Had his visitor dodged into the bushes? They and the trees were as still as fossils. "Get off my property," Thirsk warned, and cleared his throat so as to shout, "or I"ll call the police."
By now it was apparent to him that the man hadn"t been a printer. He was tempted to hurl the book after him, except that might bring him back. As he stared at the avenue until the trees seemed to inch in unison towards him, he found he was unwilling to search the grounds when it was growing so rapidly dark. "Go back where you came from," he yelled, and slammed the door so hard the floorboards shook.
A chill had accompanied his visitor into the office, and now it felt even colder. Had one of Thirsk"s a.s.sistants left a window open in the warehouse? Thirsk hurried to the stout door in the back wall of the room. The door opened with an unexpected creak which lingered in his ears as he reached a hand into the dark. The fluorescent tubes stuttered into life, except for one which left the far end of the central aisle unlit. Though all the windows crammed into the s.p.a.ce above the shelves were closed tight, the fifty-yard-long room was certainly colder than usual, and there was more of a smell of old paper than he remembered. In the morning he would have to fix the lights: not now, when at least two of the tubes were growing fitful, so that the flickering contents of the shelves kept resembling supine logs multicoloured with lichen, the spines of the dust jackets. He thumbed the light-switch, a block of plastic so cold it felt moist, and as the dark lurched forward, shut it in. For the first time ever he was wishing he could go home from work.
He was already home. The third door of the office led to the rest of his bungalow. When he opened the door, the cold was waiting for him. The heating hadn"t failed; he had to s.n.a.t.c.h his hand away as soon as he touched the nearest radiator. He poured himself an even larger Scotch, and once he"d fired up his throat and his stomach, dumped himself in the chair behind the desk. The unwelcome visit had left him so on edge that all he could do was work.
The late afternoon mail had brought him an armful of packages which he hadn"t had time to open. The topmost padded envelope proved to contain the typescript of a children"s book by Hundey Dunkley, who sounded familiar. In his present mood, just the tide - The Smog Goblin and the Last Forest - was enough to put him off. "Send your b.l.o.o.d.y propaganda somewhere it"s wanted," he snarled, grabbing a copy of the Hamelin Books rejection letter. "Fit only for recycling," he p.r.o.nounced, and scrawled that as a postscript.
Usually one of his a.s.sistants would see to the outgoing mail, but he couldn"t stand the sight of the typescript a moment longer. Having clipped the letter to it, he stuffed it into a padded envelope and slung it on the desk next to his, and glared at the discarded packing as it tried to climb out of the waste-bin. Presumably the silence of the room emphasized its movements, though he could have imagined it wasn"t alone in making a slow deliberate papery sound, an impression sufficiently persuasive that he glanced out of the window.
The light from the office lay on the strip of gra.s.s outside but fell short of the trees, which were embedded in a darkness that had sneaked up on him. He knuckled the switch for the security light. The fierce illumination caught hold of the trees and bushes, and he felt an irrational desire to see them shrink back from the blaze which he could summon at the touch of a finger. Instead they stepped almost imperceptibly forward as though urged by their shadows, a ma.s.s of secret blackness interrupted by the drive. Just now the bright bare gravel looked as though it was inviting someone or something to emerge on to it, and he turned away so furiously that he almost tripped over an object on the floor.
It was the discarded envelope, writhing slowly on the carpet and extending a torn brown strip of itself like the remains of a finger towards him. He closed one fist on it, squeezing its pulpy innards, and punched it into the bin before grinding it down with his heel. "That"s enough," he shouted, not knowing what he was addressing until his gaze fell on the book his visitor had brought him. "Let"s see what you are," he said through his teeth, and flung the book open, wood striking wood. Then he let out a gasp that would have been a word if he"d known how he was feeling.
The thick untrimmed pages weren"t composed of paper; each was a single almost rectangular dead leaf. For a moment he thought words were printed on the uppermost, and then he saw the marks were scattered twigs, formed into patterns which he could imagine someone more susceptible than himself a.s.suming to be words in a forgotten language. "If this is a joke," he yelled, ignoring how small his voice sounded in the empty room, "you can take it back," and hoisting the book off the desk, ran to the door.
As the cover banged shut like a coffin lid, the tilting of the book rearranged the twigs into a different pattern - into words he was able to read. He fumbled the door open and raised the volume in both hands. By the glare of the security light he saw the t.i.tle wasn"t Tapioca but Tapiola. What difference did one letter make? "Come and get it," he roared, hurling the book from him.
It struck the gra.s.s with a thud which seemed to crush his shout. The cover raised itself an inch and fell shut, and then the book was as still as the trees and their shadows. Beyond the unlit road, and around his property, the forest stretched for miles. The words he"d glimpsed were growing clearer, embedding themselves in his mind. YOU TURNED AWAY ONE MESSENGER. The night sky seemed to lean towards the patch of light which contained him and the book, as though the sky was the forehead of the blackness behind the ma.s.s of trees, in which he heard a sudden gust of wind. Its chill found him while he waited to see the trees move," and he was continuing to wait when it subsided. It might have been a huge icy breath.
"Not likely," he said in a voice which the darkness shrank almost to nothing. He backed away and closed the door. The breath of the night had smelled of decaying vegetation, and now the room did. He thought he saw a trace of his own breath in the air. Hugging himself and rubbing his upper arms, he went to his desk for a mouthful of Scotch. As the ice cubes clashed against his teeth, he almost bit through the gla.s.s. Beyond the window the lawn was bare. The book had gone, and there wasn"t so much as a hint of a footmark on the gra.s.s.
"I bet you think that"s clever. Let me introduce you to someone who"s cleverer." He was speaking aloud so that his voice would keep him company, he realized, but he wouldn"t have to feel alone for long. Without glancing away from the window he groped for the phone on his desk, detached the receiver from its housing and jabbed the talk b.u.t.ton. He was already keying the number for the police as he brought the receiver to his face.
A sound came to find him. Though the earpiece was emitting it, it wasn"t the dialling tone. It could have been a gale pa.s.sing through a forest, but it seemed close to articulate. He clawed at the b.u.t.ton to clear the line and listened to the welcome silence; then he poked the talk b.u.t.ton again, and again. The phone was dead.
And there was movement among the trees. High on the trunks, branches sprang up and waved at him, a series of them rapidly approaching the house. A branch of a tree at the edge of the gra.s.s drooped before gesturing triumphantly at him, and then a severed length of the telephone cable which they had all been supporting plummeted on to the gra.s.s.
"Having fun, are you?" Thirsk demanded, though his throat was so constricted he barely heard himself. "Time I joined in." He dropped the useless receiver on top of a pile of typescripts and dashed kitchenwards, switching on lights as he went. His bedroom lit up, the bathroom and toilet next to it, the large room in which he dined and watched television and listened to music, and finally the kitchen, where he lifted the largest and sharpest knife from the rack on the wall. Outside the window he saw an image of himself almost erased by the forest - an image which grew fainter, then was wiped out entirely as his breath appeared in front of him and condensed on the window.
He saw himself being engulfed by fog in the reflection of a room which had been invaded by trees. The glint of the knife looked feeble as a lantern lost in a forest. "I"m still here," he snarled. Driven by a defiance which he felt more than understood, he stormed back into his office.
He was still there, and for a while, since he couldn"t call a taxi. He laid the knife within reach on the desk and drafted a letter to his printer. . . . looking forward to the Christmas consignment. . . any way you keep costs down is fine . . . His words seemed insufficiently defiant until he scribbled It"s only paper, only pulp. Of course he would never send such a letter, and he was about to tear off the page and bin it when he realized how like taking back a challenge that would seem. He drove the knife through the pad, pinning the letter to the desk like a declaration nailed to a door.
At first there was no apparent response. The only visible movement in the room was of his breath. It took him some minutes to be certain that the smell of decaying vegetation had intensified - that the source was in the room with him. Did the colours on the jackets of the new books resemble stains more than they should? His chair trundled backwards and collided with the wall as he reached the shelves, where he dug a finger into the top of the spine of the nearest book.
It came off the shelf at once - the spine did. The cheap glue had failed, exposing bunches of pages which looked aged or worse. His hand swung wildly, hooking another spine at random. That fell away, bearing a patch of its rotten jacket, and his finger poked deep into the pages, which were a solid lump of pulp. He dragged his finger out of it, dislodging both adjacent spines. Their undersides were crawling with insects. He staggered backwards just as sounds began in the warehouse: a ponderous creaking followed by a crash that shook the office.
"Leave my property alone," Thirsk screamed. He ripped the knife out of the pad and, pounding across the office, hauled open the door to the warehouse. The bookcases that weren"t attached to the walls had fallen together, forming an arched pa.s.sage, in the darkness of which piles of books were strewn like jagged chunks of chopped timber. Not only books were in that darkness, and his hand clutched at the light-switch before he knew he didn"t want to see.
As soon as his hand found the switch, the block came away like a rotten fungus from the wall. The surviving fluorescents lit for an instant before failing in unison with a loud sharp gla.s.sy ping, and he glimpsed a shape stalking up the pa.s.sage of the bookcases towards him. It resembled a totem, carved or rather shaped out of a tree, walking stiffly as a puppet, though it was considerably taller than any puppet had a right to be. It grew as it advanced on him, as if whatever feet it had were picking up or absorbing the books on which they trod. Its disproportionately large head was featureless and unstable as a ma.s.s of foliage, and its arms, which were reaching for him, were at least half the length of the warehouse. So much he distinguished before he threw the door in its face. Twisting the key, he wrenched it out of the lock and shied it across the room.
There was silence then, a silence like the quiet at the secret heart of a forest. He heard his pulse and his harsh unsteady breaths. Gripping the knife two-handed, he glared about. Half a dozen spines sagged away from books, spilling grubs, as the telephone let out a hollow exhalation and began to speak in the voice of the wind.
Thirsk shouted louder, drowning out its words. "In here too, are you? Not for long. This is my house, and one of us is leaving." But he wasn"t sure why he was rushing to the front door - to eject an intruder, or to confront the source of all the intrusions?
The trees were out there, and the darkness behind them. Neither appeared to have moved. "I know it"s you," he yelled. "I know you"re out there." He saw his shadow jerking towards the trees before he was aware of heading for them. As he reached the nearest, he slashed at the trunk, slicing off bark. "You"re my property and I can do what I like with you," he ranted. "If you don"t like it try and stop me, you and your big friend."
He felt his feet leave the gravel for the plushy floor of fallen leaves and pine needles. He was well into the woods, hacking at every tree within reach, when all the lights of the house were extinguished. He whirled around, then discovered he was able to see by the faint glow of the sky, which no longer felt like a presence looming over him. "Is that the best you can do?" he cried, reeling deeper into the woods, no longer knowing or caring where he was. "That"s for you, and so"s that." When the trees around him began to creak he chopped more savagely at them, daring them to move towards him; when the mounded earth seemed to quiver underfoot he trampled on it, ignoring how the forest had begun to smell as if the earth was being dug up. He might have been miles into the lightless forest when the hand whose enormous fingers he"d just slashed raised itself with an explosive creak, soil and undergrowth and decaying vegetation spilling from its palm, and closed around him.
Kill Me Hideously (1997).
"I don"t read this kind of stuff myself, but could you sign it for my son?"
As Lisette clenched her fists on his behalf, w.i.l.l.y Bantam raised his heavy eyelids and gave the man ahead of her a full-lipped smile almost as wide as his plump face. "What"s his name?" he said.
The man told him, and Bantam sent the son his best wishes on the t.i.tle page of The Smallest Trace of Fear. Lisette swung her tapestry bag off her shoulder as the man retrieved the book, and the volumes in the bag nudged him none too gently at the base of his spine. She made sure he saw her place them in front of their author, who greeted her and them with exactly the smile he"d produced for her predecessor. "Sins of my youth," he remarked.
"They"re not sins, and you aren"t so old. I don"t want them for anyone but me."
"Shall I sign them to..."
"Lisette."
"That"s a pretty unusual name."
"Thank you," she breathed, and managed not to simper as she watched him begin to inscribe the t.i.tle page of Ravage!. She took a breath that tasted of saliva. "Would you put it in..."
"I am, look."
"I don"t mean that. I mean, do sign them for me, I"ll hold them even dearer then, but when you"ve finished, w.i.l.l.y can I call you that..."
"That"s who I was before I was William."
"You were when you wrote these, so will you be for me?"
"Anything for an old supporter."
He meant old in the sense of faithful, Lisette thought as he signed his original name. She was certain his pen was moving more fluently, happy to rediscover what it used to write. She waited for him to open Writhe! before she said "The thing I was going to ask you"when you write another book like these, will you put me in it?"
He didn"t look up until he"d finished wishing her the best above his zippy signature, and then he gave her a straightened smile. "I"ll see if I can find somebody called Lisette a role in one of the kind I write now."
"Don"t be insulted, but that"s no good. Shall I tell you why?"
"There are people behind you, but please."
"Because in this new one you never describe what happens to the girls who disappear."
"There"s the scene where the policewoman has to try and say what she found."
"She doesn"t even say three whole sentences. You used to write at least a chapter. The first girl in Writhe! got thirteen pages in the hardcover and sixteen in the paperback."
"My agent and my editor persuaded me you could imagine worse than I could ever describe."
Lisette saw the manager of Book Yourself frown at the queue behind her and direct more of the expression at her. "I"m not paying to imagine, I"m paying you to," she said.
"Then I hope these old excesses of mine give you your money"s worth."
"I"ve read them. Thanks for them," Lisette said, and once they were nestling safely in her bag, hugged it to her as she marched out of the shop.
Beyond her Renault, which she"d had to park several hundred yards away, the lights of the department stores and fast-food eateries were padded with November fog. The street was deserted except for a man in a dark raincoat whose length and looseness put her in mind of a slaughterhouse. The lights lent his stiff expressionless face all the colors of a lurid paperback. As she stooped to unlock the car he arrived behind her, and she sensed a cold presence at the back of her neck: his breath as chill as his intentions, the imminent clutch of his hand? It was only the fog.
Five minutes" driving through the blurred streets of the city took her home. She lived in the middle of a row of youthful houses, each of them little wider than the garage that occupied most of the ground floor"no more than a slice of a house, she often thought, but all she needed. Having let herself into and closed the garage with the remote control, she unlocked the door that led from the garage into the house.
A narrow staircase lit by bulbs in cut-gla.s.s flowers ascended to the middle floor, half of it a kitchen and dining area, the rest solemnly described by the estate agent as a compact living s.p.a.ce. In Lisette"s case it was a library, its walls hidden by shelves stuffed with books. She crossed it to the farther staircase and climbed to the solitary bedroom.
She gave her secrets time to glimmer before she fingered the switch. The light seemed to draw the contents of the wall beyond the foot of the bed into a pattern she alone might sometime be able to interpret. The wall was covered with jackets of second-hand w.i.l.l.y Bantam novels and pages torn from them, framed by two female mouths stretched wide by screams, posters for Ravage! and Writhe! which Lisette had saved from a bookshop bin. She loved the mouth from Writhe! most - you could see the tongue starting to grow bigger and longer and harder.
She hung her coat on the back of the door and lay on the bed, her shoulders against the headboard. She placed one of the autographed books on either side of her on the fat quilt, then she opened Ravage! and read the inscription, running her fingers over the back of the page to feel how it was embossed by his signature. She was making herself wait, causing all her lips to tingle with antic.i.p.ation, before she turned to her favourite scene.
"... Sally had never known why he called them his ghoulies until she kicked him there. When he went into a crouch she thought she had put him out of action long enough for her to run, and then he jerked his head up, gleefully licking his lips. His hands came for her, except they were no longer just hands. His thumbs had stiffened and swelled huge. One moist throbbing thumb forced her mouth open, and the member slid over her tongue. The shock was so intense it was beyond shock, it was an experience she wouldn"t have dared admit even to herself she"d dreamed of. She felt his other hand push her skirt above her waist and slide her panties down her helpless legs, and then the pulsing erection that was his other thumb slid deep into her. She would have gasped if she"d been able, and not only because of that"because a slick lengthening finger had found her nether orifice and wormed its way in. The rhythmic penetration was reaching for her deepest self from too many directions to withstand, and as wave after wave of forbidden ecstasy swept away the last of her control she fell back on the bed. When his face above hers began to change there was nothing she could do..."
There was plenty Lisette could if she put her mind to it. She pushed one thumb in and out of her mouth, she bit down on it as the other stroked her c.l.i.toris and forged deeper while a finger poked between her b.u.t.tocks. She moaned, she gasped, she writhed on the bed, raising her knees high and flinging her legs wide. She came within an inch of convincing herself.
When she was too exhausted to counterfeit any more pleasure she let all her muscles sag. For just a moment that state considered feeling like the release she"d labored to achieve, and then the dead weight of frustration settled on her. It was waiting in the night whenever she lurched awake, and she was hardly aware of having slept when the bedside clock began to squeak at her to get ready for work.
Her car felt like a helmet not a great deal more metallic than her head. It gave her only just enough protection from the traffic, cars and lorries battling to be first past holes in the roads. All the workers crowding into the city were of a single mind that compelled them to rush along the pavements and bunch at crossings and flock across the roadways whenever lights summoned them. She parked as close to the gla.s.s doors of the Civic Coordination building as she could, then she buzzed to be let in.
A blank-walled lift carried her to the fifth floor. The switchboard room might as well have been windowless, since supervisor Bertha insisted on pulling down the blind as soon as the sun appeared in the window. Though the lines weren"t due to open for five minutes, the girls were at their boards. "Here"s Lisette," Vi said, blowing on her nails. "Bet she doesn"t care if Tommo lives or dies."
"Double bet she"s never seen him in her life," said Doris, appraising her face in a pocket mirror.
Bertha held up a hand as if to check it was as pale as the un-sunned sky. "Hush now, ladies. She may not even know who our favorite gentleman is."
"Of course I do. He"s one of your soapy people who"s on every night. I wouldn"t be watching him even if I had a television," Lisette said, and once the chorus of incredulity had pa.s.sed its crescendo "I"ve a date with a man at a bookshop."
"I thought you saw him last night," protested Doris.
"That"s why I am tonight."
"Is he one of your horrors?"
"He"s the best there"s ever been or will be," said Lisette, switching on her computer terminal as her board winked at her.
The caller was desperate for the times of a bus that had changed its route, the sort of call she and her colleagues dealt with every day. The world was full of people trying to catch up with it, and everybody had to find their own way of coping. Perhaps her work-mates managed by doing away with their imaginations, she thought, and had to pity them for their need to care about someone who didn"t exist. The point was to find out all you could about yourself, to store up that secret until you were alone with it, the prize you gave yourself at the end of the day"except that tonight she meant to win herself a bonus.
She dined swiftly at a Bunny Burger opposite the car park, then she drove to the next town. She was able to park almost outside another branch of Book Yourself that appeared to have brought many of its neighbors with it from her town for company. She let herself into the shop, and w.i.l.l.y Bantam saw her at once.
He didn"t look at her again until the dozen people ahead of her had taken turns to linger. A fat man with a stammer moved aside at last, leaving her the aroma of his armpits, and the author met her eyes. "Back again," she said.
He was producing his smile when he saw the books she"d brought. "That"s right, I signed these for you."
"Are you truly not going to write any more like them?"
"Nothing"s changed since yesterday."
"Then I shouldn"t make you. I"ve thought what you can do for me instead."
"What"s that?"
She opened Ravage! at her chapter and turned it towards him. "Put me in this one."
"Put you... How..."
"Cross Sally out and put my name instead. The way you describe her you could have been thinking of me. Here, use my pen."
When he didn"t take it she planted it between his thumb and forefinger, and pressed her thighs together to contain an inadvertent stirring. "You only use her name five times. It won"t take long," she said to enliven him. "She"s Nell in Writhe! too, isn"t she? Could she be your girlfriend?"
"It doesn"t work like that."
"Here I am, then. Just this one," Lisette said, nudging the book towards him. "Don"t worry, I won"t sue."
He raised the pen, but only to level it at her. "For what?"
"Using me for the worst you could think of."
He laid the pen at the very edge of the table and pulled his hand back. "That"s yours."
"Can"t you use that kind of pen?"
"I can"t use any for what you want."
"No, you don"t understand. I said I wouldn"t sue you, as if I could when it"s me who asked for it. I won"t be any trouble, I promise."
"Then please don"t be," the author said, and looked past her.
"Are you embarra.s.sed? Hasn"t anyone ever told you why they read your books? All us girls want to be his victims," Lisette said, turning to the next in line, "don"t we?"
The girl seemed in danger of blushing, even though that would upset her color scheme"face white as bone and not much meatier, spiky hair the black of her gloves and boots and long tube of an overcoat"but managed to respond with no more than a series of alarmed blinks. "We do even if we won"t say," Lisette told the author, and had to regain her voice, because he"d closed her book and was sliding it towards her with his fingertips. "Couldn"t you just..."
"Your name"s in it. You can"t ask more than that."
"Oh, thank you." It seemed hardly possible that he could have subst.i.tuted her name five times while she was busy with the other girl, but it would be worse than ungrateful of her to inspect the book in his presence. One acknowledgment of herself had to be all the magic Lisette needed. She bore her broad smile past the queue and smiled all the way home.
The garage closed itself behind her, the stairs lit the way to her bedroom. She took her time over removing her coat and unb.u.t.toning the front of her dress, enjoying the delicious tension. She lay on the bed and took out _Ravage!__, which parted its pages at her chapter as though it was as eager to open as her body. Then her mouth widened, but no longer in a smile. Sally; Sally; Sally, Sally"Sally. Not a single use of the name had been changed to hers.
He"d lied to her, she thought shrilly as a scream, and then she saw he might only have told her he"d already signed the book. If he"d taken advantage of her willingness to trust him, that was worse than lying. Everything of importance in her room"the w.i.l.l.y Bantam books, the fragments of them on the walls"seemed implicated in the betrayal; the mouths were jeering at her. She flung herself off the bed and was on her way to the stairs before she realized the bookshop would be shut by the time she drove back.
She"d been made to look enough of a fool. That wasn"t her kind of victim. When she felt calm enough she reopened the book and read the description of herself"long slim legs, trim waist, full b.r.e.a.s.t.s, blond hair halfway down her back. Only the name was false. "Not for long," she promised, and kept repeating it as she lay at the edge of sleep.
Next morning she was at the office twenty minutes ahead of Bertha and the girls. She might as well not have bothered: at that hour Ba.s.sinet Press was represented only by an answering machine. She left a message for someone who was privy to w.i.l.l.y Bantam"s movements to call her at the inquiry office by name, then waited most of the morning while n.o.body did. No doubt whoever should have called would be going for an extended lunch as Lisette understood everyone in publishing did, and so she had to contact them before they turned into a machine. The moment Bertha wasn"t there to see her phoning out Lisette dialled Ba.s.sinet Press and spoke low. "I left a message for w.i.l.l.y Bantam"s person. Can I have them now?"