_An._ I wish my Fingers were so nimble, I can"t write as fast as another speaks.
_Co._ Let it be your first chief Care to write well, and your next to write quick: No more Haste than good Speed.
_An._ Very well; say to the Master when he dictates, no more Haste than good Speed.
_A Form of giving Thanks.
PETER, CHRISTIAN._
_Pe._ You have oblig"d me, in that you have written to me sometimes. I thank you for writing to me often. I love you, that you have not thought much to send me now and then a Letter. I give you Thanks that you have visited me with frequent Letters. I thank you for loading of me with Packets of Letters. I thank you heartily that you have now and then provoked me with Letters. You have oblig"d me very much that you have honour"d me with your Letters. I am much beholden to you for your most obliging Letters to me. I take it as a great Favour, that you have not thought much to write to me.
_The Answer._
_Ch._ Indeed I ought to beg Pardon for my Presumption, who dar"d presume to trouble a Man of so much Business, and so much Learning with my unlearned Letters. I acknowledge your usual Humanity, who have taken my Boldness in good Part. I was afraid my Letters had given you some Offence, that you sent me no Answer. There is no Reason that you should thank me, it is more than enough for me, if you have taken my Industry in good Part.
_A Form of asking after News._
_Pe._ Is there no News come from our Country? Have you had any News from our Countrymen? What News? Do you bring any News? Is there any News come to Town? Is there any News abroad from our Country?
_The Answer._
_Ch._ There is much News; but nothing of Truth. News enough indeed; but nothing certain. A great deal of News; but nothing to be depended upon.
Not a little News; but not much Truth. There is no News come. I have had no News at all. Something of News; but nothing certain. There are a great many Reports come to Town; but they are all doubtful. There is a great deal of Talk; but nothing true, nothing certain. If Lies please, I have brought you a whole Cart-Load of them. I bring you whole Bushels of Tales. I bring you as many Lies as a good Ship will carry.
_Pe._ Then unlade yourself as fast as you can, for fear you should sink, being so over-freighted.
_Ch._ I have nothing but what"s the Chat of Barbers Shops, Coaches and Boats.
_Han"t you received any Letters. The Form_.
_Pe._ Have you had no Letters? Have you had any Letters out of your own Country? Have no Letters been brought to you? Have you receiv"d any Letters? Have you had any Letters? Have you receiv"d any Letters from your Friends? Are there no Letters come from _France_?
_The Answer._
_Ch._ I have received no Letters. I han"t had so much as a Letter. I han"t had the least Bit of a Letter. No Body has sent me any Letter.
There is not the least Word come from any Body. I have received no more Letters for this long Time, than what you see in my Eye. Indeed I had rather have Money than Letters. I had rather receive Money than Letters.
I don"t matter Letters, so the Money does but come. I had rather be paid, than be written to.
_I believe so. The Form._
_Pe._ I easily believe you. That is not hard to be believ"d. It is a very easy Thing to believe that. Who would not believe you in that? He will be very incredulous, that won"t believe you in that Matter. In Truth I do believe you. You will easily make me believe that. I can believe you without swearing. What you say is very likely. But for all that, Letters bring some Comfort. I had rather have either of them, than neither.
_Of Profit. A Form._
_Ch._ What signifies Letters without Money? What signifies empty Letters? What do empty Letters avail? What good do they do, what do they profit, advantage? To whom are Letters grateful or acceptable without Money? What Advantage do empty Letters bring? What are idle Letters good for? What do they do? What use are they of? What are they good for? What do they bring with them of Moment? What Use are empty Letters of?
_The Answer._
_Pe._ They are useful, fit, proper, to wipe your Breech with. They are good to wipe your Backside with. If you don"t know the Use of them, they are good to wipe your a.r.s.e with. To wipe your Breech with. To wipe your Backside with. They are good to cleanse that Part of the Body that often fouls itself. They are good to wrap Mackrel in. Good to make up Grocery Ware in.
_Of wishing well._
1. _To a Man whose Wife is with Child._
_Pe._ What? are our little Friends well? How does your Wife do?
_Ch._ Very well, I left her with her Mother, and with Child.
_Pe._ I wish it may be well for you, and her too: To you, because you"re shortly to be a Father, and she a Mother. G.o.d be with you. I pray and desire that it may be prosperous and happy to you both. I pray, I beg of G.o.d that she, having a safe Delivery, may bear a Child worthy of you both; and may make you a Father of a fine Child. I commend you that you have shewed yourself to be a Man. I am glad you have prov"d yourself to be a Man. You have shew"d yourself to be a Gallus, but not _Cybele_"s.
Now you may go, I believe you are a Man.
_Ch._ You joke upon me, as you are used to do. Well, go on, you may say what you please to me.
2. _To one coming Home into his own Country._
_Ch._ I hear, you have lately been in your own Country.
_Pe._ I have so, I had been out of it a pretty While. I could not bear to be out of it long. I could not bear to be out of my Parents Sight any longer. I thought it long till I enjoy"d my Friends Company.
_Ch._ You have acted very piously. You are very good Humour"d, to think of those Matters. We have all a strange Affection for the Country that hath bred us, and brought us forth.
_As_ Ovid _says_:
_Nescio qua natale solum dulcedine cunctos Ducit, et immemores non sinit esse sui._
Pray tell me how did you find all Things there.
_All Things new. The Form._