Observe me now No monarch I vow, Was ever so afflicted!
Lady S: I"m pleased with that poetical phrase, "A heavenly gaze,"
But though you put it neatly, Say what you will, These paragraphs still Remain uncontradicted.
Come, crush me this contemptible worm (A forcible term), If he"s a.s.sailed you wrongly.
The rage display, Which, as you say, Has moved your Majesty lately.
King: Though I admit that forcible term "Contemptible worm,"
Appeals to me most strongly, To treat this pest As you suggest Would pain my Majesty greatly.
Lady S: This writer lies!
King: Yes, bother his eyes!
Lady S: He lives, you say?
King: In a sort of way.
Lady S: Then have him shot.
King: Decidedly not.
Lady S: Or crush him flat.
King: I cannot do that.
Both: O royal Rex, My/her blameless s.e.x Abhors such conduct shady.
You/I plead in vain, I/you will never gain Respectable English lady!
(Dance of repudiation by Lady Sophy. Exit followed by King.)
March. Enter all the Court, heralding the arrival of the Princess Zara, who enters, escorted by Captain Fitzbattleaxe and four Troopers, all in the full uniform of the First Life Guards.
CHORUS.
Oh, maiden, rich In Girton lore That wisdom which, We prized before, We do confess Is nothingness, And rather less, Perhaps, than more.
On each of us Thy learning shed.
On calculus May we be fed.
And teach us, please, To speak with ease, All languages, Alive and dead!
SOLO--Princess and Chorus
Zara: Five years have flown since I took wing-- Time flies, and his footstep ne"er r.e.t.a.r.ds-- I"m the eldest daughter of your King.
Troop: And we are her escort--First Life Guards!
On the royal yacht, When the waves were white, In a helmet hot And a tunic tight, And our great big boots, We defied the storm; For we"re not recruits, And his uniform A well drilled trooper ne"er discards-- And we are her escort--First Life Guards!
Zara: These gentlemen I present to you, The pride and boast of their barrack-yards; They"ve taken, O! such care of me!
Troop: For we are her escort--First Life Guards!
When the tempest rose, And the ship went so-- Do you suppose We were ill? No, no!
Though a qualmish lot In a tunic tight, And a helmet hot, And a breastplate bright (Which a well-drilled trooper ne"er discards), We stood as her escort--First Life Guards!
CHORUS
Knightsbridge nursemaids--serving fairies-- Stars of proud Belgravian airies; At stern duty"s call you leave them, Though you know how that must grieve them!
Zara: Tantantarara-rara-rara!
Fitz: Trumpet-call of Princess Zara!
Cho: That"s trump-call, and they"re all trump cards-- They are her escort--First Life Guards!
ENSEMBLE
Chorus Princess Zara and Fitzbattleaxe
Ladies Oh! the hours are gold, And the joys untold, Knightsbridge nursemaids, etc. When my eyes behold My beloved Princess; Men And the years will seem When the tempest rose, etc. But a brief day-dream, In the joy extreme Of our happiness!
Full Chorus: Knightsbridge nursemaids, serving fairies, etc.
(Enter King, Princess Nekaya and Kalyba, and Lady Sophy. As the King enters, the escort present arms.)
King: Zara! my beloved daughter! Why, how well you look and how lovely you have grown! (embraces her.)
Zara: My dear father! (embracing him) And my two beautiful little sisters! (embracing them)
Nekaya: Not beautiful.
Kalyba: Nice-looking.
Zara: But first let me present to you the English warrior who commands my escort, and who has taken, O! such care of me during my voyage--Captain Fitzbattleaxe!
Troopers: The First Life Guards.
When the tempest rose, And the ship went so--
(Captain Fitzbattleaxe motions them to be silent. The Troopers place themselves in the four corners of the stage, standing at ease, immovably, as if on sentry. Each is surrounded by an admiring group of young ladies, of whom they take no notice.)
King: (to Capt. Fitz.) Sir, you come from a country where every virtue flourishes. We trust that you will not criticize too severely such shortcomings as you may detect in our semi-barbarous society.
Fitz.: (looking at Zara) Sir, I have eyes for nothing but the blameless and the beautiful.
King: We thank you--he is really very polite! (Lady Sophy, who has been greatly scandalized by the attentions paid to the Lifeguardsmen by the young ladies, marches the Princesses Nekaya and Kalyba towards an exit.) Lady Sophy, do not leave us.
Lady S.: Sir, your children are young, and, so far, innocent. If they are to remain so, it is necessary that they be at once removed from the contamination of their present disgraceful surroundings. (She marches them off.)
King: (whose attention has thus been called to the proceedings of the young ladies--aside) Dear, dear! They really should- n"t. (Aloud) Captain Fitzbattleaxe--
Fitz.: Sir.
King: Your Troopers appear to be receiving a troublesome amount of attention from those young ladies. I know how strict you English soldiers are, and I should be extremely distressed if anything occurred to shock their puritanical British sensitiveness.
Fitz.: Oh, I don"t think there"s any chance of that.
King: You think not? They won"t be offended?
Fitz.: Oh no! They are quite hardened to it. They get a good deal of that sort of thing, standing sentry at the Horse Guards.