What is he going to do?
SONG -- Mr. Goldbury
Some seven men form an a.s.sociation (If possible, all Peers and Baronets), The start off with a public declaration To what extent they mean to pay their debts.
That"s called their Capital; if they are wary They will not quote it at a sum immense.
The figure"s immaterial--it may vary From eighteen million down to eighteenpence.
I should put it rather low; The good sense of doing so Will be evident at once to any debtor.
When it"s left to you to say What amount you mean to pay, Why, the lower you can put it at, the better.
Chorus: When it"s left to you to say, etc.
They then proceed to trade with all who"ll trust "em Quite irrespective of their capital (It"s shady, but it"s sanctified by custom); Bank, Railway, Loan, or Panama Ca.n.a.l.
You can"t embark on trading too tremendous-- It"s strictly fair, and based on common sense-- If you succeed, your profits are stupendous-- And if you fail, pop goes your eighteenpence.
Make the money-spinner spin!
For you only stand to win, And you"ll never with dishonesty be twitted.
For n.o.body can know, To a million or so, To what extent your capital"s committed!
Chorus: No, n.o.body can know, etc.
If you come to grief, and creditors are craving (For nothing that is planned by mortal head Is certain in this Vale of Sorrow--saving That one"s Liability is Limited),-- Do you suppose that signifies perdition?
If so, you"re but a monetary dunce-- You merely file a Winding-Up Pet.i.tion, And start another Company at once!
Though a Rothschild you may be In your own capacity, As a Company you"ve come to utter sorrow-- But the Liquidators say, "Never mind--you needn"t pay,"
So you start another company to-morrow!
Chorus: But the liquidators say, etc.
King: Well, at first sight it strikes us as dishonest, But if its"s good enough for virtuous England-- The first commercial country in the world-- It"s good enough for us.
Sca., Phan., Tar. (aside to the King) You"d best take care-- Please recollect we have not been consulted.
King: And do I understand that Great Britain Upon this Joint Stock principle is governed?
Mr. G.: We haven"t come to that, exactly--but We"re tending rapidly in that direction.
The date"s not distant.
King: (enthusiastically) We will be before you!
We"ll go down in posterity renowned As the First Sovereign in Christendom Who registered his Crown and Country under The Joint Stock Company"s Act of Sixty-Two.
All: Ulahlica!
SOLO -- King
Henceforward, of a verity, With Fame ourselves we link-- We"ll go down to Posterity Of sovereigns all the pink!
Sca., Phan., Tar.: (aside to King) If you"ve the mad temerity Our wishes thus to blink, You"ll go down to Posterity, Much earlier than you think!
Tar.: (correcting them)
He"ll go up to Posterity, If I inflict the blow!
Sca., Phan.: (angrily)
He"ll go down to Posterity-- We think we ought to know!
Tar.: (explaining) He"ll go up to Posterity, Blown up with dynamite!
Sca., Phan.: (apologetically)
He"ll go up to Posterity, Of course he will, you"re right!
ENSEMBLE
King, Lady Sophy, Nek., Sca., Phan, and Tar Fitz. and Zara (aside) Kal., Calynx and Chorus (aside)
Henceforward of a verity, If he has the temerity Who love with all sincerity; With fame ourselves we Our wishes thus to blink Their lives may safely link.
link-- And go down to Posterity, He"ll go up to Posterity And as for our posterity Of sovereigns all pink! Much earlier than they We don"t care what they think!
think!
CHORUS
Let"s seal this mercantile pact-- The step we ne"er shall rue-- It gives whatever we lacked-- The statement"s strictly true.
All hail, astonishing Fact!
All hail, Invention new-- The Joint Stock Company"s Act-- The Act of Sixty-Two!
END OF ACT I
ACT II
Scene -- Throne Room in the Palace. Night. Fitzbattleaxe discovered, singing to Zara.
RECITATIVE -- Fitzbattleaxe.
Oh, Zara, my beloved one, bear with me!
Ah, do not laugh at my attempted C!
Repent not, mocking maid, thy girlhood"s choice-- The fervour of my love affects my voice!
SONG -- Fitzbattleaxe.
A tenor, all singers above (This doesn"t admit of a question), Should keep himself quiet, Attend to his diet And carefully nurse his digestion; But when he is madly in love It"s certain to tell on his singing-- You can"t do the proper chromatics With proper emphatics When anguish your bosom is wringing!
When distracted with worries in plenty, And his pulse is a hundred and twenty, And his fluttering bosom the slave of mistrust is, A tenor can"t do himself justice, Now observe--(sings a high note), You see, I can"t do myself justice!
I could sing if my fervour were mock, It"s easy enough if you"re acting-- But when one"s emotion Is born of devotion You mustn"t be over-exacting.
One ought to be firm as a rock To venture a shake in vibrato, When fervour"s expected Keep cool and collected Or never attempt agitato.
But, of course, when his tongue is of leather, And his lips appear pasted together, And his sensitive palate as dry as a crust is, A tenor can"t do himself justice.
Now observe--(sings a high note), It"s no use--I can"t do myself justice!