uncle"s. He seemed to be watching television, which lent its flicker to the front room. I thought he couldn"t hear me tapping on the pane for the cheers of the crowd. When I knocked harder he didn"t respond, and I was nervous of calling to him. I was remembering a horror film I"d watched on television once until my mother had come home to find me watching.
I"d seen enough to know you should be apprehensive if anyone was sitting with his back to you in that kind of film. "Uncle Philip," I said with very little voice.
The wheelchair twisted around, b.u.mping into a sofa scattered with magazines. At first he seemed not to see me, then not to recognise me, and finally not to be pleased that he did. "What are you playing at?" he demanded. "What are you trying to do?"
He waved away my answer as if it were an insect and propelled the chair across the room less expertly than usual. He struggled to shove the lower half of the window up, and his grimace didn"t relent once he had. "Speak up for yourself. Weren"t you here before?"
"That was yesterday," I mumbled. "Dad sent me. He-"
"Sending an inspector now, is he? You can tell him my mind"s as good as ever. I know they don"t think that"s much."
"He tried to phone you. You didn"t answer, so-"
"When did he? n.o.body"s rung here." My uncle fumbled in his lap and on the chair. "Where is the wretched thing?"
Once he"d finished staring at me as if I"d failed to answer in a cla.s.s he steered the chair around the room and blundered out of it, muttering more than one word I would never have expected him to use. "Here it is," he said accusingly and reappeared brandishing the cordless phone. "No wonder I couldn"t hear it. Can"t a man have a nap?"
"I didn"t want to wake you. I only did because I was sent."
"Don"t put yourself out on my behalf." Before I could deny that he was any trouble he said "So why"s Tom checking up on me?"
"They wanted you to come for dinner."
"More like one did if any. I see you"re not including yourself."
I don"t know why this rather than anything else was too much, but I blurted "Look, I came all this way to find out. Of-"
One reason I was anxious to invite him was the thought of pa.s.sing the house on Copse View by myself, but he didn"t let me finish. "Don"t again," he said.
"You"ll come, won"t you?"
"Tell them no. I"m still up to cooking my own grub."
"Can"t you tell them?"
I was hoping that my father would persuade him to change his mind, but he said "I won"t be phoning. I"ll phone if I want you round."
"I"m sorry," I pleaded. "I didn"t mean-"
"I know what you meant," he said and gazed sadly at me. "Never say sorry for telling the truth."
"I wasn"t."
I might have tried harder to convince him if I hadn"t realised that he"d given me an excuse to stay away from Copse View. "Don"t bother," he said and stared at the television. "See, now I"ve missed a goal."
He dragged the sash down without bothering to glance at me. Even if that hadn"t been enough of a dismissal, the night was creeping up on me. I didn"t realise how close it was until he switched on the light in the room. That made me feel worse than excluded, and I wasn"t slow in heading for home.
Before I reached the woods the streetlamps came on. I began to walk faster until I remembered that most of the lamps around the woods had been smashed. From the corner of the triangle I saw just one was intact - the one outside the house on Copse View. I couldn"t help thinking the vandals were scared to go near; they hadn"t even broken the window. I couldn"t see into the room from the end of the street, but the house looked awakened by the stark light, lent power by the white glare. I wasn"t anxious to learn what effect this might have inside the house.
The path would take me too close. I would have detoured through the streets behind Copse View if I hadn"t heard the snarl of motorcycles racing up and down them. I didn"t want to encounter the riders, who were likely to be my age or younger and protective of their territory. Instead I walked around the woods.
I had my back to the streetlamp all the way down Arbour Street. A few thin shafts of light extended through the trees, but they didn"t seem to relieve the growing darkness so much as reach for me on behalf of the house. Now and then I heard wings or litter flapping. When I turned along Shady Lane the light started to jab at my vision, blurring the glimpses the woods let me have of the house. I"d been afraid to see it, but now I was more afraid not to see. I kept having to blink sc.r.a.ps of dazzle out of my eyes, and I waited for my vision to clear when a gap between the trees framed the house.
Was the figure closer to the window? I"d been walking in the road, but I ventured to the pavement alongside the woods. Something besides the stillness of the figure reminded me of the trees on either side of the house. Their cracked bark was grey where it wasn"t blackened, and fragments were peeling off, making way for whitish fungus. Far too much of this seemed true of the face beyond the window.
I backed away before I could see anything else and stayed on the far pavement, though the dead houses beside it were no more rea.s.suring than the outstretched shadows of the trees or the secret darkness of the woods, which kept being invaded by glimpses of the house behind the streetlamp. When I reached the corner of the triangle I saw that someone with a spray can had added a letter to the street sign. The first word was no longer just Copse.
Perhaps it was a vandal"s idea of a joke, but I ran the rest of the way home, where I had to take time to calm my breath down. As I opened the front door I was nowhere near deciding what to tell my parents. I was sneaking it shut when my mother hurried out of the computer room, waving a pamphlet called Safe Home. "Are you back at last? We were going to phone Philip. Are you by yourself? Where have you been?"
"I had to go a long way. There were boys on bikes."
"Did they do something to you? What did they do?"
"They would have. That"s why I went round." I wouldn"t have minded some praise for prudence, but apparently I needed to add "They were riding motorbikes. They"d have gone after me."
"We haven"t got you thinking there are criminals round every corner, have we?" My father had finished listening none too patiently to the interrogation. "We don"t want him afraid to go out, do we, Rosie? It isn"t nearly that bad, Craig. What"s the problem with my brother?"
"He"s already made his dinner."
"He isn"t coming." Perhaps my father simply wanted confirmation, but his gaze made me feel responsible. "So why did you have to go over?" he said.
"Because you told me to."
"Sometimes I think you aren"t quite with us, Craig," he said, though my mother seemed to feel this was mostly directed at her. "I was asking why he didn"t take my call."
"He"d been watching football and-"
I was trying to make sure I didn"t give away too much that had happened, but my mother said "He"d rather have his games than us, then."
"He was asleep," I said louder than I was supposed to speak.
"Control yourself, Craig. I won"t have a hooligan in my house." Having added a pause, my mother turned her look on my father. "And please don"t make it sound as if IVe given him a phobia."
"I don"t believe anyone said that. Phil"s got no reason to call you a sissy, has he, Craig?" When I shook or at least shivered my head my father said "Did he say anything else?"
"Not really."
"Not really or not at all?"
"Not."
"Now who"s going on at him?" my mother said in some triumph. "Come and have the dinner there"s been so much fuss about."
Throughout the meal I felt as if I were being watched or would be if I even slightly faltered in cutting up my meat and vegetables and inserting forkfuls in my mouth and chewing and chewing and, with an effort that turned my hands clammy, swallowing. I managed to control my intake until dinner was finally done and I"d washed up, and then I was just able not to dash upstairs before flushing the toilet to m.u.f.fle my sounds. Once I"d disposed of the evidence I lay on my bed for a while and eventually ventured down to watch the end of a programme about gang violence in primary schools. "Why don"t you bring whatever you"re reading downstairs?" my mother said.
"Maybe it"s the kind of thing boys like to read by themselves," said my father.
I went red, not because it was true but on the suspicion that he wanted it to be, and shook my head to placate my mother. She switched off the television in case whatever else it had to offer wasn"t suitable for me, and then my parents set about sectioning the Sunday papers, handing me the travel supplements in case those helped with my geography. I would much rather have been helped not to think about the house on Copse View.
Whenever the sight of the ragged discoloured face and the shape crouching over its sticks tried to invade my mind I made myself remember that my uncle didn"t want me. I had to remember at night in bed, and in the cla.s.sroom, and while I struggled not to let my parents see my fear, not to mention any number of situations in between these. I was only wishing to be let off my duty until the occupant of the derelict house somehow went away. My uncle didn"t phone during the week, and I was afraid my father might call him and find out the truth, but perhaps he was stubborn as well.
I spent Sat.u.r.day morning in dread of the phone. It was silent until lunchtime, and while I kept a few mouthfuls of bread and cheese down too. I lingered at the kitchen sink as long as I could, and then my mother said "Better be trotting. You don"t want it to be dark."