No wonder they"d been so afraid of her, of her pul and her cold.
Guilt fil ed Amun, surpa.s.sing every other emotion because, with this new knowledge, he realized he alone was responsible for her current torment. She had saved him, and he had harmed her.
Haidee, sweetheart, he said, squeezing her tight. I need you to listen to me.
Hurt, she moaned. I hurt so bad.
I know, darling, but fight past the pain and listen to me. Can you do that?
A pause, another whimper. Then a hesitant, yes. Yes.
Amun, you"re reading my mind. How are you reading my mind?
I think I instinctively built a mental wal to block you out when those demons were inside me. The moment you took them, that wal fel . Now I need you to fight the demons, sweetheart. Push them out of your body. Out of your skin.
How? Every time I mental y approach them, they dart away.
Corner them.
I can"t!
You can. And you wil . Do it. Now. He put enough steel in his voice to anger her. Do it, or I"l hand you over to Strider.
You think you"re suffering now, wel , wait until he gets you.
He wil torture the living hel out of you, and I"l cheer him on.
Then I"l make love to another woman in front of you.
Every muscle in her slight, trembling body stiffened. B-b.a.s.t.a.r.d.
I know. Get wel , and you can punish me.
T-trying. Her body uncurled, stretching taut as a bow.
They"re stil darting...like little flies...no, close, I"m close...
they can"t go anywhere else...there they are...
Her back arched as an agonized groan ripped past her lips.
Haidee? Talk to me. Tel me what"s going on.
Pushing, I"m pushing them. They"re screaming, want out.
Out, out, out.
That"s the way, sweetheart. You"re doing so good. I"m so proud of you. Keep pushing them. He flattened his palms, his cold, cold palms, on her and stroked. He stroked her everywhere, every inch of her body, wil ing the cold out of him and back into her. Push them out, and then cut any tether that binds them to you. Understand?
Slowly her skin began to darken. Not tanning, not becoming a lovely gold, but becoming a dark, sickly gray. She was doing it. She was expunging them. He could feel the malevolence pulsing off her.
Relief only increased his urgency. His hands moved faster, trying to touch every inch of her at once.
That"s the way.
The ice. Yes, the ice. Need it. Need it. Need- She screamed. Screamed until her voice broke, until his eardrums nearly burst just to escape the noise. Darkness was now pouring off her, drifting into the air like dust motes before darting out of the cave entirely.
Her nails raked at him, drawing blood. She thrashed, she fought, but he never released her from his hold.
Final y, thank the G.o.ds, final y, she sagged against him, silent, not even trembling, as if every bit of strength had been sapped from her and she could barely even manage to breathe.
Amun never stopped cooing at her. He whispered everything he"d learned about her past, knowing she would want every detail. He promised he would never al ow anyone-not G.o.ds, demons or humans-to hurt her. Final y, she ral ied.
I suspected you were part G.o.ddess, you know, he said.
A smal , sad smile. I almost can"t take this in. Chosen and betrayed by Justice. Targeted by Hate. Part Hate myself. I mean, I"m a demon and I"ve fought demons al my life.
Lives. It"s ironic and weird and...and...I hate it. Hate. A bitter laugh. Makes sense now.
No one can blame you for what happened.
I can. I do.
You shouldn"t.
I want to deny it al , so d.a.m.n badly, but I can"t.
You are a wonderful person, and what we"ve learned today doesn"t change that.
I- Whatever argument she meant to give, she changed her mind. Thank you, Amun. For everything you did, everything you said. For liking me despite this.
Liking? He more than liked her, but she"d endured enough revelations for the moment. Sleep now, sweetheart.
Yes.
The gray cast eventual y faded from her flesh, returning her skin to that lovely golden shimmer. The fever even cooled.
He, too, sagged, his relief so great he practical y choked on it.
Hours pa.s.sed while she dozed, her body trying to fortify itself. Though he was exhausted, he never al owed himself to drift. He remained awake, alert, keeping guard. And as always, just being near Haidee aroused him. More so now, considering how close he"d come to losing her.
She was naked, he was naked, and her soft scent was imprinted in his sinuses. Her b.r.e.a.s.t.s were pressed into his chest. b.r.e.a.s.t.s he"d held, suckled. Her legs were twined with his. Legs he"d spread, caressed. Soon he was sweating, the chil inside him gone as if it had never been.
He needed to reaffirm that his woman lived, that their bond hadn"t been shattered.
She"s too weak. She needs a little recovery time. More than that, making love had almost kil ed her. He would not risk her again. Ever. He would be with her, safeguard her, pamper her, but never again would they be together in a s.e.xual way.
"I"m not too weak," she murmured sleepily, the coolness of her breath tickling his chest. "I"l never be too weak for that."
He inhaled sharply. In that moment, he knew. He knew she was going to be al right. His arms tightened around her, squeezing so tightly he feared he would crack one of her ribs. But he couldn"t temper his reaction, couldn"t dilute his need to hold her and never let go.
"Make love to me," she said. She raised her chin and looked up at him, though she never lifted her cheek from his chest. "Remind me that I"m alive."
No, sweetheart. No. We"re just going to hold each other.
"But why?" Was she...pouting?
His c.o.c.k twitched in response. What if there are other demons hiding inside me? Or what if you draw Secrets out this time? Secrets is a High Lord, and the demons you took from me were merely minions.
High Lords make minions look like infant children in need of a bottle.
"But there were hundreds of those minions."
Thousands of minions could not compare with one High Lord.
She sighed. "That"s probably true."
Is that piece of Hate stil inside you? he asked. Or did you expunge it, too?
"It"s stil with me. I can feel the emotion, weaker than before, but there."
Good.
"Good?"
I don"t want to risk losing you. I"l die if I"m separated from Secrets, and I fear the same wil happen to you if you"re separated from Hate. Even so smal a piece.
"Oh...yeah," she said, disappointed. "I forgot about that."
His heart stuttered to a stop. Does it bother you that I wil always be a demon?
"Not at al ." She slid one of her hands to his neck and pressed a fingertip against his pulse, jump-starting his heart into action again. "I accept you for who and what you are."
He hadn"t realized how badly he"d needed to hear those words until she"d said them. As I accept you.
She placed a soft kiss on his sternum. "I"m stil in shock. But G.o.d, this explains so much, you know?
Why I have so much trouble loving, why people tend to dislike me when they first meet me. Why moods are sometimes blackened in my presence."
I"m sorry. Sorry that happened to you.
"I should be sorry, too. I want to be-wel , more than I am- but it brought me to you, so..."
He kissed her temple in thanks. I wonder how you drew that piece of Hate inside you without kil ing the host. I wonder how you took Hate, but not Secrets.
"From what you told me, the host of Hate wanted me to free him. Until the pain started. Then he changed his mind. You didn"t want me to take Secrets. Maybe that has something to do with it."
Maybe.
"Or maybe I wanted to hurt him, but didn"t want to hurt you."
That makes more sense. But either way, I never want you to go through a purging again.
Frowning, she sat up, turned, and straddled his waist. "So you plan to deny us both for the rest of our lives?"
Yes. Even though the word pa.s.sed from his mind to hers, his tone stil managed to drip with al kinds of irritation. He wanted her, d.a.m.n it, and resisting her was nearly impossible. Practical y riding him as she was, her b.r.e.a.s.t.s uptilted, her nipples hard, she wasn"t making it easy on him.
She was making it hard. Very, very hard.
One of her brows arched, and a calculating gleam entered her eyes. She flattened her palms on his pectorals and leaned forward, as if she meant to push off him and stand. "I can"t believe you"re making me resort to rape, Amun."
Haidee- In the next instant, she raised her hips and impaled herself on his erection. She was already wet, and took him easily.
His lips parted on a silent moan of bliss.
Her head fel back, and her nails dug deep. "A girl wil do what a girl has to do to prove to her man that the only way to hurt her is to deny her. But then, I guess I"m not a girl. I"m borderline demon, so you should have expected this kind of behavior."
You shouldn"t have-you need to-oh, G.o.ds... Unable to stop himself, Amun arched his back and surged the rest of the way inside her, hitting her deep, so deep. A hoa.r.s.e cry left him this time, echoing around him, and in the back of his mind he expected words to start fal ing from his lips.
They didn"t. So he forced himself to return to that motionless state, panting, afraid and hopeful.
As her knees squeezed his sides, her stomach quivered from the pleasure of having him inside her. She"d never looked lovelier, he thought. Never looked more pagan, more...his.
Haidee, he gasped into her mind. I shouldn"t have thrust the rest of the way. You have to...move...off me...on me...you just have to move, d.a.m.n it.
She didn"t. She remained stil , watching him.
His fingers banded around her waist, holding tight. She was so wet, so wonderful y cool inside, and she was kil ing him with every second that pa.s.sed, refusing to move off him- or on him.
Final y he sagged against the ground. He didn"t have the strength to push her away. And he d.a.m.n sure didn"t have the courage to urge her on. He wouldn"t hurt her. He wouldn"t risk her.
Haidee, he said, trying again.
"Just hold on, baby," she whispered huskily. "This little lady is gonna do al the work."
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX.
ALL THE WORK...
Holy hel , she real y would kil him.