_Ge._ But I think you ought to take care that the Distemper don"t grow upon you.
_Li._ It has grown too much upon me already.
_Ge._ Is it a Dropsy?
_Li._ They say it is not.
_Ge._ Is it a Dissentery?
_Li._ I think not.
_Ge._ Is it a Fever?
_Li._ I believe it is a Kind of Fever; but a new one, as ever and anon new ones spring up that were unknown before.
_Ge._ There were more old ones than enough before.
_Li._ Thus it pleases Nature to deal with us, which is a little too severe.
_Ge._ How often does the Fit come?
_Li._ How often do you say? Every Day, nay every Hour indeed.
_Ge._ O wonderful! It is a sad Affliction. How did you get this Distemper? How do you think you came by it?
_Li._ By Reason of Want.
_Ge._ Why you don"t use to be so superst.i.tious as to starve yourself with Fasting.
_Li._ It is not Bigotry but Penury.
_Ge._ What do you mean by Penury?
_Li._ I mean I could get no Victuals, I believe it came by a Cold. I fancy I got the Distemper by eating rotten Eggs. By drinking too much Water in my Wine. This Crudity in my Stomach came by eating green Apples.
_Ge._ But consider whether you han"t contracted this Distemper by long and late Studying, by hard Drinking, or immoderate use of Venery? Why don"t you send for a Doctor?
_Li._ I am afraid he should do me more Harm than good. I am afraid he should poison me instead of curing me.
_Ge._ You ought to chuse one that you can confide in.
_Li._ If I must dye, I had rather dye once for all, than to be tormented with so many Slops.
_Ge._ Well then, be your own Doctor. If you can"t trust to a Doctor, pray G.o.d be your Physician. There have been some that have recover"d their Health, by putting on a Dominican or a Franciscan Fryars Cowl.
_Li._ And perhaps it had been the same Thing, if they had put on a Wh.o.r.e-master"s Cloak. These things have no Effect upon those that have no Faith in "em.
_Ge._ Why then, believe that you may recover. Some have been cur"d by making Vows to a Saint.
_Li._ But I have no Dealings with Saints.
_Ge._ Then pray to Christ that you may have Faith, and that he would be pleased to bestow the Blessing of Health upon you.
_Li._ I can"t tell whether it would be a Blessing or no.
_Ge._ Why, is it not a Blessing to be freed from a Distemper?
_Li._ Sometimes it is better to dye. I ask nothing of him, but only that he"d give me what would be best for me.
_Ge._ Take something to purge you.
_Li._ I am laxative enough already.
_Ge._ Take something to make you go to Stool. You must take a Purge.
_Li._ I ought to take something that is binding rather, for I am too laxative.
_Of enquiring of a Person upon his Return_.
The ARGUMENT.
_Of interrogating a Person returning from a Journey, concerning War, private Affairs, a Disappointment, great Promises, a Wife Lying-in, Dangers, Losses_, &c.
_George._ Have you had a good and prosperous Journey?
_Li._ Pretty good; but that there is such Robbing every where.
_Ge._ This is the Effect of War.
_Li._ It is so, but it is a wicked one.
_Ge._ Did you come on Foot or on Horse-back?
_Li._ Part of the Way a Foot, Part in a Coach, Part on Horse-back, and Part by Sea.
_Ge._ How go Matters in _France?_
_Li._ All"s in Confusion, there"s nothing but War talk"d of. What Mischiefs they may bring upon their Enemies I know not; but this I"m sure of, the _French_ themselves are afflicted with unexpressible Calamities.
_Ge._ Whence come all these tumultuary Wars?
_Li._ Whence should they come but from the Ambition of Monarchs?
_Ge._ But it would be more their Prudence to appease these Storms of human Affairs.