Author"s Note (Kita Yudzuru-Sensei): Thank you to the more than 500 people who bookmarked Yandere Servant on Ncode! I was so happy being able to read your thoughts on the story so far. I think it might have been a little all over the place, but I hope you will continue to read it and enjoy the story!
T/N: Want to be one of those people sharing their happy feelings for this story? I wrote an article on how to sign up for Ncode if you are interested. I am willing to do my best to translate your thoughts if you want ?
Also, I want to say a special thank you to Cal who actually did send me COOKIE MONEY!! I got E.L. Fudge and they were delicious. Thank you!!
Because We Fought, I Cut My Hair
Lately, my servant has been acting distant.
“You"ve changed, Ashley.”
“And you"re lacking in common sense, Ojousama.”
With a deeply troubled look on his face, Ashley heaves a huge, exaggerated sigh.
“Exactly how old will you be this year?”
“Ashley, you meanie. Have you seriously forgotten my age? I"ve never forgotten yours.”
“Won"t you please have a little more self-awareness? You"re already twelve years old. I"ll be very troubled if you continue to act so childishly.”
Ashley started going through p.u.b.erty once he turned ten. Isn"t that a little fast? I had wanted him to stay cute until at least 15! And ever since then, these sorts of conversations had been commonplace between us.
Over these last few months, his voice has started to change and he has grown taller than me. Even though in the game he was sensitive about being short, since he"s the shortest Capture Target and all, he is already average height, if not a few inches taller. Rather, it"s the other Capture Targets that were too tall.
“But a twelve-year-old is still a child? And besides, think of all the things that you can only do when you"re a kid. There"s so many things we still need to try before growing up!”
“Speaking of being twelve, that means there"s only three years left before entering the academy. That"s the first step in becoming an adult, you know.”
“That means there"s still a whole three years before then! Right? So let"s sleep together.”
“There"s only three years,” Ashley repeats with a look of scorn in his eyes that clearly says he"s looking down on me. If anyone else saw this, they would never think that he"s my servant or that I"m his master. Looking down on someone is already considered quite disrespectful, but those eyes are something else entirely.
“But…….”
“I appreciate the fact that you are worrying about me. But I"m fine. You"ve already healed enough of my wounds.”
Today is the anniversary for Ashley"s parents" deaths. On the first anniversary, Ashley suffered from nightmares, so after that, every year on this day, I suggested that we should sleep together. It seemed like the perfect solution, since this allowed me to distract him a bit.
“Besides, if I were to sleep on the same bed as you, even if I won"t have bad dreams, I"ll be troubled by lack of sleep instead.”
“Huh? What?”
“Nothing.”
I"ve already walked all the way to Ashley"s room, pillow in hand, so I can"t just go back now.
“You"ve been so distant recently, Ashley.”
“Only the appropriate amount, as befits our age.”
“Please~”
“Don"t think that you can just say ‘please" whenever you want and things will just go your way. I don"t want to hurt you, but even I don"t know what I might do if you keep acting so defenselessly.”
Why would a death flag suddenly appear now of all times?
“What? Ashley, you might hurt me?”
“Well, I am a man, you know…”
“You should apologize to all the men in the world. If everyone committed criminal acts just because they were male, this world would already be in ruins. What do you think it would be like if, just because you were a man, you would have to become a murderer?”
“I"m not really talking about killing anyone, first of all. Second of all, I feel like there seems to be some sort of huge misunderstanding somewhere, but whatever.”
At this moment Ashley lets his guard down. He is staring off into s.p.a.ce with this dead look in his eyes, so I see my only chance. I quickly climb into his bed.
“Ojousama!”
“To have to go back to my room, pillow obviously in hand, would be disgraceful at this point, Ashley.”
Ashley so rarely raises his voice, I wish I could have recorded it this time. A world without such helpful gadgets really is inconvenient, and I still can"t even use sound preservation magic yet.
“I already knew that you don"t look at me as a member of the opposite s.e.x, but…..”
Saying that, with a resigned look on his face, Ashley also finally climbs into bed…. or starts to. I don"t think he ever finished getting in, actually. He is laying so close to the edge that it looks like he might fall off at any moment.
“You can scoot a little closer to me, you know.”
“I"ll be fighting with my reason from here on out, so please… just leave me be.”
I"m not really sure what he"s talking about, but I"m not a stranger to the word ‘reason". Best not to push him.
“Good night, Ashley. Sweet dreams.”
“Yeah. Thanks. Though there"s no way I"m going to be able to sleep at all tonight.”
＊＊＊
The next thing I know, gravity is waking me up: I spend an uncomfortable moment suspended in the air, and then there is a dull pain spreading throughout my body from my hitting the floor. I had fallen out of bed, or rather, it seems that Ashley kicked me out. So for a moment I just lay on the floor, motionless with shock.
The clock shows it"s currently 10 pm. I never would have thought that I might be so rudely awakened after only an hour of sleep.
“Ashley….”
“Sorry, Ojousama.”
From his answer, it doesn"t seem like he"s still half asleep.
“Did I do something to make you hold some sort of grudge against me?”
“This…. was out of my control…. If anything, your bad sleeping habits are to blame, Ojousama….”
“It seems blatantly obvious to me, that you are the one who kicked me out though….?”
“It might be true that I"m the one who made you fall out….. But it"s your fault for getting so close to me…..”
Even so, did he have to push me off the bed?
“You just got so close…. and at that distance…. your face…. a flowery fragrance….. it was…. nice…. I couldn"t hold myself back any longer….”
He seems to be mumbling about something, but his voice is too low. I can"t make it out.
“…..Ojousama, I"m taking back my apology. In the end, you were the one at fault.”
“How is it my fault!?”
I"m the one who"s in pain, here!
“I didn"t want to sleep together with you in the first place. You completely ignored my warning and disregarded my refusal, so you don"t have the right to complain about this outcome.”
“But did you really need to take back your apology?”
“To apologize even though I did nothing wrong…. Don"t you hate those types of servants, Ojousama?” Ashley asks with an upturned gaze. That phrasing, with that look, isn"t he just too sly? Saying it like that, it feels like he knows how disturbingly good looking he is. Way. Too. Sly.
How many times will I cave just because of this beautiful face?
“And Ojousama, you weren"t the sort of person who preferred to have perfectly obedient servants who are always bowing their heads, right?”
“I mean, that is true but….. But! Isn"t it fine to apologize to someone who you literally kicked onto the floor?”
“If I do, wouldn"t that be like saying that it"s my fault? Ojousama, you aren"t trying to escape all blame with this, are you? After forcing your way into my room, you don"t plan to say even a word of apology?”
“Those are two different things.”
“They"re the same.” He replies instantly, giving me no room for objections, even as he is giving me his hand to pull me back onto the bed. After seeing me comfortable, he then gets out of bed himself. He folds a single sheet in half and lays that on the floor, then grabs a blanket and throws himself down on his new, makeshift bed.
“Don"t tell me you plan to sleep down there.”
“Is there a problem with that?”
“You seriously hate sleeping together with me that much….?”
“That"s not really it….… You really are so frustrating sometimes, Ojousama.”
Seeing me still sitting up in bed, Ashley tells me to lay back down and then promptly burrows into his blanket, wrapping himself up like a burrito.
I continue to stare at him for a moment, but my eyes start to sting so I quickly look away, feeling frustrated. I lie down and stare at the ceiling for a while, trying over and over again to fall asleep, to no avail. I just keep thinking about the fact that I"m up here, stealing Ashley"s bed, while he"s forced to sleep on the floor. I feel like it would be best if I go back to my room, but it"s so late and the mansion"s so dark…. I don"t have the courage to walk through the shadowy halls by myself.
“I"ll sleep down there instead.”
“In what world is there a servant who would make his master sleep on the floor?”
Since he"s right, there"s really nothing I can say in protest.
“Ashley, you"ve been so distant recently.”
“And you"ve been saying that like a broken record recently.”
“Because it"s true! You"ve been acting so coldly towards me. You used to rely on me more…. Even if you were a bit cheeky, even back then.”
While I continue to stare up at the ceiling, I feel a bit lonely. I wonder if this is how a big sister feels when her little brother tries to distance himself from her.
“I"m trying to break away from being a child. It"s time for me to stop relying on you and letting you take care of me. I"m your servant. I"m not the one who should be relying on you: you should be relying on me. It"s my job to be dependable and to protect you.”
“Don"t say such lonely things. I want you to keep being the cute Ashley that depends on me.”
I don"t want him to say things that make it seem like he has to go through everything alone.
Ashley, looking quite dissatisfied by this, didn"t even try to hold back the discontent in his voice this time.
“I"ve been wanting to say this for a while now, but calling me ‘cute" all the time really gets on my nerves. I"m a man you know.”
“That"s because….. That is…. Whenever I look at you, it just ends up slipping out… Sorry.”
“You aren"t understanding me.”
I hear Ashley"s blankets rustle as if he is tossing and turning down on his makeshift bed.
“Ojousama, you are so slow on some things.”
“What sort of things am I slow at!? Be more specific!” I cry, completely offended. But Ashley just heaves a sigh even deeper than his usual one.
“You don"t understand men"s feelings. Or rather, even more than that, you don"t seem to have any sense of danger regarding men. I"m going to say this one more time but, I"m a man, you know?”
“I know. That"s why I sincerely apologized about calling you cute, right?”
“You also don"t know why you were kicked out of the bed, right? You don"t understand what I was trying to say at all…..”
“……….”
“Ojousama?”
“……….”
“Are you asleep…..?”
＊＊＊
Ashley is in a foul mood.
When he woke up this morning, he refused to meet my eyes even when he was greeting me. As he was walking me to my room, he acted so aloofly, he was practically ignoring me. And then, the moment we reached my door, he turned tail and left me standing there alone. This whole day, he didn"t meet my eyes even once.
“Urg! Are you mad at me for something?”
“Not particularly.”
“Then look me in the eye!”
“Is that an order?”
“……..Augh!”
Up until now, I still have never issued him an order. I"ve always managed to find my way around it. It"s been a request or a suggestion or a promise, but never an order. I"ve always left it up to Ashley to make the final decision whether to do or not do something, and it is only in these moments when he asks me this, that I have to resort to try asking him for favors. If I ever were to issue an order, I"m worried that this fragile master/servant relationship that we"ve formed up until now might crumble. That"s why I haven"t done it, not even once.
Ashley also understands this, which is why he says such a thing. But if I don"t make it an order….. If I make it just a request, Ashley would almost certainly refuse, right?
“If I make it an order, would you do it?”
“……….Is that an order?”
“Agh! Just forget it!”
Seeing the tears streaming down my cheeks in large rivulets, Ashley looks startled. Over the past few years we"ve been together, I"ve very rarely ever cried, so seeing me cry now, Ashley is probably feeling quite shaken.
“Cecile-Ojousama.”
“Ugh, I just don"t know anymore!”
Ashley stretches out his hand towards me, but I just turn around and flee. I think of going back to my room, but then I would just feel even more miserable. I also don"t want to just keep wandering around the house and letting everyone see me crying.
The only place I can think of to go is Mother"s room. When I get there, I knock but don"t even wait for a reply before bursting in. Seeing me, Mother"s eyes go wide in surprise.
“What"s wrong, Cecile? What"s made you cry this much?”
Seeing Mother"s concerned face as she beckons me over, it feels like a dam has broken behind my eyes as a fresh wave of tears overcomes me. I throw myself into her waiting arms as I start sobbing.
“Ashley is…. Ashley is being so meeeaaan,” I wail.
I tell her all about how since this morning, he"s been in an awful mood and how, just now, he had been so unkind to me. All the while, Mother just gently strokes my head, quietly listening to me and nodding along.
“Cecile, do you have any idea why he"s acting like this?”
If I said I don"t, that would be a lie. I must have angered him somehow yesterday. Is it because he got sore from sleeping on the floor? Or maybe because I just kept talking and wouldn"t let him sleep? But I couldn"t tell Mother about the fact that I had invaded Ashley"s room last night nor about him having to sleep on the floor. No master would want to admit to such a shameful act.
Seeing me hesitating, Mother seems to realize that the reason is hard for me to talk about, so she just laughs lightly and combs her fingers through my hair.
“If Ashley wasn"t the only one in the wrong, doesn"t that mean that you should apologize, too, Cecile? You don"t want things to stay like this between you two, do you?”
“But I can"t really figure out why he"s mad….. And he"s reeeaaallly mad.”
Thanks to Mother"s caring presence, I am finally calm enough to reflect on just how selfish I had acted towards Ashley.
“If you show him in your own way how sincere you are, I"m sure he"ll forgive you. After all, he is good boy. Isn"t that what you are always telling me, Cecile?”
“Showing sincerity in my own way…..”
What can I do to physically show someone my sincerity? As Mother keeps drawing her fingers through my hair, I suddenly have an epiphany.
“Mother, I got it! I"m gonna go get some scissors!”
As I am trotting out of the room, I hear Mother murmur from behind me, “Scissors…..?” clearly perplexed.
＊＊＊
“Ashley!”
“Ojousama? About before… I"m sor…ry………. Your hair…..!?”
I find Ashley in the library, studying, and when I call out to him he turns around and nearly falls off the chair he"d been sitting on.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“Ojousama, your hair…..!!”
Reaching out to touch my hair, Ashley starts trembling.
“This is what you call a symbol of my sincerity….. In actual fact, I was supposed to shave my head, but in the end, I didn"t have the courage to do it…. Sorry.”
“Sincer…… What did you…. Ojousama"s hair…..”
I had cropped it. My hair, which had been down to my waist before, is now much shorter, just barely reaching my shoulders. Though it wasn"t until I had already finished that I realized that this world had probably never seen a bob before. But, well, what could I do? I realized it too late.
“I hated the idea of things remaining so awkward between us so….. I was hoping that you would forgive me in return for cutting my hair.”
“Because of that you….. your hair….. Ojousama, you sacrificed your beautiful hair for that?”
It is a little out of my expectations that he would look this much like he wants to cry.
“I was the one being so selfish. I just got angry of my own accord because I was forgetting my social standing. The one who should be apologizing is me…. It was vexing, watching you come to sleep in the same room as me without a care in the world….. But I"m just your servant. I shouldn"t be so conscious of you. I shouldn"t be trying to go beyond what my position allows…..”
“So does that mean you aren"t angry anymore? Thank goodness.”
“……Did you even listen to a word I just said?”
“In summarization, you are no longer angry, right?”
“Oh, good grief. Yes. I"m not angry.”
Lightly touching the tip of my hair, Ashley"s shoulders droop almost imperceptibly.
“Your hair……”
“Ashley, now my hair"s shorter than yours, huh?”
“I"ll cut mine too.”
“Worried about it being shorter? Either way, don"t do it. I love your golden hair.”
“Is that a request?”
“Yes, it"s a request.”
Ashley said he understood and wouldn"t do it, but that he had a request in return.
“Please let it grow back out. I also love your hair, Ojousama.”
“Then I guess I could grow it out again.”
And for a while after that, Ashley just continues to play with what"s left of my hair.
T/N: This chapter felt like a more in depth (and slightly different) take on chapter 2.1 of the manga. Maybe I"m biased, but I think I liked this one just a little bit better. Though, I did just read through the manga"s rendition and I feel like they expressed some of the pa.s.sages so elegantly ^.^" It"s not always great to have something to compare your own work too, haha.
Also, I don"t use Machine Translation, but the CAT tool that I use has it built in and I just happened to notice this line and thought it was funny XD If I didn"t know j.a.panese and I got something like this, I don"t know what I would have been able to do with it hahaha.
My slightly uncomfortable translation: I"m trying to break away from being a child. The manga"s nicer translation: I"m trying to outgrow my childishness. Even though I like the manga"s better, I am stubbornly keeping my translation in the end XD