Was he visible by the glow of the electric fire? He switched it off stealthily, and sat listening, eyes squeezed shut. The sudden chill held him back from dozing.
Yes, there were stealthy movements in a large enclosed place. Were they creeping closer? His eyes sprang open to take them unawares, and he thought he glimpsed movement, dodging out of sight beyond the gap in the wall.
He sat absolutely still, though the cold was beginning to insinuate cramp into his right leg. He had no way of measuring the time that pa.s.sed before he glimpsed movement again. Though it was so vague that he couldn"t judge its speed, he had a nagging impression that someone had peered at him from the dark auditorium. He thought he heard floorboards creaking.
Were the thieves mocking him? They must think it was fun to play games with him, to watch him gazing stupidly through the wall they"d wrecked. Rage sprang him to his feet. Grabbing the flashlight, he strode through the doorway. He had to slow down in the storeroom, for he didn"t want to touch the shelves fattened by grime. As soon as he reached the wall he flashed the light into the cinema. The light just managed to reach the walls, however dimly. There was n.o.body in sight. On either side of the screen, which looked like a rectangle of fog, the theatre boxes were cups of darkness. It was hard to distinguish shadows from dim objects, which perhaps was why the rows of seats looked swollen.
The thieves must have retreated into one of the corridors, towards their secret entrance; he could hear distant m.u.f.fled sounds. No doubt they were waiting for him to give up-but he would surprise them.
He stepped over a pile of rubble just beyond the wall. They mustn"t have had time to clear it away when they had made the gap. The flashlight was heavy, rea.s.suring; they"d better not come too near. As soon as he reached the near end of a row of seats and saw that they were folded back out of his way, he switched off the light.
Halfway down the row he touched a folding seat, which felt moist and puffy-fatter than it had looked. He didn"t switch on the light, for he oughtn"t to betray his presence more than was absolutely necessary. Besides, there was a faint sketchy glow from the road, through the shop. At least he would be able to find his way back easily-and he"d be d.a.m.ned if anyone else got there first.
When he reached the central aisle he risked another blink of light, to make sure the way was clear. Shadows sat up in all the nearest seats. A few springs had broken; seats lolled, spilling their innards. Underfoot the carpet felt like perished rubber; occasionally it squelched.
At the end of the aisle he halted, breathing inaudibly. After a while he heard movement resounding down a corridor to his left. All at once-good Lord, he"d forgotten that-he was glad the sounds weren"t coming from his right, where the Gents" had been and still was, presumably. Surely even thieves would prefer to avoid the yard beyond that window, especially at night.
Blinking the light at the floor, he moved to his left. The darkness hovering overhead seemed enormous, dwarfing his furtive sounds. He had an odd impression that the screen was almost visible, as an imperceptible lightening of the dark above him. He was reminded of the last days of the cinema, in particular one night when the projectionist must have been drunk or asleep: the film had slowed and dimmed very gradually, flickering; the huge almost invisible figures had twitched and mouthed silently, unable to stop-it had seemed that the cinema was senile but refusing to die, or incapable of dying.
Another blink of light showed him the exit, a dark arch a head taller than he. A few sc.r.a.ps of linoleum clung to the stone floor of a low corridor. He remembered the way: a few yards ahead the corridor branched; one short branch led to a pair of exit doors, while the other turned behind the screen, towards a warren of old dressing-rooms.
When he reached the pair of doors he tested them, this time from within the building. Dim light drew a blurred sketch of their edges. The bars which ought to snap apart and release the doors felt like a single pole encrusted with harsh flakes. His rusty fingers sc.r.a.ped as he rubbed them together. Wind flung itself at the doors, as unable to move them as he was.
He paced back to the junction of the corridors, feeling his way with the toes of his shoes. There was a faint sound far down the other branch. Perhaps the thieves were skulking near their secret entrance, ready to flee. One blink of the light showed him that the floor was clear.
The corridor smelt dank and musty. He could tell when he strayed near the walls, for the chill intensified. The dark seemed to soak up those of his sounds that couldn"t help being audible-the sc.r.a.pe of fallen plaster underfoot, the flap of a loose patch of linoleum which almost tripped him and which set his heart palpitating. It seemed a very long time before he reached the bend, which he coped with by feeling his way along the damp crumbling plaster of the wall. Then there was nothing but musty darkness for an even longer stretch, until something taller than he was loomed up in front of him.
It was another pair of double doors. Though they were ajar, and their bars looked rusted in the open position, he was reluctant to step through. The nervous flare of his light had shown him a shovel leaning against the wall; perhaps it had once been used to clear away fallen plaster. Thrusting the shovel between the doors, he squeezed through the gap, trying to make no noise.
He couldn"t quite make himself switch off the flashlight. There seemed to be no need. In the right-hand wall were several doorways; he was sure one led to the secret entrance. If the thieves fled, he"d be able to hear which doorway they were using.
He crept along the pa.s.sage. Shadows of dangling plaster moved with him. The first room was bare, and the colour of dust. It would have been built as a dressing-room, and perhaps the shapeless object, further blurred by wads of dust, which huddled in a corner had once been a costume. In the second deserted room another slumped, arms folded bonelessly. He had a hallucinatory impression that they were sleeping vagrants, stirring wakefully as his light touched them.
There was only one movement worth his attention: the stealthy restless movement he could hear somewhere ahead. Yes, it was beyond the last of the doorways, from which-he switched off the flashlight to be sure-a faint glow was emerging. That must come from the secret entrance.
He paused just ahead of the doorway. Might they be lying in wait for him? When the sound came again-a leathery sound, like the shifting of nervous feet in shoes-he could tell that it was at least as distant as the far side of the room. Creeping forward, he risked a glance within.
Though the room was dimmer than fog, he could see that it was empty: not even a dusty remnant of clothing or anything else on the floor. The meagre glow came from a window barred by a grille, beyond which he heard movement, fainter now. Were they waiting outside to open the grille as soon as he went away? Flashlight at the ready, he approached.
When he peered through the window, he thought at first there was nothing to see except a cramped empty yard: grey walls which looked furred by the dimness, grey flagstones, and-a little less dim-the sky. Another grille covered a window in an adjoining wall.
Then a memory clenched on his guts. He had recognised the yard.
Once, as a child, he had been meant to sneak into the Gents" and open the window so that his friends could get in without paying. He"d had to stand on the toilet seat in order to reach the window. Beyond a grille whose gaps were thin as matchsticks, he had just been able to make out a small dismal s.p.a.ce enclosed by walls which looked coated with darkness or dirt. Even if he had been able to shift the grille he wouldn"t have dared to do so, for something had been staring at him from a corner of the yard.
Of course it couldn"t really have been staring. Perhaps it had been a halfdeflated football; it looked leathery. It must have been there for a long time, for the two socketlike dents near its top were full of cobwebs. He"d fled, not caring what his friends might do to him-but in fact they hadn"t been able to find their way to the yard. For years he hadn"t wanted to look out of that window, especially when he"d dreamed-or had seemed to remember-that something had moved, gleaming, behind the cobwebs. When he"d been old enough to look out of the window without climbing up, the object was still there, growing dustier. Now there had been a gap low down in it, widening as years pa.s.sed. It had resembled a grin stuffed with dirt.
Again he heard movement beyond the grille. He couldn"t quite make out that corner of the yard, and retreated, trying to make no noise, before he could. Nearly at the corridor, he saw that a door lay open against the wall. He dragged the door shut as he emerged-to trap the thieves, that was all; if they were in the yard that might teach them a lesson. He would certainly have been uneasy if he had still been a child. Then he halted, wondering what else he"d heard.
The sc.r.a.pe of the door on bare stone had almost covered up another sound from the direction of the cinema. Had the thieves outwitted him? Had they closed the double doors? When he switched on the flashlight, having fumbled and almost dropped it lens-first, he couldn"t tell: perhaps the doors were ajar, but perhaps his nervousness was making the shadow between them appear wider than it was.
As he ran, careless now of whether he was heard, shadows of dead gaslights splashed along the walls, swelling. Their pipes reminded him obscurely of breathing-tubes, clogged with dust. In the bare rooms, slumped dusty forms shifted with his pa.s.sing.
The doors were still ajar, and looked untouched. When he stepped between them, the ceiling rocked with shadows; until he glanced up he felt that it was closing down. He"d done what he could in here, he ought to get back to the shop-but if he went forward, he would have to think. If the doors hadn"t moved, then the sound he had almost heard must have come from somewhere else: perhaps the unlit cinema.
Before he could help it, he was remembering. The last weeks of the cinema had been best forgotten: half the audience had seemed to be there because there was nowhere else to go, old men trying to warm themselves against the grudging radiators; sometimes there would be the thud of an empty bottle or a fallen walking-stick. The tattered films had jerked from scene to scene like dreams. On the last night Lee had been there, the gaslights had gone out halfway through the film, and hadn"t been lit at the end. He"d heard an old man falling and crying out as though he thought the darkness had come for him, a little girl screaming as if unable to wake from a nightmare, convinced perhaps that only the light had held the cinema in shape, prevented it from growing deformed. Then Lee had heard something else: a muttering mixed with soft chewing. It had sounded entirely at home in the dark.
But if someone was in the cinema now, it must be the thieves. He ought to hurry, before they reached his shop. He was hurrying, towards the other branch of the corridor, which led to the exit doors. Might he head off the thieves that way? He would be out of the building more quickly, that was the main thing-it didn"t matter why.
The doors wouldn"t budge. Though he wrenched at them until his palms smarted with rust, the bars didn"t even quiver. Wind whined outside like a dog, and emphasised the stuffy mustiness of the corridor. Suddenly he realised how much noise he was making. He desisted at once, for it would only make it more difficult for him to venture back into the cinema. Nor could he any longer avoid realising why.
Once before he"d sneaked out to this exit, to let in his friends who hadn"t been able to find their way into the yard. Someone had told the usherette, who had come prowling down the central aisle, poking at people with her flashlight beam. As the light crept closer, he had been unable to move; the seat had seemed to box him in, his mouth and throat had felt choked with dust. Yet the panic he"d experienced then had been feeble compared to what he felt now-for if the cinema was still guarded against intruders, it was not by the manager"s daughter.
He found he was trembling, and clawed at the wall. A large piece of plaster came away, crunching in his hand. The act of violence, mild though it was, went some way towards calming him. He wasn"t a child, he was a shopkeeper who had managed to survive against the odds; he had no right to panic as the little girl had, in the dark. Was the knot that was twisting harder, harder, in his guts renewed panic, or disgust with himself? Hoping that it was the latter, he made himself hurry towards the auditorium.
When he saw what he had already noticed but managed to ignore, he faltered. A faint glow had crept into the corridor from the auditorium. Couldn"t that mean that his eyes were adjusting? No, the glow was more than that. Gripping the edge of the archway so hard that his fingers twitched painfully, he peered into the cinema.
The gaslights were burning.
At least, blurred ovals hovered on the walls above their jets. Their light had always fallen short of the central aisle; now the glow left a swathe of dimness, half as wide as the auditorium which it divided. If the screen was faintly lit-if huge vague flattened forms were jerking there, rather than merely stains on the canvas-it failed to illuminate the cinema. He had no time to glance at the screen, for he could see that not all the seats were empty.
Perhaps they were only a few heaps of rubbish which were propped there-heaps which he hadn"t been able to distinguish on first entering. He had begun to convince himself that this was true, and that in any case it didn"t matter, when he noticed that the dimness was not altogether still. Part of it was moving.
No, it was not dimness. It was a glow, which was crawling jerkily over the rows of seats, towards the first of the objects propped up in them. Was the glow being carried along the central aisle? Thank G.o.d, he couldn"t quite distinguish its source. Perhaps that source was making a faint sound, a moist somewhat rhythmic muttering that sounded worse than senile, or perhaps that was only the wind.
Lee began to creep along the front of the cinema, just beneath the screen. Surely his legs wouldn"t let him down, though they felt flimsy, almost boneless. Once he reached the side aisle he would be safe and able to hurry, the gaslights would show him the way to the gap in his wall. Wouldn"t they also make him more visible? That ought not to matter, for-his mind tried to flinch away from thinking-if anything was prowling in the central aisle, surely it couldn"t outrun him.
He had just reached the wall when he thought he heard movement in the theatre box above him. It sounded dry as an insect, but much larger. Was it peering over the edge at him? He couldn"t look up, only clatter along the bare floorboards beneath the gaslights, on which he could see no flames at all.
He still had yards to go before he reached the gap when the roving glow touched one of the heaps in the seats.
If he could have turned and run blindly, nothing would have stopped him; but a sickness that was panic weighed down his guts, and he couldn"t move until he saw. Perhaps there wasn"t much to see except an old coat full of lumps of dust or rubble, which was lolling in the seat; nothing to make the flashlight shudder in his hand and rap against the wall. But sunken in the gap between the lapels of the coat was what might have been an old Halloween mask overgrown with dust. Surely it was dust that moved in the empty eyes-yet as the flashlight rapped more loudly against the wall, the mask turned slowly and unsteadily towards him.
Panic blinded him. He didn"t know who he was nor where he was going. He knew only that he was very small and at bay in the vast dimness, through which a shape was directing a glow towards him. Behind the glow he could almost see a face from which something pale dangled. It wasn"t a beard, for it was rooted in the gaping mouth.
He was thumping the wall with the flashlight as though to remind himself that one or the other was there. Yes, there was a wall, and he was backing along it: backing where? Towards the shop, his shop now, where he wouldn"t need to use the flashlight, mustn"t use the flashlight to illuminate whatever was pursuing him, mustn"t see, for then he would never be able to move. Not far to go now, he wouldn"t have to bear the dark much longer, must be nearly at the gap in the wall, for a glow was streaming from behind him. He was there now, all he had to do was turn his back on the cinema, turn quickly, just turn. He had managed to turn halfway, trying to be blind without closing his eyes, when his free hand touched the object which was lolling in the nearest seat. Both the overcoat and its contents felt lumpy, patched with damp and dust. Nevertheless the arm stirred; the object at the end of it, which felt like a bundle of sticks wrapped in torn leather, tried to close on his hand.
Choking, he pulled himself free. Some of the sticks came loose and plumped on the rotten carpet. The flashlight fell beside them, and he heard gla.s.s breaking. It didn"t matter, he was at the gap, he could hear movement in the shop, cars and buses beyond. He had no time to wonder who was in there before he turned.
The first thing he saw was that the light wasn"t that of streetlamps; it was daylight. At once he saw why he had made the mistake: the gap was no longer there. Except for a single brick, the wall had been repaired.
He was yelling desperately at the man beyond the wall, and thumping the new bricks with his fists-he had begun to wonder why his voice was so faint and his blows so feeble-when the man"s face appeared beyond the brick-sized gap. Lee staggered back as though he was fainting. Except that he had to stare up at the man"s face, he might have been looking in a mirror.
He hadn"t time to think. Crying out, he stumbled forward and tried to wrench the new bricks loose. Perhaps his adult self beyond the wall was aware of him in some way, for his face peered through the gap, looking triumphantly contemptuous of whoever was in the dark. Then the brick fitted snugly into place, cutting off the light.
Almost worse was the fact that it wasn"t quite dark. As he began to claw at the bricks and mortar, he could see them far too clearly. Soon he might see what was holding the light, and that would be worst of all.
The Ferries (1982).
When Berry reached Parkgate promenade he heard the waves. He couldn"t recall having heard them during his stroll down the winding road from Neston village, between banks whispering with gra.s.s, past the netted lights of windows. Beneath clouds diluted by moonlight, the movement of the waves looked indefinably strange. They sounded faint, not quite like water.
The promenade was scarcely two cars wide. Thin lanterns stood on concrete stalks above the sea wall, which was overlooked by an a.s.sortment of early Victorian buildings: antique shops, cafes that in the afternoons must be full of ladies taking tea and cakes, a nursing home, a private school that looked as though it had been built for something else. In the faltering moonlight all of them looked black and white. Some were Tudor-striped.
As he strolled-the June night was mild, he might as well enjoy himself as best he could now he was here-he pa.s.sed the Marie Celeste Hotel. That must have appealed to his uncle. He was still grinning wryly when he reached his uncle"s address.
Just then the moon emerged from the clouds, and he saw what was wrong with the waves. There was no water beyond the sea wall, only an expanse of swaying gra.s.s that stretched as far as he could see. The sight of the gra.s.s, overlooked by the promenade buildings as though it was still the River Dee, made him feel vaguely but intensely expectant, as though about to glimpse something on the pale parched waves.
Perhaps his uncle felt this too, for he was sitting at the black bow window on the first floor of the white house, gazing out beyond the sea wall. His eyes looked colourless as moonlight. It took three rings of the bell to move him.
Berry shouldn"t feel resentful. After all, he was probably his uncle"s only living relative. Nevertheless there were decisions to be made in London, at the publishers: books to be bought or rejected-several were likely to be auctioned. He"d come a long way hurriedly, by several trains; his uncle"s call had sounded urgent enough for that, as urgent as the pips that had cut him off. Berry only wished he knew why he was here. When at last his uncle opened the door, he looked unexpectedly old. Perhaps living ash.o.r.e had aged him. He had always been small, but now he looked dwindled, though still tanned and leathery. In his spotless black blazer with its shining silvery b.u.t.tons, and his tiny gleaming shoes, he resembled a doll of himself.
"Here we are again."
Though he sounded gruff, his handshake was firm, and felt grateful for company. When he"d toiled upstairs, using the banisters as a series of walking.-sticks, he growled "Sit you down."
There was no sense of the sea in the flat, not even maritime prints to enliven the timidly patterned wallpaper. Apart from a couple of large old trunks, the flat seemed to have nothing to do with his uncle. It felt like a waiting-room.
"Get that down you, James." His uncle"s heartiness seemed faded; even the rum was a brand you could buy in the supermarkets, not one of the prizes he"d used to bring back from voyages. He sat gazing beyond the promenade, sipping the rum as though it was as good as any other.
"How are you, Uncle? It"s good to see you." They hadn"t seen each other for ten years, and Berry felt inhibited; besides, his uncle detested effusiveness. When he"d finished his rum he said "You sounded urgent on the phone."
"Aye." The years had made him even more taciturn. He seemed to resent being reminded of his call.
"I wouldn"t have expected you to live so far from everything," Berry said, trying a different approach.
"It went away." Apparently he was talking about the sea, for he continued "There used to be thirteen hotels and a pier. All the best people came here to bathe. They said the streets were as elegant as Bath. The private school you pa.s.sed, that was the old a.s.sembly Rooms."
Though he was gazing across the sea wall, he didn"t sound nostalgic. He sat absolutely still, as though relishing the stability of the room. He"d used to pace restlessly when talking, impatient to return to the sea.
"Then the Dee silted up," he was saying. "It doesn"t reach here now, except at spring tides and in storms. That"s when the rats and voles flee onto the promenade-hordes of them, they say. I haven"t seen it, and I don"t mean to."
"You"re thinking of moving?"
"Aye." Frowning at his clenched fists, he muttered "Will you take me back with you tomorrow and let me stay until I find somewhere? I"ll have my boxes sent on."
He mustn"t want to make the journey alone in case he was taken ill. Still, Berry couldn"t help sounding a little impatient. "I don"t live near the sea, you know."
"I know that." Reluctantly he added "I wish I lived further away."
Perhaps now that he"d had to leave the sea, his first love, he wanted to forget about it quickly. Berry could tell he"d been embarra.s.sed to ask for help- a captain needing help from a nephew who was seasick on hovercraft! But he was a little old man now, and his tan was only a patina; all at once Berry saw how frail he was. "All right, Uncle," he said gently. "It won"t be any trouble."
His uncle was nodding, not looking at him, but Berry could see he was moved. Perhaps now was the time to broach the idea Berry had had on the train. "On my way here," he said carefully, "I was remembering some of the tales you used to tell."
"You remember them, do you?" The old man didn"t sound as though he wanted to. He drained a mouthful of rum in order to refill his gla.s.s. Had the salt smell that was wafting across the gra.s.s reminded him too vividly?
Berry had meant to suggest the idea of a book of his uncle"s yarns, for quite a few had haunted him: the pigmies who could carry ten times their own weight, the flocks of birds that buried in guano any ships that ventured into their territory, the light whose source was neither sun nor moon but that outlined an island on the horizon, which receded if ships made for it. Would it be a children"s book, or a book that tried to trace the sources? Perhaps this wasn"t the time to discuss it, for the smell that was drifting through the window was stagnant, very old.
"There was one story I never told you."
Berry"s head jerked up; he had been nodding off. Even his uncle had never begun stories as abruptly-as reluctantly-as this.
"Some of the men used to say it didn"t matter if you saw it so long as you protected yourself." Was the old man talking to himself, to take his mind off the desiccated river, the stagnant smell? "One night we all saw it. One minute the sea was empty, the next that thing was there, close enough to swim to. Some of the men would almost have done that, to get it over with." He gulped a mouthful of rum and stared sharply out across the pale dry waves. "Only they could see the faces watching. None of us forgot that, ever. As soon as we got ash.o.r.e all of us bought ourselves protection. Even I did," he said bitterly, "when I"d used to say civilised men kept pictures on walls."
Having struggled out of his blazer, which he"d unb.u.t.toned carefully and tediously, he displayed his left forearm. Blinking sleepily, Berry made out a tattoo, a graceful sailing ship surrounded by a burst of light. Its masts resembled almost recognisable symbols. "The younger fellows thought that was all we needed. We all wanted to believe that would keep us safe. I wonder how they feel now they"re older." The old man turned quickly towards the window; he seemed angry that he"d been distracted. Something had changed his att.i.tude drastically, for he had hated tattoos. It occurred to Berry, too late to prevent him from dozing, that his uncle had called him because he was afraid to be alone.
Berry"s sleep was dark and profound. Half-submerged images floated by, so changed as to be unrecognisable. Sounds reached him rather as noise from the surface might try to reach the depths of the sea. It was impossible to tell how many times his uncle had cried out before the calls woke him.
"James ..." The voice was receding, but at first Berry failed to notice this; he was too aware of the smell that filled the room. Something that smelled drowned in stagnant water was near him, so near that he could hear its creaking. At once he was awake, and so afraid that he thought he was about to be sick.
"James..." Both the creaking and the voice were fading. Eventually he managed to persuade himself that despite the stench, he was alone in the room. Forcing his eyes open, he stumbled to the window. Though it was hard to focus his eyes and see what was out there, his heart was already jolting.
The promenade was deserted; the buildings gleamed like bone. Above the sea wall the lanterns glowed thinly. The wide dry river was flooded with gra.s.s, which swayed in the moonlight, rustling and glinting. Over the silted river, leaving a wake of gra.s.s that looked whiter than the rest, a ship was receding.
It seemed to be the colour and the texture of the moon. Its sails looked stained patchily by mould. It was full of holes, all of which were misshapen by glistening vegetation. Were its decks crowded with figures? If so, he was grateful that he couldn"t see their faces, for their movements made him think of drowned things lolling underwater, dragged back and forth by currents.
Sweat streamed into his eyes. When he"d blinked them clear, the moon was darkening. Now the ship looked more like a mound from which a few trees sprouted, and perhaps the crowd was only swaying bushes. Clouds closed over the moon, but he thought he could see a pale ma.s.s sailing away, overtopped by lurid sketches that might be masts. Was that his uncle"s voice, its desperation overwhelmed by despair? When moonlight flooded the landscape a few moments later, there was nothing but the waves of gra.s.s, from which a whiter swathe was fading.
He came to himself when he began shivering. An unseasonably chill wind was clearing away the stench of stagnant water. He gazed in dismay at his uncle"s blazer, draped neatly over the empty chair. There wasn"t much that he could tell the police. He had been visiting his uncle, whom he hadn"t seen for years. They had both had a good deal to drink, and his uncle, who had seemed prematurely aged, had begun talking incoherently and incomprehensibly. He"d woken to find that his uncle had wandered away, leaving his blazer, though it had been a cold night.
Did they believe him? They were slow and thorough, these policemen; their thoughts were as invisible as he meant his to be. Surely his guilt must be apparent, the shame of hiding the truth about his uncle, of virtually blackening his character. In one sense, though, that seemed hardly to matter: he was sure they wouldn"t find his uncle alive. Eventually, since Berry could prove that he was needed in London, they let him go.
He trudged along the sweltering promenade. Children were scrambling up and down the sea wall, old people on sticks were being promenaded by relatives. In the hazy sunshine, most of the buildings were still black and white. Everywhere signs said fresh shrimps. In a shop that offered "Gifts and Bygones," ships were stiff in bottles. Waves of yellowing gra.s.s advanced, but never very far.
He ought to leave, and be grateful that he lived inland. If what he"d seen last night had been real, the threat was far larger than he was. There was nothing he could do.
But suppose he had only heard his uncle"s voice on the silted river, and had hallucinated the rest? He"d been overtired, and confused by his uncle"s ramblings; how soon had he wakened fully? He wanted to believe that the old man had wandered out beyond the promenade and had collapsed, or even that he was alive out there, still wandering.
There was only one way to find out. He would be in sight of the crowded promenade. Holding his briefcase above his head as though he was submerging, he clambered down the sea wall.
The gra.s.s was tougher than it looked. Large patches had to be struggled through. After five hundred yards he was sweating, yet he seemed to be no closer to the far bank, nor to anything else. Ahead through the haze he could just distinguish the colours of fields in their frames of trees and hedges. Factory chimneys resembled grey pencils. All this appeared to be receding.
He struggled onward. Gra.s.s snagged him, birds flew up on shrill wings, complaining. He could see no evidence of the wake he"d seen last night; nothing but the interminable gra.s.s, the screeching birds, the haze. Behind him the thick heat had blurred the promenade, the crowds were pale shadows. Their sounds had been swallowed by the hissing of gra.s.s. He"d been tempted several times to turn back, and was on the point of doing so, when he saw a gleam in the dense gra.s.s ahead. It was near the place where he"d last glimpsed the ship, if he had done so. The gleaming object looked like a small shoe.
He had to persuade himself to go forward. He remembered the swaying figures on the decks, whose faces he"d dreaded to see. Nevertheless he advanced furiously, tearing a path through the gra.s.s with his briefcase. He was almost there before he saw that the object wasn"t a shoe. It was a bottle.
When inertia carried him forward, he realised that the bottle wasn"t empty. For an unpleasant moment he thought it contained the skeleton of a small animal. Peering through the grime that coated the gla.s.s, he made out a whitish model ship with tattered sails. Tiny overgrown holes gaped in it. Though its decks were empty, he had seen it before.
He stood up too quickly, and almost fell. The heat seemed to flood his skull. The ground underfoot felt unstable; a buzzing of insects attacked him; there was a hint of a stagnant smell. He was ready to run, dizzy as he was, to prevent himself from thinking.
Then he remembered his uncle"s despairing cry: "James, James ..." Even then, if he had been able to run, he might have done nothing-but his dizziness both hindered him and gave him time to feel ashamed. If there was a chance of helping his uncle, however impossible it seemed-He s.n.a.t.c.hed up the bottle and threw it into his briefcase. Then, trying to forget about it, he stumbled back towards the crowds.
His uncle was calling him. He woke to the sound of a shriek. Faces were sailing past him, close enough to touch if he could have reached through the gla.s.s. It was only a train on the opposite line, rushing away from London. Nevertheless he couldn"t sleep after that. He finished reading the typescript he"d brought with him, though he knew by now he didn"t want to buy the book.