"No."
"But you do. Every time you allow others to stand in my place on the patrols. Every time you a.s.sign your men to shelter me."
"I don"t want to risk you unnecessarily."
"Life is risk," said Nettle. "I am now a man of our Clan, a man of my father"s house. And I want to protect my sisters. My mother. I want to protect my friends. Would you prevent me? Would you tell me I am not worthy?"
"Son, you"re worthy." He was more than worthy. He was precious. He was a prize that Argoth did not want to part with.
"Then pick me up, father. Let me be your weapon. Let me be your sword."
Argoth looked at Nettle, the desire burning in his eyes.
"And if this takes part of my soul," Nettle continued, "we will count it no less an honor than if I had lost an arm or a leg in battle."
Such a son! But Argoth shook his head. "I can"t."
"If you did, would you be able to save Mother? Would you be able to save Serenity and Grace? Little Joy?"
If he took the Fire, he could spring the Skir Master"s trap. The odds were long, but there was the smallest of chances. "There"s no guarantee."
"There are never any guarantees, Da."
This would put his family at such great risk. But they were already at risk. They were already targets. He could kill them all tonight. Or he could fight and try to save them. If he failed, their deaths would not be easy. But if he succeeded-if he succeeded, he would save not only his family but the lives of many others. The Divines stole so much. They made so many people suffer. And he"d been wrong: Serah did have a chance to escape. Someone would surely follow her, but it would be some Fir-Noy, not a dreadman.
He looked down at Nettle. He didn"t have to draw all his Fire. He didn"t have to kill him. He knew of no lore that could return the soul once it had been taken. They"d hoped such things would be contained in the Book of Hismayas, but he could not make this decision based on a wild hope of opening that tome. If Nettle sacrificed himself, there would be no restoration.
Argoth found tears in his eyes. Nettle reminded him so much of Ummon, his son of so long ago. His son who had ridden out and never come back. His son whom he had risked unnecessarily. Argoth wished this crisis had come upon them six months later. By then he would have brought Nettle into the Order, and Nettle would have been able to give him his Fire. But Argoth knew that was a lie. He wouldn"t have brought Nettle into the Order. He"d pushed the testing off for more than two years now. He would have waited another year. They would have been in the same position they were now.
"Pick me up, father. Let me stand at your side. Let me be a man and fight for what is ours."
Yes, Argoth thought. they should not falter in the moment of crisis. The Divines were no better than soul-eaters. And was he not a Root of the Order of Hismayas? An Order established by the Creators themselves to bring humankind back into the light, to restore that which was lost.
He looked at his son with new eyes. Nettle was a man. It was time to let Nettle stand at his side as what he was, to treat him as Argoth would any other man.
"I will pick you up," said Argoth. "You will stand at my side. And together we shall smite the enemy."
He reached out and took his boy in his arms and hugged him tightly, hugged him for what would be the very last time because if he did survive, if he came back from this battle, the Nettle he knew very well might be gone.
Argoth left Nettle in the secret room and went to the kitchen and put a pot of water over the fire to boil. He listened to the sounds of his family sleeping upstairs and a memory of Nettle as a little boy pushed its way into his mind. Years ago, he and Serah stood to the side of the kitchen window spying on Nettle playing with Grace and Joy. Each child had a number of Nettle"s new, brightly-painted wooden animals. The animals mustered a defense against raiders in the flower pots. When the waves of Bone Faces had all been tromped, gnashed, and thrown in the privy, Nettle"s pig said, "Want to roll in the mud?"
"A triumph celebration," said Grace"s horse. Soon all the bright animals and the children were covered with mud. The children had played until dark fell, and Argoth and Serah had been content just to watch.
Tonight that little boy had shown his mettle. And Argoth, for all intents and purposes, was going to have to kill him.
Kill his own son.
But maybe not forever. His heart swelled within him, and then the water began to steam.
He swung the pot off the fire. He poured steaming water into a teapot, brought a pitcher for himself, fetched a cheesecloth teabag, and returned to the hidden cellar to make a wizardsmeet tea.
A fire burned in the hearth of the underground room. Nettle stood at the case examining a rough necklace.
"That is your great, great, great grandfather"s weave," said Argoth. "A thrall that we will use upon the Skir Master."
He took a porcelain crock on the shelf and placed it on the table. He unstopped the crock, removed a pinch of the small wizardsmeet leaves, measured a small amount into the cup of his palm, then put the rest back.
"Wizardsmeet has a stench that makes many gag. And not only does it smell, but it will leave a taste in your mouth that will take a day to fade. But you need this, for your first response will be to fight me."
Nettle picked up the cup. "How old are you?"
"I am in my ninety-sixth year," said Argoth.
Nettle"s mouth hung open in shock.
"n.o.body here knows because we emigrated from the old lands. Back there, before I joined the Order, I did what the Divines do-consumed Fire harvested from others to renew my body and extend my days. I was more than eighty when I joined the Order and swore to live by the Fire I possessed or that which was freely given."
"Then I have brothers who could be my father."
"No," said Argoth, and he did not expect it to hurt so much to remember. "They were all murdered. But that"s another story." He motioned at the cup. "It doesn"t need to steep long. You can drink it now."
Nettle drank it with a grimace. Then he handed the cup back. Argoth took the cup and set it aside. It would take a few minutes for the herb to work.
Argoth motioned for Nettle to take the other end of the table, and they moved it close to the hearth. "Take off your tunic, then lie here." He went to the case and retrieved the draw collar, tongue, filtering rod, and stomach. "You"re going to feel a relaxing comfort come upon you. Next, you"ll find you can"t move, not without great effort. Do not panic."
Arogth laid the harvesting weaves onto the table beside Nettle. He covered Nettle"s lower torso with his tunic, leaving his chest bared. Argoth picked up the draw collar. "Do you know why weaves are so often made of gold?"
"Because it"s a n.o.ble metal?"
"Yes, but why is it n.o.ble?"
Nettle shrugged.
"You can make a fine, powerful weave out of willow. In fact, in some ways it"s better than gold, but only if the branches are still green. Still, over time it begins to leak. Gold, on the other hand, holds it tight as a drum. Gold can also be wrought into many shapes. You can pattern a weave with Gold wire that"s impossible with plant materials or harder metals. Now I want you to look at this"-he held up the collar-"Such things are woven by Kains. And they would have you believe only they possess the secrets. But you see here that it is a lie."
He paused. This was the moment where his words became deeds. One last time he considered giving up and killing them all with a quick poison. But he looked at Nettle again. He thought about the girls and their eventual children. He thought upon grandchildren and great grandchildren. Sometimes the choices of one father or mother affected generations. Nettle"s might be the sacrifice that opened the way to thousands throwing off the yokes of the Divines.
And if he and Nettle failed? Then they went down fighting.
"You," said Argoth, "are a lodestar shining in our bright heaven." He loved him, loved him with all his heart.
He lifted Nettle"s head and placed the collar around his neck. Into a lock on the collar he fitted the end of the rod of pine.
"The collar is woven to draw the Fire forth. The rod will catch your soul. But we shall not burn it as the Divines do. No, we shall keep it as the testament of your sacrifice. We shall keep it in hopes of restoring you one day."
He stroked Nettle"s hair. "Can you move your arm?"
Nettle just looked up at him. The wizardsmeet was taking effect.
"In reality any wood might do as a filter. But it was found long ago that pine held onto soul better than any other wood. I will not suffer one particle of you to be lost. The varnish adds a layer of protection."
Argoth picked up the tongue. He inserted one end into the pine rod, the other fitted into the stomach, a weave of gold, shaped like a grip.
Collar, filter, tongue, stomach-all was ready. It was said that those who stole Fire opened themselves up to invisible influences from the unseen world. Evil Skir or even Regret himself. Perhaps what Argoth did now was evil, but the cause was just.
"The collar will grow cold," he said. "Very cold. Can you blink?"
Nettle did nothing at first, but then he blinked once very slowly.
"I"m going to begin," said Argoth. "We should have heated blankets, but that cannot be helped. I"ll just have to keep the hearth stoked."
He hesitated. Nettle looked up at him with such serenity. He knew it was from the wizardsmeet, but he couldn"t help but see the trust in his gaze. "I"m proud of you, son. I will not disappoint you."
He took a breath, and the whole world seemed to hang on that moment, and then he began to sing the ancient forms.
After a time a grayness seeped into the collar like a thin wash of paint. Argoth continued singing, and the grayness slowly darkened and turned black.
Minutes sped by and the blackness entered the filter and slowly rose up toward the stomach.
Without tasting the Fire, there was no way to tell if it was polluted with soul. But this unused filter had been cut from a thick, long branch. It was three feet long, more than enough for the souls of a dozen men.
He continued to sing and soon was sweating with the effort. Water condensed on the collar and rod, then the tongue. He threw more wood on the fire, and continued. The fire grew, but the water did not evaporate. Despite his efforts, a fine frost began to form along the collar.
He continued to feed the fire and sing. An hour pa.s.sed. He was drenched with sweat, his voice hoa.r.s.e. He stopped to take a long drink.
Argoth smoothed Nettle"s hair back. Tears sprang to his eyes again, tears full of sorrow and pride. "We"re halfway there, son. You"re doing fine." He raised the pitcher for another drink, then set it down, and continued.
The Fire flowed up the rod into the stomach. He lost track of time, but estimated he was taking not mere days, but years. The frost spread from collar to the rod, then extended up Nettle"s neck and down his chest. Argoth took off his tunic and spread it over Nettle"s chest, hoping to warm him. Then he started again.
It was so much, but he had to both quicken the thrall and take enough for himself.
A tear ran down the side of Nettle"s face. Argoth pulled back his tunic and touched the collar. The tip of his finger froze to it.
He winced. So much. Too much. The frosted skin would die and leave a scar. He was sorry, so sorry, but he couldn"t stop yet; he didn"t have enough. "Just a little more," he said and began to sing again.
A soft moan escaped Nettle"s lips. Pain wrenched his face, and then he raised his hand, the one with the clan wrist, and grasped the filtering rod.
The wizardsmeet was wearing off.
Argoth felt Nettle"s wrist and sought to gauge how much Fire was left in his boy.
Enough to continue, but less than he"d thought. He"d drained so many of Nettle"s days away. But if he didn"t get enough the weave would never quicken and it would all be for naught. He saw the pleading in his son"s eyes.
"Courage," he said. He could not stop now. To do so would be to waste all that Nettle had given. He gently pried Nettle"s fingers off the rod, and began again to sing.
Nettle tensed; his back arched.
Argoth chanted, grief welling up inside him. Perhaps they should have just run, the whole family. But he ground that idea into the dirt like he would a spider. He"d made his decision. He would see it through. Second-guessing, and questioning would only poison his resolve.
He continued to pull, watching his son"s slow writhe.
Then Nettle spoke one word in a broken voice. "Father."
Argoth closed his eyes. "Lords," he said. "Forgive me." He could not continue. He would have to succeed or fail with what he had.
"It is at an end," he said, his voice faltering with emotion. "We"re done. Your test is past."
He quickly removed the rod from the collar and began to chant the form of emptiness, and the blackness in the rod quickly leached up into the stomach. When he could see no blackness in the tongue or rod, he set the rod, tongue, and stomach aside.
Nettle lay upon the table laboring to breathe, then his breathing calmed, and he fell asleep.
Sometimes people died during the rite, but if they made it to this point, they usually lived. Argoth left the collar around Nettle"s neck. It was still black, but if he left it there, the body would quickly draw back any remaining soul captured within.
Argoth"s mouth tasted like a bitter cuc.u.mber, a side effect he"d forgotten about. He put his hands to Nettle"s chest, trying to warm it, then added more wood to the fire. When he"d finally cleared the frost, he saw the skin underneath was dead and white, blackened in spots.
Argoth pulled his own tunic off and stretched himself along Nettle"s side, warming him with the heat of his own body. He held Nettle close until he could no longer feel the cold of his skin.
When he was satisfied, he clothed Nettle, then sat with the stomach and Thrall and pulled his son"s Fire into himself. Then he directed it to the Thrall. Just when he began to worry that he would not have enough for the Thrall and himself, he felt the weave quicken in his hands and thrum to life. It was metal, nothing more, but it felt like a living thing, like a snake in his hands.
With the thrall quickened, it was now time to replenish the stores of his own Fire, but he did not know what time it was and feared dawn had come, so he put the Stomach in his pocket and clambered up to the library. It was still dark outside, but he knew morning was close. He would have to wait to eat the Fire he"d need.
Argoth returned to the cellar and carried Nettle up to the study and laid him upon the couch as if he"d fallen asleep there. Then he realized he needed to get something to cover that neck.
He stroked Nettle"s hair again. Such a fine, strong young man. What would he have become?
Argoth would never know, and the pang of that loss stretched as wide as the sea.
He kissed Nettle"s brow, then someone knocked at the door. He crossed the room to the door and unbarred it. Uram stood there in the darkness holding a pry bar.
"Forgive me, Zu, but we thought something had happened. I"ve been knocking for quite some time. We need to be going; the Skir Master likes an early start."
"It"s been a long night, Captain. My son has fallen ill."
Uram looked beyond Argoth into the room. "I"m sorry to hear that, Zu."
"Captain, if you"ll step aside, I shall call my family and bid them farewell. Then I will join you outside."
"Yes, Zu. Of course," Uram said and stepped back.
Argoth retrieved a lap blanket to pull up around Nettle"s neck. Serah and the children were already roused, standing with blankets around their shoulders. He hugged each, knowing he might not come back, then bid them farewell and walked out to join Uram and the other dreadmen outside.
He mounted his horse, gave his family a wave, and rode into the night. When he reached the road, he turned to survey his family and lands, covered in moonlight and darkness, one last time.