She remembered, when she came to, running somewhere, perhaps into the house and out again but she could not remember what for or if she had fainted again when she got there. When she finally came back to where the tractors were, the ambulance had arrived.Mr. Guizac"s body was covered with the bent bodies of his wife and two children and by a black one which hung over him, murmuring words she didn"t understand. At first she thought this must be the doctor but then with a feeling of annoyance she recognized the priest, who had come with the ambulance and was slipping something into the crushed man"s mouth. After a minute he stood up and she looked first at his b.l.o.o.d.y pants legs and then at his face which was not averted from her but was as withdrawn and expressionless as the rest of the countryside. She only stared at him for she was too shocked by her experience to be quite herself. Her mind was not taking hold of all that was happening. She felt she was in some foreign country where the people bent over the body were natives, and she watched like a stranger while the dead man was carried away in the ambulance.
That evening, Mr. Shortley left without notice to look for a new position and the Negro, Sulk, was taken with a sudden desire to see more of the world and set off for the southern part of the state.
The old man Astor could not work without company. Mrs. McIntyre hardly noticed that she had no help left for she came down with a nervous affliction and had to go to the hospital. When she came back, she saw that the place would be too much for her to run now and she turned her cows over to a professional auctioneer (who sold them at a loss) and retired to live on what she had, while she tried to save her declining health. A numbness developed in one of her legs and her hands and head began to jiggle and eventually she had to stay in bed all the time with only a colored woman to wait on her. Her eyesight grew steadily worse and she lost her voice altogether. Not many people remembered to come out to the country to see her except the old priest. He came regularly once a week with a bag of breadcrumbs and, after he had fed these to the peac.o.c.k, he would come in and sit by the side of her bed and explain the doctrines of the Church.
A Temple of the Holy Ghost (1954)
ALL weekend the two girls were calling each other Temple One and Temple Two, shaking with laughter and getting so red and hot that they were positively ugly, particularly Joanne who had spots on her face anyway. They came in the brown convent uniforms they had to wear at Mount St. Scholastica but as soon as they opened their suitcases, they took off the uniforms and put on red skirts and loud blouses. They put on lipstick and their Sunday shoes and walked around in the high heels all over the house, always pa.s.sing the long mirror in the hall slowly to get a look at their legs.None of their ways were lost on the child. If only one of them had come, that one would have played with her, but since there were two of them, she was out of it and watched them suspiciously from a distance.
They were fourteen-two years older than she was-but neither of them was bright, which was why they had been sent to the convent.If they had gone to a regular school, they wouldn"t have done anything but think about boys; at the convent the sisters, her mother said, would keep a grip on their necks. The child decided, after observing them for a few hours, that they were practically morons and she was glad to think that they were only second cousins and she couldn"t have inherited any of their stupidity. Susan called herself Suzan. She was very skinny but she had a pretty pointed face and red hair. Joanne had yellow hair that was naturally curly but she talked through her nose and when she laughed, she turned purple in patches. Neither one of them could say an intelligent thing and all their sentences began, "You know this boy I know well one time he..."
They were to stay all weekend and her mother said she didn"t see how she would entertain them since she didn"t know any boys their age. At this, the child, struck suddenly with genius, shouted, "There"s Cheat! Get Cheat to come! Ask Miss Kirby to get Cheat to come show them around!" and she nearly choked on the food she had in her mouth. She doubled over laughing and hit the table with her fist and looked at the two bewildered girls while water started in her eyes and rolled down her fat cheeks and the braces she had in her mouth glared like tin. She had never thought of anything so funny before.
Her mother laughed in a guarded way and Miss Kirby blushed and carried her fork delicately to her mouth with one pea on it. She was a long-faced blonde schoolteacher who boarded with them and Mr. Cheatam was her admirer, a rich old farmer who arrived every Sat.u.r.day afternoon in a fifteen-year-old baby-blue Pontiac powdered with red clay dust and black inside with Negroes that he charged ten cents apiece to bring into town on Sat.u.r.day afternoons. After he dumped them he came to see Miss Kirby, always bringing a little gift-a bag of boiled peanuts or a watermelon or a stalk of sugar cane and once a wholesale box of Baby Ruth candy bars. He was baldheaded except for a little fringe of rustcolored hair and his face was nearly the same color as the unpaved roads and washed like them with ruts and gulleys. He wore a pale green shirt with a thin black stripe in it and blue galluses and his trousers cut across a protruding stomach that he pressed tenderly from time to time with his big flat thumb. All his teeth were backed with gold and he would roll his eyes at Miss Kirby in an impish way and say, "Haw haw," sitting in their porch swing with his legs spread apart and his hightopped shoes pointing in opposite directions on the floor.
"I don"t think Cheat is going to be in town this weekend," Miss Kirby said, not in the least understanding that this was a joke, and the child was convulsed afresh, threw herself backward in her chair, fell out of it, rolled on the floor and lay there heaving. Her mother told her if she didn"t stop this foolishness she would have to leave the table.
Yesterday her mother had arranged with Alonzo Myers to drive them the forty-five miles to Mayville, where the convent was, to get the girls for the weekend and Sunday afternoon he was hired to drive them back again. He was an eighteen-year-old boy who weighed two hundred and fifty pounds and worked for the taxi company and he was all you could get to drive you anywhere. He smoked or rather chewed a short black cigar and he had a round sweaty chest that showed through the yellow nylon shirt he wore.When he drove all the windows of the car had to be open.
"Well there"s Alonzo!" the child roared from the Roar. "Get Alonzo to show em around! Get Alonzo!"
The two girls, who had seen Alonzo, began to scream their indignation.
Her mother thought this was funny too but she said, "That"ll be about enough out of you," and changed the subject. She asked them why they called each other Temple One and Temple Two and this sent them off into gales of giggles. Finally they managed to explain. Sister Perpetua, the oldest nun at the Sisters of Mercy in Mayville, had given them a lecture on what to do if a young man Should-here they laughed so hard they were not able to go on without going back to the beginning-on what to do if a young man should-they put their heads in their laps-on what to do if-they finally managed to shout it out-if he should "behave in an ungentlemanly manner with them in the back of an automobile."Sister Perpetua said they were to say, "Stop sir! I am a Temple of the Holy Ghost!" and that would put an end to it. The child sat up off the floor with a blank face. She didn"t see anything so funny in this. What was really funny was the idea of Mr. Cheatam or Alonzo Myers beauing them around. That killed her.
Her mother didn"t laugh at what they had said. "I think you girls are pretty silly," she said. "After all, that"s what you are-Temples of the Holy Ghost."
The two of them looked up at her, politely concealing their giggles, but with astonished faces as if they were beginning to realize that she was made of the same stuff as Sister Perpetua, Miss Kirby preserved her set expression and the child thought, it"s all over her head anyhow. I am a Temple of the Holy Ghost, she said to herself, and was pleased with the phrase. It made her feel as if somebody had given her a present.
After dinner, her mother collapsed on the bed and said, "Those girls are going to drive me crazy if I don"t get some entertainment for them. They"re awful."
"I bet I know who you could get," the child started.
"Now listen. I don"t want to hear any more about Mr. Cheatam," her mother said. "You embarra.s.s Miss Kirby. He"s her only friend.
Oh my Lord," and she sat up and looked mournfully out the window, "that poor soul is so lonesome she"ll even ride in that car that smells like the last circle in h.e.l.l."
And she"s a Temple of the Holy Ghost too, the child reflected."I wasn"t thinking of him," she said. "I was thinking of those two Wilkinses, Wendell and Cory, that visit old lady Buchcll out on her farm. They"re her grandsons. They work for her."
"Now that"s an idea," her mother murmured and gave her an appreciative look. But then she slumped again. "They"re only farm boys. These girls would turn up their noses at them."
"Huh," the child said. "They wear pants. They"re sixteen and they got a car. Somebody said they were both going to be Church of G.o.d preachers because you don"t have to know nothing to be one."
"They would be perfectly safe with those boys allright," her mother said and in a minute she got up and called their grandmother on the telephone and after she had talked t< the="" old="" woman="" a="" half="" an="" hour,="" it="" was="" arranged="" that="" wendell="" and="" cory="" would="" come="" to="" supper="" and="" afterwards="" take="" the="" girls="" to="" the="">
Susan and Joanne were so pleased that they washed their hair and rolled it up on aluminum curlers. Hah, thought, he child, sitting crosslegged on the bed to watch them undo the curlers, wait"ll you get a load of Wendell and Cory! "You"ll like these boys." she said."Wendell is six feet tall and got red hair. Cory is six feet six inches tails got black hair and wears a sport jacket and they gottem this car with a squirrel tail on the front."
"How does a child like you know so much; about these men?"Susan asked and pushed her face up close to the mirror to watch the pupils in her eyes dilate.
The child lay back on the bed and began to count the narrow boards in the ceiling until she lost her place. I know them all right, she said to someone. We fought in the world war together.
They were under me and I saved them five times from j.a.panese suicide divers and Wendell said I am going to marry that kid and the other said oh no you ain"t I am and I said neither one of you is because I will court marshall you all before you can bat an eye."I"ve seen them around is all," she said.
When they came the girls stared at them a second and then began to giggle and talk to each other about the convent. They sat in the swing together and Wendell and Cory sat on the banisters together. They sat like monkeys, their knees on a level with their shoulders and their arms hanging down between. They were short thin boys with red faces and high cheekbones and pale seed-like eyes. They had brought a harmonica and a guitar. One of them began to blow softly on the mouth organ, watching the girls over it, and the other started strumming the guitar and then began to sing, not watching them but keeping his head tilted upward as if he were only interested in hearing himself. He was singing a hillbilly song that sounded half like a love song and half like a hymn.
The child was standing on a barrel pushed into some bushes at the side of the house, her face on a level with the porch floor. The sun was going down and the sky was turning a bruised violet color that seemed to be connected with the sweet mournful sound of the music. Wendell began to smile as he sang and to look at the girls.He looked at Susan with a dog-like loving look and sang,
"I"ve found a friend in Jesus, He"s everything to me, He"s the lily of the valley, He"s the One who"s set me free!"
Then he turned the same look on Joanne and sang
"A wall of fire about me, I"ve nothing now to fear, He"s the My of the valley, And I"ll always have Him near!"
The girls looked at each other and held their lips stiff so as not to giggle but Susan let out one anyway and clapped her hand on her mouth. The singer frowned and for a few seconds only strummed the guitar. Then he began "The Old Rugged Cross" and they listened politely but when he had finished they said, "Let us sing one!" and before he could start another, they began to sing with their convent-trained voices,
"Tantum ergo Sacramentum Veneremur Cernui: Et antiquum doc.u.mentum Novo cedat ritui:"
The child watched the boys" solemn faces turn with perplexed frowning stares at each other as if they were uncertain whether they were being made fun of.
"Praestct fides supplementum Sensuum defectui.
Genitori, Genitoque Laus et jubilatio
Salus, honor, virtus quoque..."
The boys" faces were dark red in the gray-purple light. They looked fierce and startled.
"Sit et benedictio; Procedenti ab utroque Compar sit laudatio.
Amen."
The girls dragged out the Amen and then there was a silence.
"That must be Jew singing," Wendell said and began to tune the guitar.
The girls giggled idiotically but the child stamped her foot on the barrel. "You big dumb ox!" she shouted. "You big dumb Church of G.o.d ox!" she roared and fell off the barrel and scrambled up and shot around the corner of the house as they jumped from the banister to see who was shouting.
Her mother had arranged for them to have supper in the back yard and she had a table laid out there under some j.a.panese lanterns that she pulled out for garden parties. "I ain"t eating with them," the child said and s.n.a.t.c.hed her plate off the table and carried it to the kitchen and sat down with the thin blue-gummed cook and ate her supper.
"Howcome you be so ugly sometime?" the cook asked.
"Those stupid idiots," the child said.
The lanterns gilded the leaves of the trees orange on the level where they hung and above them was black-green and below them were different dim muted colors that made the girls sitting at the table look prettier than they were. From time to time, the child turned her head and glared out the kitchen window at the scene below.
"G.o.d could strike you deaf dumb and blind," the cook said, "and then you wouldn"t be as smart as you is."
"I would still be smarter than some," the child said.
After supper they left for the fair. She wanted to go to the fair but not with them so even if they had asked her she wouldn"t have gone. She went upstairs and paced the long bedroom with her hands locked together behind her back and her head thrust forward and an expression, fierce and dreamy both, on her face.She didn"t turn on the electric light but let the darkness collect and make the room smaller and more private. At regular intervals a light crossed the open window and threw shadows on the wall. She stopped and stood looking out over the dark slopes, past where the pond glinted silver, past the wall of woods to the speckled sky where a long finger of light was revolving up and around and away, searching the air as if it were hunting for the lost sun. It was the beacon light from the fair.
She could hear the distant sound of the calliope and she saw in her head all the tents raised up in a kind of gold sawdust light and the diamond ring of the ferris wheel going around and around up in the air and down again and the screeking merry-go-round going around and around on the ground. A fair lasted five or six days and there was a special afternoon for school children and a special night for n.i.g.g.e.rs. She had gone last year on the afternoon for school children and had seen the monkeys and the fat man and had ridden on the ferris wheel. Certain tents were closed then because they contained things that would be known only to grown people but she had looked with interest at the advertising on the closed tents, at the faded-looking pictures on the canvas of people in tights, with stiff stretched composed faces like the faces of the martyrs waiting to have their tongues cut out by the Roman soldier.She had imagined that what was inside these tents concerned medicine and she had made up her mind to be a doctor when she grew up.
She had since changed and decided to be an engineer but as she looked out the window and followed the revolving searchlight as it widened and shortened and wheeled in its are, she felt that she would have to be much more than just a doctor or an engineer.She would have to be a saint because that was the occupation that included everything you could know; and yet she knew she would never be a saint. She did not steal or murder but she was a born liar and slothful and she sa.s.sed her mother and was deliberately ugly to almost everybody. She was eaten up also with the sin of Pride, the worst one. She made fun of the Baptist preacher who came to the school at commencement to give the devotional. She would pull down her mouth and hold her forehead as if she were in agony and groan, "Fawther, we thank Thee," exactly the way he did and she had been told many times not to do it. She could never be a saint, but she thought she could be a martyr if they killed her quick.
She could stand to be shot but not to be burned in oil. She didn"t know if she could stand to be torn to pieces by lions or not. She began to prepare her martyrdom, seeing herself in a pair of tights in a great arena, lit by the early Christians hanging in cages of fire, making a gold dusty light that fell on her and the lions. The first lion charged forward and fell at her feet, converted. A whole series of lions did the same. The lions liked her so much she even slept with them and finally the Romans were obliged to burn her but to their astonishment she would not burn down and finding she was so hard to kill, they finally cut off her heal very quickly with a sword and she went immediately to heaven. She rehea.r.s.ed this several times, returning each time at the entrance of Paradise to the lions.
Finally she got up from the window and got ready for bed and got in without saying her prayers. There were two heavy double beds in the room. The girls were occupying the other one and she tried to think of something cold and clammy that she could hide in their bed but her thought was fruitless. She didn"t have anything she could think of, like a chicken carca.s.s or a piece of beef liver.The sound of the calliope coming through the window kept her awake and she remembered that she hadn"t said her prayers and got up and knelt down and began them. She took a running start and went through to the other side of the Apostle"s Creed and then hung by her chin on the side of the bed, empty-minded. Her prayers, when she remembered to say them, were usually perfunctory but sometimes when she had done something wrong or heard music or lost something, or sometimes for no reason at all, she would be moved to fervor and would think of Christ on the long journey to Calvary, crushed three times on the rough cross. Her mind would stay on this a while and then get empty and when something roused her, she would find that she was thinking of a different thing entirely, of some dog or some girl or something she was going to do some day. Tonight, remembering Wendell and Cory, she was filled with thanksgiving and almost weeping with delight, she said, "Lord, Lord, thank You that I"m not in the Church of G.o.d, thank You Lord, thank You!" and got back in bed and kept repeating it until she went to sleep.
The girls came in at a quarter to twelve and waked her up with their giggling. They turned on the small blue-shaded lamp to see to get undressed by and their skinny shadows climbed up the wall and broke and continued moving about softly on the ceiling. The child sat up to hear what all they had seen at the fair. Susan had a plastic pistol full of cheap candy and Joanne a pasteboard cat with red polka dots on it. "Did you see the monkeys dance?" the child asked. "Did you see that fat man and those midgets?"
"All kinds of freaks," Joanne said. And then she said to Susan, "I enjoyed it all but the you-know-what," and her face a.s.sumed a peculiar expression as if she had bit into something that she didn"t know if she liked or not.
The other stood still and shook her head once and nodded slightly at the child. "Little pitchers," she said in a low voice but the child heard it and her heart began to beat very fast.
She got out of her bed and climbed onto the footboard of theirs.
They turned off the light and got in but she didn"t move. She sat there, looking hard at them until their faces were well defined the dark. "I"m not as old as you all," she said, "but I"m about million times smarter."
"There are some things," Susan said, "that a child of your age doesn"t know," and they both began to giggle.
"Go back to your own bed," Joanne said.
The child didn"t move. "One time," she said, her voice hollow sounding in the dark, "I saw this rabbit have rabbits."
There was a silence. Then Susan said, "How?" in an indifferent tone and she knew that she had them. She said she wouldn"t tell until they told about the you-know-what. Actually she had never seen a rabbit have rabbits but she forgot this as they began to tell what they had seen in the tent.
It had been a freak with a particular name but they couldn"t remember the name. The tent where it was had been divided into two parts by a black curtain, one side for men and one for women.The freak went from one side to the other, talking first to the men and then to the women, but everyone could hear. The stage ran all the way across the front. The girls heard the freak say to the men, "I"m going to show you this and if you laugh, G.o.d may strike you the same way." The freak had a country voice, slow and nasal and neither high nor low, just flat. "G.o.d made me thisaway and if you laugh He may strike you the same way. This is the way He wanted me to be and I ain"t disputing HIS way. I"m showing you because I got to make the best of it. I expect you to act like ladies and gentlemen. I never done it to myself nor had a thing to do with it but I"m making the best of it. I don"t dispute hit." Then there was a long silence on the other side of the tent and finally the freak left the men and came over onto the women"s side and said the same thing.
The child felt every muscle strained as if she were hearing the answer to a riddle that was more puzzling than the riddle itself."You mean it had two heads?" she said.
"No," Susan said, "it was a man and woman both. It pulled up its dress and showed us. It had on a blue dress."
The child wanted to ask how it could be a man and woman both without two heads but she did not. She wanted to get back into her own bed and think it out and she began to climb down off the footboard.
"What about the rabbit?" Joanne asked.
The child stopped and only her be: appeared, over the footboard, abstracted, absent. "It spit them out of its mouth." she said, "six of them."
She lay in bed trying to picture the tent with the freak walking from side to side but she was too sleepy to figure it out. She was better able to see the faces of the country people watching, the men more solemn than they were in church, and the women stern and polite, with painted-looking eyes, standing as if they were waiting for the first note of the piano to begin the hymn. She could hear the freak saying, "G.o.d made me thisaway and I don"t dispute hit," and the people saying, "Amen. Amen."
"G.o.d done this to me and I praise Him."
"Amen. Amen."
"He could strike you this away."
"Amen. Amen."
"But he has not,"
"Amen."
"Raise yourself up. A temple of tile Holy Ghost. You! You are G.o.d"s temple, don"t you know? Don"t you know? G.o.d"s Spirit has a dwelling in you, don"t you know?"
"Amen. Amen."
"If anybody desecrates the temple Of G.o.d, G.o.d will bring him to ruin and if you laugh, He may strike you thisaway. A temple of G.o.d is a holy thing. Amen. Amen."
"I am a temple of the Holy Ghost."
"Amen."
The people began to slap their hands without making a loud noise and with a regular beat between the Amens, more and more softly, as if they knew there was a child near, half asleep.
The next afternoon the girls put on their brown convent uniforms again and the child and her mot her took them back to Mount St. Scholastica. "Oh glory, oh Pete!" they said. "Back to the salt mines." Alonzo Myers drove them and the child sat in front with him and her mother sat in back between the two girls, telling them such things as how pleased she was to have had them and how they must come back again and then about the good times she and their mothers had had when they were girls at the convent. The child didn"t listen to any of this twaddle but kept as close to the locked door as she could get and held her head out the window.They had thought Alonzo would smell better on Sunday but he did not. With her hair blowing over her face she could look directly into the ivory sun which was framed in the middle of the blue afternoon but when she pulled it away from her eyes she had to squint.
Mount St. Scholastica was a red brick house set back in a garden in the center of town. There was a filling station on one side of and a firehouse on the other. It had a high black grillework fence around it and narrow bricked walks between old trees and j.a.ponica bushes that were heavy with blooms. A big moon-faced nun came bustling to the door to let them in and embraced her mother and would have done the same to her but that she stuck out her hand and preserved a frigid frown, looking just past the sister"s shoes at the wainscoting. They had a tendency to kiss even homely children, but the nun shook her hand vigorously and even cracked her knuckles a little and said she must come to the chapel, that benediction was just beginning. You put your foot in their door and they got you praying, the child thought as they hurried down the polished corridor.