Please note that I have done slightly more localization/"re-writing" in this chapter than usual due to the fact that the j.a.panese language does not require gendered p.r.o.nouns while English does. I"ve done my best to keep things consistent between what each character knows.
Part 1
"I refuse to believe this!"
My girlishly shrill voice echoed throughout the carriage. The driver probably heard me, but he paid me no mind.
Even now, I refused to believe the reason why Mr. Ricardo"s bewildered servant had come looking for my a.s.sistance.
"I refused to believe that Mr. Halka suddenly up and disappeared."
It was impossible that she would simply leave without a word unless something significant had happened.
I knew that she had been slandered at the Magic Conference. But it was generally recognized that a disciple did not inherit their teacher"s sins just for being their teacher"s disciple. In other words, while the revelation of her past wasn"t something she could take pride in, it wasn"t something that would cause others to look down on her for either.
Reality dictated that not everyone would see things my way, of course, but I could hardly believe that Miss Halka would run away because of something like this.
And more importantly……I"m her friend. Not just a friend —a close friend, so how could she leave without saying anything to me?!
She could have come to me for help before disappearing.
The fact that she hadn"t shocked me greatly, but I couldn"t criticize her for it when I considered all of the hardships she had endured up until now.
I was frustrated at myself for having failed to be by her side when she was suffering most.
"And then there"s Mr. Ricardo!"
Mr. Ricardo had refused to even see me when I had rushed over to his place.
"I"m all right." "Let"s talk later." "There"s no problem."
That was all he had told me before sending me away.
According to his very apologetic servants, their master had completely shut himself in his room and refused to leave. This was the very time for a knight to act to save his master, so what on earth was he thinking?
I could only collect information based on hearsay, so I was at my wit"s end trying to decide what I should do next.
After pondering over it for a while, I decided to seek Lord Aegarbel"s, whom Mr. Ricardo was good friend"s with, help and was heading to his place by carriage to ask for his a.s.sistance.
The carriage stopped a little while later. I had arrived at my destination. I quickly climbed out of the carriage and spoke to a servant who was staring at me with their eyes open wide.
"Pardon me for coming without notice. Is Lord Graham in?"
"Y-yes."
"This is an emergency. My name is Seraphina Dreagum Solspara. Please inform Lord Graham of my arrival."
"Please wait here for a moment."
Once the servant had returned with permission for me to enter, I quickly overtook my guide and headed straight for the drawing room.
There, I found Lord Graham in more comfortable clothes than I usually saw him wear, who welcomed me in as courteously as a knight should.
"Good afternoon, Lady Seraphina. Welcome."
"Thank you for allowing me your time after I came here suddenly without notice. I simply wished to see you no matter what."
"Someone as simple as I might misunderstand you if you say things like that."
"Surely you jest. I"m here today because I wished to gain your a.s.sistance on something related to Mr. Ricardo and Mr. Halka."
The look on Lord Aegarbel"s, who greeted me without any displeasure on his countenance even though I had come here without an appointment, face stiffened when I mentioned their names. Still, I explained the situation to him, undaunted.
"Mr. Halka disappeared."
"That he has. And what of it?"
I was astounded by how cold his response was. I felt as though he was very distant from Miss Halka despite being good friends with Ricardo.
"What of it, you say?"
"What are you trying to tell me to do? There"s no point in chasing after someone who"s run away on their own accord, now is there?"
"Why have you decided that he chose to run away?! Mr. Ricardo is wallowing in depression too, and this is a very serious situation. Won"t you please ask him what happened and cheer him up as his friend?"
Lord Aegarbel let out a deep sigh after he heard what I said.
"Ricardo……. Is he now?"
"Yes. So……"
"Still, I will do nothing."
"And why not!?"
I asked Lord Aegarbel as though I was trying to convince an unreasonable child.
"Look, it"s unfortunate that Sir Glark has disappeared, but Ricardo won"t be able to stand up and face the rest of his future if he can"t even get over something like this on his own."
"But there must still be something that we can do to help! Are you not Mr. Ricardo"s friend?"
"It is because I am his friend."
"Mr. Ricardo is suffering!"
"I find that difficult to bear as well. But if this is what it takes for him to be able to cut away his feelings, then there"s no helping it."
"You speak as though you"ve already decided that Mr. Halka won"t return."
"I am hoping he doesn"t."
That"s horrible, I voiced my censure out loud before I could stop myself. I had come to him for his help, and I was being overwhelmed by how cold he was toward my friend.
Lord Aegarbel looked exasperated as he turned to me and said,
"Sir Glark needs to be strong because he is my friend Ricardo"s master. If he isn"t stronger than anyone and anything else, then Ricardo will only be forced to suffer more."
"How do you know that Ricardo will suffer more than he is suffering now when Mr. Halka has disappeared?"
"Because I know his deepest desire!"
He shouted as though the words had been wrung out of him.
"His desire?"
"I will not be the one to voice them out loud. In any event, you should simply wait for Sir Glark to return."
Lord Aegarbel refused to speak any further about Mr. Ricardo"s desires.
I had no idea what it was that Lord Aegarbel knew, but I could see that he was not withholding his a.s.sistance for any simple reason.
"Wait? But that"s essentially the same as doing nothing."
I despaired not because Lord Aegarbel had refused to help me, but at how powerless I was for not being able to do anything.
I wanted to support Miss Halka, who was surely suffering even now.
Perhaps I should hire someone to look for her, or perhaps I should try visiting Mr. Ricardo one more time even if he refused to see me.
What on earth is causing Miss Halka to suffer so?
"I"m sure she overexerted herself by trying too hard."
She was not the type of person to a.s.sertively put herself forward, and neither did she seem to know anyone in the city. So, how helpless had she felt when she had to live while lying about even her real s.e.x?
"She"s only just a woman."
I had accidentally let my thoughts slip out loud. Perhaps it was because I was with someone I trusted.
Lord Aegarbel, who had heard my inadvertent whisper, suddenly closed the gap between us.
"What did you say just now?"
I belatedly realized how careless I had been and tried to cover up my mistake.
"I-it was nothing."
"Is Sir Glark a woman?!"
Apparently, he"d heard me clearly. I denied him in a panic as I realized that I might accidentally render all of Miss Halka desperate efforts useless.
"No, you"re wrong!"
"……Lady Seraphina. You ought to learn how to lie better,"
Lord Graham said before he quickly made for the door.
"Where are you going?"
"To Ricardo"s!"
Lord Graham, who had suddenly changed his mind, left the room running in the blink of an eye.
He was so quick that I heard a horse take off in full gallop from outside the window before I could recover from my confusion.
"Wait……Please wait!"
He had left me behind.
I ran back to my own carriage in a hurry once I realized this.
*
My swift horse cut through the wind as it galloped.
I wanted to burst out in applause as I rode it. My gloom from the past several months cleared away completely, and I thanked the heavens for its twisted guidance.
Now that I looked back on it, everything that had happened until now seemed to have been set up by G.o.d.
I wondered why they couldn"t have met as their real ident.i.ties from the very beginning, and if their relationship was what it was because everything had happened the way it had. I suppose fate was simply something that could not be dictated by human hands.
To think that Sir Glark was a woman!
It meant that Ricardo"s desires could be fulfilled. I must admit that I did resent her a little because I wished I could have known sooner, but I reflected on my thoughts as I looked back on how I had acted.
I had been the one who hadn"t given her the chance to tell me.
If I had been willing to get closer to her and made greater efforts to gain her trust, then she might have told me one day even if she had originally been meaning to keep it a secret.
I had been the one who had neglected that option and had fiercely and coldly kept the distance between us instead.
I had thought that Sir Glark was the root of all misfortune. But that was because I had been blinded by my considerations for Ricardo.
Everyone was sweet to the people they liked and were cold to strangers who suddenly appeared out of the blue. But entire situation had been turned on its head. I was sure that Ricardo would never be captivated to the extent he currently was by any other.
Ricardo had been so thoroughly enthralled that anyone could tell just by looking from close by.
It was as if everything had been preordained.
Which was why it could even be called fate.
I jumped off my horse as soon as I arrived and ran into the manor.
"Lord Graham!"
A servant who knew me greeted me and welcomed me in even though I had shown up unannounced.
"Where is Ricardo?"
"This way."
The servant took the lead in guiding me to where Ricardo was, perhaps because he was expecting something to happen now that I was here. He brought me before a rather common wooden door that was shut as tightly as if it was a wall of rock instead.
"Thanks for brining me here."
I had the servants, who were worried for their master, fall back and began by knocking on the door as one normally would.
"Ricardo, it"s me. There"s something I want to discuss. Open the door."
Normally, he would open the door with a sour look on his face, but, as I"d expected, he did not respond as favorably today.
"……Graham? Sorry, but could you just go back for today?"
"No, I have something that I have to discuss with you right now. It"s about Sir Glark. There"s something I want you to hear, Ricardo, as well as something I want to say to you. Open the door."
"About Lord Halka……. But no, I don"t want to hear anything right now."
"What"s wrong? There"s a reason why Sir Glark isn"t here. Why are you so depressed about it?"
But then, he stopped responding entirely. Ricardo maintained his silence and refused to reply.
"Hey, Ricardo!"
I pounded on his door quite rampantly, but the situation didn"t change. No wonder Lady Seraphina had asked for my help. I had never seen Ricardo ever close his heart away this tightly before.
I was beginning to grow a little anxious. Perhaps the situation was more precarious than I had originally imagined.
"……Don"t hold this against me, all right?"
I notified him in advance before I began kicking at the door.
It was too bad if it broke. And so, I continued to kick mercilessly at the door with the intent of destroying it if I must before even Ricardo couldn"t sit still anymore and I heard the door unlocking from the inside.
"I"m coming in."
I was surprised by how unenergetic Ricardo looked when he opened the door and I was finally able to see him. There was a shadow cast over his lifelessly pale face and he looked back at me with empty and sunken eyes. It looked like he hadn"t met or talked to anyone in days. His was the face of a man faced with utter despair.
His clothes were a mess and were left unb.u.t.toned, and he had not bothered to clean up after the more than a few bottles of alcohol strewn about his room. It was quite the crisis.
I had come here to tell Ricardo that Sir Glark was a woman, but I began to doubt whether telling Ricardo about this all of a sudden was really the right thing to do when he was in such a rough state.
"What happened to Sir Glark?"
"……I don"t know."
"You don"t know?"
"No, I don"t! He was already gone by the time I checked his room this morning!"
Ricardo yelled as he clutched at his head. He continued,
"Why am I here alone? Why was I left behind?"
"You can"t think of any reason for this?"
"Only Samora. But why didn"t he say anything to me? Oh, Graham. Please tell me why."
It was quite evident to me that Ricardo was extremely unstable right now.
"You don"t know anything? Was Sir Glark worried about something, or did Sir Glark act unusually before leaving?"
"He did act strangely. He was furious about something. To an extent that I"d never seen before. It didn"t seem like I could figure out what that something was. But……Lord Halka told me that he was all right, like he always does, before he left."
"Anything else?"
"I don"t know. I don"t know. I don"t know anything about Lord Halka!"
Ricardo looked like a fanatic who had been abandoned by his G.o.d as he shouted. The man standing before me right now wasn"t the friend whom I had always admired, but a single unsightly man.
It was only now that I recognized how hard Sir Glark had been trying. She had made herself become perfectly the person Ricardo wished her to be all this time.
That was why he had fallen for her without even realizing it himself, and why he had established himself as her servant and her protector. But I couldn"t help but wonder if, in his heart of hearts, he carried distorted feelings of deep attachment to her that even he did not fully grasp.
"Ricardo, what have you seen in Sir Glark until now?"
"His amazing intelligence, magic, and personality."
"Everyone knows that about him."
"What else? I know how gentle his smile is. How sincere his att.i.tude is. And that"s enough for me."
"Then what about why Sir Glark isn"t here right now? You"ve been with Sir Glark all this time, so there must be something that only you can figure out."
Ricardo shook his head and sat down weakly. Ricardo understood so little of Sir Glark that it was actually unnatural. I asked him,
"Is there really nothing that comes to mind?"
"I……I……"
"Why do you know so little? This is your master we"re talking about."
"You"re right, but……"
He muttered a few things to himself as he tried to get his thoughts straight before he let out a deep sigh of regret and declared something rather shocking.
"I was clinging to him!"
"Clinging to him?"
"I thought that someone as kind as him would never leave me if I did. I continued to expose my weaknesses to him on purpose while hiding the fact that I was doing it intentionally. I wanted to be by his side even if it meant I had to disgracefully expose my ugliness to make it happen."
Ricardo"s face warped, and he looked like he was on the verge of tears as he spoke. He continued,
"And this is the result! I"m here all alone right now! I, I……where did I go wrong?"
Ricardo had only been waiting to receive from Sir Glark as he clung to her, as if he was waiting desperately for rain to fall from the heavens.
I was exasperated from the bottom of my heart.
For the first time in my life, I looked down at Ricardo, whom I had always looked up to, and thought him an utter fool.
Perhaps it was only now that I had truly become Ricardo"s friend.
"You idiot,"
I said, and I hit the palm of my hand against Ricardo"s head as he was drowning in his thoughts.
"What……?"
"Why did you entrust everything to someone who"s so weak that he always needed your protection? You can never look someone in the face if you"re unwilling to stand by their side and you"re only looking at the sight of their back from behind."
Ricardo listened to me quietly. I felt like I was beginning to see why Sir Glark had left.
"You called him your master, but not only did you never once carry his burdens —you saddled him with your own. How truly kind Sir Glark is. He forgave you for doing it."
"Then……then……are you saying that he finally abandoned me?"
Would she really do that? Was she really someone who would grow exasperated of Ricardo, abandon him, and disappear?
I could not believe that she was someone who could not imagine what Ricardo would be reduced to after she abandoned him. After all, she had been sweet enough to him that Ricardo had never once had any inkling or misgiving that she would ever leave him behind.
And so, there must surely be some other reason.
"……It"s the opposite. Sir Glark left to protect you. I"m sure he"s battling something even as we speak. And he"s all alone. He left behind an immature child so he wouldn"t get caught in the fire."
Ricardo"s face abruptly tensed up.
Ricardo, who had only been thinking about himself and had only been wallowing in his own despair up until now, finally began working the normally bright gears in his head the moment that he understood what Sir Glark was going through.
"Then……you mean that Lord Halka is suffering all alone right now?"
Ricardo, who had understood all of this in but an instant, looked like he keenly grasped just how foolish he had been.
With a dumbfounded look on his face, he quietly whispered,
"I forced him into solitude……because I was clinging to him?"
Ricardo slowly stood up.
"You"re the immature child. You haven"t been acting like a knight, Ricardo."
"Yeah……"
He began whispering as he bit down deeply at upon hearing my words.
"……It"s exactly as you say, Graham. I was blind, and I wasn"t even thinking properly. I was a child, just as you said. I forgot what my job was supposed to be because I lost myself in how much I wanted to be by his side."
He bit his lip so hard he drew blood and began trembling in the anger that was directed toward himself. He continued,
"But……he"s protecting me even now, you say? Laugh at me, Graham! I was the one who was clinging to him, but my heart hurts because I made him fight alone instead of being relieved that he didn"t abandon me!"
"Then, go! Search for him until the ends of the earth! Before the pain you feel now becomes eternal!"
"Yeah, I will!"
Ricardo responded to my call and was spurred. He continued,
"Why did I forget? I vowed to bet my everything on him."
Ricardo was br.i.m.m.i.n.g with vigor as he moved, as if he had been born anew. I was sure that he would set off in search of Sir Glark immediately.
I had wondered if I should tell him that Sir Glark was a woman, but I felt that it would be better to let the heavens dictate their path instead of me telling him here and now.
It was likely that there would be a more opportune time for him to figure this out, and I could always laugh at him if he never did.
"Thank you, Graham."
"My friend was in a predicament. I haven"t done anything that requires your grat.i.tude."
Ricardo smiled back at me a little before quickly beginning his preparations.
And, once had he left in pursuit of Sir Glark, I prayed that all would go well.
*
I could only think of one direction in which to lead my horse. Rather, it was more correct to say that I didn"t know of anywhere else to go other than my current destination because I didn"t know anything else about him.
I was most certainly anxious that the person I so wished to see would not be there.
But even if he wasn"t, I would wait. I would wait forever until I saw him again.
I pa.s.sed through the gra.s.sy fields and noticed a few spa.r.s.e trees cropping up here and there before I eventually found that my surroundings had been eroded by dense forests.
I only finally saw other people at the end of my journey, and my destination was a tiny village dotted with houses and surrounded by fields and livestock —the only means by which the villagers appeared to support themselves. I climbed off my horse as I felt the chilly mountain air.
A woman who was tending to her livestock stared at me —a unfamiliar man from the city. I smiled as gently as I could, so I would not arouse any needless suspicion, and asked,
"Pardom me. I heard that a magician by the name Lord Glark lives in this village; could you please tell me where he lives?"
The woman responded without bothering to hide the intrigue of seeing a rare outsider in her eyes.
"You"re here to see the magician? How strange. The house is further inside the forest. At the very top of the mountain. It might be hard for an outsider to tell."
"Could you please tell me how to get there?"
"I think the old woodcutter will take you if you ask him. He lives in the house over there."
I had a visual of where the woodcutter supposedly lived because the woman had pointed it out for me, and it looked like it was a rather steep hike up the mountain.
And apparently, Lord Halka lived even further up.
I thanked the woman and went on my way, and the climb up was just as steep as I"d imagined.
When I finally arrived at the woodcutter"s housed, exhausted even with a trained body such as mine, I found a rather elderly woodcutter dozing off on a tree stump.
I woke the elderly man up and asked him to be my guide, and he began leading me up yet another steep path made my animals that I hadn"t imagined would be an easy walk at a first glance.
"Are you acquainted with the Glarks?"
"Yes, he"s my benefactor. I came all the way here because I wanted to see him."
"Hmm, you"ve come quite a long way. But, the magician doesn"t drop by the village often, so I can"t say for certain if you"ll be able to meet."
I was disappointed by what I was told. Still, it was something that I had antic.i.p.ated to a degree.
"Then I"ll stay here until I can. Would you know if there"s somewhere I can stay?"
"If all you need"s a roof over your head, then I have a little hut on this mountain. I don"t use it much."
"Thank you."
I gratefully accepted his goodwill. I thought this was a rather nice village, judging by the people who inhabited it.
I was soon to arrive at the final destination of my rushed journey. The elderly man suddenly stopped in the middle of our path up the mountain and pointed me to the rest of the way.
"Those who have no business being here don"t go any further. I"ll be waiting here. Please walk the rest of the path yourself. The magician here"s a good person, but it"s still magicians" territory from here on out."
"……Understood. Thank you for guiding me here."
I decided to press on without the elderly man, just as I was told.
I kept a close eye on the path that somehow wasn"t swallowed up by the rest of the mountain as I pressed forward.
Once I had pa.s.sed a rather large tree, I found a wide open clearing that I found strange that I hadn"t noticed it before.
There was a small wooden house and something that resembled a field of sorts, and there was also water running up from somewhere.
I also saw things lying about that looked like junk in my eyes —but perhaps they were magic tools of some sort?
There were statues of some kind of living creatures carved from wood and something made of metal that looked like a large box.
They were lying scattered all about the place, and they created a rather eerie atmosphere. No wonder the villagers didn"t like to get too close unless they had business.
I walked up to the door as I began to understand. There was some sort of small pouch made of gla.s.s that I didn"t quite understand on top of the door, and it made a just-barely distinguishable sound when I approached it.
Just what on earth did these curios mean?
Perhaps a side of Lord Halka that I hadn"t seen in the capital were hidden within them.
I steeled myself and knocked on the door a few times.
There would probably be no answer, and the door probably wouldn"t open. And, as I"d expected, no one returned a reply.
I let out a small sigh as I prepared myself for a test of endurance when the door suddenly opened from the inside.
By the time I realized it, a foreign-looking woman was staring up at me with her eyes wide in surprise.
I hadn"t heard her footsteps —had she been standing by the door? I froze up because of this unexpected turn of events.
She had flat features, raven-black hair, and brown eyes so dark that they could have been black. She looked young enough to be considered a girl, but, if she was of the same race as the foreign people I had once met long ago, then she was probably a fully mature woman.
I was trying to figure out who she was in one corner of my mind, but another a.s.saulted me with a peculiar wave of something that was almost familiarity. I was sure that this was the first time we had met, but I felt as familiar with her as if she was a childhood friend.
"Why……?"
she muttered, as if to herself. I felt like I"d heard her voice before, too.
I hide away the mysterious sense of familiarity and said,
"It"s nice to meet you. My name is Ricardo Meltsars Bramdy. Is Lord Halka Glark here? I came here today in search of him."
Her gaze swam around for a moment and she looked like she was pondering over something.
I watched her carefully, and I was fairly certain that I had never seen her before. It had probably been just my imagination.
"He isn"t here right now. ……May I ask about your business with him?"
"I would like to speak with him. We were living together for a while in the capital……. But, in my own immaturity, I never once tried to understand him even when I owed him a great debt. I am here to correct my shortcomings."
She looked troubled as I revealed my regrets to her.
"I"m very sure that he doesn"t consider you to be lacking in any sort of way. Though, I haven"t seen him in a while……so I can"t offer any proof for my claims."
It looked like she knew Lord Halka better than I did.
"May I ask who you are, Miss, and why you"re living in Lord Glark"s residence……?"
She fell into thought yet again when I asked, and it was a little while before she answered,
"My name is Ichinose. ……I am simply a freeloader."
And that was all that this woman named Ichinose, a rather unfamiliar-sounding name, would tell me. Perhaps she was hiding something from me, considering the time she took before responding.
Was it something that could lead me to Lord Halka?
"I"m sorry to say this after you"ve traveled so far to see him, but please return. I am certain that he will go to see you soon."
"No. I will wait for Lord Halka here in the village. I must. I"ll be back tomorrow."
And so, I went back the way I came while leaving my willful words behind.
*
Part 2