"That is less than you ask of--others." And she turned to continue her way.
"Is there anything wrong, Geraldine?" he asked, detaining her.
"Is there?" she replied, shaking off his hand from her arm.
"Not as far as I"m concerned."
"Can"t you even tell the truth?" she asked with a desperate attempt to laugh.
"Wait a minute," he said. "Evidently something has gone all wrong----"
"Several things, my solicitous friend; I for one, you for another. Count the rest for yourself."
"What has happened to you, Geraldine?"
"What has always threatened."
"Will you tell me?"
"No, I will not. So don"t try to look concerned and interested in a matter that regards me alone."
"But what is it that has always threatened you?" he insisted gently, coming nearer--too near to suit her, for she backed away toward the high latticed window through which the sun poured over the geraniums on the sill. There was a seat under it. Suddenly her knees threatened to give way under her; she swayed slightly as she seated herself; a wave of angry pain swept through her setting lids and lips trembling.
"Now I want you to tell me what it is that you believe has always threatened you."
"Do you think I"d tell you?" she managed to say. Then her self-possession returned in a flash of exasperation, but she controlled that, too, and laughed defiantly, confronting him with pretty, insolent face uptilted.
"What do you want to know about me? That I"m in the way of being ultimately d.a.m.ned like all the rest of you?" she said. "Well, I am. I"m taking chances. Some people take their chances in one way--like you and Rosalie; some take them in another--as I do.... Once I was afraid to take any; now I"m not. Who was it said that self-control is only immorality afraid?"
"Will you tell me what is worrying you?" he persisted.
"No, but I"ll tell you what annoys me if you like."
"What?"
"Fear of notoriety."
"Notoriety?"
"Certainly--not for myself--for my house."
"Is anybody likely to make it notorious?" he demanded, colouring up.
"Ask yourself.... I haven"t the slightest interest in your personal conduct"--there was a catch in her voice--"except when it threatens to besmirch my own home."
The painful colour gathered and settled under his cheek-bones.
"Do you wish me to leave?"
"Yes, I do. But you can"t without others knowing how and why."
"Oh, yes, I can----"
"You are mistaken. I tell you _others_ will know. Some do know already.
And I don"t propose to figure with a flaming sword. Kindly remain in your Eden until it"s time to leave--with Eve."
"Just as you wish," he said, smiling; and that infuriated her.
"It ought to be as I wish! That much is due me, I think. Have you anything further to ask, or is your curiosity satisfied?"
"Not yet. You say that you think something threatens you? What is it?"
"Not what threatens _you_," she said in contempt.
"That is no answer."
"It is enough for you to know."
He looked her hard in the eyes. "Perhaps," he said in a low voice, "I know more about you than you imagine I do, Geraldine--_since last April_."
She felt the blood leave her face, the tension crisping her muscles; she sat up very straight and slender among the cushions and defied him.
"What do you--think you know?" she tried to sneer, but her voice shook and failed.
He said: "I"ll tell you. For one thing, you"re playing fast and loose with Dysart. He"s a safe enough proposition--but what is that sort of thing going to arouse in you?"
"What do you mean?" Her voice cleared with an immense relief. He noted it.
"It"s making you tolerant," he said quietly, "familiar with subtleties, contemptuous of standards. It"s rubbing the bloom off you. You let a man who is married come too close to you--you betray enough curiosity concerning him to do it. A drifting woman does that sort of thing, but why do you cut your cables? Good Lord, Geraldine, it"s a fool business--permitting a man an intimacy----"
"More harmless than his wife permits you!" she retorted.
"That is not true."
"You are supposed to lie about such things, aren"t you?" she said, reddening to the temples. "Oh, I am learning your rotten code, you see--the code of all these amiable people about me. You"ve done your part to instruct me that promiscuous caresses are men"s distraction from ennui; Rosalie evidently is in sympathy with that form of amus.e.m.e.nt--many men and women among whom I live in town seem to be quite as casual as you are.... I did have standards once, scarcely knowing what they meant; I clung to them out of instinct. And when I went out into the world I found n.o.body paying any attention to them."
"You are wrong."
"No, I"m not. I go among people and see every standard I set up, ignored. I go to the theatre and see plays that embody everything I supposed was unthinkable, let alone unutterable. But the actors utter everything, and the audience thinks everything--and sometimes laughs. I can"t do that--yet. But I"m progressing."
"Geraldine----"
"Wait!... My friends have taught me a great deal during this last year--by word, precept, and example. Things I held in horror n.o.body notices enough to condone. Take treachery, for example. The marital variety is all around me. Who cares, or is even curious after an hour"s gossip has made it stale news? A divorce here, a divorce there--some slight curiosity to see who the victims may marry next time--that curiosity satisfied--and so is everybody. And they go back to their business of money-getting and money-spending--and that"s what my friends have taught me. Can you wonder that my familiarity with it all breeds contempt enough to seek almost any amus.e.m.e.nt in sheer desperation--as you do?"
"I have only one amus.e.m.e.nt," he said.
"What?"
"Painting."