On the opening of the door by the servant, a man asks of him whether the hostess or "the ladies" are at home. This will depend on the number of the members of the family receiving. He gives to the domestic the proper number of cards. The servant precedes him, opens the drawing-room door for him, and in some ultra English houses he is announced. His card or cards have been deposited on the silver tray which the servant has presented to him in the hall and left there. A visiting card is never brought into the drawing room. A man on a first or a formal call carries his stick and hat into the drawing room with him. To "hang his hat" in the hall shows great intimacy--even relationship--in the house. He, however, should leave there his overcoat and his rubbers and umbrella.
His hostess will advance to meet him, and will extend to him her right hand with a somewhat stiff angular motion, and he should shake it with a quick nervous movement of his right. He should neither grasp nor squeeze her hand, nor should he attempt that absurd so-called British shake in the air, which is never practiced except by player folk. A man removes his glove from his right hand on entering the drawing room, and holds this with his stick and hat in his left. The hat should be at an angle, the top about level with his nose. At weddings, the opera, and dances, where a woman is gloved, a man, if it is required to shake hands, does not remove his gloves. On ordinary occasions a woman is seldom gloved in her own drawing room, and if she is, handshaking is not usually expected. Should the hostess be gloved, as at a large affair, such as a formal or wedding reception, a man shakes hands with her with them on.
Tea is generally served in the afternoon on a tray with wafers, little cakes, and sometimes sandwiches. If you take a sandwich or a cup of tea, a doylie will be given you, which place upon your knee. When another caller enters the room stand up, whether it is a woman or a man. Ten minutes is all that is necessary for a formal call. It is less awkward to leave when a new caller is announced. Shake hands with your hostess and bow to the people present. Leave the room sideways, so as not to turn your back upon the company, and bow to them as you reach the door, thus bowing yourself out. Remember, do not be a lingerer or a sitter. No men are more dreaded in society than these wretched bores. The first arrivals leave first. Freezing out is not known in good society.
Calls should be made after every civility extended and every invitation accepted or regretted; after weddings, wedding receptions, deaths in families, etc., as fully explained in the chapter on card-leaving.
A letter of introduction is always sent, never left in person. Calls at the theater or in opera boxes are mere social amenities, and are not accepted as formal. A man enters an opera box, stands, and bows. His hostess will turn around and greet him. He will then, if there is a vacant chair, take one, and sit and talk a little while, leaving on the arrival of another caller. These rules for afternoon calls can be applied also to those made in the evening.
If no day is set for a first call, a man is expected to drop in any afternoon within ten days after the invitation. The sooner a call is made the greater the compliment. A second call may be made within two or three months; after that once or twice a year, as intimacy permits. A man is never asked to dinner or to any function at a house at which he has not first called. The usual form of a dinner invitation, the hostess being married, reads:
_My dear Mr. Smith:_
_Will you dine with us, most informally, on Wednesday, December the ninth, at eight o"clock? Hoping that you have no engagement for that evening, believe me,_
_Yours very sincerely,_ _Alice de Tompkins._ _November thirtieth._
An answer to an invitation like this, which should be sent within twenty-four hours, reads:
_My dear Mrs. de Tompkins:_
_It will give me great pleasure to dine with you on Wednesday evening, December the ninth, at eight o"clock. With many thanks for your kind thought of me,_
_Yours very sincerely,_ _Algernon Smith._ _December first._
Or, in the case of a formal dinner consisting of more than ten or twelve guests:
_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins_ _request the pleasure of_ _Mr. Smith"s_ _company at dinner on_ _Wednesday evening, December_ _the ninth, at eight o"clock._
The answer reads:
_Mr. Algernon Smith, Jr.,_ _accepts with pleasure_ _Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins"s_ _kind invitation for_ _Wednesday evening, December the ninth,_ _at eight o"clock._ _December first._
Answers to formal luncheon invitations are written in the same manner, only changing the hours, etc.
Informal invitations to breakfasts and luncheons will be treated in the chapter on that subject.
The form of an invitation to a private dance is:
_Mr. and Mrs. de Tompkins request the pleasure of Mr. Algernon Smith"s company on Friday evening, January the ninth, at nine o"clock._
_R. S. V. P._ _Dancing._
The answer to this would be similarly worded as in case of the formal dinner. As dance invitations are usually sent out three weeks in advance, three days" grace is allowed for the answer.
When an invitation is received to a subscription ball, like the a.s.semblies in various cities, you should acknowledge it, by your acceptance or regret, to the subscriber sending it; but when an invitation is received from a ball committee, you should accept as follows:
_Mr. James de Courcy Peterson accepts with pleasure the committee"s kind invitation for Thursday evening, February the fifteenth._
_January second._
CHAPTER VI.
CARDS.
There is only one visiting card in vogue for a man. It must be of plain white bristol board, unglazed, about three or four inches in length and about two inches in width. The name should be engraved, not printed, in the middle of the card, in small copperplate type, without ornamentation of any kind. The prefix "Mr." is always used unless the person is a physician, in which case he can place "Dr." before his name, or a clergyman, when he may use the "Rev. Mr." or the "Rev. Dr.," according to his rank. Army and navy men, ranking as captain or above, should put their rank on their cards. "Mr." is the prefix for subalterns. The address is placed underneath the name in smaller type and in the right-hand corner. If an address, however, is that of a man"s club, it should be engraved on the left hand. A man"s card should also contain his Christian as well as his surname. If he possesses two Christian names, or any distinctive family name, that should also be given, so that his appellation is shown in full. For instance, "Mr. John William Jones," "Mr. James Brown Smith," "Mr. Hamilton Hamilton-Stuyvesant."
Visiting cards should be kept in a small case of sealskin or black or Russia leather and carried in the inside pocket of a frock coat, or if small enough more conveniently in the waistcoat pocket. Card cases should be stamped with initials or have a silver monogram. Visiting cards should never be carried loose in the pocket. A card is left in person the day after a dinner, luncheon, or breakfast, or within a week at latest after a ball. Civility must be returned by civility, and cards must be left on every occasion on which a call is necessary. Cards should not be sent by mail, unless when about to leave the country, or under circ.u.mstances where it is impossible to make a personal call. On leaving the country you should write the initials P. P. C. (_pour prendre conge_) in the right-hand corner. In New York many men send cards by mail, offering the excuse that the city is too large to get about to make personal calls. This is only a flimsy pretext, and should have no weight.
The question of how many cards to leave is one which seems to bewilder most people. The general rule is a card to each person. This will have to be explained. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith you must leave a card for each--two cards. When you call on Mr. and Mrs. Smith and the Misses Smith, three cards, the young ladies counting as a unit. For Mr.
and Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith, and their married daughter Mrs. Jones staying with them, four cards--Mrs. Jones being ent.i.tled to the fourth.
If Mr. Jones is also stopping at the Smiths leave an extra card for him.
For Mrs. Smith (widow) and the Misses Smith, two cards. For Mr. Smith (widower) and the Misses Smith, two cards.
In mailing cards, address them on the envelope "Mrs. Smith, the Misses Smith," or "Mr. and Mrs. John Brown-Smith"; "The Misses Brown-Smith,"
the one under the other. Never write on your cards "For Mr. and Mrs.
John Brown-Smith." It is bad form. Never leave cards for people who have not asked you to call. When friends from another city, who have entertained you or who have been polite to you, should arrive in your own city, you should immediately call and leave cards for them. In that case, should you even not be acquainted with their host and hostess, it would be civil to leave cards also for them.
After a wedding, if invited to the reception, you must personally leave cards at the house where the reception has been given for your host and hostess, and also for the young couple when they return from their bridal trip. Two cards at each place will be sufficient in this case.
When invited to the church only, leave or send cards to the bride"s parents and the young couple. As the card to the church only, is rather an equivocal compliment, mailing cards in this case could be excused.
Leave personally cards for the patroness who has asked you to a subscription ball, within a week after the invitation. In cases of death, leave cards within a fortnight. In answer to letters of condolence, it is best to send your cards with the words "Thank you for your kind sympathy" written thereon. For mourning, use the same size or style of card, but with a narrow or deep border as befits the nearness of degree of relationship with the deceased. The deepest border permissible is about a quarter of an inch.
It is bad form to bend cards or to turn down the corners thereof. These signs mean nothing now in good society. In calling--it may be repeated here--you ask, if there are more than one of the fair s.e.x in the house, for "the ladies," and hand the servant the number of cards necessary. He takes them on a silver salver and leaves them in the hall, goes before you, and announces you. Your card is never taken to the lady of the house, unless it is a business call.
CHAPTER VII.
THE DINER-OUT.
When I speak of the "diner-out," I include under this t.i.tle the bachelor guest not only at dinners, but also at luncheons and at suppers. The formal breakfast is a festivity of the past, and the first meal in a household is purely a family affair. However, luncheons on Sunday at one or two o"clock are in New York frequently called breakfasts, because I believe many fashionable people do not want the impression to go abroad that even once a week they dine in the middle of the day. The luncheon after a day wedding ceremony is also called a breakfast, but this, like the Sunday meal, is simply a t.i.tle by courtesy.
_Luncheons_, where men are guests, are popular entertainments at all the large summer resorts, such as Newport, Long Branch, Bar Harbor, as well as at the more celebrated of the Western and Pacific watering places and the winter cities of the South. In New York and other great centers, where there exists a number of gentlemen of leisure, these entertainments are greatly in vogue, and in Washington they sometimes a.s.sume the color of diplomatic functions.
The hour for a luncheon is half past one o"clock, and sometimes it is advanced to two. All guests are expected to be punctual to the minute and to take advantage even of the quarter of an hour lat.i.tude is bad form. Better a little too early than too late. However, do not make yourself ridiculous by appearing on the scene too soon. Bear in mind that the reputation of being the "late Mr. Smith" is not enviable. A tardy guest only accentuates his own insignificance. This rule applies to dinners and suppers and to all entertainments where you are a guest, with only one exception--dances, where you have an hour"s grace.
Luncheons, as a rule, are informal affairs. Men have attended them in lounge suits, but it is more courteous to your hostess to appear in afternoon dress. Overcoats, hats, and sticks are left in the hall. Your gloves are removed in the drawing room. When luncheon is announced, unless it is a very formal affair, your hostess leads the way to the dining room, and she is followed by her guests, women and men, not in procession. The men, of course, must allow the fairer s.e.x to pa.s.s before them through the drawing-room door and into the dining room. Luncheon _menus_ consist of oysters, clams, or grape fruit with crushed ice and saturated with maraschino for the first course. This is followed by bouillon, an _entree_, a roast or chops with peas, or broiled chicken, salad with birds, ices and fruits, coffee and _liqueurs_. Sherry and claret are the wines, and sometimes champagne is served.
A luncheon lasts three hours at most, and the men are left to smoke at dessert. However, sometimes this formality is waived.
_Dinner_ invitations are sent out at least a fortnight in advance. In the New York season sometimes they are issued a full month before the event. They must, under all circ.u.mstances, be answered within twenty-four hours, and cards left on your prospective host and hostess within a week.
The fashionable hours for dining are between half past seven and eight o"clock. Dinners being formal evening functions, formal evening dress is essential.
Except at very small houses and apartments, two rooms are reserved--one for the men and the other for the ladies--as dressing rooms. Your hat, coat, and outdoor attire are removed, and a servant will a.s.sist you in arranging your toilet. A nefarious practice of feeing these attendants, even at private houses, has been somewhat in vogue in a very "smart" and wealthy set in New York. It is not good form, and I would advise you against it.