_Ph._ I can"t tell whether you speak as you think or no; but you set me agog however, to be paying more of these Fellows in their own Coin.
_The BEGGARS DIALOGUE._
The ARGUMENT.
_The Beggars Dialogue paints out the cheating, crafty Tricks of Beggars, who make a Shew of being full of Sores, and make a Profession of Palmistry, and other Arts by which they impose upon many Persons. Nothing is more like Kingship, than the Life of a Beggar._
IRIDES, MISOPONUS.
_Ir._ What new Sort of Bird is this I see flying here? I know the Face, but the Cloaths don"t suit it. If I"m not quite mistaken, this is _Misoponus_. I"ll venture to speak to him, as ragged as I am. G.o.d save you, _Misoponus_.
_Mis._ Hold your Tongue, I say.
_Ir._ What"s the Matter, mayn"t a Body salute you?
_Mis._ Not by that Name.
_Ir._ Why, what has happen"d to you? Are you not the same Man that you was? What, have you changed your Name with your Cloaths?
_Mis._ No, but I have taken up my old Name again.
_Ir._ Who was you then?
_Mis._ _Apitius_.
_Ir._ Never be asham"d of your old Acquaintance, if any Thing of a better Fortune has happen"d to you. It is not long since you belong"d to our Order.
_Mis._ Prithee, come hither, and I"ll tell you the whole Story. I am not asham"d of your Order; but I am asham"d of the Order that I was first of myself.
_Ir._ What Order do you mean? That of the _Franciscans_?
_Mis._ No, by no Means, my good Friend; but the Order of the Spendthrifts.
_Ir._ In Truth, you have a great many Companions of that Order.
_Mis._ I had a good Fortune, I spent lavishly, and when I began to be in Want, no Body knew _Apitius_. I ran away for Shame, and betook myself to your College: I lik"d that better than digging.
_Ir._ Very wisely done; but how comes your Body to be in so good Case of late? For as to your Change of Cloaths, I don"t so much wonder at that.
_Mis._ Why so?
_Ir._ Because the G.o.ddess _Laverna_ makes many rich on a sudden.
_Mis._ What! do you think I got an Estate by Thieving then?
_Ir._ Nay, perhaps more idly, by Rapine.
_Mis._ No, I swear by your G.o.ddess _Penia_, neither by Thieving, nor by Rapine. But first I"ll satisfy you as to the State of my Body, which seems to you to be the most admirable.
_Ir._ For when you were with us, you were all over full of Sores.
_Mis._ But I have since made Use of a very friendly Physician.
_Ir._ Who?
_Mis._ No other Person but myself, unless you think any Body is more friendly to me, than I am to myself.
_Ir._ But I never knew you understood Physick before.
_Mis._ Why all that Dress was nothing but a Cheat I had daub"d on with Paints, Frankincense, Brimstone, Rosin, Birdlime, and Clouts dipp"d in Blood; and what I put on, when I pleas"d I took off again.
_Ir._ O Impostor! Nothing appear"d more miserable than you were. You might have acted the Part of Job in a Tragedy.
_Mis._ My Necessity made me do it, though Fortune sometimes is apt to change the Skin too.
_Ir._ Well then, tell me of your Fortune. Have you found a Treasure?
_Mis._ No; but I have found out a Way of getting Money that"s a little better than yours.
_Ir._ What could you get Money out of, that had no Stock?
_Mis._ _An Artist will live any where._
_Ir._ I understand you now, you mean the Art of picking Pockets.
_Mis._ Not so hard upon me, I pray; I mean the Art of Chymistry.
_Ir._ Why "tis scarce above a Fortnight, since you went away from us, and have you in that Time learn"d an Art, that others can hardly learn in many Years?
_Mis._ But I have got a shorter Way.
_Ir._ Prithee, what Way?
_Mis._ When I had gotten almost four Guineas by your Art, I happened, as good Luck would have it, to fall into the Company of an old Companion of mine, who had manag"d his Matters in the World no better than I had done. We went to drink together; he began, as the common Custom is, to tell of his Adventures. I made a Bargain with him to pay his Reckoning, upon Condition that he should faithfully teach me his Art. He taught it me very honestly, and now "tis my Livelihood.
_Ir._ Mayn"t a Body learn it?
_Mis._ I"ll teach it you for nothing, for old Acquaintance Sake. You know, that there are every where a great many that are very fond of this Art.
_Ir._ I have heard so, and I believe it is true.
_Mis._ I take all Opportunities of insinuating myself into their Acquaintance, and talk big of my Art, and where-ever I find an hungry Sea-Cob, I throw him out a Bait.