He was right. She didn"t. The music, yearning and struggling, tore at her heart, set her nerves vibrating, her breast heaving. It was as if it drew her to Ranny, urgently, irresistibly, against her will.
"Not now, Ranny," she said, "not now." And it was as if she asked him to take pity on her.
"No," he said. "Not now. But presently, when I see you home."
"No. Not even then. Not at all. You mustn"t, dear," she whispered.
"I shall."
They sat silent and let the music do with them as it would.
And the sun dropped to the fields and flooded them and sank far away, behind Harrow on the Hill. And they called the children, the tired children, to them and went home.
Stanny had to be carried all the way. He hung on his father"s shoulder, utterly limp, utterly helpless, utterly pathetic.
"He"s nothing but a baby after all," said Winny.
They were going over Wandsworth Bridge.
"Do you remember, Ranny, the first time you ever saw me home, going over this bridge? What a moon there was!"
"I do. That _was_ a moon," said Ranny.
There was no moon for them to-night.
It was in a clear twilight, an hour later, that he saw her home.
They went half the way without speaking, till they came to the little three-cornered grove beside the public footpath. It was deserted. He proposed that they should sit there for a while.
"It"s the only chance I"ll ever get," he said to himself.
She consented. The plane trees sheltered them and made darkness for them where they sat.
"Winky," he said, after an agonizing pause, "you must have thought it queer that I"ve never thanked you for all you"ve done for me."
"Why should you? It"s so little. It"s nothing."
"Do you suppose I don"t know what it is and what you"ve done it for?"
"Yes, Ranny, you know what I did it for, and you see, it"s been no good."
"How d"you mean, no good?"
"It didn"t do what I thought it would."
"What was that?"
"It didn"t keep poor Vi and you together."
"Reelly"--She went on as if she were delivering her soul at last of the burden that had been too heavy for it--"I can see it all now. It did more harm than good."
"How do you make that out?"
"D"you mind talking about it?"
"Not a bit."
"Well, don"t you see--it made it easier for her. It gave her the time and everything she wanted. If I hadn"t been there that night she couldn"t have gone, Ranny. She wouldn"t have left the children. She wouldn"t, reelly. And I hadn"t the sense to see it then."
"I"m glad you hadn"t."
"Oh, why?"
"Because then you wouldn"t have been there. I knew you were trying to keep it all together. But it was bound to go. It couldn"t have lasted.
_She"d_ have gone anyhow. You don"t worry about that now, do you?"
"Sometimes I can"t help thinking of it."
"Don"t think of it."
"I won"t so long as you know what I did it for."
He meditated.
"I know what you did it for in the beginning. But--Winks--you were there _afterward_."
"Afterward--?"
"After Virelet went you were doing things."
"Well--and didn"t you want me?"
"Of course I wanted you. Did you never wonder why I let you do things?
Why I can bear to take it from you? Don"t you know I couldn"t let any other woman do what you do for me?"
"I"m glad if you feel like that about it."
"I don"t believe you"ve any idea how I feel about it. I don"t believe you understand it yet." His voice thickened.
"I couldn"t have let you, Winny, if I hadn"t cared for you. I should have been a low animal, a mean swine to let you if I hadn"t cared. I"m not talking as if my caring paid you back in any way. I couldn"t pay you back if I worked for you for the rest of my life. But that"s what I"m going to do if I can get the chance."
She could feel him trembling beside her and she was afraid.
"Would you let me?" he said. "Would you have me, Winny? Do you care for me enough to have me?"
"You know I"ve always cared for you."