_Ma._ But I don"t go to Sea.
_Pa._ But she has a Son.
_Ma._ Youth is not very formidable.
_Pa._ But he is very revengeful and resolute.
_Ma._ What will he do to me?
_Pa._ What will he do? That which I can"t wish to be done to one I wish so well to. G.o.d forbid I should.
_Ma._ Tell me what it is, for I an"t afraid to hear it.
_Pa._ Well, I"ll tell you then; if you slight me that love you, and am no Way unworthy of your Love; I shall be much mistaken if he don"t by his Mother"s Order shoot you with a venomous Dart, and make you fall deeply in Love with some sorry Fellow or other, that would not love you again.
_Ma._ That"s a most horrid Punishment indeed. I had rather die a thousand Deaths than to be so bitterly in Love with an ugly Man, and one that won"t love me neither.
_Pa._ But we had a notable Example of this not long since upon a certain Maid.
_Ma._ Where did she live?
_Pa._ At _Orleans_.
_Ma._ How many Years ago was it?
_Pa._ How many Years! not ten Months.
_Ma._ What was her Name? What do you stick at?
_Pa._ Nothing at all. I know her as well as I know you.
_Ma._ Why don"t you tell me her Name then?
_Pa._ Because I am afraid it is ominous. I wish she had been of some other Name. She was your own Namesake.
_Ma._ Who was her Father?
_Pa._ Her Father is alive at this Time, and is a topping Lawyer, and a rich Man.
_Ma._ Tell me his Name.
_Pa. Mauritius._
_Ma._ His Sirname.
_Pa. Aglaius._
_Ma._ Is her Mother alive?
_Pa._ No, she died lately.
_Ma._ What did she die of, say you?
_Pa._ Why of Grief, and it had like to have cost her Father his Life too, for all he was a Man of a strong Const.i.tution.
_Ma._ Mayn"t a Body know her Mother"s Name.
_Pa._ Yes, _Sophrona_, every Body knows her Name. What do you mean by that Question? Do you think I invent a Lye?
_Ma._ Why should I think so of you? Our s.e.x is most to be suspected for that. But tell me what became of the Maid?
_Pa._ The Maid, as I told you before, came of very honest Parents, had a good Fortune, was very handsome, and in few Words, was a Match for a Prince; a certain Gentleman of an equal Fortune courted her.
_Ma._ What was his Name?
_Pa._ Ah me, I can"t bear the Thoughts of it, his Name was _Pamphilus_ as well as mine. He try"d all the Ways in the World to gain her good Will; but she slighted all his Offers. The young Man pines away with Grief. Presently after she fell deep in Love with one more like an Ape than a Man.
_Ma._ How!
_Pa._ Ay, so wretchedly in Love, that "tis impossible to relate it.
_Ma._ Such a pretty Maid to fall in Love with such an ugly Fellow?
_Pa._ Ay, with a long-visag"d, scald-headed, bald-pated, hollow-ey"d, snub-nos"d, wide-mouth"d, rotton-tooth"d, stuttering, scabby-bearded, hump-back"d, gor-belly"d, bandy-legg"d Fellow.
_Ma._ You tell me of a mere _Thersites_.
_Pa._ Nay, they said he had but one Ear, neither.
_Ma._ It may be he had lost the other in the War.
_Pa._ No, he lost it in Peace.
_Ma._ Who dar"d to cut it off?
_Pa. Jack Ketch._
_Ma._ It may be his Riches made Amends.
_Pa._ Over Head and Ears in Debt. And with this Husband this charming Girl now spends her Days, and is now and then drubb"d into the Bargain.
_Ma._ That is a miserable Story indeed.
_Pa._ But it is a true one. It is a just Retaliation upon her, for slighting the young Gentleman.
_Ma._ I should rather chuse to be thunder-struck than ty"d to endure such a Husband.
_Pa._ Then don"t provoke Justice, but love him that loves you.