"Yes, I do," she said. But he did not know what she meant, or why she was so pale.
"I think we"ll settle in Portland," he went on. "The travelers" stories say that place, at the head of navigation on the Willamette, has as good a chance as Oregon City, at the Falls. I"ll practice law. The goods I am taking out will net us a good sum, I"m hoping. Oh, you"ll see the day when you"ll not regret that I held you to your promise! I"m not playing this Oregon game to lose it."
"Do you play any game to lose it?"
"No! Better to have than to explain have not--that"s one of my mottoes."
"No matter how?"
"Why do you ask?"
"I was only wondering."
"About what?"
"About men--and the differences."
"My dear, as a school-teacher you have learned to use a map, a blackboard. Do you look on us men as ponderable, measurable, computable?"
"A girl ought to if she"s going to marry."
"Well, haven"t you?"
"Have I?"
She still was staring straight ahead, cold, making no silent call for a lover"s arms or arts. Her silence was so long that at length even his thick hide was pierced.
"Molly!" he broke out. "Listen to me! Do you want the engagement broken?
Do you want to be released?"
"What would they all think?"
"Not the question. Answer me!"
"No, I don"t want it broken. I want it over with. Isn"t that fair?"
"Is it?"
"Didn"t you say you wanted me on any terms?"
"Surely!"
"Don"t you now?"
"Yes, I do, and I"m going to have you, too!"
His eye, covetous, turned to the ripe young beauty of the maid beside him. He was willing to pay any price.
"Then it all seems settled."
"All but one part. You"ve never really and actually told me you loved me."
A wry smile.
"I"m planning to do that after I marry you. I suppose that"s the tendency of a woman? Of course, it can"t be true that only one man will do for a woman to marry, or one woman for a man? If anything went wrong on that basis--why, marrying would stop? That would be foolish, wouldn"t it? I suppose women do adjust? Don"t you think so?"
His face grew hard under this cool reasoning.
"Am I to understand that you are marrying me as a second choice, and so that you can forget some other man?"
"Couldn"t you leave a girl a secret if she had one? Couldn"t you be happier if you did? Couldn"t you take your chance and see if there"s anything under the notion about more than one man and more than one woman in the world? Love? Why, what is love? Something to marry on? They say it pa.s.ses. They tell me that marriage is more adjustable, means more interests than love; that the woman who marries with her eyes open is apt to be the happiest in the long run. Well, then you said you wanted me on any terms. Does not that include open eyes?"
"You"re making a hard bargain--the hardest a man can be obliged to take."
"It was not of my seeking."
"You said you loved me--at first."
"No. Only a girl"s in love with love--at first. I"ve not really lied to you. I"m trying to be honest before marriage. Don"t fear I"ll not be afterward. There"s much in that, don"t you think? Maybe there"s something, too, in a woman"s ability to adjust and compromise? I don"t know. We ought to be as happy as the average married couple, don"t you think? None of them are happy for so very long, they say. They say love doesn"t last long. I hope not. One thing, I believe marriage is easier to beat than love is."
"How old are you, really, Molly?"
"I am just over nineteen, sir."
"You are wise for that; you are old."
"Yes--since we started for Oregon."
He sat in sullen silence for a long time, all the venom of his nature gathering, all his savage jealousy.
"You mean since you met that renegade, traitor and thief, Will Banion!
Tell me, isn"t that it?"
"Yes, that"s true. I"m older now. I know more."
"And you"ll marry me without love. You love him without marriage? Is that it?"
"I"ll never marry a thief."
"But you love one?"
"I thought I loved you."
"But you do love him, that man!"
Now at last she turned to him, gazing straight through the mist of her tears.
"Sam, if you really loved me, would you ask that? Wouldn"t you just try to be so gentle and good that there"d no longer be any place in my heart for any other sort of love, so I"d learn to think that our love was the only sort in the world? Wouldn"t you take your chance and make good on it, believing that it must be in nature that a woman can love more than one man, or love men in more than one way? Isn"t marriage broader and with more chance for both? If you love me and not just yourself alone, can"t you take your chance as I am taking mine? And after all, doesn"t a woman give the odds? If you do love, me--"